Anonymous wrote:That is the definition of passive-aggressive comments. It is part of narcissistic abuse, aimed at inducing shame.
It can cause physical ailments from the stress of being on the receiving end.
Take care of your health; they need to stay at a hotel; or not be invited at all.

Wtf did you respond to a 5 year old thread?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are rude just ignore.

I’ve also noticed that boomers think a room is not done if it’s not full of unnecessary furniture , knick knacks on display and all those matching prints and fabrics everywhere.

That’s so true.

We redid one of bathrooms due to plumbing problems. It’s a pretty neutral, nice modern style with white/light gray tile, walk in shower, white vanity, there is a light brown woven basket with white towels, framed mirror etc. Looks very clean and calm to me. MIL thought it was boring and needed more color. My go to response is uh huh, what would you like for lunch? Her response was what about red? Mine was no it’s a fine. Her response was how about cheery yellow. My response was no we don’t really like yellow. She kept going and I finally to shut her up gave her an OK I might put something in green in there, thinking along the lines of a small green plant.

Next holiday, we get a bunch of boxes and it has a full set of forest green almost shag rugs, covers, towels and really ugly ceramic soap dispensers, soap holders, toothbrush holders. There is a rug that goes around the base of the toilet and a matching toilet seat cover. Who carpets their toilet? There is a matching tissue box cover. Two sets of dark green towels. She even included a small dark wood wall mounted display shelf and a dark wood magazine holder that is supposed to go next to or across from the toilet. It all came from Amazon so we thanked her for giving a gift and returned it all.

Are they otherwise obnoxious? If not, it might really just be a way to make conversation.

Anonymous wrote:Another poster who reads this as an attempt to make conversation and not as an attempt to say your house isn’t good enough.

+2

OP I think it would be helpful to know if you’d ever discussed your home renovations or while the guests were in your house, you’d pointed out remodeling you’ve done?

Or did the guests randomly ask these questions without having ever discussed work to your home in the past?

There’s a difference.

Another poster who reads this as an attempt to make conversation and not as an attempt to say your house isn’t good enough.

I always treat this stuff like a joke and most normal people get the point.

Wow Bob, tell me how you really feel about the carpet upstairs! I get it, you don't like it.

If this doesn't work, just be honest. Some of these retorts suggested by other posters are so rude and flippant. It's just meeting emotional immaturity with more of it. What is the point of that. Act like an adult and say how you feel. Just say that while this may not be their intention, the questions about your house are landing as critical and please stop.

And then if that doesn't work and they persist or are defensive or gaslight you (that's not what I meant, you're too sensitive), then you know you are dealing with people with a personality disorder. So you grey rock and stop interacting with them so much if it bothers you. Time for boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:
None of it is criticism. You seem to have started all this by renovating and talking about future projects, so people are going to ask, merely to be polite.

We gut-renovated the ground floor of our very old and ramshackle house, but didn't touch the upper floor. We told people we were done. No one has ever commented since.

Also, you seem OBSESSED with the state of your home, and I'm prepared to bet all this originates with your attitude.

A polite way to make conversation would be to say, "Wow, the new windows look great! Any other projects on the horizon?" That's more polite and well-meaning than "When are you going to get around to changing this carpet?" or "When will you change the paint color in the dining room?" Come on, people. We all know the difference.

None of it is criticism. You seem to have started all this by renovating and talking about future projects, so people are going to ask, merely to be polite.

We gut-renovated the ground floor of our very old and ramshackle house, but didn't touch the upper floor. We told people we were done. No one has ever commented since.

Also, you seem OBSESSED with the state of your home, and I'm prepared to bet all this originates with your attitude.

Anonymous wrote:You look them straight in the eye, moment of silence, and say clearly:

"It's so rude of you to continually say these things."

And then say nothing. Hear the pin drop.

this. or, "I can't imagine being a guest in a home and criticizing it."

Anonymous wrote:That’s easy.

I don’t invite them to stay with us. I’d let them visit for a meal or an afternoon, but once I stopped giving them free accommodation, they stopped visiting altogether.

When we visit them, we stay in a midrange hotel and rent a car.

That works better.

And the ones who are local just never visit unless I come to them and they issue invites through my mother. At least she tells me they do. I haven’t seen them in 4 years.

If you care more about my stuff and mooching than you do about me, then I don’t think we have much of a relationship to maintain after all.

I would say that people who have been disinvited probably rightly think that you have a problem with them, which is more likely the reason that they aren’t coming to visit.

Anonymous wrote:They are rude just ignore.

I’ve also noticed that boomers think a room is not done if it’s not full of unnecessary furniture , knick knacks on display and all those matching prints and fabrics everywhere.

That’s so true.

Anonymous wrote:Treat rudeness with rudeness. This is all they understand. Just say, "We love our house exactly the way it is. We live here. You don't. In future, You may stay in a hotel."

That’s not rude. That’s just clarity. It beats endless tit for tat arguments.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL does this. I started saying some stuff like: ok, I’ll keep it mind for when we hit the lotto.

I used to do that too. That line of conversation would lead to “well doesn’t your husband make a lot of money?” So tread carefully with this one.

I shut that down.

That’s easy.

I don’t invite them to stay with us. I’d let them visit for a meal or an afternoon, but once I stopped giving them free accommodation, they stopped visiting altogether.

When we visit them, we stay in a midrange hotel and rent a car.

That works better.

And the ones who are local just never visit unless I come to them and they issue invites through my mother. At least she tells me they do. I haven’t seen them in 4 years.

If you care more about my stuff and mooching than you do about me, then I don’t think we have much of a relationship to maintain after all.