Anonymous
09/24/2019 08:58
Subject: Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, there seem to be a lot of men who are very attuned yo their need for/expectations of physical intimacy and oblivious to their partner’s need for/expectations of emotional intimacy. In a solid marriage, they go hand in hand, and there is give and take on both fronts. (And for the record I’m not equating vacations and dinner dates with emotional intimacy—there are many ways to be connected with/available to your spouse.)
It's perfectly ok to equate dinner dates and vacations to intimacy. The other spouses needs are just as important. Marriages that last do so due to compromise. It's a give and take.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 08:53
Subject: Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Yes, there seem to be a lot of men who are very attuned yo their need for/expectations of physical intimacy and oblivious to their partner’s need for/expectations of emotional intimacy. In a solid marriage, they go hand in hand, and there is give and take on both fronts. (And for the record I’m not equating vacations and dinner dates with emotional intimacy—there are many ways to be connected with/available to your spouse.)
Anonymous
09/24/2019 08:21
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Let me ask the men this.
Do you treat your wife now the same or better than you did when she was your girlfriend?
My DH and I used to travel all of the time. He bought me jewelry, we went out to fancy restaurants.
Now 3 kids later, we still go out but maybe 1x per month. Not 4-5 times per week like before.
He doesn't spend hours looking at necklaces or researching resorts in Europe like he used to.
Our relationship is still great.
I don't bitch and moan about not going to Fuji this winter because things change over time. That money is used for school, lessons, college etc. And I am fine with that becuase we are not just a "WE" we are a family now.
Sometimes that means less travel, less eating out, less sex.
I wish more men would be like my DH and not feel entitled to their wife's body whenever and wherever. Because i would bet good money YOU are not the same man she married and was wooed by.
Do you treat your wife now the same or better than you did when she was your girlfriend?
My DH and I used to travel all of the time. He bought me jewelry, we went out to fancy restaurants.
Now 3 kids later, we still go out but maybe 1x per month. Not 4-5 times per week like before.
He doesn't spend hours looking at necklaces or researching resorts in Europe like he used to.
Our relationship is still great.
I don't bitch and moan about not going to Fuji this winter because things change over time. That money is used for school, lessons, college etc. And I am fine with that becuase we are not just a "WE" we are a family now.
Sometimes that means less travel, less eating out, less sex.
I wish more men would be like my DH and not feel entitled to their wife's body whenever and wherever. Because i would bet good money YOU are not the same man she married and was wooed by.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:55
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think some people get married with the false expectation that marriage gives them some legal entitlement to sex at a certain frequency.
Agree. Or if not a legal entitlement, a moral one.
It seems to be a cultural norm that a man's ongoing desire for sex is more important than a woman's equally normal waning interest in sex, after menopause (or for some, after childbirth). I'm not sure why that's fair.
Implicit in monogamy is the idea that one’s spouse will engage in a reasonable amount of sex. No one views marriage as a potential vow of celibacy at someone else’s discretion.
The key word here is reasonable which is somewhat subjective.
But if you read on here and advice columns, movies, etc. will give you the idea that most men consider anything less than once a week to be totally unacceptable and tantamount to abuse.
I would say 3-4 times a month is reasonable.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:53
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Right, I took it the same way. I was saying that's silly, nobody gets married just to have sex. If that were the case, then of course you shouldn't get married.
90% of the reason men marry is access to sex without dating.[/quote
As a man, I can promise you this has zero to do with it. Most men see sex within marriage as a sacrifice for love, commitment and family. You think single men aren't aware of the jokes about married sex life being non-existent? And the idea of a bachelor party as saying goodbye to your wild days?
Married sex is fine, if you are lucky, it can even be good but no man would trade married sex over their single days (unless they were very unlucky on the dating scene).
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:34
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Men get married because they want children, or more accurately they want their offspring (genetic material) in the world, and they want a woman to take care of them.
Nope. I married because I wanted to go through life with my wife, and she wanted kids.
It's subconscious. Most men prefer younger women with smaller waist and curves, which are signs of fertility. Most men take their wives' cheating harder, because of the threat of not reproducing and raising other men's children.
Says the white dude
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:34
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Men get married because they want children, or more accurately they want their offspring (genetic material) in the world, and they want a woman to take care of them.
Nope. I married because I wanted to go through life with my wife, and she wanted kids.
The worst possible scenario is having kids because she wants them.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:21
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Men get married because they want children, or more accurately they want their offspring (genetic material) in the world, and they want a woman to take care of them.
Nope. I married because I wanted to go through life with my wife, and she wanted kids.
It's subconscious. Most men prefer younger women with smaller waist and curves, which are signs of fertility. Most men take their wives' cheating harder, because of the threat of not reproducing and raising other men's children.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:13
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Men get married because they want children, or more accurately they want their offspring (genetic material) in the world, and they want a woman to take care of them.
Nope. I married because I wanted to go through life with my wife, and she wanted kids.
This sounds right. +1
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:06
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Men get married because they want children, or more accurately they want their offspring (genetic material) in the world, and they want a woman to take care of them.
