Anonymous
Post 08/25/2019 09:24     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
I’ve never cheated nor has my husband. A year ago good friends of ours split up because the woman had an affair and I asked my husband if he had ever been unfaithful. He said no because the sex at home was so good he had no need. He might have been stretching the truth but I do love sex and give it my all.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2019 08:25     Subject: Have you cheated on your spouse ?
I am now almost fifty years old and started to date my beloved spouse when I was only twenty-one. They have been my one and only in all of those years, I have never cheated in any way. (Though even now I am considered attractive, and other people are/have been attracted to me.)

Sadly, almost eighteen months ago my beloved spouse (BS) began an affair. I believe them when they say it was their first affair in all our years together. Seven months later BS left me, their family, and their career, and moved away to pursue a life with the affair partner (AP). In that time BS claims to have broken it off with their AP, but I know BS continues to actively pursue the AP and maintain an on/off relationship with them, and that BS has also carried on at least one other serious relationship, as well as slept with a number of others. They have also taken to drinking and partying more. It is an exaggerated midlife crisis of narcissistic self-indulgence, combined with pheromonal madness, and the psychology of confronting one's own mortality.

I continue to raise our children, mainly in BS's absence, and to try to keep us happy, healthy, and focused. I also continue to wear my wedding ring to this day. And I have still never cheated in any way, shape, or form, not even so much as taking a date after a year's abandonment (though friends want me to). Neither of us has filed for divorce. I still love BS as much as I ever did, despite the incredible pain and hardship their actions have brought our family, I cannot help my love for them. And I remain always hopeful that one day we will find a way back toward working to repair our relationship and family, and be with one another again.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2019 05:36     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:The answer is yes for 25-75% of people OP depending on what stats you believe. Why do you ask?


To stimulate conversation of course. There are never enough threads about cheating because nothing starts more heated discussions like the subject of people sneaking around behind their spouses’ back.

Anonymous
Post 08/25/2019 02:46     Subject: Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:14 years married, together 15. Have not cheated but fantasize about it. Wife lost sex drive after kids 7 years ago. She never initiates, once went 14 months without sex and didn't know, and could easily go as long again if I didn't provoke. Yes, I've brought it up. At this point I'm proud I haven't despite a couple of offers. But our marriage is 50/50, and I would enjoy telling the next partner I am faithful so I probably won't. I don't think marriage means you can make another celibate against his will if he is otherwise a good (great) partner.


14 months!?! I feel bad if we go more than a week and I KNOW DH feels like we don’t do it enough. How do people live like that?


I doubt the ones who are fun in bed would care. 14 months is nuts.


It's incredibly painful when the sexual part of a marriage breaks and unfortunately there is not always an answer.

I love sex and I've always been happy to do the things that please a partner. I'm pretty easy to please sexually too.

My husband is the lower-drive party in our marriage. I thought we had a good sex life though.

Then he started to completely deny me sex or any kind of physical intimacy for stretches of a few weeks to a few months. Sometimes hed claim illnesses that seemed more like hypochondria or at least unrelated to sex. Like he sprained his toe and that ended our sex life for a month.

First time I begged and then grieved and then we got it back. Later times we fought. I reached the point where I was so hurt I had a husband who would reject me a lot, I really turned off of him. It felt necessary to my sanity and survival to stop desiring him.

This caused problems eventually when he came out of one of his long-term sex strikes and wanted me, and my desire wasn't there. He'd spent years training me not to expect sex and then wanted it, and I just didn't have the will. I tried some, but it wasn't great. And then he lost interest again and has been in a series of minor physical ailments that take all his for over three years now.

It's been like psychological torture, honestly. But I'm not telling my kids they have to live in two houses because daddy wouldn't out.

It truly sucks though.
Anonymous
Post 08/25/2019 01:20     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Husband, work travel and no.

She has asked if I have cheated, I deny. Our sex life is rare, 1x per month, maybe twice. Maybe. I assume she is cheating too, although if she is why does she confront me?
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 15:02     Subject: Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, I still adore him. I don't think he has cheated either.
We have sex multiple times per week, with equally matched drives. We both initiate.

Married 17 years, together for 21.


FYI, my cheater Ex was having sex with me multiple tomes a week the entire time he was cheating and I never tutrned him down when he initiated.

It’s a myth that husbands who get enough sex don’t cheat. Mine begged me not to end our relationship when I found out and confronted him. I think he was never so surprised in his life that he wasn’t going to continue sleeping with me.


Same thing here.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 14:14     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
No one knows yet... My DH thought he had covered his tracks well, but he was exposed in a way that he could have never predicted. He was shocked when I confronted him. He lost his marriage, a secure financial future and his relationship with his kids was permanently damaged.


You lost all those things too. Not sure why you are gloating here.


