Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do it under the condition that x-DH, stepmom and her mother meet me and DD for lunch a few weeks/days before the wedding.

Aside from the fact that this sounds like the least fun lunch of my life, there’s probably not time to make this happen. DD’s presence was requested late last week and the wedding is early next week.

The more I write about this, the more I’m convinced that the whole request is absurd and she doesn’t need to go.

Oh hells no. Sounds like including your DD was an after thought. I wouldn’t lift a finger to make this happen.

Anonymous wrote:I would do it under the condition that x-DH, stepmom and her mother meet me and DD for lunch a few weeks/days before the wedding.

Aside from the fact that this sounds like the least fun lunch of my life, there’s probably not time to make this happen. DD’s presence was requested late last week and the wedding is early next week.

The more I write about this, the more I’m convinced that the whole request is absurd and she doesn’t need to go.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get how people are reading OPs post and thinking that it’s perfectly reasonable to expect her to drop her THREE YEAR OLD off at a weeknight wedding at 7:30pm, leave her there with strangers (because her dad will be busy) and pick her up an hour later, then put the over tired toddler to bed, and get a cranky, over tired toddler up in the morning at her normal weekday wake up time in order to get to day care and work on time. Do you know any actual three year olds?? There’s no way in hell I would do it. If ExH wants her there that badly, he needs to make ALLLL the arrangements.

This. I think it’d be good for the kid to attend but it’s not OP’s job to facilitate it.

She wasn’t invited to the ceremony? That new stepmom sounds like a prize. Even no kids weddings usually make an exception for the children of the bride and groom. Why isn’t she the flower girl? This whole thing is so sad. I’m team “meh”. If it was important to her father, he would be making plans not you.

I would be annoyed by this, too. It's one thing to want to have your own child at your wedding and expecting your ex who is not invited to the wedding and has zero interest in attending the wedding to figure out the logistics of getting the child to/from the wedding on a work/school night of all things along with trying to figure out who will be watching the child at the wedding.

These people sound totally clueless. Unfortunately, Op will come across as heartless and difficult if she refuses to play along and help her child get to this wedding. I agree that the only real solution is to send the child with a trusted sitter. You don't just drop a 3 year old off with a bunch of virtual strangers.

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm divorced. I would offer to send DD with a sitter that *I* hire and pay for. Make sure your DD has a trusted caregiver and is present for pictures etc. You never know, this might be the marriage that sticks (doubt it).

The priority is your DD. 1) safety and 2) well being. Sending her to her dad's wedding with a trusted sitter fills the bill.

This or DD does not go.

Anonymous wrote:Is this his only child?

Thankfully yes.

I would do it under the condition that x-DH, stepmom and her mother meet me and DD for lunch a few weeks/days before the wedding.

It sounds like a really bad idea. In any case it is not your job to drop off and pick up the kid. Let him deal with logistics if he wants. But I would not do anything to support what is clearly going to be a very difficult evening for the child.

Is this his only child?

Why did you have a child with this man?

Also, op’s ex sounds like a sociopath. Dd would probably be better off without him in her life.

Immediate pp here, to be clear, I would have a completely different opinion if dd was, day, ten.

I don’t get how people are reading OPs post and thinking that it’s perfectly reasonable to expect her to drop her THREE YEAR OLD off at a weeknight wedding at 7:30pm, leave her there with strangers (because her dad will be busy) and pick her up an hour later, then put the over tired toddler to bed, and get a cranky, over tired toddler up in the morning at her normal weekday wake up time in order to get to day care and work on time. Do you know any actual three year olds?? There’s no way in hell I would do it. If ExH wants her there that badly, he needs to make ALLLL the arrangements.

Anonymous wrote:I just want to know what kind of idiot is going to marry this guy! She must be really young and naive, or really insecure, or...just really dumb.


To your question, either send her with one of your friends/babysitters, or don't send her. I agree about the prop theory. The idea that his mother would take care of her, and she's never met the mother, shows how uninvolved and clueless about kids he is. So daughter is just a prop.

Which is pathetic, btw, because one shouldn't be showing off a toddler as a prop at your own wedding to a woman who is not the toddler's mom. Makes the guy look like such a jerk.

Women always think that they are so special that he will be different with them. My one X had a fiancée when I met him. I did not know this. No one at school with us knew this. They were college sweethearts. We were both in grad school and lived 30-45 min from campus, but in opposite directions. He and I dated three months before she sent me a letter through campus mail. I was appalled. I broke it off with him. But he told me the next day that he hadn’t loved her in a long time and just didn’t want to ruin her first year of teaching by leaving her. He had planned to break it off the upcoming summer. He said had moved out that same night. He showed me a motel bill for the prior night through the next week and told me he would wait until I trusted him. I didn’t trust him until the fall semester, but I did eventually believe he had changed. Within a year, he was emailing an undergrad girl several times a day.