Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall into an abortion debate but here we are.

I am this girls god mother which is how we have had a close relationship but I am also related to her.

Her parents have passed away so her options for a safety net are v limited. I have already been the one to lean on through a v difficult time—I held an intervention and got her into a mental health hospital and then paid for rehab. Since then she’s been using but now says she’s going to meeting everyday and is not using.

I’m trying to come up with health boundaries myself as I navigate this. She’s 18 so technically an adult. But IMO stopped developing with the trauma she went through at 12 with her parents.


This is a girl who went to all the private schools you all freak out about getting into who’s parents bought in all the neighborhoods you guys debate and salivate over. As one of the previous posters said—indeed, by the grace of god go you.

Who was raising her all these years?

Can you not offer to care for her baby while she goes to rehab? And then let her live with you with the baby while she is recovering?
What she seems desperate for is the love of a family. Getting her an abortion isn’t going to achieve that.

Niether is bringing another human being into her fuc&ed up world. If you are desperate for love, you do not have a baby to fix that. A baby is not a pet.

This is what abortions are meant for.

Pro abortion at it's finest.

How many drug addicted babies have you adopted or fostered?

None that is how many.

Typical pro life hypocrite. You preach your bullshit and do nothing to cleanup the damage of result of these babies being born into this world.

I'm sorry for the position you may end up in, OP.

I've seen this play out in my own family with my aunt and cousin. My cousin, also an addict, has 5 kids by 5 different guys and custody of none of them. My aunt has custody of kids 1-3 (all have developmental issues b/c of the drugs) and #4 is being raised by the dad's parents who have custody (dad isn't in the picture - is in prison). The 5th child is being raised by the dad. He met my cousin during a 6 month period when she was clean and really making the effort to stay clean. My cousin graduated from the rehab program she was in in another state and decided to stay there in a transitional sober house. Everyone had such high hopes for her that time because she'd never put that extra effort in after leaving rehab. She met the baby's father at a coffee shop where she was working and didn't really tell him about her past. He broke up with her due to her erratic behavior, which of course, was her using again, but he didn't know that. He also didn't know that she was pregnant and neither did my aunt. She had left the transitional housing by that point and was crashing with random people. Baby #5 has the most severe developmental delays because she used heavily during most of her pregnancy but was clean for the birth. My aunt found out about baby #5 when my cousin was arrested for solicitation and was contacted by the police and DCFS. My aunt flew out and got the name of the baby's father from my cousin. She contacted him, told him my cousin's backstory, and he immediately stepped up.

Luckily, my cousin had to have a hysterectomy about a year later so she can't pop out anymore kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall into an abortion debate but here we are.

I am this girls god mother which is how we have had a close relationship but I am also related to her.

Her parents have passed away so her options for a safety net are v limited. I have already been the one to lean on through a v difficult time—I held an intervention and got her into a mental health hospital and then paid for rehab. Since then she’s been using but now says she’s going to meeting everyday and is not using.

I’m trying to come up with health boundaries myself as I navigate this. She’s 18 so technically an adult. But IMO stopped developing with the trauma she went through at 12 with her parents.


This is a girl who went to all the private schools you all freak out about getting into who’s parents bought in all the neighborhoods you guys debate and salivate over. As one of the previous posters said—indeed, by the grace of god go you.

Who was raising her all these years?

Can you not offer to care for her baby while she goes to rehab? And then let her live with you with the baby while she is recovering?
What she seems desperate for is the love of a family. Getting her an abortion isn’t going to achieve that.

Niether is bringing another human being into her fuc&ed up world. If you are desperate for love, you do not have a baby to fix that. A baby is not a pet.

This is what abortions are meant for.

Pro abortion at it's finest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall into an abortion debate but here we are.

I am this girls god mother which is how we have had a close relationship but I am also related to her.

Her parents have passed away so her options for a safety net are v limited. I have already been the one to lean on through a v difficult time—I held an intervention and got her into a mental health hospital and then paid for rehab. Since then she’s been using but now says she’s going to meeting everyday and is not using.