I lost a marriage to a cheater, which is really a win for me. Cheaters present a liability in a marriage - they are loose cannons that can go off at any time.

I did not lose financial stability - I was the higher earner. I had more savings prior to marriage. I had greater income potential over time.

I also did not lose my relationship with my kids. They live with me full time.

It’s not gloating; it’s reality. Ex thought he could do something without getting caught and without suffering negative consequences. His calculation was wrong, just like that of many cheaters. That self-delusion and mistaken calculation of risk is the mentality of a cheater. I’m just warning the PP who said, “no one knows.” No one knows right now. Or you think no one knows. Maybe your wife knows and has chosen not to say anything to you right now, preferring to choose a moment that suits her needs.


You need to let it go. Your need to keep punishing your Ex and vengeance is obvious and it’s very ugly. I feel for your kids. I have never cheated but suspect DH did or wanted to with a particular person. And if he did, I hope I could move on gracefully.


Pp cheater you are responding to, sounds like your ex was a dud in his personal and professional life. Glad you ditched him
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 13:47     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
No one knows yet... My DH thought he had covered his tracks well, but he was exposed in a way that he could have never predicted. He was shocked when I confronted him. He lost his marriage, a secure financial future and his relationship with his kids was permanently damaged.


You lost all those things too. Not sure why you are gloating here.


I lost a marriage to a cheater, which is really a win for me. Cheaters present a liability in a marriage - they are loose cannons that can go off at any time.

I did not lose financial stability - I was the higher earner. I had more savings prior to marriage. I had greater income potential over time.

I also did not lose my relationship with my kids. They live with me full time.

It’s not gloating; it’s reality. Ex thought he could do something without getting caught and without suffering negative consequences. His calculation was wrong, just like that of many cheaters. That self-delusion and mistaken calculation of risk is the mentality of a cheater. I’m just warning the PP who said, “no one knows.” No one knows right now. Or you think no one knows. Maybe your wife knows and has chosen not to say anything to you right now, preferring to choose a moment that suits her needs.


You need to let it go. Your need to keep punishing your Ex and vengeance is obvious and it’s very ugly. I feel for your kids. I have never cheated but suspect DH did or wanted to with a particular person. And if he did, I hope I could move on gracefully.



Puzzled why you think I have not “let it go” and you think I am punishing my Ex?

I am very cordial to him and have bent over backwards to foster his relationship with our kids. Unfortunately the same qualities that make him a cheater also have damaged his relationship with the kids - the focus on appearances and an inability to empathize and basic irresponsibility - and I have no control over his behavior.

As for “letting it go” - I have. I am the one that ended the relationship and let him go although he begged me not to end things.


Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 12:18     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Man, 45 and yes 3 times. Two ons and one longer term affair. The affair was very eye opening since it shows how unbelievably messy things can get and how you can really end up hurting your AP even though you both went into it declaring it was just sex.

I vowed to never do it again but my marital sex life is infrequent at best. I really don't want to divorce but having an AP is a whole other set of problems


How you end up hurting your AP? What about your family? What about the diseases you potentially exposed your wife to? You obviously still don’t get it.


She fell very hard for me and had a hard time retuning to her marriage.

We were monogamous with each other so no risk of diseases. Family is fine, no one knows


No one knows yet... My DH thought he had covered his tracks well, but he was exposed in a way that he could have never predicted. He was shocked when I confronted him. He lost his marriage, a secure financial future and his relationship with his kids was permanently damaged.


You lost all those things too. Not sure why you are gloating here.


I lost a marriage to a cheater, which is really a win for me. Cheaters present a liability in a marriage - they are loose cannons that can go off at any time.

I did not lose financial stability - I was the higher earner. I had more savings prior to marriage. I had greater income potential over time.

I also did not lose my relationship with my kids. They live with me full time.

It’s not gloating; it’s reality. Ex thought he could do something without getting caught and without suffering negative consequences. His calculation was wrong, just like that of many cheaters. That self-delusion and mistaken calculation of risk is the mentality of a cheater. I’m just warning the PP who said, “no one knows.” No one knows right now. Or you think no one knows. Maybe your wife knows and has chosen not to say anything to you right now, preferring to choose a moment that suits her needs.

This is all so true. Someone exposed my H anonymously, and he still claims not to know who it was and thought no one knew about it. I am glad you have financial stability.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 12:16     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?

No one knows yet... My DH thought he had covered his tracks well, but he was exposed in a way that he could have never predicted. He was shocked when I confronted him. He lost his marriage, a secure financial future and his relationship with his kids was permanently damaged.


You lost all those things too. Not sure why you are gloating here.


I lost a marriage to a cheater, which is really a win for me. Cheaters present a liability in a marriage - they are loose cannons that can go off at any time.

I did not lose financial stability - I was the higher earner. I had more savings prior to marriage. I had greater income potential over time.

