Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 21:06     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Maybe it's time for your dh to start taking the kids to Grandma's house every Monday evening.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 21:02     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:I have a tricky situation between DH and his mom. We have a long standing date that she comes every other Monday for dinner and to visit her grandchildren. I already extend bedtime to make the visit longer, but the problem is bedtime. I will tell the kids it’s time for baths and bed and have them say their goodbyes to nana, then I say my goodbyes and then we head upstairs to have showers. It always happens that when we get back out, DH is still down there talking with his mom and she hasn’t left. The kids get riled up again and want to go back downstairs to nana. She keeps saying she’s leaving, but she will sit there talking to DH or fooling around on her phone, stuff like that. I have tried starting bath earlier, so they can stay up with her, but then when it’s bed time she still doesn’t want to leave and the kids still want to go downstairs because nana is here. DH doesn’t see the issue once a week, but I’m tired too and when it’s bedtime it’s bedtime. I want to settle down too and I can’t when I’m wrangling two kids. She won’t take a hint either. If I have DH come upstairs to help me, we come back down and there she is even though she said she was heading out I don’t know what to do. Help me before she comes tonight!


Maybe she is lonely.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 21:01     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Op says it is every other week, not once a week. Twice a month.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:45     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Hey babe, I’d like to come down and have some tea in the living room in my PJs after I get the kids to bed and I don’t really like doing that while your mom is here. If you and she are going to hang out past nine could you please find another place to do it?”

I’m not usually a “it’s obvious you hate your MIL” poster but...you sure come off like you hate your MIL.


And yet she invites her MIL to her house every week. It sounds like she’s very gracious and MIL/DH take advantage.

Actually it sounds like OP is very begrudging and resentful, not gracious at all.


This is death by a thousand cuts. They’re being rude and the resentment is building every week. The DH is turning something nice into something unpleasant. Why can’t the DH and grandma just be kind? Or forget that, why can’t they be a little considerate?

It’s really not that hard.


Well, it does sound like OP has written her husband a few permission slips along the way, yes? My husband would figure out right damn quick that no, I'm not doing bath and bedtime solo once a week--after preparing a family meal--while he sits and has a long chat.

All that being said, NO ONE is stopping OP from staying upstairs to relax and watch Netflix or do whatev when MIL's still around except for OP.

OP needs to get on the same page with DH aboutnwhat these evenings look like. Right now, the expectations and resentments are all in her own head. How about opening your mouth and communicating with your husband rather than blaming the guest?

And by the way? When I tell my kids to stay upstairs, they stay upstairs.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:37     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
She wants to hang out with her son. Wear your pjs. She doesn’t care. Tell her goodnight and watch Netflix in your room or otherwise go about your business.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:36     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How I wish I could still chat with my mom. She is gone.

OP, you are very heartless.


Oh yes, she’s super heartless, that’s why she invites the MIL to her house once a week (at least.)

Everything is not about you.



No it’s not. But losing my first parent when I was 39 was an eye opener.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:34     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?


Good grief, you are a diva.


+1000. With a stick up her butt. And no, I’m not a MIL.


You both sound like you have zero boundaries and no manners.

Asking guests to leave at bedtime on a weeknight is pretty standard. Overstaying your welcome every single week is obnoxious and entitled behavior.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:31     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:How I wish I could still chat with my mom. She is gone.

OP, you are very heartless.


Oh yes, she’s super heartless, that’s why she invites the MIL to her house once a week (at least.)

Everything is not about you.

Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:30     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Hey babe, I’d like to come down and have some tea in the living room in my PJs after I get the kids to bed and I don’t really like doing that while your mom is here. If you and she are going to hang out past nine could you please find another place to do it?”

I’m not usually a “it’s obvious you hate your MIL” poster but...you sure come off like you hate your MIL.


And yet she invites her MIL to her house every week. It sounds like she’s very gracious and MIL/DH take advantage.

Actually it sounds like OP is very begrudging and resentful, not gracious at all.


This is death by a thousand cuts. They’re being rude and the resentment is building every week. The DH is turning something nice into something unpleasant. Why can’t the DH and grandma just be kind? Or forget that, why can’t they be a little considerate?

It’s really not that hard.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:18     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
How I wish I could still chat with my mom. She is gone.

OP, you are very heartless.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:15     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?


Good grief, you are a diva.


+1000. With a stick up her butt. And no, I’m not a MIL.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:15     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“Hey babe, I’d like to come down and have some tea in the living room in my PJs after I get the kids to bed and I don’t really like doing that while your mom is here. If you and she are going to hang out past nine could you please find another place to do it?”

I’m not usually a “it’s obvious you hate your MIL” poster but...you sure come off like you hate your MIL.


And yet she invites her MIL to her house every week. It sounds like she’s very gracious and MIL/DH take advantage.

Actually it sounds like OP is very begrudging and resentful, not gracious at all.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:12     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:“Hey babe, I’d like to come down and have some tea in the living room in my PJs after I get the kids to bed and I don’t really like doing that while your mom is here. If you and she are going to hang out past nine could you please find another place to do it?”

I’m not usually a “it’s obvious you hate your MIL” poster but...you sure come off like you hate your MIL.


And yet she invites her MIL to her house every week. It sounds like she’s very gracious and MIL/DH take advantage.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:10     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime

How did it go tonight? Is she still there?

Anonymous
Post 09/16/2019 20:09     Subject: Mil never wants to leave at bedtime
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I don’t want to have to sit prisoner in my room until she leaves. Why should I have to? And no, I don’t like parading around in pajamas with wet hair and makeup off and whatever else, that’s my preference. Why shouldn’t I be allowed that? I want to come downstairs, make a tea, sit in the living room, maybe watch a show. Why isn’t the hour I’m upstairs getting the kids to bed enough alone time? And if it’s not, why can’t they take it somewhere else! Also the kids do go to bed reluctantly because they are laughing and seems to be having fun that they think they are missing out on. It’s hard to sleep with dad and grandma laughing right below you. Why isn’t that enough time? Why can’t she leave?


Good grief, you are a diva.