I’m trying to come up with health boundaries myself as I navigate this. She’s 18 so technically an adult. But IMO stopped developing with the trauma she went through at 12 with her parents.


This is a girl who went to all the private schools you all freak out about getting into who’s parents bought in all the neighborhoods you guys debate and salivate over. As one of the previous posters said—indeed, by the grace of god go you.

Who was raising her all these years?

Can you not offer to care for her baby while she goes to rehab? And then let her live with you with the baby while she is recovering?
What she seems desperate for is the love of a family. Getting her an abortion isn’t going to achieve that.

Niether is bringing another human being into her fuc&ed up world. If you are desperate for love, you do not have a baby to fix that. A baby is not a pet.

This is what abortions are meant for.

Anonymous wrote:Why would the baby wind up with you rather than with its grandparents?

Also, I was a teenage mom twice. My life did not end. My children (and I) are college educated and thriving and healthy. Worse things have happened.

Were you also an addict?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only a fool would adopt the child of a drug addicted mother. I know a family who did and their life was Hell. She should terminate this pregnancy and have her tubes tied so she won't get pregnant again.

You are scum and I feel sorry for your children.

Are you the parent of a drug-addicted baby? If not, then be quiet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you want her to kill her baby so you don’t have to worry about needing to help take care of it? She’s an addict, she needs help getting clean and prepared for the birth of this child. Perhaps his parents are the ones who can help her if you are as unsupportive as you come across in your post.

Why should OP have to raise a surprise kid?? She's essentially just a family friend of this girl. Or was a family friend at some point of her parents.

You're awful.

And OP has already said that despite her reluctance, she can already see a good chance that the baby would end up with her. Despite it ruining her life and affecting her family as well.

OP, I think you need to have a chat with your husband/family and figure out what you are prepared to do (or not) for this baby. NOBODY could possibly think less of you for not taking in this baby. It's not your burden to carry.

Maybe you could help her with the adoption process. There are parents who would accept a drug addicted baby. Or pay for rehab. Or be her sponsor for rehab. Or something else. But don't do more than you're comfortable doing. And the mom-to-be should know that you won't be her safety net and take in this child, if that's the case. Because maybe she's relying on that.

And yes, it sucks. It really does. You have my sympathy and best wishes.

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s keeping the baby.

I’m bringing her to a local dc org that specializes in “high risk” pregnancies and motherhood and has a homeless shelter and addiction specialists in every appointment. She’ll then get her first scans and talk about what resources are out there for her.

Her arrogance and idiocy and the things she’s said to me about this situation are so insane, I only have overwhelming anger and heartbreak for this poor poor baby that’s coming our way.

I need to get my head into a better space but right now I can’t find it. It might be bc I have my own newborn and toddler and I’m particularly in the thick of it there.

If you have resources i should reach out to, please let me know.

This thread has been really painful to read. Strangers don’t know us so I shouldn’t take this personally, but when my shields are down like this week it’s been hard. Maybe when I am ready I can revisit and see if there are good suggestions in the middle of the ugly.

You have heartbreak for the baby coming, but you preferred him or her be killed? Righty then.

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are lots of holes in this scenario.

Where has this girl been living since age 12 when her parents died? Does she have any extended family? How did she go from expensive private schools to dating someone in the projects? [b]

How often do you see her?

Without this information, it’s pretty much impossible to give you meaningful advice. That said, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like a really difficult situation.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s keeping the baby.

I’m bringing her to a local dc org that specializes in “high risk” pregnancies and motherhood and has a homeless shelter and addiction specialists in every appointment. She’ll then get her first scans and talk about what resources are out there for her.

Her arrogance and idiocy and the things she’s said to me about this situation are so insane, I only have overwhelming anger and heartbreak for this poor poor baby that’s coming our way.

