Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went into parenting assuming we would have only one child. I always envisioned us as a family of three and found the idea of mother, father, and one child very sweet and special. I still feel this way! When our DS was 2 I got pregnant very unexpectedly (had an IUD) and that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Instead of relief I felt longing. This could have been hormones or a temporary feeling, but I got pregnant again within a few months and now we have DD. Our family is absolutely complete (vasectomy for DH). Of my friends who had their first babies at the same time as I did, my closest friend also assumed they would have an only and ended up with another. Another friend and her DH were absolutely one and done. They are surprisingly both from big, close, families but are super passionate about their careers, have very busy social lives, and just didn't feel like a big family would fit for them. They continue to be very happy with their one daughter, and they're a very fun, outgoing, busy family.

This seems to be key for making a one-child family work. From what I've read (I have a sister, so without personal experience as an only, I read up on what only children think of their childhoods) only children seem to be happier when their parents make sure to cultivate social networks and not just cart them to adult events, as though they're a little adult. That seems to help them not feel isolated.

Then some only children feel pressure being the only person to take care of their aging parents, but on that count I will say that, watching both my parents deal with very old mothers (their fathers passed away a long time ago) and ridiculously annoying/disruptive siblings, I think whether siblings help during that process is totally a toss-up.

I actually like knowing that I’m going to be the only one taking care of my parents. Some siblings get along and equally share in taking care of aging parents. But even in those situations, it’s usually one child who takes on more and that can cause resentment. And there are lots of siblings who don’t get along at all. And trying to navigate that plus deal with aging parents. No thank you! It’s all on me (with DH’s support) and I’m good with that.

Anonymous wrote:I think a LOT more families will stop at one in the next generation. It used to be that three was standard, and large families not all that unusual, but now people seem to think even just two is a huge slog, whereas two would have been a tiny family in the past. The natural progression will be that two is too hard, and stopping at one is fine. Affordability will also play in, as it will become literally impossible to go to college and buy a house and save for retirement/college and have more than one child,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I went into parenting assuming we would have only one child. I always envisioned us as a family of three and found the idea of mother, father, and one child very sweet and special. I still feel this way! When our DS was 2 I got pregnant very unexpectedly (had an IUD) and that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. Instead of relief I felt longing. This could have been hormones or a temporary feeling, but I got pregnant again within a few months and now we have DD. Our family is absolutely complete (vasectomy for DH). Of my friends who had their first babies at the same time as I did, my closest friend also assumed they would have an only and ended up with another. Another friend and her DH were absolutely one and done. They are surprisingly both from big, close, families but are super passionate about their careers, have very busy social lives, and just didn't feel like a big family would fit for them. They continue to be very happy with their one daughter, and they're a very fun, outgoing, busy family.

This seems to be key for making a one-child family work. From what I've read (I have a sister, so without personal experience as an only, I read up on what only children think of their childhoods) only children seem to be happier when their parents make sure to cultivate social networks and not just cart them to adult events, as though they're a little adult. That seems to help them not feel isolated.

Then some only children feel pressure being the only person to take care of their aging parents, but on that count I will say that, watching both my parents deal with very old mothers (their fathers passed away a long time ago) and ridiculously annoying/disruptive siblings, I think whether siblings help during that process is totally a toss-up.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with one kid had secondary fertility issues. A lot of people I know with two kids of course don’t regret the second but are getting their ass kicked and have admitted to feeling like they “should” have more then one as opposed to “want”. When I think about a family with one kid there are so many perks, I wonder why more people don’t make this choice. Do you know many families with an only on purpose? What’s their dynamic like? why do you think more people don’t make this choice?

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with one kid had secondary fertility issues. A lot of people I know with two kids of course don’t regret the second but are getting their ass kicked and have admitted to feeling like they “should” have more then one as opposed to “want”. When I think about a family with one kid there are so many perks, I wonder why more people don’t make this choice. Do you know many families with an only on purpose? What’s their dynamic like? why do you think more people don’t make this choice?

Anonymous wrote:I agree that "shoulds" for second kids are so strong that many parents want to stop at one and don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, at this point in time, I lump people who go around saying "Oh - but you HAVE to have two! You HAVE to give your child a sibling!" in with people who vocally object to stuff like interracial marriages or say "Those immigrants HAVE to learn English if they want to come here!"

It's a statement and sentiment that is crass, out of bounds, archaic, and not cool.

I am a one and done by choice. When I was younger (I'm mid-40s and lucky people don't say that to me anymore), people said this to me all the time. I ended those friendships. Now that I take my child to Europe 3-4 times a year while they struggle to make their annual Florida vacation, I follow up with "Oh - but you HAVE to take your family to EUROPE."

Yes!!!

LOL that's awesome. We have one kid and, at 2.5 years old, she's already been to Europe twice. We'll do a Disney vacation next year and since we don't have to pay for 2 kids' tickets/food/etc. we can stay at a nicer Disney hotel. The next person who snarks at me about how we HAVE to give her a sibling will get a comeback like "oh but you HAVE to have your kid experience all the European capitols and the highest category Disney hotel. You mean you crammed your family in All-Star Music again? Shame."