Anonymous
06/06/2019 08:11
Subject: Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Who wants to paint a kitchen, are you guys like 20
Anonymous
06/06/2019 08:05
Subject: Re:Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Op here.
I wish i was exaggerating the stories and had nothing better to do with my time than lie about my sister. What motivation i would have to lie about something like a dog, i don't know. You don't know me or my sister and I am not trying to garner sympathy or anything so no clue why i would lie.
I love my sister dearly and am more worried about her than anything. Like i said, she has given up so much of what she once enjoyed and still says she does enjoy for this dog. Hand to God, she would ask family multiple times to do shopping for her while her DH was out of town because she said she didn't want to leave the dog. Darla did a few times since they live close by but has stopped. I get that sounds far fetched, but sadly it is true.
My mom is worried, my other sister is worried and I am worried. It may not come across on the screen, but this isn't so much about 'well "I" wouldn't do that so she is wrong" but more "this is not typically who she is and she sees anxious and stressed all of the time now".
Our families are all huge animal lovers and we have always had a dog and/or other small animals. My mom's dog of 11 years died last year, and we have 2 dogs as i mentioned.
My sister Larla's dog is great with other dogs and her and my dogs play wonderfully together. I will ask her to meet up at the dog park or if she wants to take the dogs for a run some weekends.
its hard to explain but her level of anxiety, nervousness, OCD, Type-a behavior (whatever you want to call it) has kicked into high gear with the addition of the dog.
Anyway, we are worried.
I wish i was exaggerating the stories and had nothing better to do with my time than lie about my sister. What motivation i would have to lie about something like a dog, i don't know. You don't know me or my sister and I am not trying to garner sympathy or anything so no clue why i would lie.
I love my sister dearly and am more worried about her than anything. Like i said, she has given up so much of what she once enjoyed and still says she does enjoy for this dog. Hand to God, she would ask family multiple times to do shopping for her while her DH was out of town because she said she didn't want to leave the dog. Darla did a few times since they live close by but has stopped. I get that sounds far fetched, but sadly it is true.
My mom is worried, my other sister is worried and I am worried. It may not come across on the screen, but this isn't so much about 'well "I" wouldn't do that so she is wrong" but more "this is not typically who she is and she sees anxious and stressed all of the time now".
Our families are all huge animal lovers and we have always had a dog and/or other small animals. My mom's dog of 11 years died last year, and we have 2 dogs as i mentioned.
My sister Larla's dog is great with other dogs and her and my dogs play wonderfully together. I will ask her to meet up at the dog park or if she wants to take the dogs for a run some weekends.
its hard to explain but her level of anxiety, nervousness, OCD, Type-a behavior (whatever you want to call it) has kicked into high gear with the addition of the dog.
Anyway, we are worried.
Anonymous
06/05/2019 15:11
Subject: Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
This is tough because it's not a clear line on what is healthy/unhealthy. It's possible she is depressed or something along those lines, and she is focusing on the dog as a crutch/excuse. OR it could be that she just really enjoys the dog and chooses to stay home rather than do other things. OR it could be that she's lying and just doesn't want to do these activities.
What is she like in other aspects of her life? Does she seem her usual self when you talk to her otherwise? Does she call as much as she always has? Does she seem generally happy?
What is she like in other aspects of her life? Does she seem her usual self when you talk to her otherwise? Does she call as much as she always has? Does she seem generally happy?
Anonymous
06/05/2019 15:01
Subject: Re:Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks its normal to beg family to get groceries for you becuase you can't leave your dog really need a reality check.
What the sister is doing is NOT healthy or normal. Missing a few family things? Sure. Bailing to have some alone time at home with the dog. Great.
But, to refuse to ever leave it alone. Following it around all of the time and refusing to go to Target for 30 minutes because of over a year old dog whose temperament is great and is house broken? Totally not normal.
OP, i doubt this is a mental health issue, but i read it as more you are concerned she is not trully happy and the dog is causing her anxiety/mental health stress.
I wouldn't bring it up directly, but if she calls asking you to go to Whole Foods for her, I certainly wouldn't do it.
What does her DH think of this?
