Anonymous wrote:It had been a while since DCUM made me lose all faith in humanity. So the quick rundown:

DH suggests a vacation with family friends that have younger children. OP says that seems like a bad idea because the other kids will ruin it. DH says you are being antisocial because you don't want to bond with our friends.

DCUM: DH is an abusive, adulterous, absentee dad.

Seriously, what the hell is this thread? The short answer is nobody knows this family. Could it be a nightmare? Of course. That would be true regardless of the age of the children. Good friends sometimes make terrible traveling companions. Sometimes, two families don't blend well on vacation for any number of reasons. Here are few areas that have cause friction on my vacations:

Budget (even if you agree on accommodations and a general plan of activities, is your friend the type that is obsessed with coupons jumping through six hoops to save $20? Are you?)
Schedule- Are you the type that plans 100 things in a day or the type that doesn't want to think about doing anything until 10:30?
Parenting- (Does it suck to be around them because they are super strict and you feel bad about it? Or are the kids just little monsters? Do they do things that make you uncomfortable, like drink more than you think is appropriate with small kids around?)

Regardless, somebody needs therapy. I don't know how we got to page 6 without someone suggesting full neuropysch screening, probably best to just schedule all them, but only after the divorce, because, after all, I read between the lines to see the abuse and obvious affair.

Here are my list of actual concerns:

if

I'm surprised the bolded doesn't happen more often if this typically how you interpret threads. Much of your "quick rundown" isn't really here and is quite the stretch on your part. Get some help with your reading comprehension skills, maybe. I don't know.


All OP really needs to know is do the dads plans to help with childcare, or not. Pretty simple.

Op do you think your DH is trying to go on vacation with another family so he can ditch the kids and hang out with someone else? No one would agree to that of course.

I’d own being “antisocial” if he would own being “anti parental responsibilities”

Sorry op. Hard no here of course.

Hell no! My kids are the same ages as yours and vacation is so easy now and truly relaxing. I would not want to go on vacation with a 3 and 1 yr old. No.Way.

We’ve vacationed with friends and had fun.

It had been a while since DCUM made me lose all faith in humanity. So the quick rundown:

DH suggests a vacation with family friends that have younger children. OP says that seems like a bad idea because the other kids will ruin it. DH says you are being antisocial because you don't want to bond with our friends.

DCUM: DH is an abusive, adulterous, absentee dad.

Seriously, what the hell is this thread? The short answer is nobody knows this family. Could it be a nightmare? Of course. That would be true regardless of the age of the children. Good friends sometimes make terrible traveling companions. Sometimes, two families don't blend well on vacation for any number of reasons. Here are few areas that have cause friction on my vacations:

Budget (even if you agree on accommodations and a general plan of activities, is your friend the type that is obsessed with coupons jumping through six hoops to save $20? Are you?)
Schedule- Are you the type that plans 100 things in a day or the type that doesn't want to think about doing anything until 10:30?
Parenting- (Does it suck to be around them because they are super strict and you feel bad about it? Or are the kids just little monsters? Do they do things that make you uncomfortable, like drink more than you think is appropriate with small kids around?)

Regardless, somebody needs therapy. I don't know how we got to page 6 without someone suggesting full neuropysch screening, probably best to just schedule all them, but only after the divorce, because, after all, I read between the lines to see the abuse and obvious affair.

Here are my list of actual concerns:

-What is the 4 year old like? I feel like 4 is a really in-between age. I know some 4 year olds (particularly those with older siblings) that can play happily on the edges of the big kids. Others seem like 3 year olds with more words.
-What are your kids schedules like? Because while everyone else is focusing on the horror of being around a pair of toddlers, they are usually down fairly early in the night. If the toddlers are down at 8, the adults can still have a nice chat/drink/game/movie/whatever. That's less true if the school age kids are losing their minds in some rowdy game.
-What kind of vacation are you going on? Is it something like the beach where a lazy flexible schedule is fine or are you going somewhere with a ton of appointments like Disney.
-How feasible is other child care? I haven't really used vacation childcare, but I have family that like cruising and resorts because the kids can be checked into a kids club sort of thing.
-Do you hate toddlers? I don't meant that in some sort of crazy way; plenty of folks do. I really like the age, because they crack me up. The funny stuff they say and do outweighs the random meltdowns for me. But yeah, they are exhausting and destructive. I much prefer that to the sullen, listless teenage phase.

