Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this. If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do. Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors. You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD? If not, it may be time to pursue that option. If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks. Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.

Agree that this is the poster with the solid advice here.

Yes. This is pp with ADHD who wrote about my friend’s positive experience with military school. I totally agree with this pp and had forgotten that OP had not taken these steps. My concern is that the school counselors may not have the capability to do so. Truly depends on the school and the counselor. Ideally, these steps would have already been taken.

ADD mom here again. You can see how impulsive I am from these multiple posts - did not read whole thread through. OP, if your child is not on meds, please follow other pp’s referral to psychiatrist. When an ADD person is not on meds, it is like we have ten conversations going at once inside our heads. I think you should call a meeting with the teacher and counselor and get them to see that you are taking this seriously - a good psych will check with the teachers prior to meds and after to see how your son is doing. They should fill out ratings for symptoms pre and post meds.

I'm the parent of the Jewish kid who made the Hitler joke. Do you think that went over quietly in our house? Gosh that was fun. He knew he was in for it, too. He knew it was beyond inappropriate, and he was apologetic and had detention and wrote a letter of apology.

But he was still in the principal's office a week later, for making another inappropriate joke.

The point is, for kids who are stimulation-seekers -- and probably also a certain kind of extrovert, as my son is -- it is satisfying *because* it is inappropriate. The rule-breaking is a rush. The laughter is a rush. My kid knows precisely where the line is: boredom on one side, risk and reward on the other.

This is totally new, btw. Never ever had a discipline issue in high school until... 8th grade.

This kind of impulse control is a huge, huge problem with SOME teens with ADHD -- not all of course but it's very, very well-documented. Blaming a parent who is HERE ASKING FOR HELP is just low. I guess it makes some folks feel better about themselves or something.

Ironically, it doesn't actually help the teacher or the kids targeted by the joke. But some advice about impulse control might!

And please don't talk about consequences. Everyone here has made it through toddlerhood, and we all know that consequences only help when a person has the capacity to CONTROL THEIR IMPULSES. This is pretty basic stuff.

The difference between your story and OP's is that you understood the Hitler joke to be inappropriate. No matter that she is asking for help, OP seems confused about why her son's actions were inappropriate. Teasing an adolescent girl about her period is really effed up. OP seems to want to put the blame on "today's culture" and "schools today" but she needs to understand that the teacher did the right thing. This WAS sexual harassment, which is why it was treated as such.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My suggestion is to meet with the school counselor and work together on this. If he is impulsive, it is very hard for something you say at home to stick with him at school. And contrary to what a PP said, it actually is somewhat typical for ADHD kids to make inappropriate comments -- they don't filter the way other kids do. Often, they are 2-3 years behind their peers socially and they are looking for attention; when kids laugh, they view that as positive attention, so they continue the behaviors. You really need to work with the school, his therapist, and doctor to help with that.

Is he on medication for his ADHD? If not, it may be time to pursue that option. If he is on medication, you should consider whether it should be adjusted.

I completely understand the desire to punish the behavior, and you certainly can do so, but it likely won't make your son any better at filtering/thinking before he speaks. Essentially, you punish to make yourself feel like you are doing something and to be able to tell others that you are doing something, but punishing your son isn't going to fix this problem.

Agree that this is the poster with the solid advice here.

Yes. This is pp with ADHD who wrote about my friend’s positive experience with military school. I totally agree with this pp and had forgotten that OP had not taken these steps. My concern is that the school counselors may not have the capability to do so. Truly depends on the school and the counselor. Ideally, these steps would have already been taken.

Listen, to the people claiming he can’t control his impulses and to the OP:

Has he ever made a joke about school shootings? Fire? Made fun of a bigger kid who could beat him up?

For most the answer is no. Clearly these kids know there are some lines they can’t cross. I understand that the kid will probably still try to push boundaries and it will be a much longer conversation about how to address it. But I would argue that even something like a Hitler joke is very different from harassing girls.

He knows it makes the girls very uncomfortable and he gets off on being provocative - BUT he knows the girls aren’t going to beat him up after school like a boy who he tries to humiliate might. There are few consequences and lots of upsides for him. They’re his safe place for abuse. Even his own mom minimizes the behavior by calling it being a clown instead of a bully who is sexually harassing girls. His own mom doesn’t think he’s sexually harassing girls, so why should he?

I doubt his mom has ever said something to the effect of:

“I am ashamed of you today. This is not funny - it’s mean and cruel and it makes me want to cry to know I raised a son who would treat girls this way.”

I bet when she scolds him it’s more like:
“You could get in so much trouble for saying that stuff! You can’t clown around at school like that! Someone could misinterpret your actions!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You might look into sending him to military boarding school. He needs some tough love. He is NOT a class clown but boarding on being a pervert.

I'm not OP but you obviously don't have a kid with issues like OP's kid has. You have no idea what a "military boarding school" would do to him or kids like him. Totally inappropriate place. Please think before you post about things of which you have no experience.

Mother with ADD and two boys with ADD. Reread OP’s post and noticed that she is very verbose. Less is more with boys. We don’t know this boy. Maybe he would benefit from military boarding school. I have a dear friend with ADHD who may have pulled stunts like this before he was sent to Riverside Military Academy. He says it was the best thing for him. He went on to be a very successful engineer and business person with well over 100 patents and millions of dollars from his work with tech start-ups. He now mentors prisoners, teaching them how to code and run businesses. The point is, we don’t know if another environment would be good or bad for this boy. He may need a stricter environment, with clearer rules.