teacher.
I am home by 4pm.

There are outliers here (and good on ya to those people, may we all be lucky enough to find those positions!), but generally what you're seeing OP is that nonprofit/fed positions offer more flexibility, less pay. If you're lucky you don't have to make those choices, but most people have made specific choices prioritizing different things. My husband planned to go to law school and ended up taking a public policy track instead because we discussed it and didn't want to risk long lawyer hours once we had a family. Believe me I would love to have a 400k salary coming into our household, I'm sure that gives you all a lot of flexibility in other ways so I'm not bashing that, just trying to say that it's often about choices. We are home early and don't work after the kids go to bed but our total household income is about 180k so our flexibility there is very different.

Anonymous wrote:I am constantly surprised when people post here that both spouses are home by 5:30-6:30pm from work. What work do you do? Do you have a very short commute?

I work from home so I am always home but my dh is rarely home before 7:30-8pm. He usually huddled home to see the kids and help put them to bed and then logs in again after they go to sleep. We live about 12 miles from the city (where dh works) so his commute is around 30-45 minutes depending on traffic.

Work for a fed agency doing work that is way more interesting than what I did at big law - my commute is less than 30 minutes and I leave at 5.

Anonymous wrote:What do you do that you get to work from home full time?

To answer your question, I’m a lawyer who “mommytracked” herself into a crappy position that lets me leave the office at a regular time.

Haha - Me too, PP!

Nothing like doing crappy work for 6 hours a day to get home on time vs. great (or even fun?!) work for 12 hours a day and not see my kids.

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Anonymous wrote:Dh is home by 6pm usually. But he leaves for work at 6:00am, so it’s not like it’s a short day.

This. I am in the office no later than 7, and often earlier. Generally home by 6:30, though not always. My commute is 15 minutes in the morning, and 25-30 in the evening.

OP, what time does your husband get into the office?

Op here - This morning dh left by 6:15 to get into the office by 6:45 and beat rush hour. On slow days he leaves around 7ish.

I'm not sure why you think 12 hour work days are the norm. OP, many many many people have jobs that do not involve 12 hour work days. I do not make $500k a year either. But I do get to see my kids at 4pm every day. I work 7:30am-3:30pm.

Do you know what biglaw is, OP? Do you work?

Yes I do know what big law is. And yes I work and DO NOT make $500k.

My point was that OP is having such a hard time imaging a world that is not the 1% where you get home at a reasonable time. My DH and I are "poor" compared to big law with a HHI of $180k. Compared to much of America we are filthy rich. We are both home by 5pm and do not log into work after the kids go to sleep. It works for us.

We're in the top 2% and neither of us work 12 hour days.

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Anonymous wrote:Dh is home by 6pm usually. But he leaves for work at 6:00am, so it’s not like it’s a short day.

This. I am in the office no later than 7, and often earlier. Generally home by 6:30, though not always. My commute is 15 minutes in the morning, and 25-30 in the evening.

OP, what time does your husband get into the office?

Op here - This morning dh left by 6:15 to get into the office by 6:45 and beat rush hour. On slow days he leaves around 7ish.

I'm not sure why you think 12 hour work days are the norm. OP, many many many people have jobs that do not involve 12 hour work days. I do not make $500k a year either. But I do get to see my kids at 4pm every day. I work 7:30am-3:30pm.

Do you know what biglaw is, OP? Do you work?

Yes I do know what big law is. And yes I work and DO NOT make $500k.

My point was that OP is having such a hard time imaging a world that is not the 1% where you get home at a reasonable time. My DH and I are "poor" compared to big law with a HHI of $180k. Compared to much of America we are filthy rich. We are both home by 5pm and do not log into work after the kids go to sleep. It works for us.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here - interesting responses. DH is in big law and obviously makes a lot of money ($400K) but works a lot.

My sister and her husband both work long crazy hours, although someone is usually home at night with the kids. My BIL travels (IT sales) usually 3-4 days a week and my sister drives A LOT (also IT sales) 1-3 times a week. They have a 5 and 7 year old and will probably have a full time nanny until their oldest can stay home by herself and reasonably watch the younger one. But they both make a lot of money (HHI around $700k).

I work from home and have very normal hours (8:30-5pm) but I make very little ($65K).

Shorter OP:

"My husband works in a profession renowned for its long demanding hours. But, I see other people don't have those hours! How can this be? "I am constantly surprised" when people who don't have that same demanding job make it home by 6 - can someone explain this to me?"

Good grief.

EXACTLY.

A BIG +1.

OMG, +4. It's big law.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - interesting responses. DH is in big law and obviously makes a lot of money ($400K) but works a lot.

