Anonymous
Post 08/30/2019 12:02     Subject: Mothers like this are the issue.
Anonymous wrote:I see the boy coddling in so many ways, even among my friends who are strong feminists. They talk about their boys "flirting" with them as babies (gross), they had much higher expectations for their girls as they started school, and they are quicker to complain about their girls as tweens than their boys. E.g., they will go on an on about their girl's bad attitude but completely excuse their boy's explosive temper.

When it came time for sleep away camp, several friends who sent their girls at a certain age didn't send their boys at the same time because they just "weren't ready" to be away from home. I.e., the boys are coddled and not developing the independence that the girls did.

It's amazing to me that they don't recognize what they are doing.

It really is disgusting to watch. I’d love to read a few case studies on these types of moms. It’s interesting stuff.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2019 10:50     Subject: Mothers like this are the issue.
I see the boy coddling in so many ways, even among my friends who are strong feminists. They talk about their boys "flirting" with them as babies (gross), they had much higher expectations for their girls as they started school, and they are quicker to complain about their girls as tweens than their boys. E.g., they will go on an on about their girl's bad attitude but completely excuse their boy's explosive temper.

When it came time for sleep away camp, several friends who sent their girls at a certain age didn't send their boys at the same time because they just "weren't ready" to be away from home. I.e., the boys are coddled and not developing the independence that the girls did.

It's amazing to me that they don't recognize what they are doing.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2019 01:37     Subject: Mothers like this are the issue.
My child is a freshman at a large public university in the midwest. On our university parent facebook page, parents are posting pics of their kid's "first day of school" at the university. I have no idea how they cooerced their kids into taking and sharing these photos and I bet these kids have no idea their moms are posting their photos to a fb group with thousands of members. Several moms have posted their kids first day of kindergarten pics with a pic of the first day at university.

There are also a suprising number of posts that look like moms arranging play dates. "Larla hasn't made friends yet, please ask your kid to go visit my kid but don't ever tell my kid I did this. Larla is in room xxx in dorm yyyy"

Some are sharing way too much personal information about the issues their kids have. There is no vetting of anyone on these fb pages and there are thousands of members. I thank the heavens that my mom was too old for the social media age because I would have had to leave the country.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2019 01:23     Subject: Mothers like this are the issue.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The Pinterest page is weird, but maybe she is living in the past because her adult son is a weirdo. She had to have known her son got kicked out of school for creating a rape/kill list and was in some sort of graphic violence/porno band.

She probably clings onto memories of the toddler/little kid years before her son became a lunatic.

I’m tired of all the “blame the mom” rhetoric when a grown man makes horrible decisions.

Whoever had the most control over his early environment is the one who is most responsible. Sure, once in a blue moon it’s the father.


What? This is insane and at the same time s convenient way to excuse men from any responsibility here.


I agree. I'm sick of the bullshit sexism we are still tolerating in 2019. There is just so much ignorance.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2019 16:10     Subject: Re:Mothers like this are the issue.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I remember the first time we went out to eat after my oldest left for college. I didn’t cry. But it was a really sad feeling. Of course we had eaten out without him many times. But asking for a table for six instead of seven felt so strange because he wasn’t out with friends. He was no longer living with us. For months I caught myself accident setting too many places at our table after each kid left.

It’s hard, my friends.


I'm 54 and the youngest of three. A few weeks ago when we were home for my father's funeral, my mother recalled for the umpteenth time how they felt the day they dropped off for college in 1983. They were sad and after they dropped me and my things off, they left. After a couple of blocks they were worried I was not going to make friends, so they circled the block and pulled back up to a space where they could see the courtyard in front of my dorm. They saw me standing there in a group of several other kids and I was happily making new friends. They felt so relieved but melancholy and drove off. Mom said that they had a hard time going home alone just the two of them. I can imagine that going to dinner that evening on the way home was going to be hard.

The big difference was that my mom didn't make a huge deal about her loss. She didn't blog about it and broadcast it to the world. But it did become a staple of family story sharing over the last 36 years. And it was one of her cherished memories that she told the day we laid my father to rest.

