Anonymous
09/18/2019 12:10
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:People keep referring to "staying at home WITH their teens" but most teens aren't home during the day. And most WOHMs are home during the evenings when the teens are home.
Yea, I don't get it. Maybe they homeschool?
I'm not SAHM, but both DH and I WAH 80% of the time. We never see our teens. They leave the house at 9am and return after sports practice at 530 (loudoun county, school gets out just before 4pm).
By the time the kids walk through the door DH is dinner and I'm doing whaterver needs done around the house.
I'm honestly confused. I get wanting to not work and relax during the day. Maybe exercise, see friends, clean, shop, have a hobby, but not sure how SAH, unless you homeschool, is being there for you kids anymore than your spouse or anyone else.
Well, as PP stated, SAHM are the "personal assistants" for their teens. Washes and presses clothes, tidies up the room, cleans all sports equipment, does research for the History paper, compiles a list of colleges to visit or apply to, figures out which extracurriculars will get them accepted to said colleges, schedules SAT tutoring appointments, schedules car maintenance appointments for their car, thinks deeply about all social and academic problems they are facing and what they should do. The SAHM's teens naturally get an "edge" from this concierge service and will likely go to Harvard or MIT.
That is exactly the plan. Hopefully our kids will continue to be competitive and excel academically in these highly selective colleges. SAT tutoring? That is very basic level of support and acceleration.
Providing such concierge service has till now been very beneficial for our kids. But, it could have been that our kids were extremely bright anyways and would have excelled even without my attention? I see many parents spend money on tutors and prep and their kids are still doing average, so natural intelligence does play a part. Anyways, my intervention with my own kids have been fruitful and worthwhile till now regardless of mediocre curriculum and instruction.
I'm a SAHM and you are smoking crack.
This woman does not speak for all SAHMs! She is a black hawk helicopter and it is doubtful her kids can make their way out of a paper bag.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 09:10
Subject: SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
You only see the tip of the iceberg of what really goes in with teens. Taking a 4 year vacation from them while they are in HS usually doesn’t turn out well.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 09:08
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:My mother was active in the community, volunteering, junior league, church groups. She was also a serious gardener. In my high school years I don't recall her being overly involved in my life. She put food on the table and ensured we ate healthily, but I had to clean my own room. Her kids all played sports but the schools we attended took care of the transportation to games. Sometimes she turned out for the matches, sometimes she didn't. Looking back, she was very good as a moral anchor and did a great job providing guidance while encouraging independence. She may have not worked but her life was not just about her husband or children either.
I think this is the way to go.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 09:07
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
My mother was active in the community, volunteering, junior league, church groups. She was also a serious gardener. In my high school years I don't recall her being overly involved in my life. She put food on the table and ensured we ate healthily, but I had to clean my own room. Her kids all played sports but the schools we attended took care of the transportation to games. Sometimes she turned out for the matches, sometimes she didn't. Looking back, she was very good as a moral anchor and did a great job providing guidance while encouraging independence. She may have not worked but her life was not just about her husband or children either.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 09:06
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
I didn't read the other responses, but I think that when people talk about kids needing you more when they are teens, they are referring to the benefits of just having you around. It's not about what you do for them, but more that you are there available when they want to talk. And at this age, you pretty much get nothing unless they want to talk. One thing I noticed when my teen son switched to private school is the benefit of our drives. Most days, when I ask how his day was, I get grunts or "fine" and little else. (I have to try not be be annoyed about this). But every so often, he opens up about someting or we have a great discussion about something they talked about at school. It isn't anything I can force at any given time. Someone referred to it as quanity time over quality time. With teens, you need quantity time to get quality time.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 09:00
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:People keep referring to "staying at home WITH their teens" but most teens aren't home during the day. And most WOHMs are home during the evenings when the teens are home.
Yea, I don't get it. Maybe they homeschool?
I'm not SAHM, but both DH and I WAH 80% of the time. We never see our teens. They leave the house at 9am and return after sports practice at 530 (loudoun county, school gets out just before 4pm).
By the time the kids walk through the door DH is dinner and I'm doing whaterver needs done around the house.
I'm honestly confused. I get wanting to not work and relax during the day. Maybe exercise, see friends, clean, shop, have a hobby, but not sure how SAH, unless you homeschool, is being there for you kids anymore than your spouse or anyone else.
Well, as PP stated, SAHM are the "personal assistants" for their teens. Washes and presses clothes, tidies up the room, cleans all sports equipment, does research for the History paper, compiles a list of colleges to visit or apply to, figures out which extracurriculars will get them accepted to said colleges, schedules SAT tutoring appointments, schedules car maintenance appointments for their car, thinks deeply about all social and academic problems they are facing and what they should do. The SAHM's teens naturally get an "edge" from this concierge service and will likely go to Harvard or MIT.
