Anonymous
07/08/2019 12:30
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP: You very obviously need mental health assistance. This degree of anxiety about something that doesn't matter at all is just not healthy. More importantly, you are going to seriously damage your child.
Think about it this way: What is the worst thing that happens? Your kid gets kicked out of school (very unlikely)? Then send her to public. Done. Even the worst case scenario, getting kicked out of kindergarten (very unlikely), has literally no negative effects on the rest of your life.
Also, be a grown up. You can tell your 5 year old what to do. If you need to aim for 30 minutes early to normally be on time? Make it happen. Can't drop her off until 10 minutes early? Park a few streets away or drive in circles for 20 minutes. Done.
I've been having that conversation with DH. But the school is off a highway with nowhere to park nearby. We're not in DC anymore and my crutches don't work here (yes, I would usually park at a park for 20 minutes).
I'm in therapy, but she agrees DD is too big to carry around and force to do things. So I end up wondering how I'm supposed to control other people.
Anonymous
07/08/2019 11:34
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
NP here. OP: You very obviously need mental health assistance. This degree of anxiety about something that doesn't matter at all is just not healthy. More importantly, you are going to seriously damage your child.
Think about it this way: What is the worst thing that happens? Your kid gets kicked out of school (very unlikely)? Then send her to public. Done. Even the worst case scenario, getting kicked out of kindergarten (very unlikely), has literally no negative effects on the rest of your life.
Also, be a grown up. You can tell your 5 year old what to do. If you need to aim for 30 minutes early to normally be on time? Make it happen. Can't drop her off until 10 minutes early? Park a few streets away or drive in circles for 20 minutes. Done.
Think about it this way: What is the worst thing that happens? Your kid gets kicked out of school (very unlikely)? Then send her to public. Done. Even the worst case scenario, getting kicked out of kindergarten (very unlikely), has literally no negative effects on the rest of your life.
Also, be a grown up. You can tell your 5 year old what to do. If you need to aim for 30 minutes early to normally be on time? Make it happen. Can't drop her off until 10 minutes early? Park a few streets away or drive in circles for 20 minutes. Done.
Anonymous
07/08/2019 11:20
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
Anonymous wrote:
The thing is, while I can get myself everywhere on time (early, even), I can't get DH and the kids anywhere. It's constant cajoling and threatening and waking up two hours early. And even then, it's not always enough. It's so much responsibility with horrible penalties if I fail, but I don't have control over anyoe but myself, so what can I do?
You likely went to college to learn how to do your job. Have you considered parenting classes or parenting coaching to prepare for your job as a parent? Ask your pediatrician for a good recommendation. If you’re dreading school this much, you might also benefit from seeing a mental health professional for yourself. I’m sorry that you are feeling so stressed.
(Late kids disrupt the whole class, which is likely why your school is so strict. And believe me, in the younger grades, it’s a big disruption. Small kids typically thrive on predictably.)
On the suggestion of friends, actually, I took a parenting class when she was an infant, and then another once she was about 2. It was horrible. Both times, the instructor spent most of the time telling us how awful smoking around the baby and shaking them was, and how to not water down formula. It wasn't the kind of thing I wanted to learn.
Anonymous
07/08/2019 11:19
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the people who tried to talk me down. I just can't imagine going to a school like this. Shirts are required to be tucked in? I'm pretty overweight, so that's very unflattering for me, and I can only think of how I'd feel if I had those restrictions. It sucks that the rules will end up creating more bullying, but what do I know about raising kids? I know she'll probably be just fine, but I wouldn't be in her situation, and even being on the sidelines is very stressful and worrying. I'm just not to used to rules anymore.
OP this was very telling, plus a few other hints along the way. I'm not going to psycho babble since I'm not qualified and you already know your issues. That being said, we're all in some way at various degrees of anxiety etc, everyday.
