I am horny and regularly want have sex with DW. Just have to deal with her monthly visitor, who has arrived at the most inopportune moment (we were both away from each other for 6 days for different trips).

Me.

I feel resentful that I’m supposed to just get over my emotional needs. I’ve really tried to clearly ask for a few, small actions that would help. But he isn’t bothered, and honestly doesn’t seem that bothered by the lack of sex. Which feeds the cycle.

Sucks for both of us.

Anonymous wrote:

Plan dates, do new things together, help her relax in her own home, prioritize her orgasm, educate yourself on female desire, invest in your marriage and your long term happiness, don’t just throw up your hands.

This won't actually do anything about the sex, but it will make her happier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I so often hear that the wives are surprised when husbands want to divorce after kids leave home. This tells me that there's a communication issue here. Why not communicate to your wife in a way she understands how important sex is for you.
. . .

Many women don't know how important sex is for men and so don't let her be surprised if you ask her for divorce.

This is not the first time I've heard something like this. How can the high importance of sex to men be surprising? It's such a cliche and women are always accusing men of only wanting sex. Do these wives not think this is true? Or maybe they think that their husband is a special eunuch for some reason?

Honestly, it is such a cliche i didn't believe that men were always asking for sex and being rejected when i was younger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.

Talk to your wife. Don’t lie to her. It’s one thing if there is an agreement. If your introspective enough to recognize her resentment and boredom, do something small for her to show you see her, recognize it, and want to help. If those things aren’t true, leave, but your next partner is going to have the same issues.

Different poster, but I had a similar situation as pp. do you think that you’re the first one to think of talking to your spouse? Talking never works. It is how fights are started. Even when you try to be gentle and kind.

They are doing the avoidance or deflection routine to get out of confrontation. That never works, nor solves the issue. It's very difficult because you can't force them.

At that point after all else feels I would be honest with DW. You're going to look for a partner who wants to be affectionate. And you are going to consult a lawyer. I'm completely against cheating, but it's also not acceptable if there is absolutely zero sex. Either way don't sneak around be up front.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.

Talk to your wife. Don’t lie to her. It’s one thing if there is an agreement. If your introspective enough to recognize her resentment and boredom, do something small for her to show you see her, recognize it, and want to help. If those things aren’t true, leave, but your next partner is going to have the same issues.

Different poster, but I had a similar situation as pp. do you think that you’re the first one to think of talking to your spouse? Talking never works. It is how fights are started. Even when you try to be gentle and kind.

Oh whoops, didn’t realize you thought marriage meant no effort on your part, just a bare minimum level of effort to be “gentle and kind” and you get an adoring wife who can’t wait to have sex with you back in return. There’s plenty of suggestions above other then just talking, which you doofuses clearly think means saying, probably while she’s washing dishes and cleaning up after the family “oh hey hon, I’ve been thinking about an open marriage, want to try it?”

Plan dates, do new things together, help her relax in her own home, prioritize her orgasm, educate yourself on female desire, invest in your marriage and your long term happiness, don’t just throw up your hands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.

Talk to your wife. Don’t lie to her. It’s one thing if there is an agreement. If your introspective enough to recognize her resentment and boredom, do something small for her to show you see her, recognize it, and want to help. If those things aren’t true, leave, but your next partner is going to have the same issues.

Different poster, but I had a similar situation as pp. do you think that you’re the first one to think of talking to your spouse? Talking never works. It is how fights are started. Even when you try to be gentle and kind.

^ the point is you should communicate with your wife so that she is never surprised if you file for divorce.

Men assume that women know that sex is THE most important thing to a husband and so wives should anticipate divorce when sex isn't as frequent/exciting etc. as a husband wants (which is by definition subjective).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I so often hear that the wives are surprised when husbands want to divorce after kids leave home. This tells me that there's a communication issue here. Why not communicate to your wife in a way she understands how important sex is for you.
. . .

Many women don't know how important sex is for men and so don't let her be surprised if you ask her for divorce.

This is not the first time I've heard something like this. How can the high importance of sex to men be surprising? It's such a cliche and women are always accusing men of only wanting sex. Do these wives not think this is true? Or maybe they think that their husband is a special eunuch for some reason?

Communicate! Divorce shouldn't be a surprise to her if you file.
It's like men who claim they didn't know it was important to continue to plan dates. They don't actually exist, they just pretend to be shocked - SHOCKED - when they get cheated on and claim their spouses owed them at least another hundred conversations about the most basic element of a marriage.

Just like men are surprised that wives`desire is affected by how you treat her overall (chores, talk nicely etc.), women are surprised that sex is THE most important thing to a man a marriage.


Communicate! There should be no surprise if you do file for divorce.

1/3rd of women have hypoactive sexual desire, and it's not from this. I totally agree that men who treat their wives poorly shouldn't be surprised she doesn't want to have sex with you but most of the time it has nothing to do with the man. Google it, and also add in monogamy is a libido killer for women and it's no mystery she doesn't want to have sex with you. Check out how often lesbians have sex in long term relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.

Talk to your wife. Don’t lie to her. It’s one thing if there is an agreement. If your introspective enough to recognize her resentment and boredom, do something small for her to show you see her, recognize it, and want to help. If those things aren’t true, leave, but your next partner is going to have the same issues.

