Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he thought about academics? If he likes to spend a lot of time sitting around pontificating, it may be the way to go. Clinic work can be grueling.

Do you mean teaching? I had the same idea, but he's not interested in teaching.

Not teaching per se, but yeah, working at a hospital with students and residents, doing a little writing and research. Not every doctor has to be seeing 40 people a day in fifteen minute appointments.

Another option is working for the government. There is a desperate need for doctors to work in numerous capacities where they do not see patients. Rather, they're called upon to use their medical knowledge to improve efficiency, advise on covered procedures, review files for benefits entitlements, etc... My father retired from seeing patients, but then reviewed disability applications for the SSA. He found it invigorating, as he needed to go back to his medical textbooks to answer many questions, and was learning (relearning?) many fundamental concepts of orthopedics, dermatology, pain management, etc... There are also jobs with the AMA, medical publishing houses, hospital administration, etc.... There are a heck of a lot of things one can do with a medical degree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s 45ish, still has a 150k in student loans, makes 180ish max, thinks he should get to retire, but you’d have to go work FT to make $$ since he thinks he can stop making $$, and his time at home would all “me time” spent gardening and he wouldn’t cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or take the kids anyplace or give them snacks because he’s too “disabled” for that and it interrupts his “me time”? Damn. How desperate were you to marry a doctor??

That doesn't even remotely reflect what OP has been saying in this thread. Did you even read the thread?

Yeah it does. Everything comes from OP’s facts. What part is false?

I never said he wanted to retire. Or that I’d have to go back to work FT, although I was considering it. DH wants some kind of change- either a different career, job, or less hours than he’s putting in now (which ranges from 45-60 a week). I’m positive he’d say he’s perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, and taking care of the kids, and he’d say I’m the crazy one with impossible standards that only wants it done a certain way. Except I really don’t. But I’m done beating the dead horse and would rather just do those things myself or IF I go back to work, hire someone else to do it.

Truth be told, nothing catastrophic would happen if DH would take over those areas. We’d have grey, smaller, clothes, a dingy dusty house, but with a lot less stuff because it would all be thrown out, and we will probably get sick a few times (but not die) from his food, and the kids might have less friends and activities but a closer relationship with him. But he’s not the one who is unwilling to take care of these things if needed, I am the one who prefers that he doesn’t. And I really don’t want to argue with him anymore about why towels and sheets need to be laundered more than once a season or why dusting is even a real thing.

And he’s not just going to scale back if we’re not in a financially good place to do it. We also disagree on what that means- in the area of funding retirement. He thinks once the kids are grown, we’ll have half the expenses and will be able to live on $50k a year. He also keeps saying we are better off than the avg American, but I don’t think we should be setting that as our goalpost. We are having a meeting tonight to discuss our financial picture to look at what our options are. This is huge for us. Ive never been able to get him to discuss finances with me without him only dedicating 5% of his attention on the subject or just leaving the conversation after 5 minutes of “uh huh’s“.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s 45ish, still has a 150k in student loans, makes 180ish max, thinks he should get to retire, but you’d have to go work FT to make $$ since he thinks he can stop making $$, and his time at home would all “me time” spent gardening and he wouldn’t cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or take the kids anyplace or give them snacks because he’s too “disabled” for that and it interrupts his “me time”? Damn. How desperate were you to marry a doctor??

That doesn't even remotely reflect what OP has been saying in this thread. Did you even read the thread?

Yeah it does. Everything comes from OP’s facts. What part is false?

I never said he wanted to retire. Or that I’d have to go back to work FT, although I was considering it. DH wants some kind of change- either a different career, job, or less hours than he’s putting in now (which ranges from 45-60 a week). I’m positive he’d say he’s perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, and taking care of the kids, and he’d say I’m the crazy one with impossible standards that only wants it done a certain way. Except I really don’t. But I’m done beating the dead horse and would rather just do those things myself or IF I go back to work, hire someone else to do it.