My sister and her husband both work long crazy hours, although someone is usually home at night with the kids. My BIL travels (IT sales) usually 3-4 days a week and my sister drives A LOT (also IT sales) 1-3 times a week. They have a 5 and 7 year old and will probably have a full time nanny until their oldest can stay home by herself and reasonably watch the younger one. But they both make a lot of money (HHI around $700k).

I work from home and have very normal hours (8:30-5pm) but I make very little ($65K).

OP, read the NYT article from this weekend.

"Women Did Everything Right. Then Work Got Greedy."

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Anonymous wrote:Dh is home by 6pm usually. But he leaves for work at 6:00am, so it’s not like it’s a short day.

This. I am in the office no later than 7, and often earlier. Generally home by 6:30, though not always. My commute is 15 minutes in the morning, and 25-30 in the evening.

OP, what time does your husband get into the office?

Op here - This morning dh left by 6:15 to get into the office by 6:45 and beat rush hour. On slow days he leaves around 7ish.

I'm not sure why you think 12 hour work days are the norm. OP, many many many people have jobs that do not involve 12 hour work days. I do not make $500k a year either. But I do get to see my kids at 4pm every day. I work 7:30am-3:30pm.

They are the norm for big time earners of "greedy jobs." Read this. It explains a lot of high earning (not inherited weath) households.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/26/upshot/women-long-hours-greedy-professions.html

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Anonymous wrote:I wake up at 5 to get to work by 6 and leave at 3. I typically get home by 3:50. It’s a grind, that’s for sure!!

Are you a man or woman? I can’t imagine getting ready for work that quickly.

Haha yeah -- it's all about streamlining your morning. I'm a woman and get up at 6:30. I'm out the door by 6:50. I shower and pack DD's lunch the night before, so all I have to do in the morning is get dressed (I put my clothes out the night before), wash my face, brush my teeth, put on makeup (5 min routine) and put DD's lunch in her bag so DH can grab it when he leaves with her later in the morning.

I used to put on makeup in the car. I had a little car makeup bag; I waited until I was parked at work to quickly curl my eyes and apply mascara. Everything else was handled at stop lights. You can find ways to streamline if you set your mind to it.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wake up at 5 to get to work by 6 and leave at 3. I typically get home by 3:50. It’s a grind, that’s for sure!!

Are you a man or woman? I can’t imagine getting ready for work that quickly.

Haha yeah -- it's all about streamlining your morning. I'm a woman and get up at 6:30. I'm out the door by 6:50. I shower and pack DD's lunch the night before, so all I have to do in the morning is get dressed (I put my clothes out the night before), wash my face, brush my teeth, put on makeup (5 min routine) and put DD's lunch in her bag so DH can grab it when he leaves with her later in the morning.

NP here. I also get up at 5am when I have to go into the office and leave my house by about 5:40am. I'm personally ready much earlier, but I also feed the dog and take him for a walk to make sure he poops. I don't shower the night before, but I do have a very basic makeup routine- undereye concealer, dusting of face powder, and blush- and simple hair. Clothes are ironed the night before and kids' lunches are also made the prior night.

10:30 to 4:30. Freddie mac

I’m a fed who works 7am-3:30.

I WFH 1-2 days each week. When in the office, my hours are 9-5 (core hours of 10-2 where you have to be in the office or on webcam if at home). On a good day, like a Thursday or Friday, my commute is 30 mins. I tend to WFH towards the beginning of the week when traffic is worse. My commute can easily take 45mins to an hour if there is a wreck on those days. Just this past January the company started letting everyone leave at 3 PM on Fridays because they decreased the amount they're matching for our 401k. I'm a CTO.

My wife is a fed and works either 6-2 or 7-3 depending on which location she's at that week. Her commute is around 45mins. She's had these hours for as long as I've known her. It was great when the kids were little because I did drop off and she did pickup.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - interesting responses. DH is in big law and obviously makes a lot of money ($400K) but works a lot.

My sister and her husband both work long crazy hours, although someone is usually home at night with the kids. My BIL travels (IT sales) usually 3-4 days a week and my sister drives A LOT (also IT sales) 1-3 times a week. They have a 5 and 7 year old and will probably have a full time nanny until their oldest can stay home by herself and reasonably watch the younger one. But they both make a lot of money (HHI around $700k).

I work from home and have very normal hours (8:30-5pm) but I make very little ($65K).

Shorter OP:

"My husband works in a profession renowned for its long demanding hours. But, I see other people don't have those hours! How can this be? "I am constantly surprised" when people who don't have that same demanding job make it home by 6 - can someone explain this to me?"

Good grief.

EXACTLY.

A BIG +1.

Exactly. Also, OP, did you know there are jobs that have fewer hours where you can still make good money? Your husband literally works in an industry that requires people to hit billable hour quotas. You couldn't have picked a worse example for why someone would need to work long hours.