Sister/OP is, guaranteed, 100% exaggerating the situation. I'd be the farm on it. Of course, we'll never know and she'd never admit it in any event.
Yes, because there have never been people obsessed with their pets.
So clever with an eye roll. "Obsessed" is in the eye of the beholder. Again, different priorities.
I don't see much wrong with anything OP describes. But, the one or two things she does say that made me cringe a bit - I absolutely believe she is exaggerating. And I think it's gross some of you are equating sister's actions with "mental illness." Grow up.
NP here - if you don't see much wrong with anything Op describes, you have lost all perspective. And it's natural that you'd lash out, and guarantee, without any evidence, that OP is exaggerating. (Also interesting that the only thing that makes you cringe are the things you do not believe to be true. Quite the feedback loop you've constructed for yourself.)
Anonymous
06/05/2019 10:51
Subject: Re:Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks its normal to beg family to get groceries for you becuase you can't leave your dog really need a reality check.
What the sister is doing is NOT healthy or normal. Missing a few family things? Sure. Bailing to have some alone time at home with the dog. Great.
But, to refuse to ever leave it alone. Following it around all of the time and refusing to go to Target for 30 minutes because of over a year old dog whose temperament is great and is house broken? Totally not normal.
OP, i doubt this is a mental health issue, but i read it as more you are concerned she is not trully happy and the dog is causing her anxiety/mental health stress.
I wouldn't bring it up directly, but if she calls asking you to go to Whole Foods for her, I certainly wouldn't do it.
What does her DH think of this?
Sister/OP is, guaranteed, 100% exaggerating the situation. I'd be the farm on it. Of course, we'll never know and she'd never admit it in any event.
Yes, because there have never been people obsessed with their pets.
So clever with an eye roll. "Obsessed" is in the eye of the beholder. Again, different priorities.
I don't see much wrong with anything OP describes. But, the one or two things she does say that made me cringe a bit - I absolutely believe she is exaggerating. And I think it's gross some of you are equating sister's actions with "mental illness." Grow up.
Anonymous
06/04/2019 11:23
Subject: Re:Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Are you sure she isn't struggling with infertility?
Anonymous
06/04/2019 07:54
Subject: Re:Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks its normal to beg family to get groceries for you becuase you can't leave your dog really need a reality check.
What the sister is doing is NOT healthy or normal. Missing a few family things? Sure. Bailing to have some alone time at home with the dog. Great.
But, to refuse to ever leave it alone. Following it around all of the time and refusing to go to Target for 30 minutes because of over a year old dog whose temperament is great and is house broken? Totally not normal.
OP, i doubt this is a mental health issue, but i read it as more you are concerned she is not trully happy and the dog is causing her anxiety/mental health stress.
I wouldn't bring it up directly, but if she calls asking you to go to Whole Foods for her, I certainly wouldn't do it.
What does her DH think of this?
Sister/OP is, guaranteed, 100% exaggerating the situation. I'd be the farm on it. Of course, we'll never know and she'd never admit it in any event.
Yes, because there have never been people obsessed with their pets.
Anonymous
06/04/2019 07:54
Subject: Re:Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Yeah, your sister be crazy.
Anonymous
06/04/2019 07:54
Subject: Re:Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks its normal to beg family to get groceries for you becuase you can't leave your dog really need a reality check.
What the sister is doing is NOT healthy or normal. Missing a few family things? Sure. Bailing to have some alone time at home with the dog. Great.
But, to refuse to ever leave it alone. Following it around all of the time and refusing to go to Target for 30 minutes because of over a year old dog whose temperament is great and is house broken? Totally not normal.
OP, i doubt this is a mental health issue, but i read it as more you are concerned she is not trully happy and the dog is causing her anxiety/mental health stress.
I wouldn't bring it up directly, but if she calls asking you to go to Whole Foods for her, I certainly wouldn't do it.
What does her DH think of this?
Sister/OP is, guaranteed, 100% exaggerating the situation. I'd be the farm on it. Of course, we'll never know and she'd never admit it in any event.
Anonymous
06/04/2019 07:37
Subject: Re:Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Anonymous wrote:OP again, thanks for the replies.
I wanted to clarify a couple of points.
