Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm probably 5 weeks.

I’d probably pray for a miscarriage which is pretty likely if you haven’t had an ultrasound yet. Are you getting your betas checked?

BF just wants to be baby daddy. After 3 years your baby will be 3. Daycare. ES. MS. HS. etc etc. you also have no idea of health issues. Irresponsible to bring a child into this world when you have no means of support.

Anonymous wrote:The literally worse thing you can do after a failed marriage is have a baby with someone you don't know. Get the abortion and birth control. Keep in mind the divorce and baby affects your child negatively even if you believe it's something you want.

I say this as someone that had an accidental pregnancy with a man that is destructive and abusive. Abusers try to hook women in fast before they see red flags.

Please dont let the BF move in. Worst decision I ever made. Ex military, ptsd, a host of lies and a trail of tears with many women behind it.

Please consider the abortion, concentrate on your three year old.

Anonymous wrote:4 choices really:

abortion
single mother
adoption (would not have to decide now, would have
8 months to think on it)
get back together with estranged husband and continue
on as family with marriage

How is adoption really an option? The baby daddy would still have parental rights if OP doesn’t want to be involved.

4 choices really:

abortion
single mother
adoption (would not have to decide now, would have
8 months to think on it)
get back together with estranged husband and continue
on as family with marriage

Anonymous wrote:This is the best advice I have ever heard on this topic.

https://therumpus.net/2011/04/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/

Wow. NP here; just stumbled upon this thread and want to thank this PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm probably 5 weeks.

So not answering any other questions like why you are getting divorced or how you plan to support the kids?

How is that your business?

You post, you open yourself up to questions. Both are relevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm probably 5 weeks.

So not answering any other questions like why you are getting divorced or how you plan to support the kids?

How is that your business?

Anonymous wrote:This is the best advice I have ever heard on this topic.

https://therumpus.net/2011/04/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/

That was a wonderful read, PP. Thanks for sharing it. It resonates so profoundly within me for reasons that have nothing to do with my children. What if I'd stayed in that country and made it my home? What if I'd gone to that different school? What if I had stuck with my gut and never went on the first date with the man who would become my XH? What if I'd stayed with him and built that life with him? What if I'd grown out my hair in junior high? Silly things. Hard choices I've made. Some felt like mistakes, others like fate.

DCUM, take a look at the suggested reading and the poem it's built around. It's great at midlife, but I plan on sharing it with my teens when every choice seems to narrow their life experiences and there are so many options available to them.

FWIW, doing something out of fear...it's not the way to go.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm probably 5 weeks.

So not answering any other questions like why you are getting divorced or how you plan to support the kids?

OP here, I'm probably 5 weeks.

Anonymous wrote:I got pregnant at 44, and just as I was planning on abortion, I suddenly miscarried.

I admit - it was a relief in a way.
How far along are you?
Because at forty-three your chances of a miscarriage are pretty high.

Also you would automatically be a high-risk pregnancy due to your age.
You may not be able to carry your baby to term, your baby may be underweight, have health issues, birth defects or be born with Down’s Syndrome.

Things to consider.
Sure, you might beat the odds and deliver a healthy baby full-term.
But at 43, the odds are pretty much stacked against you.
And time is not on your side at all.

Whatever you decide, I wish you only the best!

This is really not true in any way. Rates of miscarriage are high until they aren't - i.e., the rates go down the farther you get into the pregnancy, there's no causation between age and maternal weight or "health issues." Birth defects and genetic conditions are screened early in the pregnancy. Full term is considered anything past 38 weeks, most women in their forties, even if they are high risk are not induced until 38-39 weeks. Signed women who gave birth at 42 and 9 months.

I got pregnant at 44, and just as I was planning on abortion, I suddenly miscarried.

I admit - it was a relief in a way.
How far along are you?
Because at forty-three your chances of a miscarriage are pretty high.

Also you would automatically be a high-risk pregnancy due to your age.
You may not be able to carry your baby to term, your baby may be underweight, have health issues, birth defects or be born with Down’s Syndrome.

Things to consider.
Sure, you might beat the odds and deliver a healthy baby full-term.
But at 43, the odds are pretty much stacked against you.
And time is not on your side at all.

Whatever you decide, I wish you only the best!

Look hun, all the advice you’ll get on here (including mine) will be clouded by people’s individual biases and agendas. You need to make up your own mind about whether or not you want another child. If you don’t, the road forward is clear. If you do, given your age and prior history with infertility, this might well be your last chance to give your dd a sibling. Yes, the circumstances are less than ideal, but guess what, if people only had kids, when the timing is just right, humanity would have died out a long time ago. If you decide to go that route, you absolutely can make it work. There are loads of resources, both governmental and through nonprofits that could help you with job retraining, health Insurance, etc. And you do have work experience! That decade, taking care of your parents? You could become a home health aide, which is pretty decent money in this area, then train to be a RN, once the kids are a bit older. It would be extremely hard, but, if you make it through, the rewards of the joy you’ll get from your surprise kiddo would far outweigh the pain. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

OP I had a baby at 43. Now 64. It was hard with lots of support. My 20 year old still needs some support and still in college. It doesn’t end when they turn 5.