Anonymous wrote:Soccer-mom to be. Former player, knows her offspring have the genetic makeup to rock this bitch to D1, baby. Idyllic vision starts with baby-sized Sambas and stuffed fuzzy soccer balls, laughing at the "crazy parents" on local sidelines. Turns out to be the biggest offender of most of the stereotypes listed here. Ends up becoming like her mom, and marries 3v3 dad, who grows a mullet and subscribes to all soccer channels on cable. Can't quite give up the game, scrapping weekly at Fairfax Sportsplex in the Women's Elderly division, held together by knee wraps and Ben Gay.

Save this list, newbie-to-be. Save the list.

Anonymous wrote:Former player here, soon to be soccer mom. Parents, your job is to STFU during the ENTIRE game with the exception of cheering “yay” if your kid scores. That’s it.

Anonymous wrote:Former player here, soon to be soccer mom. Parents, your job is to STFU during the ENTIRE game with the exception of cheering “yay” if your kid scores. That’s it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cheering at the opponent's parents dad. I'm not so much cheering for the kids on the field as I am taunting the other parents for my team's kids having temporarily achieved an athletic accomplishment slightly better than their kids. It is only a beautiful game if at the end I feel slightly superior to those losers' parents.

The sideline offender. Your half for your parents, our half for our parents. But etiquette doesn't apply to him. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the other parents and cheer loudly against their kids. No, nothing wrong could ever come of that.

The briber. Maybe my kid will score if I pay him to. Wonder how much a goal is worth.

The on the field mom. Mama bear sees an injury on the field, mama's gonna run on the field to comfort it.

The dog owner. Fido's coming with me everywhere. That sign that says dogs aren't allowed on the turf, that doesn't apply to MY dog.

The field prepper. It is 7:30 AM and this dude lined the field, dragged the nets out, put up corner flags, filled the Gatorade jugs, erected tents alone, and is ready to roll. Might even get in a good jog before the game. Thank you for your military service, sir.

The shoulda won guy. No matter the opponent, the talent of the kids on our team, the effort of the ref, a bad call, a bad bounce, an own goal, a keeper mistake, a PK, our team shoulda won. Every game, we shoulda won.

These people make me want to fight!! Most of them you only get for a half, because their kid is either an attacking player or the keeper, so they stand on your sideline so they can be closest to their player's action as if they can't fully appreciate it from so far away on their side of the field.

We once had a parent from the other team walk over to our side (which was against the rules at the time) with a long range lens, professional camera and set up right next to our goalie to get an action shot of her kids team scoring on us. Well they didn't score that half and when she walked back to her side of the field one of our parents cheekily asked her if she got a good shot.
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The parents who never volunteer to do anything but complain about how the volunteers do things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The divorced parents that make everyone feel awkward during the games.

I know them but it’s not awkward it’s life. Uniforms at one house, little communication and very stressful. I think most people empathize.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The divorced parents that make everyone feel awkward during the games.

I know them but it’s not awkward it’s life. Uniforms at one house, little communication and very stressful. I think most people empathize.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cheering at the opponent's parents dad. I'm not so much cheering for the kids on the field as I am taunting the other parents for my team's kids having temporarily achieved an athletic accomplishment slightly better than their kids. It is only a beautiful game if at the end I feel slightly superior to those losers' parents.

The sideline offender. Your half for your parents, our half for our parents. But etiquette doesn't apply to him. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the other parents and cheer loudly against their kids. No, nothing wrong could ever come of that.

The briber. Maybe my kid will score if I pay him to. Wonder how much a goal is worth.

The on the field mom. Mama bear sees an injury on the field, mama's gonna run on the field to comfort it.

The dog owner. Fido's coming with me everywhere. That sign that says dogs aren't allowed on the turf, that doesn't apply to MY dog.

The field prepper. It is 7:30 AM and this dude lined the field, dragged the nets out, put up corner flags, filled the Gatorade jugs, erected tents alone, and is ready to roll. Might even get in a good jog before the game. Thank you for your military service, sir.

The shoulda won guy. No matter the opponent, the talent of the kids on our team, the effort of the ref, a bad call, a bad bounce, an own goal, a keeper mistake, a PK, our team shoulda won. Every game, we shoulda won.

These people make me want to fight!! Most of them you only get for a half, because their kid is either an attacking player or the keeper, so they stand on your sideline so they can be closest to their player's action as if they can't fully appreciate it from so far away on their side of the field.

We once had a parent from the other team walk over to our side (which was against the rules at the time) with a long range lens, professional camera and set up right next to our goalie to get an action shot of her kids team scoring on us. Well they didn't score that half and when she walked back to her side of the field one of our parents cheekily asked her if she got a good shot.
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The parents who never volunteer to do anything but complain about how the volunteers do things.

That last one is the worst of all.

Anonymous wrote:Honor the game vigilante Bob
*Very Mr. Rogers voice* “Let’s all simmer down now, guys. The referee is human, too.”

Anonymous wrote:The family that brings several random relatives to their elem kid’s rec soccer game like they are at the Olympics.

Like tiny grandma, random cousin and her puzzled boyfriend, and the high school brother who would rather not be there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The cheering at the opponent's parents dad. I'm not so much cheering for the kids on the field as I am taunting the other parents for my team's kids having temporarily achieved an athletic accomplishment slightly better than their kids. It is only a beautiful game if at the end I feel slightly superior to those losers' parents.

The sideline offender. Your half for your parents, our half for our parents. But etiquette doesn't apply to him. I'm gonna stand in the middle of the other parents and cheer loudly against their kids. No, nothing wrong could ever come of that.

The briber. Maybe my kid will score if I pay him to. Wonder how much a goal is worth.

The on the field mom. Mama bear sees an injury on the field, mama's gonna run on the field to comfort it.

The dog owner. Fido's coming with me everywhere. That sign that says dogs aren't allowed on the turf, that doesn't apply to MY dog.

The field prepper. It is 7:30 AM and this dude lined the field, dragged the nets out, put up corner flags, filled the Gatorade jugs, erected tents alone, and is ready to roll. Might even get in a good jog before the game. Thank you for your military service, sir.

The shoulda won guy. No matter the opponent, the talent of the kids on our team, the effort of the ref, a bad call, a bad bounce, an own goal, a keeper mistake, a PK, our team shoulda won. Every game, we shoulda won.

These people make me want to fight!! Most of them you only get for a half, because their kid is either an attacking player or the keeper, so they stand on your sideline so they can be closest to their player's action as if they can't fully appreciate it from so far away on their side of the field.

We once had a parent from the other team walk over to our side (which was against the rules at the time) with a long range lens, professional camera and set up right next to our goalie to get an action shot of her kids team scoring on us. Well they didn't score that half and when she walked back to her side of the field one of our parents cheekily asked her if she got a good shot.
___
The parents who never volunteer to do anything but complain about how the volunteers do things.

Anonymous wrote:The divorced parents that make everyone feel awkward during the games.