1. The painting of my mom's kitchen was my sister's idea (we'll call her Larla). After my dad died we encouraged mom to update the house a bit. In doing so, mom had her cabinets refinished about 5 months ago. She was going to have the same guys paint but Larla said not to. That she would help paint and save some money. So the fact that she keeps bailing on mom because of the dog (that she already had when she promised to help) is a bit frustrating.
2. 4th of July. I totally get not wanting to take your dog to the party during the fireworks or leaving it alone at home. Larla lives 15 minutes from our other sister Darla so in theory, Larla could bring the dog to the party and then go home when fireworks start at 10.
3. These are not isolated incidents, only the most recent. For the past year she has called Darla and i to pick up things from Target or Whole Foods because she doesn't want to leave the dog alone on the weekends her husband works. She has given up many of the hobbies she used to enjoy (and still says she does enjoy) like golf, painting and yoga because her husband works odd shifts and sometimes is out of town and she refuses to ever leave the dog alone, leave it in the car (this was in the winter) while she shops or kennel it at home.
The dog is a GREAT dog. It does not chew things, is house broken and is great with other dogs/people. This is not a high needs rescue. They bought it from a breeder and it has a wonderful temperament.
Darla and i are worried because this is a big change from how Larla used to be. Instead of going out and doing things like she used to like, she is now almost a shut in with this dog. She calls us 'bored' and frustrated she can never leave the house when Larlo her husband is gone.
I get loving your pets, we have 2 dogs and i love them dearly. We do have to modify events or things we do but it seems extreme to never ever leave the dog alone either in a house, or kennel.
It is hard to describe, but it is like the dog is giving her anxiety. She constantly follows the dog around and not in a 'just checking out the new environment' sort of way. It is disrupting her life and on some level i know she knows it, but i have been hesitant to push because i know she loves the dog. I just fear her love for the dog is causing her to lose other things she loves.
I am one of the posters who earlier said that she didn’t sound super over the top, but with this further info it does sound unhealthy. I have no idea what you can do about it though.
Anonymous
06/03/2019 22:51
Subject: Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
I used to follow my dog around in new environments also - because otherwise he would lift his leg and ‘mark’ his new territory. So embarrassing!
I think you are reading way too much into this. MYOB
I think you are reading way too much into this. MYOB
Anonymous
06/03/2019 22:47
Subject: Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
My mother is like this. She is just a weirdo. While I was trying on wedding dresses, she was out in the parking lot with her dog because 'he was lonely'. I tried on wedding dresses alone. The lady at the bridal shop took my picture -- not my mom.
This will never change.
This will never change.
Anonymous
06/03/2019 22:44
Subject: Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
I'd try to accommodate having events where the dog can be included until your sister feels comfortable leaving the dog. Stress that you would love to see her and the dog- that you will have a space for the dog, etc.. I get not bring the dog to the fireworks- that makes them crazy, but see if you can get her (and fido) to come to the other events.
Anonymous
06/03/2019 22:39
Subject: Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My step-FIL was exactly like your sister. I love dogs but I could not understand his comparison of his dog with my own child. Now I am older and I can see that for him (he never had biological kids) the dog was his ‘child’, his reason of life and a remedy against loneliness. I wish he would have focused his attention also on humans around him but he was looking for total unconditional love and perhaps absolute adoration. He estranged me few years ago but I saw how heartbroken he was when the dog passed away. Now he is living even more isolated (he estranged other relatives too) but when I think about it I feel only sadness. I wish he could open his heart also to the more challenging love that human relationships could offer.
this merely confirms that level of attachment to a dog is a sign of deeper problems.
this is your opinion, not a fact.
Anonymous
06/03/2019 22:25
Subject: Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?
Anonymous wrote:Nothing you said sounds that crazy to me. You can’t just leave a young dog (or even necessarily a young dog) alone for hours on end. And a one year old dog is still very immature.
FTR I don’t have a dog and never have except as a kid living at home.
I was thinking back to our old dog at a year. It wasn't safe to leave him unsupervised for more than 5 minutes. If that.
4th of July, she's smart not to leave him alone. Maybe he doesn't handle crowds well.
As for your mom's kitchen, I think the dog was an excuse.
Bottom line - MYOB.