Nope. I married because I wanted to go through life with my wife, and she wanted kids.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:04
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Men get married because they want children, or more accurately they want their offspring (genetic material) in the world, and they want a woman to take care of them. It's scientifically proven that married men have a longer lifespan than single men.
The modern marriage is a bad deal for women. It used to be an institution to protect women and the children. With women working and making significant money, but also facing approximately the same childcare and household burden, it's nothing more than increased responsibility. That's why married women have shorter lives compared to single or widowed women. However, it is still the best for children to grow up in a traditional, two parent family so women put up with a lot in order for the children to be protected. It's also expensive to run two households, which also
means less resources for the children.
A ton of . iologically, for child ause the one with the best sperm gets to reproduce. In modern life, this gets translated to
Perhaps it's because I live in an upper middle class neighborhood but you describe no married woman I know. Here, the men out earn their wives, most stay home, some work part time, and they all have statistically higher life expectancy than men. I suppose if a woman marries a man with a low income and who is lazy, this becomes a raw deal
perhaps it’s because you are young but a good percentage of those women will be divorced and screwed financially.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 07:00
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
What i fail to understand is those who are just SHOCKED that sex drive declines with kids, commitments, work stress, age etc.
There is no way that my DH and I who would do it 2-3 times a day dating could sustain that frequency with 3 kids, 2 stressful jobs and sick parents. We still do 1-2 times per week and that is fine with the both of us.
If he was like "More sex or I leave" i would know he never was really in this partnership and really only wanted a sex buddy that was conveniently living with him taking on over half of the household duties.
There have been months where we only have it every other week due to schedules, kids etc but NEITHER of us have complained about it.
TO me it is about the attitude and entitlement of some men on this board.
Let me tell you, just because the frequency of our travels has declined sharlpy, i am not out looking for someone else to fly me to Paris. Things change, relationships change and either you are in it as a team or your not.
There is no way that my DH and I who would do it 2-3 times a day dating could sustain that frequency with 3 kids, 2 stressful jobs and sick parents. We still do 1-2 times per week and that is fine with the both of us.
If he was like "More sex or I leave" i would know he never was really in this partnership and really only wanted a sex buddy that was conveniently living with him taking on over half of the household duties.
There have been months where we only have it every other week due to schedules, kids etc but NEITHER of us have complained about it.
TO me it is about the attitude and entitlement of some men on this board.
Let me tell you, just because the frequency of our travels has declined sharlpy, i am not out looking for someone else to fly me to Paris. Things change, relationships change and either you are in it as a team or your not.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 06:59
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Right, I took it the same way. I was saying that's silly, nobody gets married just to have sex. If that were the case, then of course you shouldn't get married.
90% of the reason men marry is access to sex without dating.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 06:57
Subject: Re:Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Men get married because they want children, or more accurately they want their offspring (genetic material) in the world, and they want a woman to take care of them. It's scientifically proven that married men have a longer lifespan than single men.
The modern marriage is a bad deal for women. It used to be an institution to protect women and the children. With women working and making significant money, but also facing approximately the same childcare and household burden, it's nothing more than increased responsibility. That's why married women have shorter lives compared to single or widowed women. However, it is still the best for children to grow up in a traditional, two parent family so women put up with a lot in order for the children to be protected. It's also expensive to run two households, which also
means less resources for the children.
A ton of . iologically, for child ause the one with the best sperm gets to reproduce. In modern life, this gets translated to
Perhaps it's because I live in an upper middle class neighborhood but you describe no married woman I know. Here, the men out earn their wives, most stay home, some work part time, and they all have statistically higher life expectancy than men. I suppose if a woman marries a man with a low income and who is lazy, this becomes a raw deal
How old are you? It seems to me that you are older (50s?). From what I see, this is the most vulnerable women population, working PT or not working, older, married with high earners. My MIL lost her husband this way to a younger woman and her standard of living never recovered. Divorce is never kind to middle aged women who don't make a lot of money, another reason why they stay. She fought really hard to stay married but my FIL married his mistress anyway.
I also think it's generational. A lot of the young women now in college grew up with divorced parents and they understand the power of sex, hence why sugaring is so acceptable for their generation. It's bad news for the young guys, because it's harder to get that first wife. I don't remember my generation having any sexually frustrated incels living in their moms' basement.
Anonymous
09/24/2019 06:54
Subject: Why get married if you cannot do without sex?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a single woman, I feel like a huge draw of being married would be the constant possibility of sex. Like you'd roll over in bed and hey! there's a penis there! that seems pretty cool to me. As a single person, you have to lower your standards if you want to have sex potentially available whenever you want it.
That said, my married friends tell me I'm overestimating how often they actually have sex. When I said, "having more sex would be a motivation for me to get married", several of them actually laughed at me.
You don’t even know how low standards go having sexual with a husband.
Old, fat, unshaven, thinking hair, wrinkled, Not showed, wont brush teeth.
Uh ok, gross on the showered and won’t brush teeth...but...I’m sorry, people age. They gain weight as they get old. They get wrinkles! Their hair thins, or grays.
If more people could accept an aging body, everyone could be getting laid more. I guarantee people aren’t having sex with their spouses bc they’re embarrassing or insecure about their changing physique.
The post was addressing lowering standards and married sex is the definition of low standards.