Truth be told, nothing catastrophic would happen if DH would take over those areas. We’d have grey, smaller, clothes, a dingy dusty house, but with a lot less stuff because it would all be thrown out, and we will probably get sick a few times (but not die) from his food, and the kids might have less friends and activities but a closer relationship with him. But he’s not the one who is unwilling to take care of these things if needed, I am the one who prefers that he doesn’t. And I really don’t want to argue with him anymore about why towels and sheets need to be laundered more than once a season or why dusting is even a real thing.

And he’s not just going to scale back if we’re not in a financially good place to do it. We also disagree on what that means- in the area of funding retirement. He thinks once the kids are grown, we’ll have half the expenses and will be able to live on $50k a year. He also keeps saying we are better off than the avg American, but I don’t think we should be setting that as our goalpost. We are having a meeting tonight to discuss our financial picture to look at what our options are. This is huge for us. Ive never been able to get him to discuss finances with me without him only dedicating 5% of his attention on the subject or just leaving the conversation after 5 minutes of “uh huh’s“.

If he goes to PT (or do you mean just to a normal 40 hour week? In that case a NIH job would be a good place to start).

But chaning fields, 20 hour work weeks, etc all mean precipitous drop in income, and likely loss of health insurance. Which would mean you would likely need to work FT just to make a dent in the loss of income. If you want to replace $180k income with two entry level jobs, PT probably isn’t in the cards. What is your career field and history?

If he just scales back to a 40 hr work week, he can earn $120k as GS14.

If he works 55 hr weeks now for $180k, yeah that’s a bum deal. But he’s a GP? That’s how it is these days.

He sounds willfully incompetent, like many DH can be — curious about how he grew up?

Really you need therapy for both, financial planning to boot, not career advice.

Who says they need to replace $180K of income though? OP seems to think, and of course I have no idea if this is true, that he DH can earn about $120K working part time. That's certainly doable for a family of 5 without a mortgage plus if OP continues to stay home they won't have any child care expenses other than summer camps if they choose to do that.

They have student loan debt still. And we ran the numbers for a similar situation; it is tight. You still have property taxes, expensive commutes, etc

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s 45ish, still has a 150k in student loans, makes 180ish max, thinks he should get to retire, but you’d have to go work FT to make $$ since he thinks he can stop making $$, and his time at home would all “me time” spent gardening and he wouldn’t cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or take the kids anyplace or give them snacks because he’s too “disabled” for that and it interrupts his “me time”? Damn. How desperate were you to marry a doctor??

That doesn't even remotely reflect what OP has been saying in this thread. Did you even read the thread?

Yeah it does. Everything comes from OP’s facts. What part is false?

I never said he wanted to retire. Or that I’d have to go back to work FT, although I was considering it. DH wants some kind of change- either a different career, job, or less hours than he’s putting in now (which ranges from 45-60 a week). I’m positive he’d say he’s perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, and taking care of the kids, and he’d say I’m the crazy one with impossible standards that only wants it done a certain way. Except I really don’t. But I’m done beating the dead horse and would rather just do those things myself or IF I go back to work, hire someone else to do it.

Truth be told, nothing catastrophic would happen if DH would take over those areas. We’d have grey, smaller, clothes, a dingy dusty house, but with a lot less stuff because it would all be thrown out, and we will probably get sick a few times (but not die) from his food, and the kids might have less friends and activities but a closer relationship with him. But he’s not the one who is unwilling to take care of these things if needed, I am the one who prefers that he doesn’t. And I really don’t want to argue with him anymore about why towels and sheets need to be laundered more than once a season or why dusting is even a real thing.

And he’s not just going to scale back if we’re not in a financially good place to do it. We also disagree on what that means- in the area of funding retirement. He thinks once the kids are grown, we’ll have half the expenses and will be able to live on $50k a year. He also keeps saying we are better off than the avg American, but I don’t think we should be setting that as our goalpost. We are having a meeting tonight to discuss our financial picture to look at what our options are. This is huge for us. Ive never been able to get him to discuss finances with me without him only dedicating 5% of his attention on the subject or just leaving the conversation after 5 minutes of “uh huh’s“.

If he goes to PT (or do you mean just to a normal 40 hour week? In that case a NIH job would be a good place to start).

