Drop it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should ask the mutual friend who may know her better.

I didn't want to gossip. "Hey, does Susan not like me?"

I did send mutual friend (MT) a message. "I do not want to you to get involved, but I get the sense that Susan doesn't want to hang out with me. You are important to us, and I hope we can still hang out! I hope you can manage two separate play dates in week, haha" And she responded with "I sure can! two in a week is not a problem but two in a day are!"

I’d take that as a pretty solid admission that your mutual friend knows the person dislikes you. I even think her response is a little rude to be honest. “I. Can’t hang out with you and her on the same day and I’ve chosen her” is the impression I’m reading

Op, I agree the response was unusually blunt and you should move on. Also, your behavior is NOT "needy and weird" at all. Whoever keeps writing that sounds like they never matured past their middle-school mean girl phase.

Anonymous wrote:An acquaintance moved into my neighborhood, just a street away. We've hung out a few times in a group, and we share a mutual friends. I messaged her a few times around her move date, but she never replied. Then I sent a group text to her and our mutual friend offering to host a playdate today at my house (she and the friend get together on Mondays, and my friend and I get together on Mondays, so I thought we could lump together.)

I was a little shocked to receive back: "I am going to decline your offer." Wow. Ok then...

I'm taking that as she definitely does not want to be my friend. Drop it, right? It's going to weird with this mutual friend, now...but I hope not.

"when are you going to decline it? Just planning ahead, thank you."

I wouldn't try again. Or attend any more mutual get togethers.

^^^Agree 10000% with this PP. Warm and welcoming people are normal. This woman does not sound like anyone you should waste time with, OP. It is easy to find other normal people, don’t let this woman offend you.

Thank you, everyone. I do appreciate the points of view and perspective. I won’t message her anymore, I’ll tread lightly with MT, and I won’t knock on this girls door.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a very blunt person and even I find it a bit rude. Nothing is gained by this sort of directness. In any case, definitively stop contacting her. Do not respond to this text.

As for your welcome messages I think they are a bit over the top but I would appreciate them.

also It looks like your other friend and this person might be closer than you think.

I have considered this also. I’m not sure how to progress with MT honestly. MT and I aren’t that close...we are new friends, past 6 months or so. It’s going to be hard to balance MT and this other girl. I’m not sure how much to pursue with her, honestly.

Got it so you're not really friends with either of them. MT is actually the acquaintance and new neighbor is basically a stranger and when the new neighbor doesn't respond to your texts or not in the way you wanted you are then asking the "new friend" what the deal is and reassuring her that she is important to you then you come on here because it crossed your mind to dig deeper into this - do you see where this is going? Needy and weird.

Not quite, but I don’t feel like getting into the nuances of the relationships. No matter, I refuse to view “welcoming” as “needy and weird”. You can, if you want. But I won’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a very blunt person and even I find it a bit rude. Nothing is gained by this sort of directness. In any case, definitively stop contacting her. Do not respond to this text.

As for your welcome messages I think they are a bit over the top but I would appreciate them.

also It looks like your other friend and this person might be closer than you think.

I have considered this also. I’m not sure how to progress with MT honestly. MT and I aren’t that close...we are new friends, past 6 months or so. It’s going to be hard to balance MT and this other girl. I’m not sure how much to pursue with her, honestly.

Got it so you're not really friends with either of them. MT is actually the acquaintance and new neighbor is basically a stranger and when the new neighbor doesn't respond to your texts or not in the way you wanted you are then asking the "new friend" what the deal is and reassuring her that she is important to you then you come on here because it crossed your mind to dig deeper into this - do you see where this is going? Needy and weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what's rude. Direct isn't rude. She didn't pad it out with a bunch of excuses or a vague offer for "another time," but she didn't say anything mean or unkind, she just said no. Maybe she's generally a very direct person, or a little socially awkward. I don't see why you'd take offense.

You must struggle in life with that low EQ.

OMG my thought exactly. And I often think the worst feature of DCUM is other low-EQ posters affirming rude behavior as "perfectly fine" to other EQ posters. Eek.

And in case the PP who didn't "see why you'd take offense" was genuine about her lack of understanding--I will explain: A response like "i am going to decline your invitation" without providing any sort of "softener" sends a very clear message to the one who extended the invitation that you want nothing to do with that person. And, though you may find this hard to believe...it is quite typical for people to be a bit wounded when they have extended an invitation in friendship only to be shut down with such blunt rejection, often leaving them to question "did I say/do something to offend her?" That is a very normal reaction.
If one does not want to cause such a reaction, then the *polite* way to decline an invitation is to say "Thank you so much for your kind invitation, but unfortunately we need to decline. Perhaps another time, though." (You still get to say no...but it allows the person who issued the invitation to see you in the neighborhood and be able to say hello and exchange pleasant smiles.) The way that OP's acquaintance declined read like an unexpected and unnecessary slap in the face.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would also find it rude (and then I would be totally insecure about it - something I did or said? something my kid did or said?) Is she biased against me in some awful way and I'm better off? I appreciate friendly welcoming people - don't change!

Thanks. That’s obviously what my anxious self is doing! But I’m coming up empty.

Move. On.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see what's rude. Direct isn't rude. She didn't pad it out with a bunch of excuses or a vague offer for "another time," but she didn't say anything mean or unkind, she just said no. Maybe she's generally a very direct person, or a little socially awkward. I don't see why you'd take offense.

That is why I posted here. For insight.

Well, that’s poor insight. It was rude. OK would have been, thanks, but we have to decline.

Anonymous wrote:I am a very blunt person and even I find it a bit rude. Nothing is gained by this sort of directness. In any case, definitively stop contacting her. Do not respond to this text.

As for your welcome messages I think they are a bit over the top but I would appreciate them.

also It looks like your other friend and this person might be closer than you think.

I have considered this also. I’m not sure how to progress with MT honestly. MT and I aren’t that close...we are new friends, past 6 months or so. It’s going to be hard to balance MT and this other girl. I’m not sure how much to pursue with her, honestly.

That is rude, imo. Don't text her again. It sounds like she thinks you are nuisance.

Anonymous wrote:Does this woman know that you also meet up with the mutual friend on the same day?

If I had a standing date/meeting with a friend and then someone tried to take over our date by inviting both my friend and I to a playdate at the same time as our usual meetup, then I might be put off too and just want to keep the date/meeting with my friend. She might be open to a joint playdate with all three families some other time than when she gets together on Mondays.

If she does know about your standing date, then I would talk to the mutual friend and just say, I'm open to merging the two playdates on Mondays together if that makes it easier for you. If so, check with Larla and let me know.

OP here and I did consider this as why she might not like me. Nonetheless, I still find her response rude.