I also did not lose my relationship with my kids. They live with me full time.

It’s not gloating; it’s reality. Ex thought he could do something without getting caught and without suffering negative consequences. His calculation was wrong, just like that of many cheaters. That self-delusion and mistaken calculation of risk is the mentality of a cheater. I’m just warning the PP who said, “no one knows.” No one knows right now. Or you think no one knows. Maybe your wife knows and has chosen not to say anything to you right now, preferring to choose a moment that suits her needs.


You need to let it go. Your need to keep punishing your Ex and vengeance is obvious and it’s very ugly. I feel for your kids. I have never cheated but suspect DH did or wanted to with a particular person. And if he did, I hope I could move on gracefully.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 12:00     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Man, 45 and yes 3 times. Two ons and one longer term affair. The affair was very eye opening since it shows how unbelievably messy things can get and how you can really end up hurting your AP even though you both went into it declaring it was just sex.

I vowed to never do it again but my marital sex life is infrequent at best. I really don't want to divorce but having an AP is a whole other set of problems


How you end up hurting your AP? What about your family? What about the diseases you potentially exposed your wife to? You obviously still don’t get it.


She fell very hard for me and had a hard time retuning to her marriage.

We were monogamous with each other so no risk of diseases. Family is fine, no one knows


No one knows yet... My DH thought he had covered his tracks well, but he was exposed in a way that he could have never predicted. He was shocked when I confronted him. He lost his marriage, a secure financial future and his relationship with his kids was permanently damaged.


You lost all those things too. Not sure why you are gloating here.


I lost a marriage to a cheater, which is really a win for me. Cheaters present a liability in a marriage - they are loose cannons that can go off at any time.

I did not lose financial stability - I was the higher earner. I had more savings prior to marriage. I had greater income potential over time.

I also did not lose my relationship with my kids. They live with me full time.

It’s not gloating; it’s reality. Ex thought he could do something without getting caught and without suffering negative consequences. His calculation was wrong, just like that of many cheaters. That self-delusion and mistaken calculation of risk is the mentality of a cheater. I’m just warning the PP who said, “no one knows.” No one knows right now. Or you think no one knows. Maybe your wife knows and has chosen not to say anything to you right now, preferring to choose a moment that suits her needs.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 11:27     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Man, 45 and yes 3 times. Two ons and one longer term affair. The affair was very eye opening since it shows how unbelievably messy things can get and how you can really end up hurting your AP even though you both went into it declaring it was just sex.

I vowed to never do it again but my marital sex life is infrequent at best. I really don't want to divorce but having an AP is a whole other set of problems


How you end up hurting your AP? What about your family? What about the diseases you potentially exposed your wife to? You obviously still don’t get it.


She fell very hard for me and had a hard time retuning to her marriage.

We were monogamous with each other so no risk of diseases. Family is fine, no one knows


No one knows yet... My DH thought he had covered his tracks well, but he was exposed in a way that he could have never predicted. He was shocked when I confronted him. He lost his marriage, a secure financial future and his relationship with his kids was permanently damaged.


You lost all those things too. Not sure why you are gloating here.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 11:26     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Man, 45 and yes 3 times. Two ons and one longer term affair. The affair was very eye opening since it shows how unbelievably messy things can get and how you can really end up hurting your AP even though you both went into it declaring it was just sex.

I vowed to never do it again but my marital sex life is infrequent at best. I really don't want to divorce but having an AP is a whole other set of problems


How you end up hurting your AP? What about your family? What about the diseases you potentially exposed your wife to? You obviously still don’t get it.


She fell very hard for me and had a hard time retuning to her marriage.

We were monogamous with each other so no risk of diseases. Family is fine, no one knows

"No risk of diseases...." ??? You realize she might have been lying to you? Cheaters are also liars. Also, her husband could have been unfaithful to her, too, bringing all kinds of strange diseases to you and your marriage.
Anonymous
Post 08/24/2019 11:24     Subject: Re:Have you cheated on your spouse ?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Man, 45 and yes 3 times. Two ons and one longer term affair. The affair was very eye opening since it shows how unbelievably messy things can get and how you can really end up hurting your AP even though you both went into it declaring it was just sex.

I vowed to never do it again but my marital sex life is infrequent at best. I really don't want to divorce but having an AP is a whole other set of problems


How you end up hurting your AP? What about your family? What about the diseases you potentially exposed your wife to? You obviously still don’t get it.


She fell very hard for me and had a hard time retuning to her marriage.

We were monogamous with each other so no risk of diseases. Family is fine, no one knows


No one knows yet... My DH thought he had covered his tracks well, but he was exposed in a way that he could have never predicted. He was shocked when I confronted him. He lost his marriage, a secure financial future and his relationship with his kids was permanently damaged.