Anonymous wrote:
Even if the bride and groom pay for the restaurant cost, they still have 95K left in cash. However, in most cases, the parents of both the bride and groom will pick up the restaurant cost. In my situation, my wife and my younger sister are BFF since high school and my sister is wealthy so my sister gave my wife a brand new Mercedes C class.

Is your sister single? Asking for a friend...

Anonymous wrote:Op I understand where you are coming from.

My parents forwent items, vacations, meals out in order to save 100% for my wedding. (hindsight I wish they didn't.)

My brother married a women whose family splurged and contributed nothing to theirs. My brother (my parents stepped in and contributed a lot, too) paid a large part. Did it suck? Yes. Did I feel it was unfair/irresponsible, yes. I felt badly for my brother and my parents for being financially responsible and then that was taken advantage of. Would I have done it that way? No, but it was not up to me.

But, being a parent of two girls, we have planned a gift to cover half of their wedding with it being up to them and their spouse to find how to cover the other half. I do not believe "the brides family pays for the wedding."

OP - consider your gift to be about half of the expenses and leave it at that.

I 100% disagree with parents paying to daughters weddings and not sons. My grandparents believed boys went to college and you paid for that but daughters didn’t go to college and got weddings. My aunts all went to college and had to pay for it themselves.

OP .... yer a cocksplat

No, but you must still give her five cows and make sure her hair is extra shiny. You want to make sure it looks like a good deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is paying off their student loan debt with weddings. Even weddings in which only cash is requested, they're not making out that great. And that cash is always used for the honeymoon, definitely not balls.

Apparently you know nothing about Asians wedding. My parents and in-law parents paid for the wedding and they invited about 500 guests to the wedding. 498 guests gave cash as wedding gift at $250 for single and $500 for couple. Close relatives, brothers and sisters each gave about $1000 per person. We collected about 150K in cash in wedding gifts.

Asians people are very generous with wedding gift in CASH.

Woah. I have several close (UMC) Asian friends. They did receive similar but their parents used the amounts received to pay off the wedding.

Here is how it works with Asians, specifically vietnamese, wedding. At least that's how it worked with my wedding, brothers and sisters wedding.

In the morning, the groom and his family pick up the bride to be and her family from the bride's place and drive them to the groom's house where the ceremony will take place. For some, it can take place in the budhist temple or in church. The bride and groom will exchange vows. After that, close families members and close friends will give gifts to the bride and groom, This is where the large gift amount in cash occurs.

In the evening reception, this is where it normally takes place at a chinese restaurant where about 500 guests are invited. Each table will cost around $1000 for food and service. If you invite 500 guests, that will be 50K with 5K in tip. That will be 55K in cost. If each guest give $250, you get 125K in CASH. However, family members such as aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins and close friends give much more, like $1000 per person. 150K is a good number

Even if the bride and groom pay for the restaurant cost, they still have 95K left in cash. However, in most cases, the parents of both the bride and groom will pick up the restaurant cost. In my situation, my wife and my younger sister are BFF since high school and my sister is wealthy so my sister gave my wife a brand new Mercedes C class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is paying off their student loan debt with weddings. Even weddings in which only cash is requested, they're not making out that great. And that cash is always used for the honeymoon, definitely not balls.

Apparently you know nothing about Asians wedding. My parents and in-law parents paid for the wedding and they invited about 500 guests to the wedding. 498 guests gave cash as wedding gift at $250 for single and $500 for couple. Close relatives, brothers and sisters each gave about $1000 per person. We collected about 150K in cash in wedding gifts.

Asians people are very generous with wedding gift in CASH.

Woah. I have several close (UMC) Asian friends. They did receive similar but their parents used the amounts received to pay off the wedding.

Dh has 80k in student loans.

I had no loans and my family paid for the entire wedding (40k), dhs parents have us 1k total.

Everyone still acts like I got the better bargain and what a catch dh is. (We make the same amount). My parents just ignore it and nod. I’m more offended by the fact that people just assume dh makes more than me. Even my parents assume this even though I’ve stated amounts.

Just ignore and move on. For my children I will only pay half. I think it shouldn’t matter the sex, I will offer all the same amount. I have 3 kids and my boys are just as valuable as my girls.

Anonymous wrote:No one is paying off their student loan debt with weddings. Even weddings in which only cash is requested, they're not making out that great. And that cash is always used for the honeymoon, definitely not balls.

Apparently you know nothing about Asians wedding. My parents and in-law parents paid for the wedding and they invited about 500 guests to the wedding. 498 guests gave cash as wedding gift at $250 for single and $500 for couple. Close relatives, brothers and sisters each gave about $1000 per person. We collected about 150K in cash in wedding gifts.

Asians people are very generous with wedding gift in CASH.

Sounds like this isn’t a real situation but a what if. Silly.
A PSA... life is unfair.

Op I understand where you are coming from.

My parents forwent items, vacations, meals out in order to save 100% for my wedding. (hindsight I wish they didn't.)

My brother married a women whose family splurged and contributed nothing to theirs. My brother (my parents stepped in and contributed a lot, too) paid a large part. Did it suck? Yes. Did I feel it was unfair/irresponsible, yes. I felt badly for my brother and my parents for being financially responsible and then that was taken advantage of. Would I have done it that way? No, but it was not up to me.

But, being a parent of two girls, we have planned a gift to cover half of their wedding with it being up to them and their spouse to find how to cover the other half. I do not believe "the brides family pays for the wedding."

OP - consider your gift to be about half of the expenses and leave it at that.

The student loans are none of your business.

If you are so concerned, just give the couple money and tell them to use it how they see fit. They can use it for a downpayment on a house, to pay off loans, or for a wedding.

You are setting yourself up for a very antagonistic relationship with your DD and her spouse. Don't do this.

As for those people saying it's cultural--well, no, that excuse only goes so far. Speaking as someone from an Asian family with clear monetary cultural traditions. OP just sounds controlling.

I haven't read all of this, but I married a man with student debt. My parents paid for the wedding. I had no debt. We were 23. He now out-earns me by so much that he more than made up for the earlly debt. I'm glad my dad just wanted me to marry for love and help how he could. He was not at all wealthy. He also has a wonderful relationship with his SIL.

My family will help as much as we can, but we expect our kids will get significant scholarship money. For a wedding, we will encourage them BOTH to go to city hall and host a party at a restaurant afterwards for 10-15 people. That is the way to do a wedding. I hope we have taught our kids well enough that they spend far more money investing in their marriage than their wedding.