Anonymous
Post 02/15/2019 12:01     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am almost 38, and among people I know who are roughly the same age, nearly all the divorces are happening to parents of one child, under the age of 2. In one case, the husband started an affair during pregnancy and is now getting remarried to his mistress with the ink barely dry on his divorce decree. In the other handful of cases, it's just seems like the baby breaks the relationship. Pretty sad. I know one divorce of a two lawyer couple around our age...fairly typical, met in law school, cohabitated, she pressed for an engagement, he agreed, then it ended after about 3.5 years because there was no there there and their financial habits varied wildly. I don't think he ever really loved her and she loves everybody she dates.


It’s lack of sex, not the baby, which breaks the relationship.


Oh pls. Sex doesn't carry a long term marriage, lol.

Looking back at many of the people we've known I would say late 30's and 40's. All different reasons. One divorced her husband because he literally would not help with the kids. They both had f/t jobs. One wife cheated, but her life is crap. She's currently on her 2nd divorce. Her 1st husband is doing well. Many divorced over money problems, probably one of the biggest problems. Another couldn't stand her husbands family, kids from the first marriage, and finally divorced him. Marriage is hard no matter how you cut it. Loyalty, commitment, and compromise have to work in a marriage otherwise it will end in divorce, or unhappiness.

Nobody has said that sex carries a marriage.
But lack of sex absolutely 100% does destroy a marriage.
Want to know if you are headed for divorce? Check your sex life.


and what wrecks a sex life? losing respect for your spouse. maybe s/he deserves the loss of respect, maybe not.

marriage, raising kids, taking good care of yourself/spouse/kids/house -- all of that is hard hard work, 24/7/365.

when people say "Having kids will really change your life," they are not merely talking about you not getting a full nights sleep, having to wash bottles, and going around with a baby or toddler. they are talking about this is Test Time - THE ultimate test on how reliable, communicate able, hard-working, and good habits you and your spouse have. If one spouses fails to be reliable in life, respect is loss, who wants to have sex with a loser, marriage is unhappy for both. but scheduled sex with a loser is not going to fix anything, just build more resentment. Hard work and change for the better will, and will lead to sex again.


Yes. Lack of communication and unwilling to compromise with your spouse will lead to divorce. If you don't respect your spouse don't think the sex will happen.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 23:59     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am almost 38, and among people I know who are roughly the same age, nearly all the divorces are happening to parents of one child, under the age of 2. In one case, the husband started an affair during pregnancy and is now getting remarried to his mistress with the ink barely dry on his divorce decree. In the other handful of cases, it's just seems like the baby breaks the relationship. Pretty sad. I know one divorce of a two lawyer couple around our age...fairly typical, met in law school, cohabitated, she pressed for an engagement, he agreed, then it ended after about 3.5 years because there was no there there and their financial habits varied wildly. I don't think he ever really loved her and she loves everybody she dates.


It’s lack of sex, not the baby, which breaks the relationship.


Oh pls. Sex doesn't carry a long term marriage, lol.

Looking back at many of the people we've known I would say late 30's and 40's. All different reasons. One divorced her husband because he literally would not help with the kids. They both had f/t jobs. One wife cheated, but her life is crap. She's currently on her 2nd divorce. Her 1st husband is doing well. Many divorced over money problems, probably one of the biggest problems. Another couldn't stand her husbands family, kids from the first marriage, and finally divorced him. Marriage is hard no matter how you cut it. Loyalty, commitment, and compromise have to work in a marriage otherwise it will end in divorce, or unhappiness.

Nobody has said that sex carries a marriage.
But lack of sex absolutely 100% does destroy a marriage.
Want to know if you are headed for divorce? Check your sex life.


and what wrecks a sex life? losing respect for your spouse. maybe s/he deserves the loss of respect, maybe not.

marriage, raising kids, taking good care of yourself/spouse/kids/house -- all of that is hard hard work, 24/7/365.

when people say "Having kids will really change your life," they are not merely talking about you not getting a full nights sleep, having to wash bottles, and going around with a baby or toddler. they are talking about this is Test Time - THE ultimate test on how reliable, communicate able, hard-working, and good habits you and your spouse have. If one spouses fails to be reliable in life, respect is loss, who wants to have sex with a loser, marriage is unhappy for both. but scheduled sex with a loser is not going to fix anything, just build more resentment. Hard work and change for the better will, and will lead to sex again.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 23:10     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?