^If you have concerns like that, list them rationally to your husband and give him time to solve the problem. We don't have much of a local family, so I am very grateful for friends that help ease parenting by merging the herds occasionally. And we have had some great beach trips.

OP, have you ever traveled with these people before? I've learned that some friends, even great ones, are not people you should travel with, especially if you're sharing quarters (i.e. renting a house). I think you and your kids would get the shaft here and it wouldn't be fun, but it depends a lot on the family you're going with. Someone whose kids are scheduled but flexible (i.e. they go to bed and wake up at reasonable/the same hours but can manage to skip naps on days you do stuff), someone who happily cooks meals for 12 people and then cleans up, someone who doesn't ask you for help with their own kids, someone whose spouse is equally as useful - that's someone I'd go on vacation with even if they had four kids younger than mine. Anyone else, hard no.

Anonymous wrote:I would kind of feel bad for the 9yo. There's not really anyone for him/her.

Yeah. But it would probably be awesome for the six year old. He/she gets to do stuff with the big kids instead of doing toddler stuff all of the time.

Really. though, the only person I see really getting a bad deal here is the OP. The dads are going to do their stuff and probably bring the older three kids a lot. The other mom has four small kids, and her life probably totally revolves around that no matter where she is or who is there. The OP is the only one who is kind of screwed out of a vacation.

I would kind of feel bad for the 9yo. There's not really anyone for him/her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like my worst nightmare.

Your worst nightmare is a vacation with children around, different ages, that may require some work?

Like, that is your worst nightmare?

Not like what happened to that Facebook lady's husband on vacation, on his treadmill?

Not your spouse drowning or a shark attack.

Not even having bacterial diarrhea during your whole vacation.


Just a vacation where everyone is healthy and safe, but not in the age brackets you prefer. Is your worst nightmare.

If this is the worst nightmare scenario you can come up with, you should try to get out more.

Oh please. It's just an expression. You are very dramatic.

I think if you really like the family and you will have separate accommodations, it would fine. The 9,7,6 yr old will break off and likely play well. While the 4,3,1 yr old stick with each other. Separate accommodations would give you your own space and not having to adjust to their bedtime and nap routines. But again, this would be best case and only if they are dear friends.

Sounds like a nightmare to me. But I only like my own children (and my nieces/nephews in moderation).

It doesn’t sound like a fun vacation to me. Hard pass

The other kids might be more draining than your own children, OP - especially if the other kids don't get much attention at home. BTDT, and it is awful.

I'm on the opposite side of this and everyone wants me to come on vacation with them and bring my kids! I have 3 under 4. I'm not sure why anyone would want to vacation with us, but they do. Grandparents and childless aunts don't understand AT ALL what it's like. I don't want to play babysitter with DH while everyone else enjoys themselves and briefly sees my kids. I'm totally okay with them coming to DC to stay with us and I'll plan awesome activities. But my kids like to sleep in their own cribs (I have 3 cribs, which is hard to replicate on vacation too) and nap on schedule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like my worst nightmare.

Your worst nightmare is a vacation with children around, different ages, that may require some work?

Like, that is your worst nightmare?

Not like what happened to that Facebook lady's husband on vacation, on his treadmill?

Not your spouse drowning or a shark attack.

Not even having bacterial diarrhea during your whole vacation.

Just a vacation where everyone is healthy and safe, but not in the age brackets you prefer. Is your worst nightmare.

If this is the worst nightmare scenario you can come up with, you should try to get out more.

NP - Don't be an idiot. You obviously know it's an expression. People use it all the time. For example, my worst nightmare is pedantic twatwaffles on the internet.

PP has a point. People who overuse "my worst nightmare" and "literally" are, well, Basic.