Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:57
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Team OP. She sounds exhausted, with a difficult baby and likely a no-help DH.
If she goes, she'll likely be stuck in some dingy dark guest house while everyone else goes out boating all day, and then have the fun of defending herself for being the "unfun" mom because she didn't agree to taking her napless 1 year old out on a boat for 6 hours.
So her choice will be, either be forced to take a miserable baby out on outings (where she inevitably will be the one trying to soothe and apologize for crying baby, and then deal with the cranky mess when they get home), or stay back and do nothing.
Someone once posted a link here to a story by Fay Weldon called the Weekend. OP should read it and let us know if it resonates
Personally, I basically refused to travel under similar dynamics until my kid was 3. I'm not a mean mom, I'm not a boring mom, and I'm not a bad person. I just knew that long trips would be extremely miserable. Now that he's 7 I love to travel with him. It was just a short period where I stuck closer to home.
Oh sweetie, you are definitely the mean and boring mom who is also a martyr, apparently. You've made a ton of assumptions about OP revolving around the fact that her DH is a bad father when you have no idea what their situation is. If OP gets stuck in a dingy dark guest house while everyone else goes out and has fun then that is of her own volition. Millions of people manage to travel and ::gasp:: have fun when their children are under 3. You don't think the entire world before you stopped when everyone had toddlers, do you?
I'm perfectly fine with you thinking I'm the mean and boring mom - you wouldn't know anything about my DH's uselessness, and it wouldn't be my place to tell you. People like you are exactly the reason why I avoided situations like this when I was in that super stressed-out period - because I knew I'd be dealing with your b*tchy judgement on top of everything else! And sheesh, talk about thinking the world revolves around you, just because I don't want to schlep out to some vacation home ...
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:57
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is a great trip idea and if you start thinking of "it's so hard with a small one" when are you ever going to do anything? People travel all the time with babies, and for vacations too!
She'll travel when the baby is 3 or 4. Not sure why this is hard to grasp?
Because that means her first child won’t travel until he’s like 9. So many missed opportunities.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:55
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Anonymous wrote:You have two kids op, is your older kid supposed to never have any fun because you waited that long to have another kid?!
All we are hearing is baby and me, what about your older child? Why is he punished to having a younger sibling? When he is a preteen what else will he miss out on since younger sibling is too young for camping, hiking, skiing, etc??
100%!
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:47
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Op, I agree with everyone that you should go. The one thing I would do is talk to your friends about the hours-long boat trips. They're your friends, so they'll be helpful and cool. Tell them you're not sure how the baby will do, but you also don't want to stay at the house alone all day every day, so would it be possible to come back after a bit to drop you off.
We've taken my son on lake vacations every summer since he was an infant. It is totally doable.
We've taken my son on lake vacations every summer since he was an infant. It is totally doable.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:42
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Anonymous wrote:Team OP. She sounds exhausted, with a difficult baby and likely a no-help DH.
If she goes, she'll likely be stuck in some dingy dark guest house while everyone else goes out boating all day, and then have the fun of defending herself for being the "unfun" mom because she didn't agree to taking her napless 1 year old out on a boat for 6 hours.
So her choice will be, either be forced to take a miserable baby out on outings (where she inevitably will be the one trying to soothe and apologize for crying baby, and then deal with the cranky mess when they get home), or stay back and do nothing.
Someone once posted a link here to a story by Fay Weldon called the Weekend. OP should read it and let us know if it resonates
Personally, I basically refused to travel under similar dynamics until my kid was 3. I'm not a mean mom, I'm not a boring mom, and I'm not a bad person. I just knew that long trips would be extremely miserable. Now that he's 7 I love to travel with him. It was just a short period where I stuck closer to home.
Oh sweetie, you are definitely the mean and boring mom who is also a martyr, apparently. You've made a ton of assumptions about OP revolving around the fact that her DH is a bad father when you have no idea what their situation is. If OP gets stuck in a dingy dark guest house while everyone else goes out and has fun then that is of her own volition. Millions of people manage to travel and ::gasp:: have fun when their children are under 3. You don't think the entire world before you stopped when everyone had toddlers, do you?
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:38
Subject: Re:DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another thing you could do is ask your friends how they handled it when they had babies. Maybe they'll say there's a great sitter in the neighborhood or something.
YES - this. Presumably they had the house 5-6 years ago, too? What did they do with the kids then? And at 1 year old, your baby can manage one nap a day. So you'll be alone with the baby (or DH will be alone with the baby) for 2-3 hours each afternoon. Quite frankly, that sounds wonderful - sit on the patio and read a book or snooze yourself while the baby naps.
As for other activities - it's not get on a boat or stay home are your only options. I bet a friend would be willing to join you and the baby for a stroll through the city or breakfast out one morning. If your friends are kind, they'll be flexible and willing to adapt a little to accommodate the toddler once in a while.
It really does sound like you just don't want to go. What would you be doing differently at home, OP? It sounds like these are your options:
SAHM - hang out at home with baby and 5 year old while DH works
WOHM - be at work all day
Vacation Mom - hang out with friends and/or baby, get lots of down time.
Either way, sounds like a no brainer to me.
Default Parent Full-Time Working Mom: Get to spend your entire "vacation" caring for your cranky child while your DH sleeps or whatever, but not at your own house where at least you have everything you need, plus you have to deal with everyone else blaming you for being stressed and inflexible.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:34
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Anonymous wrote:It is a great trip idea and if you start thinking of "it's so hard with a small one" when are you ever going to do anything? People travel all the time with babies, and for vacations too!
She'll travel when the baby is 3 or 4. Not sure why this is hard to grasp?
