Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

I think PP is just saying that her friend shouldn't be surprised or upset that she can't come.

Her friend should be! She made a major sacrifice to travel to PP’s destination wedding, and PP wouldn’t even try to make a similar sacrifice. Definition of selfish and entitled.

It’s just not the same. Once you have kids — esp if you’re not quite well off — sometimes the logistics don’t work anymore. We took a lot of crap from my family about not going to my grandma’s funeral, which was unexpected and one week after my c-section. We had 2 other under 4 year olds and I was BFing. My DH had work, I couldn’t drive and my baby was only 7 days old anyway. The funeral was 8ish hours drive or 2 hour plane ride + 1 hour drive away. It was just impossible and we took so much shit for it. It’s not like I didn’t want to go.

Sure, it’s not the same but I must have missed the memo where when I became a parent it became all about me. However, your example isn’t remotely applicable to the situation PP described. Wdddings are generally not held on one weeks’ notice, for one, and your baby was literally one week old. No one should blame you in your situation.

In the PP’s case my point stands.

Actually, when you become a parent it becomes all about time, money, and the needs of your children. It were all about you, you'd just fly off an a whim. So, if PP and he DH went to this out of town wedding without kids, what happens to the kids? Pp has no family, no nanny. So how do you find and afford and trust someone brand new to watch your very little, not verbal yet kids for several days while you are out of town?

You decline the invitation, and don’t feel bitter that not everyone is living your life, or wants to celebrate their union the way that puts the least burden you you.

This is not that hard, taxing, or worth the time to be irritated about. The invitation (not demand to attend) someone else’s wedding is not about the convenience to your life. They would like you there. If you can’t be there, I trust the wedding will still happen.

Anonymous wrote:I may be in the minority here but I'd rather attend a wedding without my kids or not go at all. I love them but I also enjoy being able to relax, have fun and enjoy some adult conversations.

Anonymous wrote:I love kids, I loved having kids at my wedding. I completely understand why people don’t want kids at theirs. It’s preference.

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

I think PP is just saying that her friend shouldn't be surprised or upset that she can't come.

Her friend should be! She made a major sacrifice to travel to PP’s destination wedding, and PP wouldn’t even try to make a similar sacrifice. Definition of selfish and entitled.

It’s just not the same. Once you have kids — esp if you’re not quite well off — sometimes the logistics don’t work anymore. We took a lot of crap from my family about not going to my grandma’s funeral, which was unexpected and one week after my c-section. We had 2 other under 4 year olds and I was BFing. My DH had work, I couldn’t drive and my baby was only 7 days old anyway. The funeral was 8ish hours drive or 2 hour plane ride + 1 hour drive away. It was just impossible and we took so much shit for it. It’s not like I didn’t want to go.

Sure, it’s not the same but I must have missed the memo where when I became a parent it became all about me. However, your example isn’t remotely applicable to the situation PP described. Wdddings are generally not held on one weeks’ notice, for one, and your baby was literally one week old. No one should blame you in your situation.

In the PP’s case my point stands.

Actually, when you become a parent it becomes all about time, money, and the needs of your children. It were all about you, you'd just fly off an a whim. So, if PP and he DH went to this out of town wedding without kids, what happens to the kids? Pp has no family, no nanny. So how do you find and afford and trust someone brand new to watch your very little, not verbal yet kids for several days while you are out of town?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

I think PP is just saying that her friend shouldn't be surprised or upset that she can't come.

Her friend should be! She made a major sacrifice to travel to PP’s destination wedding, and PP wouldn’t even try to make a similar sacrifice. Definition of selfish and entitled.

It’s just not the same. Once you have kids — esp if you’re not quite well off — sometimes the logistics don’t work anymore. We took a lot of crap from my family about not going to my grandma’s funeral, which was unexpected and one week after my c-section. We had 2 other under 4 year olds and I was BFing. My DH had work, I couldn’t drive and my baby was only 7 days old anyway. The funeral was 8ish hours drive or 2 hour plane ride + 1 hour drive away. It was just impossible and we took so much shit for it. It’s not like I didn’t want to go.

Sure, it’s not the same but I must have missed the memo where when I became a parent it became all about me. However, your example isn’t remotely applicable to the situation PP described. Wdddings are generally not held on one weeks’ notice, for one, and your baby was literally one week old. No one should blame you in your situation.

In the PP’s case my point stands.

Actually, when you become a parent it becomes all about time, money, and the needs of your children. It were all about you, you'd just fly off an a whim. So, if PP and he DH went to this out of town wedding without kids, what happens to the kids? Pp has no family, no nanny. So how do you find and afford and trust someone brand new to watch your very little, not verbal yet kids for several days while you are out of town?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is pretty weird, too, but people can do what they want. Don’t feel bad RSVPing no. They invite. You get to choose if you attend.

I agree with this. They certainly have a right to do and I have a right to say no with no judgement.

I see both sides.

I had a good girlfriend who came to my small destination wedding when she was single. Fast forward several years and she is now getting married OUT OF STATE which would require me to be gone probably 2 nights due to it's location, and expects me come - but no kids are invited. Um, I have 2 small children so I tell her regretfully I can't make it. She is upset. Say what???? She says "can't someone just watch your kids?" I was flabbergasted. Uh, no. We have no family in the area, they are LITTLE, like both under 3, and my husbands job is such that he works hours that make it impossible to care for 2 little kids, one of whom isn't even in daycare. The cluelessness and utter obtuseness were astounding. I sent a nice gift and didn't lose a moment of sleep over it.