You're projecting you're own insecurity onto your child. Being a military family has maybe been a trigger for you. You chose this school but you have free choice to change your mind and another school. But hear me out, we're a society of rules and you negotiate them every day! You work, support a military husband, care for your kids etc. You're already doing 90% of a rule following life! Rules at school are always negotiable.
Schedule an appoint with the school counselor to explain base lockdown and the average number of times it's expected. Lateness will be excused guaranteed. This school is close to base, they're already aware of this. Uniform-you will be so glad that there's a uniform, especially as your daughter gets older. No battles about what to wear. She'll have a choice from a small selection (short sleeve vs long sleeve, shorts vs skirt). Take her for a Saturday of fun to pick out a belt. If the school outsources uniform selection to a specific sore or website, sit with her and select what she likes. There are choices. There are great elastic belts that are not stiff and don't have annoying buckles that dig in. Just find an option she can live with.
Figure out your mornings to include extra time and breakfast plan (premade muffins,mini breakfast quiches, smoothie). Get your husband involved in being excited too. Visit the school ove the next few weeks. Drive or walk the route to school. Do they have an open house or welcome event? If so, go.
The biggest thing that jumps out for me is this, your baby is starting kindergarten. Could this be part of the tears? It's understandable and overwhelming. You have lots of firsts ahead of you. I'm grappling with my teen entering junior year of HS. College in a short time. Tests and more tests, hanging out with new friends, going to driver's ed, enforcing the "rules" so he's safe and not drinking or having ( thankfully he's not).
I'd love to go back to more carefree days with him. But everything happens gradually and becomes familiar. Rules are fair for the most part. You'll need to embrace them because you'll need an arsenal when she is in middle school and high school.
Little steps now. Tackle whatever it is that your DD needs to ease into K. A happy mom is a good start. Dad joining in to get her excited to visit her new school, go for ice cream and a new belt may be all you need for now. Good luck to you and her! It will all be ok, promise!
I actually talked to admissions about this, and they just told me to make it work. The school isn't near the base - it's actually in a different town, 35 minutes away. It was hte closest private school, though.
Not upset about her starting K. Just upset I have so many rules to comply with all of a sudden. Even DH doesn't have a set time to be at work! We'll make it work, but it's stressful.
Anonymous
07/08/2019 11:17
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
Anonymous wrote:While you may not be able to control your husband gettig anywhere on time, you absolutely can control your kindergartener getting to school on time most days. Not on base lock down days, but the rest of the time. And those times, it will be excused, guaranteed.
OP here. But how? I can only control myself. She's too big for me to dress and carry out the door if she doesn't want to go, and I certainly can't carry her screaming into the building.
Anonymous
07/05/2019 17:37
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
While you may not be able to control your husband gettig anywhere on time, you absolutely can control your kindergartener getting to school on time most days. Not on base lock down days, but the rest of the time. And those times, it will be excused, guaranteed.
Anonymous
07/05/2019 14:24
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
Anonymous wrote:Thanks to the people who tried to talk me down. I just can't imagine going to a school like this. Shirts are required to be tucked in? I'm pretty overweight, so that's very unflattering for me, and I can only think of how I'd feel if I had those restrictions. It sucks that the rules will end up creating more bullying, but what do I know about raising kids? I know she'll probably be just fine, but I wouldn't be in her situation, and even being on the sidelines is very stressful and worrying. I'm just not to used to rules anymore.
OP this was very telling, plus a few other hints along the way. I'm not going to psycho babble since I'm not qualified and you already know your issues. That being said, we're all in some way at various degrees of anxiety etc, everyday.
You're projecting you're own insecurity onto your child. Being a military family has maybe been a trigger for you. You chose this school but you have free choice to change your mind and another school. But hear me out, we're a society of rules and you negotiate them every day! You work, support a military husband, care for your kids etc. You're already doing 90% of a rule following life! Rules at school are always negotiable.