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:34
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Go. You don't have to do every activity with your friends for it to be a fun vacation, and you won't want to be joined at the hip for 7 days anyway.
I also agree with those who say to have a plan for baby care before you go - will you alternate days for who is on point? morning/afternoon baby duty? hire a sitter? Having a plan is always better, and I bet you'll have a great time once you're there. A guesthouse in Maine sounds like the absolute perfect vacation to me, especially with those age kids.
I also agree with those who say to have a plan for baby care before you go - will you alternate days for who is on point? morning/afternoon baby duty? hire a sitter? Having a plan is always better, and I bet you'll have a great time once you're there. A guesthouse in Maine sounds like the absolute perfect vacation to me, especially with those age kids.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:33
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Team OP. She sounds exhausted, with a difficult baby and likely a no-help DH.
If she goes, she'll likely be stuck in some dingy dark guest house while everyone else goes out boating all day, and then have the fun of defending herself for being the "unfun" mom because she didn't agree to taking her napless 1 year old out on a boat for 6 hours.
So her choice will be, either be forced to take a miserable baby out on outings (where she inevitably will be the one trying to soothe and apologize for crying baby, and then deal with the cranky mess when they get home), or stay back and do nothing.
Someone once posted a link here to a story by Fay Weldon called the Weekend. OP should read it and let us know if it resonates
Personally, I basically refused to travel under similar dynamics until my kid was 3. I'm not a mean mom, I'm not a boring mom, and I'm not a bad person. I just knew that long trips would be extremely miserable. Now that he's 7 I love to travel with him. It was just a short period where I stuck closer to home.
If she goes, she'll likely be stuck in some dingy dark guest house while everyone else goes out boating all day, and then have the fun of defending herself for being the "unfun" mom because she didn't agree to taking her napless 1 year old out on a boat for 6 hours.
So her choice will be, either be forced to take a miserable baby out on outings (where she inevitably will be the one trying to soothe and apologize for crying baby, and then deal with the cranky mess when they get home), or stay back and do nothing.
Someone once posted a link here to a story by Fay Weldon called the Weekend. OP should read it and let us know if it resonates
Personally, I basically refused to travel under similar dynamics until my kid was 3. I'm not a mean mom, I'm not a boring mom, and I'm not a bad person. I just knew that long trips would be extremely miserable. Now that he's 7 I love to travel with him. It was just a short period where I stuck closer to home.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:24
Subject: Re:DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Being in a house versus a hotel or moving around while traveling is the easiest way to do it! We took our five-month old twins to the beach their first summer because that's what we had always done. Sure, our tans were a lot lighter because we couldn't just sit on the beach all day, but everything else was great. We napped or read while the kids napped, which was awesome, because at home we always had too much to do during nap time to relax ourselves. And our friends would help with the kids because they wanted to (their kids were all older), so it wasn't like we were on an island alone. Other than the inconvenience of having to bring more stuff with us than we do now that they're older, it was a great trip, which is why we've done it every year since.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 17:15
Subject: Re:DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
I would definitely go! Like others said, share who stays behind with the napping baby or be willing to be more flexible with naps (i.e. maybe the baby can nap in the big house while everyone hangs out in there). Your five-year old will likely be totally entertained by the other kids, so it's a win-win.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 09:37
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Maybe OP has valid reasons for not thinking this would be fun. If the toddler is one of those kids who gets into everything and is really high needs, it would not be fun to be stuck in a non-babyproofed house all day. Also, maybe OP has a useless DH who wouldn't be able or willing to care for the baby. OP hasn't given enough information, but I'm betting on the useless DH.
OP, if you want to make this work, why not reach out to the friends and ask about logistics. Even if they often have spent all day on the boat or at the beach in the past, maybe they'll be willing to alter the schedule into two half days to accommodate the baby. Would it be possible to go out in the morning, return to the house around noon for lunch and naps, and then go out again after that?
OP, if you want to make this work, why not reach out to the friends and ask about logistics. Even if they often have spent all day on the boat or at the beach in the past, maybe they'll be willing to alter the schedule into two half days to accommodate the baby. Would it be possible to go out in the morning, return to the house around noon for lunch and naps, and then go out again after that?
Anonymous
07/23/2019 07:54
Subject: Re:DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
How would OP feel if DH said he was taking DD and going with out her and the baby? Bet that baby could handle the vacation then!
It makes me so sad when kids can't do fun family things because the parents just don't want to be inconvenienced a little bit. Its like, your adults. Figure it out.
Tag teaming days sounds amazing. The best of both worlds. Some fun/sun. Some rest and relaxation without entertaining a toddler!! She is being given the vacation of most of our dreams and being a whiny child about it.
It makes me so sad when kids can't do fun family things because the parents just don't want to be inconvenienced a little bit. Its like, your adults. Figure it out.
Tag teaming days sounds amazing. The best of both worlds. Some fun/sun. Some rest and relaxation without entertaining a toddler!! She is being given the vacation of most of our dreams and being a whiny child about it.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 07:45
Subject: DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
^ yup. I wouldn't stop my older child's life or forego experiences because of the baby, esp in a situation as workable as the Op's.
Anonymous
07/23/2019 07:40
Subject: Re:DH doesn’t think this is a bad idea
Agree that OP just doesn’t want to go and thought people here would support her. Her posts are so “me me me, it’s all about me “. I’ve got three kids with a big age span between all and we are big on taking trips. so I know what it’s like to have a baby on vacation. I’m part of a a family and everyone’s interests and desires count. I can’t imagine not sucking it up and doing something that would make my family happy even if I didn’t want to do it. And I have never done something that didn’t turn out to be fun at least a lot of the time. My kids talk a lot about our vacations over the years and I am glad to have given that to them even if some years were tough.