That is exactly the plan. Hopefully our kids will continue to be competitive and excel academically in these highly selective colleges. SAT tutoring? That is very basic level of support and acceleration.
Providing such concierge service has till now been very beneficial for our kids. But, it could have been that our kids were extremely bright anyways and would have excelled even without my attention? I see many parents spend money on tutors and prep and their kids are still doing average, so natural intelligence does play a part. Anyways, my intervention with my own kids have been fruitful and worthwhile till now regardless of mediocre curriculum and instruction.
Are you two for real? What makes me sad is that with your clear sense of superiority and entitlement, you are raising another set of snobby, entitled kids and you think this is a good thing. The world needs far fewer of your type.
And before you trot out that cliche DCUM response, nope, not jealous. Stop falling back on that lame way of excusing your horrible attitudes. Many of us who have good fortune focus on raising good people and responsible citizens. Not to mention the ability to take care of themselves. Are you going to write their college papers for them, too? Oh no, that's right, you'll pay someone.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 08:54
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My wife relished being a SAHM, and never took on additional work even as all the kids grew up and flew the coop. For some reason when I retired early at 56 and began a great, carefree, happy, healthy existence that mirrored hers, she made it clear that my life of leisure was somehow undeserved. And I think there is a certain amount of sexist hypocrisy that many SAHMs embrace, that what’s good for the gander is somehow too luxurious for the goose.
I am so sorry that you have a bad marriage. Nothing to do with the fact that your wife is a SAHM. It could be that you were bearable only when you were gone to work most of the day? Now you are there all the time her hatred of you makes her grouchy.
Sometimes women tolerate a spouse they can't stand because of the children and because these men are gone for a long tome due to their work. That unravels when they are home due to retirement, unemployment, disability etc.
Are you a well liked person? Not annoying? Good looking and attractive? Good provider? You know full well why she can't stand you.
DP. Or the wife could be an awful person who was just a freeloader. You really have no way of knowing. Are you one of the "tolerating" woman? If so, don't project your poop on the PP.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 08:52
Subject: SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Lots of WOH and SAH parents are clueless, terrible parents. Some never even give a thought to what their kids are thinking. Doesn't matter where you are, at work, or at home. Doesn't make you a good parents if you are incapable of being one.
Agreed. But they probably were raised by terrible clueless parents too. It is interesting to see their lives play out in the continuing generational cycle of dysfunction.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 08:48
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:People keep referring to "staying at home WITH their teens" but most teens aren't home during the day. And most WOHMs are home during the evenings when the teens are home.
Yea, I don't get it. Maybe they homeschool?
I'm not SAHM, but both DH and I WAH 80% of the time. We never see our teens. They leave the house at 9am and return after sports practice at 530 (loudoun county, school gets out just before 4pm).
By the time the kids walk through the door DH is dinner and I'm doing whaterver needs done around the house.
I'm honestly confused. I get wanting to not work and relax during the day. Maybe exercise, see friends, clean, shop, have a hobby, but not sure how SAH, unless you homeschool, is being there for you kids anymore than your spouse or anyone else.
Well, as PP stated, SAHM are the "personal assistants" for their teens. Washes and presses clothes, tidies up the room, cleans all sports equipment, does research for the History paper, compiles a list of colleges to visit or apply to, figures out which extracurriculars will get them accepted to said colleges, schedules SAT tutoring appointments, schedules car maintenance appointments for their car, thinks deeply about all social and academic problems they are facing and what they should do. The SAHM's teens naturally get an "edge" from this concierge service and will likely go to Harvard or MIT.
That is exactly the plan. Hopefully our kids will continue to be competitive and excel academically in these highly selective colleges. SAT tutoring? That is very basic level of support and acceleration.
Providing such concierge service has till now been very beneficial for our kids. But, it could have been that our kids were extremely bright anyways and would have excelled even without my attention? I see many parents spend money on tutors and prep and their kids are still doing average, so natural intelligence does play a part. Anyways, my intervention with my own kids have been fruitful and worthwhile till now regardless of mediocre curriculum and instruction.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 08:47
Subject: SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Lots of WOH and SAH parents are clueless, terrible parents. Some never even give a thought to what their kids are thinking. Doesn't matter where you are, at work, or at home. Doesn't make you a good parents if you are incapable of being one.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 08:19
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:My wife relished being a SAHM, and never took on additional work even as all the kids grew up and flew the coop. For some reason when I retired early at 56 and began a great, carefree, happy, healthy existence that mirrored hers, she made it clear that my life of leisure was somehow undeserved. And I think there is a certain amount of sexist hypocrisy that many SAHMs embrace, that what’s good for the gander is somehow too luxurious for the goose.
I am so sorry that you have a bad marriage. Nothing to do with the fact that your wife is a SAHM. It could be that you were bearable only when you were gone to work most of the day? Now you are there all the time her hatred of you makes her grouchy.