Schedule an appoint with the school counselor to explain base lockdown and the average number of times it's expected. Lateness will be excused guaranteed. This school is close to base, they're already aware of this. Uniform-you will be so glad that there's a uniform, especially as your daughter gets older. No battles about what to wear. She'll have a choice from a small selection (short sleeve vs long sleeve, shorts vs skirt). Take her for a Saturday of fun to pick out a belt. If the school outsources uniform selection to a specific sore or website, sit with her and select what she likes. There are choices. There are great elastic belts that are not stiff and don't have annoying buckles that dig in. Just find an option she can live with.
Figure out your mornings to include extra time and breakfast plan (premade muffins,mini breakfast quiches, smoothie). Get your husband involved in being excited too. Visit the school ove the next few weeks. Drive or walk the route to school. Do they have an open house or welcome event? If so, go.
The biggest thing that jumps out for me is this, your baby is starting kindergarten. Could this be part of the tears? It's understandable and overwhelming. You have lots of firsts ahead of you. I'm grappling with my teen entering junior year of HS. College in a short time. Tests and more tests, hanging out with new friends, going to driver's ed, enforcing the "rules" so he's safe and not drinking or having ( thankfully he's not).
I'd love to go back to more carefree days with him. But everything happens gradually and becomes familiar. Rules are fair for the most part. You'll need to embrace them because you'll need an arsenal when she is in middle school and high school.
Little steps now. Tackle whatever it is that your DD needs to ease into K. A happy mom is a good start. Dad joining in to get her excited to visit her new school, go for ice cream and a new belt may be all you need for now. Good luck to you and her! It will all be ok, promise!
Anonymous
07/05/2019 14:16
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
The thing is, while I can get myself everywhere on time (early, even), I can't get DH and the kids anywhere. It's constant cajoling and threatening and waking up two hours early. And even then, it's not always enough. It's so much responsibility with horrible penalties if I fail, but I don't have control over anyoe but myself, so what can I do?
You likely went to college to learn how to do your job. Have you considered parenting classes or parenting coaching to prepare for your job as a parent? Ask your pediatrician for a good recommendation. If you’re dreading school this much, you might also benefit from seeing a mental health professional for yourself. I’m sorry that you are feeling so stressed.
(Late kids disrupt the whole class, which is likely why your school is so strict. And believe me, in the younger grades, it’s a big disruption. Small kids typically thrive on predictably.)
Anonymous
07/05/2019 13:53
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
No its and or buts:
-therapy for you to deal with your anxiety around school
-please don't be that parent. Get your kid up and have eaten breakfast and arrived at school ready to learn on time! Most kids enjoy ES, esp the primary grades. Its social, it's fun, they aren't loaded down with homework, etc. and that's what you should be setting your DD up for, not, "What if she's late?" "What if her belt is uncomfortable?" "What if...."
-therapy for you to deal with your anxiety around school
-please don't be that parent. Get your kid up and have eaten breakfast and arrived at school ready to learn on time! Most kids enjoy ES, esp the primary grades. Its social, it's fun, they aren't loaded down with homework, etc. and that's what you should be setting your DD up for, not, "What if she's late?" "What if her belt is uncomfortable?" "What if...."
Anonymous
07/05/2019 13:28
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
Thanks to the people who tried to talk me down. I just can't imagine going to a school like this. Shirts are required to be tucked in? I'm pretty overweight, so that's very unflattering for me, and I can only think of how I'd feel if I had those restrictions. It sucks that the rules will end up creating more bullying, but what do I know about raising kids? I know she'll probably be just fine, but I wouldn't be in her situation, and even being on the sidelines is very stressful and worrying. I'm just not to used to rules anymore.
Anonymous
07/03/2019 23:21
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
OP, I feel for you. I do. You are obviously seriously anxious about this.
But you aren’t the only one who can’t control things. We *all* might get stuck in traffic, have random illnesses crop up, have our kids refuse to get dressed, and a million other unexpected things. Being written up for being tardy isn’t a death sentence. The school probably just wants to deter/track repeat offenders who don’t bother trying to be on time.
