My husband hoped I would become a SAHM, but when we discussed it before we got married he said it was my choice.

Good thing he said it was “your choice”. I can’t imagine going on a second date with a dude who clearly preferred SAHMs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for all if you- did you intend when you got married/had kids that you would SAH? Or did it just kind of happen?

No. This happened as a result of his career taking off to the point that someone needed to be home more, and us having to move for his career.

Of course this is only a question on DCUM. SAHM is only ok when it happens unexpectedly.

I am the poster who responded that it was unexpected. I have seen the same question on babycenter before. There are always many responses. Some people planned to have a SAHP, some people had a child with s/n and two people working was not compatible with the care that was needed. And some people are like me - my dh's 2nd career (he was working at something else when we got married) ended up requiring a move away from my job and very long hours with an unpredictable schedule. I grew up with a single mom who worked and loved her career. Most of my friends' moms worked. My mother still has a hard time with me not working. It bothers her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for all if you- did you intend when you got married/had kids that you would SAH? Or did it just kind of happen?

No. This happened as a result of his career taking off to the point that someone needed to be home more, and us having to move for his career.

Of course this is only a question on DCUM. SAHM is only ok when it happens unexpectedly.

You're projecting, no one is saying that. In fact some people responded that that's what they planned, did anyone criticize them for it? No.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for all if you- did you intend when you got married/had kids that you would SAH? Or did it just kind of happen?

No. This happened as a result of his career taking off to the point that someone needed to be home more, and us having to move for his career.

Of course this is only a question on DCUM. SAHM is only ok when it happens unexpectedly.

Anonymous wrote:Question for all if you- did you intend when you got married/had kids that you would SAH? Or did it just kind of happen?

No. This happened as a result of his career taking off to the point that someone needed to be home more, and us having to move for his career.

I had one miracle baby and appreciated every single minute as a SAHM. No regrets. You do you.

Anonymous wrote:I enjoyed being SAHM all the time but then found a part-time job (24 hours) and love working part time. Something about having a schedule works for me and I like having a blend of SAH and WOH.

Yes this but I kind of knew all along that I wanted to work part time. Lot's of women I babysat for in undergrad suggested careers where pt work would work. It was very helpful. I remember lot's of the moms were clearly depressed about going to work. It really kind of sucked as an employee. These things really stuck with me. I also learned a great deal from fights I saw between parents. I remember some of the men would complain about his wife not cleaning the house. The funny thing was that they both worked ft! Little things like this was very eye opening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight I gained and how out of shape I got.

I eventually lost it when I was back working but it was hard.

Opposite for me...I was in the best shape of my life when I was home with toddlers. I had a gym nearby with childcare and having that hour to myself was a big motivator to get to the gym consistently. Went back to work, sitting all the time, no time to go to the gym and quickly gained weight.

+100

With 3 small children, nursing, chasing the kids, playgrounds for like 2+ hours, and eating the kids' leftovers I was in great shape. Being sedentary at a desk (although a standing desk helped) was the worst.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much weight I gained and how out of shape I got.

I eventually lost it when I was back working but it was hard.

Opposite for me...I was in the best shape of my life when I was home with toddlers. I had a gym nearby with childcare and having that hour to myself was a big motivator to get to the gym consistently. Went back to work, sitting all the time, no time to go to the gym and quickly gained weight.

PP here. I think the unstructured days filled with food were hard for me. When I went back to work I wasn't preparing food all the time and I had a regular workout schedule. Those two things were better for me. Also, honestly, I think I got pretty depressed at home and so didn't have the energy. It became a bad cycle.

I enjoyed being SAHM all the time but then found a part-time job (24 hours) and love working part time. Something about having a schedule works for me and I like having a blend of SAH and WOH.

Anonymous wrote:How much weight I gained and how out of shape I got.

I eventually lost it when I was back working but it was hard.

