I got married at 26 and did all the traditional wedding festivities. I still do it for my friends but the bachelorette parties are now hiking through Big Sur or white water rafting. I have another that is a wine trip through Sonoma. So I find these things way more enjoyable now. If I was getting married now it would feel very silly to have the same stuff that I did at 26.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I agree. But also to the OP's point--who's bag is this? Honestly. Do you personally know any 35+ women, children or no children, married or not, who are like YES. Let's go to the club!!!!!!! I don't.

My 38-42 cousins and sister and I just had an amazing time in Vegas, including whooping it up in the club. One of us is a pastor, so that's not exactly our usual habitat. Do we ever do that kind of stuff IRL? No, and that was the point. It was once-in-a-blue-moon experience, which was part of the fun. We had no business being there; that was rather the point!

Geez, it's OK to do something out of the ordinary every once in a while. One of my cousins didn't want to try a sushi restaurant, but ended up trying it and loving every single dish we got at the table. Good thing she tried something new and was game for an adventure.

Anonymous wrote:Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I agree. But also to the OP's point--who's bag is this? Honestly. Do you personally know any 35+ women, children or no children, married or not, who are like YES. Let's go to the club!!!!!!! I don't.

Not my bag but I wouldn’t judge. Her friends owe it to her to make her feel special, as she did for them.

I think people should chill out about wedding at all ages. I find it ridiculous at any age to be nuts about it. Large weddings are really not about the couple, imo, they are a spectacle for family and friends. Such spectacle if bride and groom want it certainly shows some insecurity to me. In this time and age, who really cares? If I was 36 and getting married, I hope I'd be wise to save the money for something else and have a smallest wedding possible. Too much ado about nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can choose not to go. You can't choose how she decides to celebrate. People get married at later ages. It's 2019. I say this as someone who got married at 27. I still support all of my friends when they get married---whether it's 33 or 40.

This, if you didn't want to be involved, you could have opted out of being a bridesmaid. Don't accept and then complain

NP here. The are petulant adults out there that would end a friendship over someone opting out of being their bridesmaid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was narcissistic in your 20's too.

This.

Amen. I thought those kind of parties/events were tacky and stupid and not all that fun even when everyone was in their 20s. Don't judge her for being "too old" for this, judge all of you for having lame, cliched bachelorette weekends, and her for not realizing how dumb they were.

I’m happy to attend a shower/wedding to celebrate a couple at any age.

I think over-the-top, destination bachelorettes/weddings, crazy demanding brides are obnoxious at any age.

Anonymous wrote:You can choose not to go. You can't choose how she decides to celebrate. People get married at later ages. It's 2019. I say this as someone who got married at 27. I still support all of my friends when they get married---whether it's 33 or 40.

This, if you didn't want to be involved, you could have opted out of being a bridesmaid. Don't accept and then complain

Anonymous wrote:Just curious - did your cousin do all of these things for you when you got married?

OP here. She actually didn't bc I didn't have any of these things, but to be honest I am not calculating what I did or didn't do into this whole equation. Bc this isn't about me--she has eight bridesmaids, all married with kids, all of whom she did something for. The range, I am sure, includes showing up at the wedding (for me) to coordinating and planning three days in Vegas (like for another woman in the group). So collectively over the course of the last 15 years of weddings and babies we have all been through, she has more then "earned" her way into a two night, three day brunch-beer tour-night club situation.

However, the actual logistical problems of not meeting your guests where they are in their lives/interests is already popping up on this email string though, so even when I show up with bells on, I'll be in the minority. One woman just emailed "So excited! I haven't left my four year old for an evening yet so I will probably come with my husband and daughter and rent an airbnb and meet you guys out. Yay can't wait!" omfg guys.

Another group text: "So excited! How old is Larla's baby? Will Larla be pumping too?"

When you are in your mid-30’s, have two kids and have been to 10-15 of these prolonged wedding bachanals you want nothing to do with them. It was fun when you were 25 and single but time has marched on and life has changed. I don’t have the time or the money to fly off to Miami or Vegas for three days.

Just curious - did your cousin do all of these things for you when you got married?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be a little embarrassed to be having a shower and a balls to the wall bachelorette party at 36.

It was tacky and embarrassing at 30. Could not imagine doing it all so close to 40.

You’d be embarrassed to have a shower? Should women in their mid-30s not even bother with a wedding because now it’s embarassing at that age?

I said I'd be embarrassed to have a shower not a wedding.

A 36 year old is not just starting out. Seems tacky to expect to be treated like a 25 year old who is just out of school and truly has very little.

In my opinion it is very tacky to do all of those stupid parties at any age.

Says the person with no friends

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be a little embarrassed to be having a shower and a balls to the wall bachelorette party at 36.

It was tacky and embarrassing at 30. Could not imagine doing it all so close to 40.

You’d be embarrassed to have a shower? Should women in their mid-30s not even bother with a wedding because now it’s embarassing at that age?

I said I'd be embarrassed to have a shower not a wedding.

A 36 year old is not just starting out. Seems tacky to expect to be treated like a 25 year old who is just out of school and truly has very little.

In my opinion it is very tacky to do all of those stupid parties at any age.

I was 23 when I had my showers and they weren’t that great. Because we were young the gifts were all under $40. Nothing like the extravagant affairs my friends get now. Part of me is jealous but I’m still happy in my marriage. Dh and I didn’t have anything because we’d had roommates and didn’t live together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be a little embarrassed to be having a shower and a balls to the wall bachelorette party at 36.

It was tacky and embarrassing at 30. Could not imagine doing it all so close to 40.

You’d be embarrassed to have a shower? Should women in their mid-30s not even bother with a wedding because now it’s embarassing at that age?

I said I'd be embarrassed to have a shower not a wedding.

A 36 year old is not just starting out. Seems tacky to expect to be treated like a 25 year old who is just out of school and truly has very little.

In my opinion it is very tacky to do all of those stupid parties at any age.