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Step back a little. What led to this break-down in communication. Is this a little tiff, or is this the straw breaking the camel's back?

None of it matters. Having your parents pay for college is a luxury, not a right.

I think it varies on the school but eventually he will have to pay or get kicked out.

Basic respect and courtesy go a very long way. If parents are unhappy with paying tuition, the least they can do is warn their child. So, yes, it matters.

You write $10,000 checks for adults you don't talk even to?

Try $40K for privates that run $80K a year.

Very, very few people pay sticker price. Both my kids got 1/2 off tuition at private LACs. I believe my D said she knew of one classmate that paid full sticker price in her four years of undergrad.

You believe your daughter that people are honest about money when they talk about it?

And half off a private LAC still means a bigger check than $10k. I just wrote a check for more than that and my kid is in an OOS flagship with a substantial amount of merit aid.

We're full pay. Everyone that I know (with whom this matter has been discussed) is full pay. This is the donut hole dilemma of the MC and UMC.

We are full pay too, Northwestern. DH makes 200K and we only have the one child. Education is a priority in our family so we started saving early and lived accordingly. Everyone makes choices in life. Not saying our choice is better than others.

To OP, you need AT LEAST to give your child a heads up. Let her finish the year or the semester. Give her time to apply for financial aid or apply to a less expensive school.

FWIW, the last 6 months b4 DD went to college were the hardest 6 months of our life, including cancer and cervical spine surgery.

I think OP is here and just sock-puppeting a bunch of responses about "ungrateful spoiled kids! spoiling parents!"

I agree with immediate PP. There is zero way OP isn't part of the problem. And also may only have the maturity and communications skills of an 18 year old, so that can't be helpful.

I always have to wonder about the million posts about cutting off ungrateful children, no one owes their children a college education, etc. Knowing that no one is perfect -- not parents, and not children -- it's still interesting that parents (or posters, could be a difference) act as if they had nothing to do with raising their so-called irresponsible, spoiled brats. That all they can do is throw up their hands and cut off financial support -- yet without any hint of introspection as to how their kids got to be they way they allegedly are, or what responsibility the parents have for the way their relationships are now.

Very curious about what the daughter's side of this would be. OP could be accurate, OP could be Petunia Dursley, the truth is probably in the middle. My mother and my sibling had quite a rocky, distant relationship for years (it still isn't great) and what my mother thought she knew was about 10% of the actual situation.

Someone who isn't part of the problem wouldn't even post a thread like this. There is never just one side.

Parents all get old. Children who are traumatized will remember how they were treated.

Anonymous wrote:You will do permanent damage to your relationship with your child.

I think that ship has sailed.

You will do permanent damage to your relationship with your child.

If a delusional 19 to 22 year old twit has the posture they're independent and can say and do whatever they want, I don't see an issue letting them be what it is they clamor for. Independent is independent. OP's child is lucky the parents didn't take the car and boot her from their health insurance. I'd bet mum and dad also pay for the newest iPhone and its 100 pound bill too.

Welp. Looks like OP has gone to ground. And that PP who id’d her as the stepmom is probably right. Nice sleuthing DCUM.

Oh lawd. The best outcome of this standoff is your daughter shacking up with some guy and accidentally getting pregnant then never getting a college degree. Oh wait, that was my Mom and her asshole Father that pulled her college funding because she was trying to study and not trying to get married. Yeah he learned his lesson after that. He had to help care for her son while she worked days and went to school at night.

Don't be that person. Don't be a toddler. Go talk to your daughter. Then stoo paying bills and have your daughter set up with loans she has to pay for the rest of her life.

Anonymous wrote:OP what does your partner say about this? How were your Ds’s grades?

That’s one lame bio dad who couldn’t protect his own kid.

OP what does your partner say about this? How were your Ds’s grades?

Anonymous wrote:Lots of extreme assumptions. Maybe the kid really is just an ungrateful jerk? Where is it a law you have to give every asshole kid a new car, phone, spending money and full boat college expenses — and keep it up if the kid’s behavior gets worse and worse? Do actions no longer have consequences?

They do. Most parents don’t jump to cutting off college tuition as the first consequence.