I'll let you know.

My friends are mostly 40s and 50s with kids in middle school and elementary.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 23:05     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
My child is starting kindergarten later this year, so divorce will happen right about ......... August 26, 2019.

Wish me luck!
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 20:31     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Early-to-mid 40s is when the middle age rash of divorces begins in earnest. However, if you can make it into your early 60s still together, you are in a sweet spot.


Those almost twenty years between 41 and 59 are treacherous territory, particularly since the men still retain a bit of their youthful charm and good looks combined with the aphrodisiacs of money and power. Notably, many women at this age similarly possess the money and power, and still retain a bit of their youthful good looks. However, society has conditioned us to find the wrinkles, gray hairs, and less firm skin and body tone of women in their 40s and 50s somehow less 'charming' then that of men of similar age and aging appearance.


Many men have this delusion that they will age like George Clooney, but most of them end up looking more like Karl Rove.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 17:44     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s to early 50s...big wave..most married 15 years+


This will be me
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 17:30     Subject: Re:At what age did your friends start divorcing?
I'm in a low sex marriage, and it's definitely a source of stress. I obviously can't speak for everyone, but I think that kids are the precipitating factor in most wave 2 divorces. The kids may lead to a lack of sex, but they also just generally put a lot of pressure on the marriage, and that pressure will stress all of the fault lines that may be present but overlooked before kids come along. Too much stress and too many fault lines, and the marriage is going to break. Lack of sex is often the canary in the coal mine, but I don't think it's necessarily the causative factor.


Agree. It's not that sex life isn't important, but that there are a lot more factors that go into it than just libido. Well, OK, perhaps in 20% of marriages, it is just one partner losing their libido, but I'd bet in the other 80%, the sex (or lack thereof) is just indicative of other issues.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 16:38     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Early-to-mid 40s is when the middle age rash of divorces begins in earnest. However, if you can make it into your early 60s still together, you are in a sweet spot.


Those almost twenty years between 41 and 59 are treacherous territory, particularly since the men still retain a bit of their youthful charm and good looks combined with the aphrodisiacs of money and power. Notably, many women at this age similarly possess the money and power, and still retain a bit of their youthful good looks. However, society has conditioned us to find the wrinkles, gray hairs, and less firm skin and body tone of women in their 40s and 50s somehow less 'charming' then that of men of similar age and aging appearance.


Forget about the wrinkles. Men in their 50s still want sex. Many women in their 50s don’t. There is your problem.


No. That is your problem... enjoy the baby at 55 stage, it's fun.



I ran into a old client a few weeks ago. Figured she was still married to the same guy, but she ended up telling me he cheated, got another woman pregnant. It's a big mess. She thew him out and he's broke paying for two families. I'm going out on a limb saying the sex with the AP was NOT worth it!

Ask him. If their marriage was low sex, I assure you he's far happier now, and his AP was worth every penny.


I don't need to. His wife doesn't want him back and feels trapped by what the AP did. He didn't want a baby at 50. He's still trying to get back with his wife.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 15:40     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Early 40s. It seldom worked out well for the women.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 15:38     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
I’m 38yo. In my college educated, financially stable, circle of long time friends, 4 couples have separated in the last year. 3 out of 4 of the couples have at least one child between the ages of 6-7yo. 2/4 were college sweethearts.

It’s depressing and makes me worried about my own future.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 07:11     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
I'm in a low sex marriage, and it's definitely a source of stress. I obviously can't speak for everyone, but I think that kids are the precipitating factor in most wave 2 divorces. The kids may lead to a lack of sex, but they also just generally put a lot of pressure on the marriage, and that pressure will stress all of the fault lines that may be present but overlooked before kids come along. Too much stress and too many fault lines, and the marriage is going to break. Lack of sex is often the canary in the coal mine, but I don't think it's necessarily the causative factor.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 07:00     Subject: Re:At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s here and this makes sense. We are coming out of the baby years when it was all hands on deck and when there was no sex in the regular sense

Now there is lingering resentment from my wife about all the things I did wrong, we haven't rekindled the romantic side and frankly we are spiralling away from each other. And yes, as a successful man, it is easy to see alternatives out there and the potential of never having an intimate life again is stifling.


There is no excuse ever to have an affair. Get a divorce, give her the house, a good settlement and child support/alimony and move on.