It's a hard and emotional situation, but a personal one. The only thing unusual was not that the Red Robin mom felt this way, but that she turned it into a huge life-changing moment that had to be blogged about. She blew it out of proportion. That doesn't mean that it isn't a hard and emotional situation to deal with; especially for the first and the last child. It's hard for all of your children, but for the first one, it's the first time you have to deal with it. For the last one, it truly signals the empty nest.


Huh?

This mom wrote one blog post and that’s making it a big deal, but your mom telling the story over and over again for 36 years, including at an important family event is not making it a big deal?
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2019 10:47     Subject: Mothers like this are the issue.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/id-like-to-publicly-apologize-to-our-red-robin-hostess-she-didnt-know-she-was-the-last-straw-mom-breaks-down-at-red-robin-after-dropping-off-son-at-college/

Completely irrational. Had she never been to dinner without him before? Will she never go to dinner without him again? It’s not like he’s dead and never coming back. This level of attachment isn’t healthy. It’s moms like this that are the issue.


I think it was clear that she was talking about going out to dinner as their nuclear family not that she never went out to dinner without him.


But it’s still weird right? My kids are 3 and 5 and we make an effort for each kid to have special time with one or both parents regularly, without their sibling.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2019 10:45     Subject: Mothers like this are the issue.
While I think the Red Robin mom was weirdly attention seeking and dramatic in her re-telling, I can totally understand getting caught off guard when saying something out loud for the first time.

My employee is taking her son to college today and she asked for an extra day off yesterday because she was having a tough time and couldn’t concentrate. I didn’t think twice to approve it. My kids are small and while I am not at all sad or nostalgic about my son starting kindergarten in a few weeks, I don’t think it’s silly or frivolous to have some big feelings about your kids’ big milestones
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2019 10:04     Subject: Mothers like this are the issue.
Anonymous wrote:https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/id-like-to-publicly-apologize-to-our-red-robin-hostess-she-didnt-know-she-was-the-last-straw-mom-breaks-down-at-red-robin-after-dropping-off-son-at-college/

Completely irrational. Had she never been to dinner without him before? Will she never go to dinner without him again? It’s not like he’s dead and never coming back. This level of attachment isn’t healthy. It’s moms like this that are the issue.


I think it was clear that she was talking about going out to dinner as their nuclear family not that she never went out to dinner without him.
Anonymous
Post 08/16/2019 09:59     Subject: Re:Mothers like this are the issue.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As if you didn't need more proof that constantly doting parents (particularly of boys) are part of the problem, the Dayton mass shooter's family described the shooter as: "funny, articulate and intelligent" in his obituary. Not mentioning that he killed his own sister.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7356369/Dayton-mass-shooters-family-publish-obituary-calling-Connor-Betts-kind-not-mentioning-murders.html


The obit was really creepy. Talking about his smile and how he like to read Harry Potter? Like he wasn't a mass murderer, and killed his own sister? And then directed to where donations in lieu of flowers should be made? Who in their right mind would want to send flowers?


Probably most mass killers had mothers who were “in love” with their boys in a very sick way. I’m thinking Adam Lanza’s mother. And the Columbine mother who recently wrote a book....

These women worship their boys and gave them anything they could.

Beware of women who put their boys on pedestals, and make endless excuses for their boys’ bad behavior.


Yet again, women are blamed for male behavior.

These males either A. Knew right from wrong, and chose to commit a wrong of their own accord or B. Did not understand right from wrong, in which case they have a mental illness that goes way beyond mommy not saying no enough.

Are you coddling your boy? If so, you are crippling him. Please stop. The consequences could be devastating.

If he doesn't obey and respect you, he won't respect other girls/women, either.


Interesting that you jump to that conclusion.

I have very high standards for males. This includes the standard that no matter what happened to you- crappy childhood, crazy mother, uninvolved father, a girl who broke your heart, a friend who stole your girlfriend, whatever- it is not an excuse for poor behavior. Too many men whine about their childhoods and use it as an excuse to be a$$holes. I do not enable them by blaming their parents. Sorry you didn't have ideal parents. Guess what, none of us did. That's life.

Do some PARENTS (not just mothers!) do things that promote entitlement in their kids? Absolutely. But those kids don't live in a vacuum, and are still exposed to the idea that things like murder, rape, theft, etc are wrong. If they then choose to do those things, that is entirely on them. Women do not make them do anything.