Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 12:22     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Really 55 hours per week is working a lot? In the DMV? I don't think so. Did you imagine this is France?
OP, I don't know how you can make it better, it is hard.


I’m lazy for working 40 hrs/week? I specifically got my 40-hr/week job to be able to afford to outsource and not have to do the frantic juggling OP does. Not my dream job, but I can’t complain about 145k, great benefits including generous retirement match.


I guess I forgot that I already posted...

I could get a different job that paid more but would require me work longer hours. I wouldn't be able to get home before my son gets home and be there for him after school. So that is my choice and I am comfortable with that choice.

OP made a different choice, and that is totally cool. But being home so the kids can watch 1.5 hours of TV or use screens strikes me as an interesting choice. It saves on aftercare and lets the kids come home. It gives the kids something to do while OP is finishing her work. OP knows this is not ideal but she can't do her work while the kids are asking for her attention, which is what is likely to happen if OP turns off the screens.

OP, I would recommend an aftercare program that you like. Can the kids head to Tae Kwan Do? Get in some exercise and complete their homework while you finish working?
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 12:01     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:Why aren't your kids making their lunches for the next day and helping with dinner and cleaning up the house?

Since my daughter was 3 she's been throwing out the garbage, folding pants, socks, pillowcases and small towels that come out of the dyer. Since she was 4 she's been setting the table (I used to take the plates out for her). Since she was 3 she's been helping with dinner.

Oh yey, the perfect parent again! She also loaded the dishwasher at 2, correct? You sound so insufferable and crazy that I hope no one here is taking your post as serious. Is your halo clouding your eye sight too???
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:58     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Why aren't your kids making their lunches for the next day and helping with dinner and cleaning up the house?

Since my daughter was 3 she's been throwing out the garbage, folding pants, socks, pillowcases and small towels that come out of the dyer. Since she was 4 she's been setting the table (I used to take the plates out for her). Since she was 3 she's been helping with dinner.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:46     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Would you consider getting an au pair? That way pick up, homework supervision, light cleaning and some very light meal prep would be covered by the time you walk in the door. Of course you might not have room in your house or you may not want an au pair for various other reasons but it might be worth considering.


I get the sesne managing a household employee would just add to OP's stress and I don't think this would fly with the DH. I think aftercare would be a better solution.


Fair point! For some people it's a stress reliever to have in-house childcare and for others it's another thing to keep on top of. It definitely doesn't work for all families and personalities.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:31     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Have you considered hiring a personal chef? It would solve the question of dinner 3-4 nights a week, and they could tailor specifically to your diet and tastes. I've heard Enjoy Culinary Co. is amazing.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:28     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
You’re not paying for before or aftercare. That’s 1000 per month for two kids. I have kids the exact same ages. Use that money for another housecleaning visit.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:26     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That 90 minutes of work time while your kids are home is what's killing you. Instead, put your kids in 90 minutes of aftercare, get your work done, and pick them up while fully engaged.


+1 Or go into work earlier if you can, and swap your gym time in favor of active time with your kids. They're old enough to run/bike etc.


I don't think OP can go into work earlier--she's a doctor, so she's kind of tied into the office's hours for patient care, is my guess, and things like calling insurers can only happen 9 to 5.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:20     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:That 90 minutes of work time while your kids are home is what's killing you. Instead, put your kids in 90 minutes of aftercare, get your work done, and pick them up while fully engaged.


+1 Or go into work earlier if you can, and swap your gym time in favor of active time with your kids. They're old enough to run/bike etc.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:18     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Op I am bored to death as a stay-at-home so there's that. Don't quit your job!
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:17     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Really 55 hours per week is working a lot? In the DMV? I don't think so. Did you imagine this is France?
OP, I don't know how you can make it better, it is hard.


Yes, it's a lot. Plenty of 40 hr/week jobs.

Yes, all the doctors just work no more than 40 hours per week. And earn ton of money to throw money at the problem. You sound like a lazy person.


I’m lazy for working 40 hrs/week? I specifically got my 40-hr/week job to be able to afford to outsource and not have to do the frantic juggling OP does. Not my dream job, but I can’t complain about 145k, great benefits including generous retirement match.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:07     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:Would you consider getting an au pair? That way pick up, homework supervision, light cleaning and some very light meal prep would be covered by the time you walk in the door. Of course you might not have room in your house or you may not want an au pair for various other reasons but it might be worth considering.


I get the sesne managing a household employee would just add to OP's stress and I don't think this would fly with the DH. I think aftercare would be a better solution.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:05     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Would you consider getting an au pair? That way pick up, homework supervision, light cleaning and some very light meal prep would be covered by the time you walk in the door. Of course you might not have room in your house or you may not want an au pair for various other reasons but it might be worth considering.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 11:02     Subject: Re:Drowning as a working mom--help!
First off - wildly impressed you work out every day!

Advice:

Prep lunches with the kids on the weekends. If possible everything should be ready so packing lunches means grabbing several premade containers and putting them in the lunch box. They can do that in the mornings.

Make a list of super easy dinners at least a few that freeze well. Make a bunch of those. Maybe there’s a way you can figure out how to cook one night for two nights of dinners with only a small change or two to make it different. I’m sure other people here could make suggestions.

SudShare is amazing if the laundry is piling up.

Increase the house cleaners. Like another poster said, your husband might be against outsourcing but what he is doing is outsourcing the work to you
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 10:52     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
Anonymous wrote:Of course he doesn’t come home until dinner time. I’d like to walk in right at dinner time, too. He can prep dinner in the morning (cut and wash all the produce, etc.) and you can cook it when you get home. Yes as to other suggestions of kids should be making own lunches and increase cleaning service. They probably don’t need showers every day so see what can be streamlined.


NP here, but I have a very similar situation to the OP, except that I work until 5pm each day before rushing to get a child from daycare. This idea of asking spouse to prep meals, etc is all well and good, but it doesn't remove the mental energy that is put (usually on the mother, but not always, I know!) to figure out "What to make". Just figuring out meals for me is one of my hated tasks each week - I feel like it's always hanging over my head. So, tasking out jobs to a spouse feels like it's not even worth it - it does take away the time spent on that task, but it doesn't remove the mental weight.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2019 10:45     Subject: Drowning as a working mom--help!
That 90 minutes of work time while your kids are home is what's killing you. Instead, put your kids in 90 minutes of aftercare, get your work done, and pick them up while fully engaged.