Sometimes women tolerate a spouse they can't stand because of the children and because these men are gone for a long tome due to their work. That unravels when they are home due to retirement, unemployment, disability etc.
Are you a well liked person? Not annoying? Good looking and attractive? Good provider? You know full well why she can't stand you.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 08:12
Subject: SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DP here.
I am so sick and tired of seeing the same arguments on DCUM. have high achieving, self motivated, independent kids in highly selective STEM magnet programs in public high school. We are DC MC, 300k HHI, have retirement and college squared away.
DH and I are in agreement that with this kind of affluence (maybe in our own mind...since we are not wearing Prada), our teens are better served to have a highly educated mom available to them 24/7.
A lot of parents work very hard and I am very impressed with them. I have a cushy life and my kids and family get me as their support. I am lucky that my stress level is low and that I am ok financially. I do not need to be super rich with lots of money and very little time. I am ok with a comfortable lifestyle with ample time and a MC lifestyle. Maybe I do not have any ambition. I have my hobbies and causes, and only the people who don't know me are flapping their hands that I need to find my calling. My calling is to be able to leverage the money that my DH earns and build a comfortable, balanced and secure life for my family.
Do my kids need me? Yup. Without a doubt. More now than when they were babies? Well, I am not changing their diapers or nursing them on demand, but it has given them an edge to have an educated personal assistant on their beck and call, so that they are on the straight and narrow, secure and healthy, and meeting their social, emotional, health, academic goals. Yes, we are doing everything by ourselves and not paying money to get admitted to elite colleges, but, so what? We are immigrants, Asians, no hook, not legacy, but we are educated, with intact family, without health problems and can figure out the rest of things if we continue to be lucky.
If you and your kids do not need a parent at home then good for you. Maybe, most of you are super parents who can do it all? Great marriages, great health, great high achieving straight A kids, super organized homes, pillars of society, amazing careers where you are indispensable, high earners, globe trotting influencers and Illuminati? I am neither that high energy nor that ambitious for myself or my kids.
You had me until the bolded. You consider yourself your kids' personal assistant at their beck and call?
I consider myself personal assistant to every member of my family as well as the CEO, CFO and General Manager of the family. Their beck and call? Ha ha. I am the one who is there to guide and support them. I create the well oiled home base where they can all recharge and where they can plan how to maximize opportunities. My pay is 50% of all our assets. Rather work for my family willingly and happily and get immense satisfaction in seeing them succeed, rather than some annoying AF twit boss or corporation outside the house that does not deserve the best waking hours of my life, my brain, my loyalty and irreplaceable time from my life.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 06:42
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
My wife relished being a SAHM, and never took on additional work even as all the kids grew up and flew the coop. For some reason when I retired early at 56 and began a great, carefree, happy, healthy existence that mirrored hers, she made it clear that my life of leisure was somehow undeserved. And I think there is a certain amount of sexist hypocrisy that many SAHMs embrace, that what’s good for the gander is somehow too luxurious for the goose.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 05:52
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:People keep referring to "staying at home WITH their teens" but most teens aren't home during the day. And most WOHMs are home during the evenings when the teens are home.
Yea, I don't get it. Maybe they homeschool?
I'm not SAHM, but both DH and I WAH 80% of the time. We never see our teens. They leave the house at 9am and return after sports practice at 530 (loudoun county, school gets out just before 4pm).
By the time the kids walk through the door DH is dinner and I'm doing whaterver needs done around the house.
I'm honestly confused. I get wanting to not work and relax during the day. Maybe exercise, see friends, clean, shop, have a hobby, but not sure how SAH, unless you homeschool, is being there for you kids anymore than your spouse or anyone else.
Well, as PP stated, SAHM are the "personal assistants" for their teens. Washes and presses clothes, tidies up the room, cleans all sports equipment, does research for the History paper, compiles a list of colleges to visit or apply to, figures out which extracurriculars will get them accepted to said colleges, schedules SAT tutoring appointments, schedules car maintenance appointments for their car, thinks deeply about all social and academic problems they are facing and what they should do. The SAHM's teens naturally get an "edge" from this concierge service and will likely go to Harvard or MIT.
Anonymous
09/18/2019 05:26
Subject: Re:SAHM of teens — Crucial responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:People keep referring to "staying at home WITH their teens" but most teens aren't home during the day. And most WOHMs are home during the evenings when the teens are home.
Yea, I don't get it. Maybe they homeschool?
I'm not SAHM, but both DH and I WAH 80% of the time. We never see our teens. They leave the house at 9am and return after sports practice at 530 (loudoun county, school gets out just before 4pm).
By the time the kids walk through the door DH is dinner and I'm doing whaterver needs done around the house.
I'm honestly confused. I get wanting to not work and relax during the day. Maybe exercise, see friends, clean, shop, have a hobby, but not sure how SAH, unless you homeschool, is being there for you kids anymore than your spouse or anyone else.