But chaning fields, 20 hour work weeks, etc all mean precipitous drop in income, and likely loss of health insurance. Which would mean you would likely need to work FT just to make a dent in the loss of income. If you want to replace $180k income with two entry level jobs, PT probably isn’t in the cards. What is your career field and history?

If he just scales back to a 40 hr work week, he can earn $120k as GS14.

If he works 55 hr weeks now for $180k, yeah that’s a bum deal. But he’s a GP? That’s how it is these days.

He sounds willfully incompetent, like many DH can be — curious about how he grew up?

Really you need therapy for both, financial planning to boot, not career advice.

Who says they need to replace $180K of income though? OP seems to think, and of course I have no idea if this is true, that he DH can earn about $120K working part time. That's certainly doable for a family of 5 without a mortgage plus if OP continues to stay home they won't have any child care expenses other than summer camps if they choose to do that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s 45ish, still has a 150k in student loans, makes 180ish max, thinks he should get to retire, but you’d have to go work FT to make $$ since he thinks he can stop making $$, and his time at home would all “me time” spent gardening and he wouldn’t cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or take the kids anyplace or give them snacks because he’s too “disabled” for that and it interrupts his “me time”? Damn. How desperate were you to marry a doctor??

That doesn't even remotely reflect what OP has been saying in this thread. Did you even read the thread?

Yeah it does. Everything comes from OP’s facts. What part is false?

I never said he wanted to retire. Or that I’d have to go back to work FT, although I was considering it. DH wants some kind of change- either a different career, job, or less hours than he’s putting in now (which ranges from 45-60 a week). I’m positive he’d say he’s perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, and taking care of the kids, and he’d say I’m the crazy one with impossible standards that only wants it done a certain way. Except I really don’t. But I’m done beating the dead horse and would rather just do those things myself or IF I go back to work, hire someone else to do it.

Truth be told, nothing catastrophic would happen if DH would take over those areas. We’d have grey, smaller, clothes, a dingy dusty house, but with a lot less stuff because it would all be thrown out, and we will probably get sick a few times (but not die) from his food, and the kids might have less friends and activities but a closer relationship with him. But he’s not the one who is unwilling to take care of these things if needed, I am the one who prefers that he doesn’t. And I really don’t want to argue with him anymore about why towels and sheets need to be laundered more than once a season or why dusting is even a real thing.

And he’s not just going to scale back if we’re not in a financially good place to do it. We also disagree on what that means- in the area of funding retirement. He thinks once the kids are grown, we’ll have half the expenses and will be able to live on $50k a year. He also keeps saying we are better off than the avg American, but I don’t think we should be setting that as our goalpost. We are having a meeting tonight to discuss our financial picture to look at what our options are. This is huge for us. Ive never been able to get him to discuss finances with me without him only dedicating 5% of his attention on the subject or just leaving the conversation after 5 minutes of “uh huh’s“.

If he goes to PT (or do you mean just to a normal 40 hour week? In that case a NIH job would be a good place to start).

But chaning fields, 20 hour work weeks, etc all mean precipitous drop in income, and likely loss of health insurance. Which would mean you would likely need to work FT just to make a dent in the loss of income. If you want to replace $180k income with two entry level jobs, PT probably isn’t in the cards. What is your career field and history?

If he just scales back to a 40 hr work week, he can earn $120k as GS14.

If he works 55 hr weeks now for $180k, yeah that’s a bum deal. But he’s a GP? That’s how it is these days.

He sounds willfully incompetent, like many DH can be — curious about how he grew up?

Really you need therapy for both, financial planning to boot, not career advice.

I never said he wanted to retire. Or that I’d have to go back to work FT, although I was considering it. DH wants some kind of change- either a different career, job, or less hours than he’s putting in now (which ranges from 45-60 a week). I’m positive he’d say he’s perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, and taking care of the kids, and he’d say I’m the crazy one with impossible standards that only wants it done a certain way. Except I really don’t. But I’m done beating the dead horse and would rather just do those things myself or IF I go back to work, hire someone else to do it.