Are you serious? You had a destination wedding and have the gall to complain that she got married “OUT OF STATE”? I hope she dropped you as a friend because this is such an incredibly entitled way of thinking and I can’t bekieve you’re painting her as the obtuse party. You are saying that because you had kids first, your time and presence is more sacred than hers. Ugh. I can’t stand people like you.

This. I am a parent of a toddler and I don't get why becoming a parent makes some people so incredibly entitled. Get over yourself pp. And you too OP.

I think PP is just saying that her friend shouldn't be surprised or upset that she can't come.

Her friend should be! She made a major sacrifice to travel to PP’s destination wedding, and PP wouldn’t even try to make a similar sacrifice. Definition of selfish and entitled.

It’s just not the same. Once you have kids — esp if you’re not quite well off — sometimes the logistics don’t work anymore. We took a lot of crap from my family about not going to my grandma’s funeral, which was unexpected and one week after my c-section. We had 2 other under 4 year olds and I was BFing. My DH had work, I couldn’t drive and my baby was only 7 days old anyway. The funeral was 8ish hours drive or 2 hour plane ride + 1 hour drive away. It was just impossible and we took so much shit for it. It’s not like I didn’t want to go.

Sure, it’s not the same but I must have missed the memo where when I became a parent it became all about me. However, your example isn’t remotely applicable to the situation PP described. Wdddings are generally not held on one weeks’ notice, for one, and your baby was literally one week old. No one should blame you in your situation.

In the PP’s case my point stands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

My family lived in state A, and DH's family lived in state B (a 4 hour drive away or a short flight or train). The wedding was held in a city in state A. While lots of guests could have driven home late that night, most opted to party hard and crash. We hosted a brunch the next morning for those who stayed over.

We didn't want our friends and family to decline because they didn't have anyone to leave their kids with, so we invited them. Most opted to bring their kids.

It's rare that anyone holds a wedding in the same state as 100% of the guests.

Didn't the op say one of the weddings is her SIL? Pretty crappy not to make an exception for your brother's kids. I mean, they are family.

OP - yes. DH said not to fight it, the likelihood is that SIL is trying to impress non-family friends who will never babysit their own kids when they have them one day. as I said, I’m sucking it up but it’s inconsiderate.

Well, I’m sure you’ll hold this against her for years.

If by that you mean will I watch her kids for a weekend when she’s invited to a kids free wedding one day? Then the answer to that is probably no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

My family lived in state A, and DH's family lived in state B (a 4 hour drive away or a short flight or train). The wedding was held in a city in state A. While lots of guests could have driven home late that night, most opted to party hard and crash. We hosted a brunch the next morning for those who stayed over.

We didn't want our friends and family to decline because they didn't have anyone to leave their kids with, so we invited them. Most opted to bring their kids.

It's rare that anyone holds a wedding in the same state as 100% of the guests.

Didn't the op say one of the weddings is her SIL? Pretty crappy not to make an exception for your brother's kids. I mean, they are family.

OP - yes. DH said not to fight it, the likelihood is that SIL is trying to impress non-family friends who will never babysit their own kids when they have them one day. as I said, I’m sucking it up but it’s inconsiderate.

Well, I’m sure you’ll hold this against her for years.

If by that you mean will I watch her kids for a weekend when she’s invited to a kids free wedding one day? Then the answer to that is probably no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

My family lived in state A, and DH's family lived in state B (a 4 hour drive away or a short flight or train). The wedding was held in a city in state A. While lots of guests could have driven home late that night, most opted to party hard and crash. We hosted a brunch the next morning for those who stayed over.

We didn't want our friends and family to decline because they didn't have anyone to leave their kids with, so we invited them. Most opted to bring their kids.

It's rare that anyone holds a wedding in the same state as 100% of the guests.

Didn't the op say one of the weddings is her SIL? Pretty crappy not to make an exception for your brother's kids. I mean, they are family.

OP - yes. DH said not to fight it, the likelihood is that SIL is trying to impress non-family friends who will never babysit their own kids when they have them one day. as I said, I’m sucking it up but it’s inconsiderate.

Well, I’m sure you’ll hold this against her for years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The irony is that the no kids wedding couple will eventually become parents bitching about no kids weddings.

We had kids at our evening wedding in a high end city hotel. It was a bit of a destination wedding in that most people stayed overnight at the hotel in the city. Big time party with kids dancing until nearly midnight. It was 20 years ago, and people still talk about it.

But here’s the crux... the fact that it was a big destination wedding requiring travel and overnight stays inconvenienced some of your guests. I trust some came, and some didn’t for that reason. Simply, some people wouldn’t have been able to accommodate the logistics or finances. That’s life.

A no kids wedding is the same. Some people with children will make arrangements to attend, some won’t. The ones that do attend will still talk about it. The ones who didn’t will still gossip about it.

Either way, the show really will go on, and it’s nothing to be cranky about.

My family lived in state A, and DH's family lived in state B (a 4 hour drive away or a short flight or train). The wedding was held in a city in state A. While lots of guests could have driven home late that night, most opted to party hard and crash. We hosted a brunch the next morning for those who stayed over.

We didn't want our friends and family to decline because they didn't have anyone to leave their kids with, so we invited them. Most opted to bring their kids.

It's rare that anyone holds a wedding in the same state as 100% of the guests.

Didn't the op say one of the weddings is her SIL? Pretty crappy not to make an exception for your brother's kids. I mean, they are family.

OP - yes. DH said not to fight it, the likelihood is that SIL is trying to impress non-family friends who will never babysit their own kids when they have them one day. as I said, I’m sucking it up but it’s inconsiderate.