PP here and you are myopic. Exactly how do you think this conversation goes? DH: Sex is important to me, and I can tell you don't want to have it. DW: Yes, I know it's important to you, sorry, I am not into it, but if you really need it then fine, just pick I night and I will lie there but don't take too long. DH: I don't want to be another chore on your list, it's ok. DW: Sorry, I can just be in the mood for sex, I have a constant ticker tape in my head and I can't enjoy sex with the kids in the house. Maybe in 3 months when we have a night off. DH: Ok, what about an agreement to open the marriage? DW: (grabbing fry pan as a weapon)

You can call me myopic but I’m a female in an open marriage with two young children. You don’t want my advice and you don’t want to fix anything with yourself. That’s all on you dude.

Ok, I will bite - what made you agree to an open marriage? I offered one to my wife but she said no

The premise of your question shows you don’t get it. Nothing “made me agree.” This thread from OP is about woman having extreme pent up desire for someone other than her husband, and I sympathize completely. As far as my marriage goes, we’re both bi. We have been non-monogamous from the start.

Read “the ethical slut”, “sex at dawn”, “come as you are”, Dan savage, etc.

Saying “I’m going to leave my wife when the last kid is grown” is immoral. You need to talk to her. No amount of sex with other people is going to change the fact that you need to talk to her. Same goes for OP and my advice was upthread. She needs to tell her husband she fantasizes about jumping other people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I so often hear that the wives are surprised when husbands want to divorce after kids leave home. This tells me that there's a communication issue here. Why not communicate to your wife in a way she understands how important sex is for you.
. . .

Many women don't know how important sex is for men and so don't let her be surprised if you ask her for divorce.

This is not the first time I've heard something like this. How can the high importance of sex to men be surprising? It's such a cliche and women are always accusing men of only wanting sex. Do these wives not think this is true? Or maybe they think that their husband is a special eunuch for some reason?

Communicate! Divorce shouldn't be a surprise to her if you file.
It's like men who claim they didn't know it was important to continue to plan dates. They don't actually exist, they just pretend to be shocked - SHOCKED - when they get cheated on and claim their spouses owed them at least another hundred conversations about the most basic element of a marriage.

Just like men are surprised that wives`desire is affected by how you treat her overall (chores, talk nicely etc.), women are surprised that sex is THE most important thing to a man a marriage.


Communicate! There should be no surprise if you do file for divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.

Talk to your wife. Don’t lie to her. It’s one thing if there is an agreement. If your introspective enough to recognize her resentment and boredom, do something small for her to show you see her, recognize it, and want to help. If those things aren’t true, leave, but your next partner is going to have the same issues.

PP here and you are myopic. Exactly how do you think this conversation goes? DH: Sex is important to me, and I can tell you don't want to have it. DW: Yes, I know it's important to you, sorry, I am not into it, but if you really need it then fine, just pick I night and I will lie there but don't take too long. DH: I don't want to be another chore on your list, it's ok. DW: Sorry, I can just be in the mood for sex, I have a constant ticker tape in my head and I can't enjoy sex with the kids in the house. Maybe in 3 months when we have a night off. DH: Ok, what about an agreement to open the marriage? DW: (grabbing fry pan as a weapon)

You can call me myopic but I’m a female in an open marriage with two young children. You don’t want my advice and you don’t want to fix anything with yourself. That’s all on you dude.

Ok, I will bite - what made you agree to an open marriage? I offered one to my wife but she said no

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Monogamy kills women’s drives. Wives should be able to call up anyone from their past to have sex with them. It doesn’t increase their number!

so should the husbands. fair is fair.

Ok, but then why is it that men are far more willing to open the relationship with women?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, very high drive but I don't have sex with my wife. It's been 3 months, and it's not worth making a move because it will either be rejected or she will agree and be annoyed. Interestingly, after a while I really don't see her as sexual now although I can see her as attractive in a platonic way.

I am sure her lack of interest is a good combination of boredom and resentment but I don't take it personally. I get lots of attention from other women.

For now, I stay but in a few years when last kid is gone, I will leave.

Not to hijack the thread but this will not be easy on your kids even then.

So, you have other options for me? I often think cheating is the better option and you kinda confirm that.

Talk to your wife. Don’t lie to her. It’s one thing if there is an agreement. If your introspective enough to recognize her resentment and boredom, do something small for her to show you see her, recognize it, and want to help. If those things aren’t true, leave, but your next partner is going to have the same issues.

PP here and you are myopic. Exactly how do you think this conversation goes? DH: Sex is important to me, and I can tell you don't want to have it. DW: Yes, I know it's important to you, sorry, I am not into it, but if you really need it then fine, just pick I night and I will lie there but don't take too long. DH: I don't want to be another chore on your list, it's ok. DW: Sorry, I can just be in the mood for sex, I have a constant ticker tape in my head and I can't enjoy sex with the kids in the house. Maybe in 3 months when we have a night off. DH: Ok, what about an agreement to open the marriage? DW: (grabbing fry pan as a weapon)

You can call me myopic but I’m a female in an open marriage with two young children. You don’t want my advice and you don’t want to fix anything with yourself. That’s all on you dude.

Anonymous wrote:Monogamy kills women’s drives. Wives should be able to call up anyone from their past to have sex with them. It doesn’t increase their number!

so should the husbands. fair is fair.