Most nonsense post ever bordering on extortion. So to get this straight, a woman can refuse to have sex which is the glue to a marriage and a man's only option is to leave his house to his wife and give up his assets and lose full time access to his kids? Why isn't the equitable solution for the cut off spouse to seek it elsewhere and the withholding spouse can leave or step up if they don't like the situation?


Go take a shower, Hon. Wash off your dirt.
Yes - you should divorce, leaving your wife with adequate resources without being mean and cruel and move on. I would never date a man who was cruel to his ex wife.


Great advice. He's on these threads constantly talking about his sexless marriage over and over. He should be telling this to his wife. If she agrees, great. Otherwise, he needs to get divorced and find some self respect. Either way he needs some kind of therapy, or counseling to understand how healthy relationships work. Guaranteed his attitude and morals are the #1 problem which he'll take with him into the next relationship unless he makes changes.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 06:59     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Early-to-mid 40s is when the middle age rash of divorces begins in earnest. However, if you can make it into your early 60s still together, you are in a sweet spot.


Those almost twenty years between 41 and 59 are treacherous territory, particularly since the men still retain a bit of their youthful charm and good looks combined with the aphrodisiacs of money and power. Notably, many women at this age similarly possess the money and power, and still retain a bit of their youthful good looks. However, society has conditioned us to find the wrinkles, gray hairs, and less firm skin and body tone of women in their 40s and 50s somehow less 'charming' then that of men of similar age and aging appearance.


Forget about the wrinkles. Men in their 50s still want sex. Many women in their 50s don’t. There is your problem.


No. That is your problem... enjoy the baby at 55 stage, it's fun.



I ran into a old client a few weeks ago. Figured she was still married to the same guy, but she ended up telling me he cheated, got another woman pregnant. It's a big mess. She thew him out and he's broke paying for two families. I'm going out on a limb saying the sex with the AP was NOT worth it!

Ask him. If their marriage was low sex, I assure you he's far happier now, and his AP was worth every penny.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 06:57     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am almost 38, and among people I know who are roughly the same age, nearly all the divorces are happening to parents of one child, under the age of 2. In one case, the husband started an affair during pregnancy and is now getting remarried to his mistress with the ink barely dry on his divorce decree. In the other handful of cases, it's just seems like the baby breaks the relationship. Pretty sad. I know one divorce of a two lawyer couple around our age...fairly typical, met in law school, cohabitated, she pressed for an engagement, he agreed, then it ended after about 3.5 years because there was no there there and their financial habits varied wildly. I don't think he ever really loved her and she loves everybody she dates.


It’s lack of sex, not the baby, which breaks the relationship.


Oh pls. Sex doesn't carry a long term marriage, lol.

Looking back at many of the people we've known I would say late 30's and 40's. All different reasons. One divorced her husband because he literally would not help with the kids. They both had f/t jobs. One wife cheated, but her life is crap. She's currently on her 2nd divorce. Her 1st husband is doing well. Many divorced over money problems, probably one of the biggest problems. Another couldn't stand her husbands family, kids from the first marriage, and finally divorced him. Marriage is hard no matter how you cut it. Loyalty, commitment, and compromise have to work in a marriage otherwise it will end in divorce, or unhappiness.

Nobody has said that sex carries a marriage.
But lack of sex absolutely 100% does destroy a marriage.
Want to know if you are headed for divorce? Check your sex life.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2019 06:53     Subject: At what age did your friends start divorcing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Early-to-mid 40s is when the middle age rash of divorces begins in earnest. However, if you can make it into your early 60s still together, you are in a sweet spot.


Those almost twenty years between 41 and 59 are treacherous territory, particularly since the men still retain a bit of their youthful charm and good looks combined with the aphrodisiacs of money and power. Notably, many women at this age similarly possess the money and power, and still retain a bit of their youthful good looks. However, society has conditioned us to find the wrinkles, gray hairs, and less firm skin and body tone of women in their 40s and 50s somehow less 'charming' then that of men of similar age and aging appearance.


Forget about the wrinkles. Men in their 50s still want sex. Many women in their 50s don’t. There is your problem.


No. That is your problem... enjoy the baby at 55 stage, it's fun.



I ran into a old client a few weeks ago. Figured she was still married to the same guy, but she ended up telling me he cheated, got another woman pregnant. It's a big mess. She thew him out and he's broke paying for two families. I'm going out on a limb saying the sex with the AP was NOT worth it!