I need to get my head into a better space but right now I can’t find it. It might be bc I have my own newborn and toddler and I’m particularly in the thick of it there.

If you have resources i should reach out to, please let me know.

This thread has been really painful to read. Strangers don’t know us so I shouldn’t take this personally, but when my shields are down like this week it’s been hard. Maybe when I am ready I can revisit and see if there are good suggestions in the middle of the ugly.

Op, you are a sweetheart to be there for your goddaughter like this especially with 2 small children of your own at home. You are making some positive steps and it sounds as though you'll have the opinion of professionals who deal with this sort of thing every day. They will help both your goddaughter and you figure out what to do.

I'm sorry, this sounds really, really tough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you thought about directing her to one of the Catholic-operated homes from pregnant teens? Clearly she won't get an abortion there, but she will get decent prenatal care, food, shelter, education, adoption counseling, and stuff to help her get set up with the baby if she decides to keep it. I think once a kid has decided that abortion is off the table, it's a pretty good option. And its waaaay better than living in a housing project with her ex's parents, especially where it sounds like the ex (if they even dated) is not in the picture. Once she's someplace stable and clean, adoption might start to make more sense to her and, if not, they can get her set up with all the right social services, a mentor, and other supports.

+1

+ 1000

OP, I think, deep down, you know this is for the best, though of course I understand your first emotions. You love her very much and want the best for her. Is there anything any of us can do to help? Is she local? I am sorry if I missed that.

This sounds like a good option. Please support her, doing good is often not easy.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s keeping the baby.

I’m bringing her to a local dc org that specializes in “high risk” pregnancies and motherhood and has a homeless shelter and addiction specialists in every appointment. She’ll then get her first scans and talk about what resources are out there for her.

Her arrogance and idiocy and the things she’s said to me about this situation are so insane, I only have overwhelming anger and heartbreak for this poor poor baby that’s coming our way.

I need to get my head into a better space but right now I can’t find it. It might be bc I have my own newborn and toddler and I’m particularly in the thick of it there.

If you have resources i should reach out to, please let me know.

This thread has been really painful to read. Strangers don’t know us so I shouldn’t take this personally, but when my shields are down like this week it’s been hard. Maybe when I am ready I can revisit and see if there are good suggestions in the middle of the ugly.

OP, I’m so sorry you and your god daughter are going through this and that so many DCUM posts were so unsympathetic and frankly, mean. I completely agree with you that an abortion would have been a much, much better choice. I applaud you for trying to explain to your god daughter why having a baby right now is a terrible decision. I had an abortion in college and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I’m now happily married to someone I love and have 3 children. However, it sounds like this girl is having a baby. It’s good you found some resources for her. You have your hands full with 2 young kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, thanks for trying to be there for your god daughter.

For those promoting adoption---please note it's not much easier than adoption. It's a tough choice to place a child for adoption after carrying it to term. The frief associated with being a birthmom is often unacknowledged.

Also,the baby isn't born an addict--it is born with a drug dependence.

OP - Why don’t you answer as to where this girl has been living the last 6 years??
Was she living with you? Foster care? Where?

Hellooo?

OP here. She’s keeping the baby.

I’m bringing her to a local dc org that specializes in “high risk” pregnancies and motherhood and has a homeless shelter and addiction specialists in every appointment. She’ll then get her first scans and talk about what resources are out there for her.

Her arrogance and idiocy and the things she’s said to me about this situation are so insane, I only have overwhelming anger and heartbreak for this poor poor baby that’s coming our way.

I need to get my head into a better space but right now I can’t find it. It might be bc I have my own newborn and toddler and I’m particularly in the thick of it there.

If you have resources i should reach out to, please let me know.

This thread has been really painful to read. Strangers don’t know us so I shouldn’t take this personally, but when my shields are down like this week it’s been hard. Maybe when I am ready I can revisit and see if there are good suggestions in the middle of the ugly.

I hope she miscarries the baby by a miracle

That would solve everyone’s problem with the baby