If you have issues personal to your family crop up, the school will likely work with you. It’s not like they’re setting out to hold kids back, and in fact, I imagine a private school would want to keep its statistics looking good and not hold kids back constantly.
Stuff that is not in your control is going to happen. Accept it. Deal with these issues as they arise. You’re borrowing worry from problems that may never happen.
But you aren’t the only one who can’t control things. We *all* might get stuck in traffic, have random illnesses crop up, have our kids refuse to get dressed, and a million other unexpected things. Being written up for being tardy isn’t a death sentence. The school probably just wants to deter/track repeat offenders who don’t bother trying to be on time.
If you have issues personal to your family crop up, the school will likely work with you. It’s not like they’re setting out to hold kids back, and in fact, I imagine a private school would want to keep its statistics looking good and not hold kids back constantly.
Stuff that is not in your control is going to happen. Accept it. Deal with these issues as they arise. You’re borrowing worry from problems that may never happen.
Anonymous
07/03/2019 23:07
Subject: Re:If you hated your own school years..
OP, I don't know if this is the case but it seems like you used to go to a very strict school perhaps in different country and it seems that you were subjected to almost military rules there. No idea, maybe I am wrong but if I am right then again,
you are not doing a favor your child or yourself by stressing so much. Whatever happened to you in the past it is something you can not and should not project on your child or the school he goes to.
You need to do this:
Take one day at the time. Deal with issues at hand, repeat. One day will bring just enough to deal with it in one day I promise you. Nobody here would send kids to school if it was so traumatic on regular basis. Uniform or not..
you need to understand one thing, your child is NOT the first child send to that school, NOT The only child and they did not start business yesterday. They have BEEN through everything you can think of and can not, they have SEEEN it all including parents like you, they have dealt with EVERY possible problem a parent or a child can bring, create or invent
and so they will know how to handle your child. YOU need to learn how to blend into the system and let your kid to do the same. You are not doing it alone, there are all other parents just like you, most of them sending second or third kid to the same school and the kids did okay if they go back.
Yes, you can not bet here to help kid with a belt or a potty or what you have, but the teachers do realize that a 5 year old is not a 10 year old.
Here are problems that kids that age often have in every single class: their shoes get undone, sometimes they pee or have diarrhea, so the teachers have extra clothes and also you send extra too with kid, some kids will need help with
flushing toilet, others with washing hands, all if not then most will need help in cafeteria with straws on their juice boxes, people are there to help they deal with it all the time.. it is normal to them because this is what they do there. This is what they do all day, every day.
Every Kindergarten class is the same, different faces the same problems,... this is that year when kids form every different family with every different level of maturity and skills and independence level have to level, to catch up and to
get up to the speed so they can enter the first grade on the same page. Nobody is freaking out about this because
it is natural process.
You do what you need to do if you are stressing and obsessing over the being late part, just leave 15 minutes or so earlier to allow for unexpected traffic or so and you will be fine. Occassional late means nothing, he still will get to Harvard even if he will have 10 lates in a month in Kindergarten or if misses 30 days of the school year. I know tons of kids who did that and yet they are in the top magnet schools. Truth is that most gifted kids actually have more probem with those little thigs then the rest of the group hahahah so you are fine. The teachers are there to help not to
punish left right and center. Little discipline will be there NOT to scare your kids but to simply mold them into
school rules that are not the end of the world.
Hugs.
you are not doing a favor your child or yourself by stressing so much. Whatever happened to you in the past it is something you can not and should not project on your child or the school he goes to.
