Places I had sex as a nerdy band geek in the 90s: band camp, band competition trips, at the homes of other band kids whose parents worked late, on the playground in the little box area that kids crawl through to go down the slide, on a picnic table under the stars (thought it was SO romantic as a teen), and finally, in my own bedroom in my own bed while my brother was in the room next door and my parents were downstairs.

My parents never dreamed that their straight A little angel was really doing her "boyfriend" instead of her homework all those evenings. I didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs, but oh boy did I have sex!

Now, the list of places where I've fooled around is even longer, stranger, and includes more beanbags in public places than you'd think are out there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you would be surprised what your kids do.

This summer mine are - working, taking classes, volunteering, watching sports, doing sports, hanging out, playing video games, watching t.v., going out to the movies.

They always get back at a reasonable hour. I've never had to set a curfew for them.

I was a total handful at their ages. So was my dh. I don't know why we lucked out like this, lol.

Funny, my first sexual relationship (age 17) was with a guy who worked next door to the place I worked. We had sex in the storeroom during both our working hours, as well as when my parents thought I was at the movies. Saw a LOT of movies that summer....

Yeah, that happens. At least your parents weren't escorting him to your bedroom and handing him condoms and lube for his visit with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you would be surprised what your kids do.

This summer mine are - working, taking classes, volunteering, watching sports, doing sports, hanging out, playing video games, watching t.v., going out to the movies.

They always get back at a reasonable hour. I've never had to set a curfew for them.

I was a total handful at their ages. So was my dh. I don't know why we lucked out like this, lol.

Funny, my first sexual relationship (age 17) was with a guy who worked next door to the place I worked. We had sex in the storeroom during both our working hours, as well as when my parents thought I was at the movies. Saw a LOT of movies that summer....

Anonymous wrote:I think many of you would be surprised what your kids do.

This summer mine are - working, taking classes, volunteering, watching sports, doing sports, hanging out, playing video games, watching t.v., going out to the movies.

They always get back at a reasonable hour. I've never had to set a curfew for them.

I was a total handful at their ages. So was my dh. I don't know why we lucked out like this, lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't any different from when we were kids. These are not highly involved parents if kids are doing weed, drinking and having sex.

Wrong. They're just not helicopters. Teens don't need long to have sex! And they don't need it to be a nice, comfy setting.

LOL at 'doing' weed

eh, not all kids are potheads. Some actually don't want to drink and do drugs...imagine that...

Agreed. As an earlier poster said, some groups do the party scene and some just don't. My high schoolers aren't interested in drinking and drugging. They don't hang out with the kids that do. I am in my late 40s and when I was in HS, lots of kids drank and smoked pot. There was also a circle of kids that had sex - my circle of friends did not. We did drink, however. I am not at all religious, fwiw.

Mine aren't interested in pot, vaping and drinking. They don't run around looking down their noses at the kids who do that stuff, it's just not something that they want to do. I am very cool with that Certainly makes my life as a parent much easier.

I think many of you would be surprised what your kids do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't any different from when we were kids. These are not highly involved parents if kids are doing weed, drinking and having sex.

Wrong. They're just not helicopters. Teens don't need long to have sex! And they don't need it to be a nice, comfy setting.

LOL at 'doing' weed

eh, not all kids are potheads. Some actually don't want to drink and do drugs...imagine that...

Agreed. As an earlier poster said, some groups do the party scene and some just don't. My high schoolers aren't interested in drinking and drugging. They don't hang out with the kids that do. I am in my late 40s and when I was in HS, lots of kids drank and smoked pot. There was also a circle of kids that had sex - my circle of friends did not. We did drink, however. I am not at all religious, fwiw.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't any different from when we were kids. These are not highly involved parents if kids are doing weed, drinking and having sex.

Wrong. They're just not helicopters. Teens don't need long to have sex! And they don't need it to be a nice, comfy setting.

LOL at 'doing' weed

eh, not all kids are potheads. Some actually don't want to drink and do drugs...imagine that...

But it is a small percentage and they are not potheads they smoke pot, it's different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't any different from when we were kids. These are not highly involved parents if kids are doing weed, drinking and having sex.

Wrong. They're just not helicopters. Teens don't need long to have sex! And they don't need it to be a nice, comfy setting.

LOL at 'doing' weed

eh, not all kids are potheads. Some actually don't want to drink and do drugs...imagine that...

Anonymous wrote:I believe you give your kids condoms. I do not believe you give them lube.

And vaccinate them for HPV.

Anonymous wrote:This isn't any different from when we were kids. These are not highly involved parents if kids are doing weed, drinking and having sex.

Wrong. They're just not helicopters. Teens don't need long to have sex! And they don't need it to be a nice, comfy setting.

LOL at 'doing' weed

This isn't any different from when we were kids. These are not highly involved parents if kids are doing weed, drinking and having sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe you give your kids condoms. I do not believe you give them lube.

Not PP but we bought condoms and lube and placed them in our laundry closet.

We also bought porn mags and some DVDs and placed them in there. I’d rather have my boys looking at that type of porn versus the sketchy kind online that can possibly get them in trouble if they click on the wrong thing.

Maybe you can just put that stuff in their Easter Backets so they don't have to share it.

Anonymous wrote:I believe you give your kids condoms. I do not believe you give them lube.

Not PP but we bought condoms and lube and placed them in our laundry closet.

We also bought porn mags and some DVDs and placed them in there. I’d rather have my boys looking at that type of porn versus the sketchy kind online that can possibly get them in trouble if they click on the wrong thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 33. This is no different than what it was when I was 16. Some kids are lying. Some kids are waiting but not advertising it. And some kids are more casual.

This is nothing new

I don’t know if you’re right. My daughter’s therapist who is very well regarded in this area and has been seeing teens and their families for 25 years, thinks there has been a pretty big cultural shift. He does think the access to porn is a part of it, and all the pressure on girls to have “sexy” Instagram photos and that kind of thing. Particularly with oral sex, he says things have changed.

She's 33 - this shift happened when she was a teen. My sister is the same age and said the same. It's not instagram as much as a shift in how girls see sex.

I agree with this. I’m 35 and DH is 40, and it happened somewhere in between - when I was in HS, oral sex was seen as no big deal (certainly not equivalent to sex), but DH says that girls did see oral as a big deal (as much as sex) when he was in HS. Our theory is all the talk about oral sex related to Clinton and Lewinsky in the mid 90s destigmatized oral sex.