Truth be told, nothing catastrophic would happen if DH would take over those areas. We’d have grey, smaller, clothes, a dingy dusty house, but with a lot less stuff because it would all be thrown out, and we will probably get sick a few times (but not die) from his food, and the kids might have less friends and activities but a closer relationship with him. But he’s not the one who is unwilling to take care of these things if needed, I am the one who prefers that he doesn’t. And I really don’t want to argue with him anymore about why towels and sheets need to be laundered more than once a season or why dusting is even a real thing.

And he’s not just going to scale back if we’re not in a financially good place to do it. We also disagree on what that means- in the area of funding retirement. He thinks once the kids are grown, we’ll have half the expenses and will be able to live on $50k a year. He also keeps saying we are better off than the avg American, but I don’t think we should be setting that as our goalpost. We are having a meeting tonight to discuss our financial picture to look at what our options are. This is huge for us. Ive never been able to get him to discuss finances with me without him only dedicating 5% of his attention on the subject or just leaving the conversation after 5 minutes of “uh huh’s“.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s 45ish, still has a 150k in student loans, makes 180ish max, thinks he should get to retire, but you’d have to go work FT to make $$ since he thinks he can stop making $$, and his time at home would all “me time” spent gardening and he wouldn’t cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or take the kids anyplace or give them snacks because he’s too “disabled” for that and it interrupts his “me time”? Damn. How desperate were you to marry a doctor??

That doesn't even remotely reflect what OP has been saying in this thread. Did you even read the thread?

Yeah it does. Everything comes from OP’s facts. What part is false?

I never said he wanted to retire. Or that I’d have to go back to work FT, although I was considering it. DH wants some kind of change- either a different career, job, or less hours than he’s putting in now (which ranges from 45-60 a week). I’m positive he’d say he’s perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, and taking care of the kids, and he’d say I’m the crazy one with impossible standards that only wants it done a certain way. Except I really don’t. But I’m done beating the dead horse and would rather just do those things myself or IF I go back to work, hire someone else to do it.

Truth be told, nothing catastrophic would happen if DH would take over those areas. We’d have grey, smaller, clothes, a dingy dusty house, but with a lot less stuff because it would all be thrown out, and we will probably get sick a few times (but not die) from his food, and the kids might have less friends and activities but a closer relationship with him. But he’s not the one who is unwilling to take care of these things if needed, I am the one who prefers that he doesn’t. And I really don’t want to argue with him anymore about why towels and sheets need to be laundered more than once a season or why dusting is even a real thing.

And he’s not just going to scale back if we’re not in a financially good place to do it. We also disagree on what that means- in the area of funding retirement. He thinks once the kids are grown, we’ll have half the expenses and will be able to live on $50k a year. He also keeps saying we are better off than the avg American, but I don’t think we should be setting that as our goalpost. We are having a meeting tonight to discuss our financial picture to look at what our options are. This is huge for us. Ive never been able to get him to discuss finances with me without him only dedicating 5% of his attention on the subject or just leaving the conversation after 5 minutes of “uh huh’s“.

If he goes to PT (or do you mean just to a normal 40 hour week? In that case a NIH job would be a good place to start).

But chaning fields, 20 hour work weeks, etc all mean precipitous drop in income, and likely loss of health insurance. Which would mean you would likely need to work FT just to make a dent in the loss of income. If you want to replace $180k income with two entry level jobs, PT probably isn’t in the cards. What is your career field and history?

If he just scales back to a 40 hr work week, he can earn $120k as GS14.

If he works 55 hr weeks now for $180k, yeah that’s a bum deal. But he’s a GP? That’s how it is these days.

He sounds willfully incompetent, like many DH can be — curious about how he grew up?

Really you need therapy for both, financial planning to boot, not career advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s 45ish, still has a 150k in student loans, makes 180ish max, thinks he should get to retire, but you’d have to go work FT to make $$ since he thinks he can stop making $$, and his time at home would all “me time” spent gardening and he wouldn’t cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or take the kids anyplace or give them snacks because he’s too “disabled” for that and it interrupts his “me time”? Damn. How desperate were you to marry a doctor??