Opposite for me...I was in the best shape of my life when I was home with toddlers. I had a gym nearby with childcare and having that hour to myself was a big motivator to get to the gym consistently. Went back to work, sitting all the time, no time to go to the gym and quickly gained weight.

How much weight I gained and how out of shape I got.

I eventually lost it when I was back working but it was hard.

Anonymous wrote:Question for all if you- did you intend when you got married/had kids that you would SAH? Or did it just kind of happen?

My husband hoped I would become a SAHM, but when we discussed it before we got married he said it was my choice. Then we had kids and he really wanted me to SAH for a while. After our third, I finally did. I lasted 1.5 years and it didn't work for me. I was crying too often and generally depressed. It all lifted immediately when I got a great PT job, and now DH sees that having a SAHM isn't right for our family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Resentment to DH as stated upthread, but also the resentment towards WOH moms whose kids are in daycare. I'm sorry if I'm not feeling chipper and enthusiastic like you - You are "refreshed" and haven't been with your kids since the moment they work up like a SAHM. So, yea, I am a bit burnt out by the time it is 430pm - my kids have been awake for the last 8+ hours and bedtime isn't for another 4 hours. Those 12 hrs days get long even with screen time mixed in (gasp!), outings/playground/nature center, playdates, etc. 24/7.

Yeah, I'm so refreshed after a long day at work. If working is so easy why don't you just go back?

Ha. Not that pp, but I used to envy the adult conversation that dh had at work, as well as, his ability to focus on something for longer than 3 minutes w/o a baby or toddler interrupting him. I even envied his "alone time" during his commute into work.

I can laugh at it now but, at the time, when simply going to the bathroom all by myself was not easy those were some very real feelings.

Yes!! I cried last week when my husband returned from a business trip (four hours of sweet silence each way on the Acela) and casually showed me video of some dumb Grateful Dead cover band playing in a bar he’d gone to after his meetings. I can’t remember the last time I was at a bar, or saw live music that wasn’t kid-themed, or had a beer without one eyeball following a toddler around the room. I bawled like a crazy person and he didn’t get it. At all.

Like this thread points out there are so many things about my daily SAHM routine that I need to value now. But there are also issues of dignity and basic human needs that are so tough. I don’t poop alone, ever. I rarely get a full shower/blow dry. I have to ask permission and move mountains to go to the doctor. I feel like a servant, a nanny. My marriage has suffered.

I am also so grateful to lay with my kids while they nap, and to see our city through them, and to have found part time work that I’m proud of.

This is pathetic. Stop being a mommy martyr. Hire yourself a babysitter. Have date nights. Go and see live music. Have your hair done. You don’t have to give up your life because you have some kids. Eventually they will be in school. Then what?

It's a stage of life pp. They aren't little forever and you do get your freedom back eventually. Dh & I really didn't need to go out on date nights because once the kids were sleeping through the night we would put them to bed (7pm) and have the rest of the evening together. We made it work.

Flash forward a couple of decades later - dh and I do go bar hopping on occasion, we see live music, we even stay out overnight if we want to. It does get easier. But I still remember what it was like to be in the trenches of parenting small children.

Anonymous wrote:Question for all if you- did you intend when you got married/had kids that you would SAH? Or did it just kind of happen?

Never in a million years did I think I would be a SAHM. Honestly when I was young and single, I looked down at SAHMs. I assumed they weren’t ambitious and/or weren’t very good at their careers.

I was working 70-80 hrs when I got pregnant with my first child. I hated coming home so late that he would already be sleeping. I got a 9-5 forty hr per week job but it still wasn’t enough time with my child. I worked 20-30 hours per week when I had my second child. This was when I was least happy. I felt I was half assing everything in my life. It sounds ideal but it wasn’t. With commute, it felt like I still had a full time job. I was always tired. That had more to do with having young kids. I gained weight and felt frumpy.

I’m now a SAHM of 3 and feel happy and fulfilled. I am able to work out, spend quality time with my children and just enjoy life. I am in better shape than before having kids. I’m back to a size 4. Life is good.