Anonymous wrote:I am an only child. My mom always wanted our house to be the “hang out” house but it wasn’t and never would be because she didn’t know how to just be causally around without butting into our conversations or being subtly critical of me. There is a way of being present and aware of what’s going on in your house without being too strict or overbearing about it. I hope to master the style of parenting that makes my kids’ friends want to come over.

My house growing up was always so clean and clutter free. It felt cold. In late elementary a group of girls would tease me that I lived in a museum and that you weren’t allowed to touch anything at my house or my mom would freak out. They were kinda right. I used to be jealous of houses with candid photos and kid artwork displayed in a casual way - like taped to the fridge.

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting question OP, and one I think about a lot. I had a perfectly fine childhood, nothing bad happened at all, but I never liked the home I grew up in, and in fact I always had negative feelings toward it, even now. I never had any fond memories of the house, or felt nostalgic about it, or wanted to return to it.

When I was growing up as an only child in the 80s, my childhood home never felt like a home. It always felt like a "house" and I always called it that, never a home. It was a small ranch-style home. My parents decorated it how they wanted, in an adult way, with tons of breakables and sculptures everywhere, and it felt like a museum. There was no sign of my toys or art in the house (toys were only allowed in my room because my parents "didn't want to look at them" as they would always say). The decor was ultra-modern which always felt cold to me. Everything was beige.

Most of the furniture/rooms were purple (this was the 80s and that was what was in style). It was a tiny, starter home, and always felt too cramped for the 3 of us (there were only 2 bedrooms). I didn't have a play space other than my tiny bedroom (we had a living room/dining room that they could have let me play in but none of us were ever allowed to go in there because it would "mess up the freshly vacuumed carpet."

My house was immaculate at all times, with zero clutter. Very few knick knacks, more of a cold, sterile feel that I never liked.

Walking into the house there wasn't a warm and welcoming feel. There was a "take your shoes off right now" and put them on the door mat, and "don't mess anything up" kind of feel.

My mother never made an effort to celebrate any holidays. We decorated for Halloween, but that was only if I did it, and only on the outside of the house. My mother disliked any kind of indoor decoratins because they were "clutter." So the house never felt festive for any holidays.

My mother never wanted me to go outside, she didn't like being outside and didn't want to supervise me, so basically I wasn't allowed to play outside ever. So I have no positive associations with being a regular kid playing outside, either.

And my parents didn't want pets so even though I was constantly asking for one they never let me have one. A pet would have made all the difference in turning my cold house into a warm home. But they never let me have one.

My parents sold the house when I was 25 and retired to Hawaii. I don't miss that house at all or even think of the house with fond memories.

I'm 40 years old now, with a family of my own, and I have specifically chosen a house, yard, and neighborhood to convey that warm and welcoming feeling. I spend a lot of time making my home feel warm and welcoming because I never grew up with that and I wanted my house to feel like that now. I chose a two story house, because I grew up in a ranch and don't like ranches now. My house is decorated in a country-style, because that's what I find warm and welcoming, with lots of blue and yellow colors, lots of floral patterns, lots of quilts.

I have lots of plants everywhere, toss pillows, throw blankets, baskets, bouquets of flowers, and pine wood. Lots of kids' art on the walls. Toys in the family room, neatly organized.

We have multiple pets.

I go overboard in decorating for every holiday, because I never had that, and my kids help decorate.

Everyone who walks into the house tells me what a warm and welcoming vibe it has, and that makes me happy. Even my kids' friends say that they love the house, which is unusual!

You sound so whiny and materialistic. literally, everything you describe is about things. Home goods stores must love you.

You sound rude and judgmental. Literally, everything you said was mean. DCUM must love you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting question OP, and one I think about a lot. I had a perfectly fine childhood, nothing bad happened at all, but I never liked the home I grew up in, and in fact I always had negative feelings toward it, even now. I never had any fond memories of the house, or felt nostalgic about it, or wanted to return to it.

When I was growing up as an only child in the 80s, my childhood home never felt like a home. It always felt like a "house" and I always called it that, never a home. It was a small ranch-style home. My parents decorated it how they wanted, in an adult way, with tons of breakables and sculptures everywhere, and it felt like a museum. There was no sign of my toys or art in the house (toys were only allowed in my room because my parents "didn't want to look at them" as they would always say). The decor was ultra-modern which always felt cold to me. Everything was beige.

Most of the furniture/rooms were purple (this was the 80s and that was what was in style). It was a tiny, starter home, and always felt too cramped for the 3 of us (there were only 2 bedrooms). I didn't have a play space other than my tiny bedroom (we had a living room/dining room that they could have let me play in but none of us were ever allowed to go in there because it would "mess up the freshly vacuumed carpet."

My house was immaculate at all times, with zero clutter. Very few knick knacks, more of a cold, sterile feel that I never liked.

Walking into the house there wasn't a warm and welcoming feel. There was a "take your shoes off right now" and put them on the door mat, and "don't mess anything up" kind of feel.

My mother never made an effort to celebrate any holidays. We decorated for Halloween, but that was only if I did it, and only on the outside of the house. My mother disliked any kind of indoor decoratins because they were "clutter." So the house never felt festive for any holidays.

My mother never wanted me to go outside, she didn't like being outside and didn't want to supervise me, so basically I wasn't allowed to play outside ever. So I have no positive associations with being a regular kid playing outside, either.

