Anonymous wrote:I 1000% regret having my 4 year old... she is a terror and doesn’t listen no matter what I do. Screams and cries all the time. My marriage is suffering, my mental health is suffering. I just want to run away.

Read the book 1,2,3 magic and do it relentlessly. Make sure DH does it too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought my almost 4 year old was the only one like that. She can be a terror and I am exhausted by her moods and behavior. I hope this is somehow all temporary. When I come from work, when she is not in a good mood, she tells me: " Goodbye" and wants me to leave the house. Do all 4 year old behave like that? We eat healthy, don't go to any fast food places, and try to spend a lot of time with her.

I have three children, now grown, and they never acted like this at any age. Perhaps she is simply a spoiled brat.

Well I have three children, and one of them is acting like this. Not spoiling any of them. Perhaps you just lucked out in the lottery. But please, go ahead and call yourself a superior parent. I'll roll my eyes at you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I 1000% regret having my 4 year old... she is a terror and doesn’t listen no matter what I do. Screams and cries all the time. My marriage is suffering, my mental health is suffering. I just want to run away.

Wait until she turns thirteen. You will want to kill her.

You sound like parent of the year.

Kids don't come with a parenting manual. Sometimes. They are just easy and any kind of parenting works, sometimes through trial and error or an approach you read about you find a way, other times you need expert input to help figure out how best to parent this child. And you have to accept that what your child needs may run completely counter to what your natural parenting style is or what your philosophy on parenting is. You have to figure out what works for this kid.

Something at school works. She is regulated there. Is it structure, boundaries, clear expectations, following other kids? Talk to her teachers and see what they do. It may not be fully transferable to home but will give you ideas.

I would definitely work with someone. This dynamic is having a significant impact on your life and some expert input can improve this for everyone. It is no fun for the child either to feel so angry or out of control.

Getting help doesn't in any way mean you aren't a good parent, it is just an important resource to figure out what a healthy parenting approach is for this child.

I haven't read through this whole thread, Op. But one thing that keeps preschoolers on an even keel is a predictable schedule. Get up at the same time every day, eat breakfast, have active time, eat lunch, have some quiet time to read/play/watch/color/watch t.v., then more active time. Dinner, bath, stories, bedtime.

That's only an example. Little kids this age do best when they get plenty of sleep and predictable, regular active time (bike riding, going to the park, preschool, etc).

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Anonymous wrote:Also, does she have a diagnosis?

Wow

Nope, not “wow.” Typical 4yos do not behave that way so consistently that their parents regret having them. When something isn’t typical, you pursue insight from medical and mental health professionals.

OP, have you and DH tried parenting classes? Because if she’s not atypical, you need to look at you.

idk. Maybe some 4 years olds do test their parents like this. I've really questioned my parenting since having a teen and do NOT think I will make it. It's humbling.

I have a four year old and we have frequent play dates with many 4 year olds in our neighborhood and preschool friends. None of them act like this.

Not when you're around anyway.

Huh? When my 4 year old isn’t with me she’s in preschool and her teachers only have good things to say about her behavior. When she has babysitters or play dates at a friends house, I always ask the adult how it went. All of them only have positive things to say about her behavior. I really doubt there’s a conspiracy amongst her teachers, babysitters and other parents to hide bad behavior. What a strange comment.

Anonymous wrote:Four year olds are hard but don’t give up - you need to regain control. Establish expectations for behavior and start working towards those behavioral goals. We use time outs, it’s worked well for us. Put in your ear pods if you have to so you can drown out the screaming but make it clear that is not acceptable behavior. We also do a lot of incentives for positive behavior vs punishment and that has worked well. Sticker charts or even something as simple as a gummy bear have helped our child work towards better behavior. We cut out tv and iPads except for very special circumstances not because I am anti screen time (I think some is fine) but for our daughter it led to tantrums and bad behavior so cutting it off helped. Last things we focus on is sleep and healthy eating.

That was a bit of a random brain dump but it’s worked for us, bottom line is you can’t give up. You can change her bahavior and it’ll lead to a much more peaceful life. All of this is assuming their isn’t any underlying issues and she’s just a normal wild kid.

This!! My now 8yo is generally well behaved, but the TV always, ALWAYS lead to tantrums when it was turned off. Even now at 8, it causes problems so we’ve cut out all screen time during the week.

Prioritize your marriage. Marriage comes first.

Hire a baby sitter for each Saturday night. Tip the
baby sitter extra if 4 year old tantrums/cries all night.

You and your husband deserve a night out once a week.

Anonymous wrote:I 1000% regret having my 4 year old... she is a terror and doesn’t listen no matter what I do. Screams and cries all the time. My marriage is suffering, my mental health is suffering. I just want to run away.

Wait until she turns thirteen. You will want to kill her.

I think some kids are really, really hard and in that case, you need all the help (parenting education, hands-on help, as much patience as you can find, taking care of yourself) as you can get. My oldest (DS) was and is a super easy kid. Like really, really easy. Then we had DD. She is a completely normal kid, but compared to DS, who was at the other extreme, seems a lot harder.

And remember too, that it's not forever, someday she will be an adult!

OP if you are in the DC area, look into this parenting class, Parent-Child Journey: An Individualized Approach to Raising Your Challenging Child. It was very helpful for us.

http://www.parentchildjourney.com/journey/