You need to do this:
Take one day at the time. Deal with issues at hand, repeat. One day will bring just enough to deal with it in one day I promise you. Nobody here would send kids to school if it was so traumatic on regular basis. Uniform or not..
you need to understand one thing, your child is NOT the first child send to that school, NOT The only child and they did not start business yesterday. They have BEEN through everything you can think of and can not, they have SEEEN it all including parents like you, they have dealt with EVERY possible problem a parent or a child can bring, create or invent
and so they will know how to handle your child. YOU need to learn how to blend into the system and let your kid to do the same. You are not doing it alone, there are all other parents just like you, most of them sending second or third kid to the same school and the kids did okay if they go back.
Yes, you can not bet here to help kid with a belt or a potty or what you have, but the teachers do realize that a 5 year old is not a 10 year old.
Here are problems that kids that age often have in every single class: their shoes get undone, sometimes they pee or have diarrhea, so the teachers have extra clothes and also you send extra too with kid, some kids will need help with
flushing toilet, others with washing hands, all if not then most will need help in cafeteria with straws on their juice boxes, people are there to help they deal with it all the time.. it is normal to them because this is what they do there. This is what they do all day, every day.
Every Kindergarten class is the same, different faces the same problems,... this is that year when kids form every different family with every different level of maturity and skills and independence level have to level, to catch up and to
get up to the speed so they can enter the first grade on the same page. Nobody is freaking out about this because
it is natural process.
You do what you need to do if you are stressing and obsessing over the being late part, just leave 15 minutes or so earlier to allow for unexpected traffic or so and you will be fine. Occassional late means nothing, he still will get to Harvard even if he will have 10 lates in a month in Kindergarten or if misses 30 days of the school year. I know tons of kids who did that and yet they are in the top magnet schools. Truth is that most gifted kids actually have more probem with those little thigs then the rest of the group hahahah so you are fine. The teachers are there to help not to
punish left right and center. Little discipline will be there NOT to scare your kids but to simply mold them into
school rules that are not the end of the world.
Hugs.
Anonymous
07/03/2019 22:54
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?
I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!
My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.
Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?
How about just Homeschool through the Kindy and then send your kids to school starting the first grade. You can totally do it and maybe you will feel better when a child will be older and more mature and you will feel more calm knowing it?
Anonymous
07/03/2019 22:54
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
You are way overthinking it. I was like you and didn't like school till college. Mine love it.
Anonymous
07/03/2019 22:51
Subject: If you hated your own school years..
Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?
I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!
My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.
Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?
Dear OP, your child is not just you, it is both of you parents. He is equipped differently to handle the life then you, he is also going to be in a different school, different times, with different children and he needs to find his way around. You are stressing because you love your child to pieces and at the end, regardless of how much you stress, the outcome will be the same. One year form now he will be seasoned scholar proud that he can find his way around the school, going into first grade, will have some new friends, will have so many memories, first yearbook, his b. party at school and many more exciting step by step events through the year to keep him and you busy and not stressing so much.
After few days you will be fine, he will be fine.. and you can breath easier when you drop him off knowing you can see him in few hours again and that he is with lots of people and learning to be part of the community. School is very enriching experience for a child and regardless of many problems with the system as a whole, it is still good that there is such an option to have a kid daily does of socializing in such a large group and learn together so many new things.
Don't worry for the academic part, you can always supplement at home if you wish. It is going to be okay.
It must feel scary now but the first time you will go by your school at the end of the year and you see all the happy faces of kids you will see that they are leaving for Summer break sweet sour way.. they are happy to have vacation but they will miss their friends. Don't worry, there are quite few years till teen years till you will be put in second place to them hahahah.. till then it is all a very interesting and exciting journey that you are part of. Remember also that in life it is always true.. "it is not what it is, it is what you make of it". The more you stress the more the kid will, the more relaxed you will be the more relaxed kid will be. Project good energy, calm and peace and confidence in him and yourself.
It is new to every person that was in your shoes, ever person who had ever a kid and had to send them to school for the first time felt what you are feeling regardless if they had greatest experience at school or the worse.
Hugs and blessings!
I am also including this super calming song by Ze Frank.. this song has a very unusual story behind it, look it up if you want.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-cVn_8MY0g