And my parents didn't want pets so even though I was constantly asking for one they never let me have one. A pet would have made all the difference in turning my cold house into a warm home. But they never let me have one.

My parents sold the house when I was 25 and retired to Hawaii. I don't miss that house at all or even think of the house with fond memories.

I'm 40 years old now, with a family of my own, and I have specifically chosen a house, yard, and neighborhood to convey that warm and welcoming feeling. I spend a lot of time making my home feel warm and welcoming because I never grew up with that and I wanted my house to feel like that now. I chose a two story house, because I grew up in a ranch and don't like ranches now. My house is decorated in a country-style, because that's what I find warm and welcoming, with lots of blue and yellow colors, lots of floral patterns, lots of quilts.

I have lots of plants everywhere, toss pillows, throw blankets, baskets, bouquets of flowers, and pine wood. Lots of kids' art on the walls. Toys in the family room, neatly organized.

We have multiple pets.

I go overboard in decorating for every holiday, because I never had that, and my kids help decorate.

Everyone who walks into the house tells me what a warm and welcoming vibe it has, and that makes me happy. Even my kids' friends say that they love the house, which is unusual!

You sound so whiny and materialistic. literally, everything you describe is about things. Home goods stores must love you.

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting question OP, and one I think about a lot. I had a perfectly fine childhood, nothing bad happened at all, but I never liked the home I grew up in, and in fact I always had negative feelings toward it, even now. I never had any fond memories of the house, or felt nostalgic about it, or wanted to return to it.

When I was growing up as an only child in the 80s, my childhood home never felt like a home. It always felt like a "house" and I always called it that, never a home. It was a small ranch-style home. My parents decorated it how they wanted, in an adult way, with tons of breakables and sculptures everywhere, and it felt like a museum. There was no sign of my toys or art in the house (toys were only allowed in my room because my parents "didn't want to look at them" as they would always say). The decor was ultra-modern which always felt cold to me. Everything was beige.

Most of the furniture/rooms were purple (this was the 80s and that was what was in style). It was a tiny, starter home, and always felt too cramped for the 3 of us (there were only 2 bedrooms). I didn't have a play space other than my tiny bedroom (we had a living room/dining room that they could have let me play in but none of us were ever allowed to go in there because it would "mess up the freshly vacuumed carpet."

My house was immaculate at all times, with zero clutter. Very few knick knacks, more of a cold, sterile feel that I never liked.

Walking into the house there wasn't a warm and welcoming feel. There was a "take your shoes off right now" and put them on the door mat, and "don't mess anything up" kind of feel.

My mother never made an effort to celebrate any holidays. We decorated for Halloween, but that was only if I did it, and only on the outside of the house. My mother disliked any kind of indoor decoratins because they were "clutter." So the house never felt festive for any holidays.

My mother never wanted me to go outside, she didn't like being outside and didn't want to supervise me, so basically I wasn't allowed to play outside ever. So I have no positive associations with being a regular kid playing outside, either.

And my parents didn't want pets so even though I was constantly asking for one they never let me have one. A pet would have made all the difference in turning my cold house into a warm home. But they never let me have one.

My parents sold the house when I was 25 and retired to Hawaii. I don't miss that house at all or even think of the house with fond memories.

I'm 40 years old now, with a family of my own, and I have specifically chosen a house, yard, and neighborhood to convey that warm and welcoming feeling. I spend a lot of time making my home feel warm and welcoming because I never grew up with that and I wanted my house to feel like that now. I chose a two story house, because I grew up in a ranch and don't like ranches now. My house is decorated in a country-style, because that's what I find warm and welcoming, with lots of blue and yellow colors, lots of floral patterns, lots of quilts.

I have lots of plants everywhere, toss pillows, throw blankets, baskets, bouquets of flowers, and pine wood. Lots of kids' art on the walls. Toys in the family room, neatly organized.

We have multiple pets.

I go overboard in decorating for every holiday, because I never had that, and my kids help decorate.

Everyone who walks into the house tells me what a warm and welcoming vibe it has, and that makes me happy. Even my kids' friends say that they love the house, which is unusual!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

But that's what make it wonderful. Families gather and eat together all around the world. The language of cinema is similarly universal. It's the mundane moments that add up to a rich, well loved life

OP here. I love how you put this. I am surprised at how this question seems to have aroused vitriol. I guess home is an emotional topic for people. I like to hear what people shared, and the simple everyday details that stand out.

I just wanted to thank the OP for starting this thread. I grew up with a poor single mom and the majority of my childhood (I'm an only child) we spent moving around to different places or homeless and sleeping in the car so I never knew what it was like to have family or a comfortable home.

Now that I am a mom myself to two younger elementary school children I want to provide them with a better home environment but just never knew where to start. I've always had a nagging feeling that our home was not a home but couldn't quite put it into words until reading your thread.

So, I just wanted to say thank you for starting this thread. Some of the things mentioned here may seem basic to others as pp pointed out but they are truly inspiring to me and I have read through each and every one of the responses posted here.

Anonymous wrote:People seem really focused on food and decor. Great success for the marketing industry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

But that's what make it wonderful. Families gather and eat together all around the world. The language of cinema is similarly universal. It's the mundane moments that add up to a rich, well loved life

OP here. I love how you put this. I am surprised at how this question seems to have aroused vitriol. I guess home is an emotional topic for people. I like to hear what people shared, and the simple everyday details that stand out.