That doesn't even remotely reflect what OP has been saying in this thread. Did you even read the thread?

Yeah it does. Everything comes from OP’s facts. What part is false?

I never said he wanted to retire. Or that I’d have to go back to work FT, although I was considering it. DH wants some kind of change- either a different career, job, or less hours than he’s putting in now (which ranges from 45-60 a week). I’m positive he’d say he’s perfectly capable of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, and taking care of the kids, and he’d say I’m the crazy one with impossible standards that only wants it done a certain way. Except I really don’t. But I’m done beating the dead horse and would rather just do those things myself or IF I go back to work, hire someone else to do it.

Truth be told, nothing catastrophic would happen if DH would take over those areas. We’d have grey, smaller, clothes, a dingy dusty house, but with a lot less stuff because it would all be thrown out, and we will probably get sick a few times (but not die) from his food, and the kids might have less friends and activities but a closer relationship with him. But he’s not the one who is unwilling to take care of these things if needed, I am the one who prefers that he doesn’t. And I really don’t want to argue with him anymore about why towels and sheets need to be laundered more than once a season or why dusting is even a real thing.

And he’s not just going to scale back if we’re not in a financially good place to do it. We also disagree on what that means- in the area of funding retirement. He thinks once the kids are grown, we’ll have half the expenses and will be able to live on $50k a year. He also keeps saying we are better off than the avg American, but I don’t think we should be setting that as our goalpost. We are having a meeting tonight to discuss our financial picture to look at what our options are. This is huge for us. Ive never been able to get him to discuss finances with me without him only dedicating 5% of his attention on the subject or just leaving the conversation after 5 minutes of “uh huh’s“.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husbands take come salary is depressing for me as a med student. Is he a pediatrician??

There are big variations in salary- depending on the field, whether or not you specialize, and where and who you work for. DH works for a smaller nonprofit hospital, has no specialization, and is in a field that is one of the lowest in salary compared to other MD fields.

Anonymous wrote:Your husbands take come salary is depressing for me as a med student. Is he a pediatrician??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he thought about academics? If he likes to spend a lot of time sitting around pontificating, it may be the way to go. Clinic work can be grueling.

Do you mean teaching? I had the same idea, but he's not interested in teaching.

Not teaching per se, but yeah, working at a hospital with students and residents, doing a little writing and research. Not every doctor has to be seeing 40 people a day in fifteen minute appointments.

Another option is working for the government. There is a desperate need for doctors to work in numerous capacities where they do not see patients. Rather, they're called upon to use their medical knowledge to improve efficiency, advise on covered procedures, review files for benefits entitlements, etc... My father retired from seeing patients, but then reviewed disability applications for the SSA. He found it invigorating, as he needed to go back to his medical textbooks to answer many questions, and was learning (relearning?) many fundamental concepts of orthopedics, dermatology, pain management, etc... There are also jobs with the AMA, medical publishing houses, hospital administration, etc.... There are a heck of a lot of things one can do with a medical degree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s 45ish, still has a 150k in student loans, makes 180ish max, thinks he should get to retire, but you’d have to go work FT to make $$ since he thinks he can stop making $$, and his time at home would all “me time” spent gardening and he wouldn’t cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or take the kids anyplace or give them snacks because he’s too “disabled” for that and it interrupts his “me time”? Damn. How desperate were you to marry a doctor??

That doesn't even remotely reflect what OP has been saying in this thread. Did you even read the thread?

Yeah it does. Everything comes from OP’s facts. What part is false?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he’s 45ish, still has a 150k in student loans, makes 180ish max, thinks he should get to retire, but you’d have to go work FT to make $$ since he thinks he can stop making $$, and his time at home would all “me time” spent gardening and he wouldn’t cook or clean or do laundry or go grocery shopping or take the kids anyplace or give them snacks because he’s too “disabled” for that and it interrupts his “me time”? Damn. How desperate were you to marry a doctor??

That doesn't even remotely reflect what OP has been saying in this thread. Did you even read the thread?

Yeah it does. Everything comes from OP’s facts. What part is false?