Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:49     Subject: Re:Wife wants another child; I do not
The OP threads seem flat enough in tone that it seems there's a high probability OP is either a troll or someone with a very limited capacity for empathy. If you love your wife and son, then you try to help your wife realize her goal to have another child, if only to keep your family together and have an ongoing presence in your son's life. I was pretty sure I only wanted two kids and one day spouse announced #3 was on the way. He's one of the three greatest kids in the world, in my humble opinion.

If you can't see your way through to this, nobody on this forum is going make things any better for you.

Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:42     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Surely OP is a troll? No one can be this dense.


I wish it was fake, but it's real. I'm about to lose my marriage over this. It's absurd.

Your behavior is what is absurd. If you lose your marriage it will be your own fault. Stop whining.


But she could divorce me, marry someone else (or not) and not have another child anyway! She's breaking up the family over something that may or may not happen? I can't understand it.


She's upset about not having another kid, but I strongly suspect that the thing that will break up your family is something that's already happened--your lack of honesty. You burned her years of fertility because you didn't want to tell her the truth. That's unkind and disrespectful, and who wants to be married to someone like that.


exacty. YOU did this op!! she is probably so heartbroken right now, if you stay married she will turn bitter
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:42     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:I'm angry that I'm now in the position where I won't be able to see my son everyday and that my marriage will be over.


You did a bait and switch. Really a crummy thing to do to your wife. At this point I would have another child. You will be happy to have an intact family, and will love your 2nd one just as much. You seem to be the problem in this equation, but it's not too late if you wise up.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:41     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Surely OP is a troll? No one can be this dense.


I wish it was fake, but it's real. I'm about to lose my marriage over this. It's absurd.

Your behavior is what is absurd. If you lose your marriage it will be your own fault. Stop whining.


But she could divorce me, marry someone else (or not) and not have another child anyway! She's breaking up the family over something that may or may not happen? I can't understand it.


She's upset about not having another kid, but I strongly suspect that the thing that will break up your family is something that's already happened--your lack of honesty. You burned her years of fertility because you didn't want to tell her the truth. That's unkind and disrespectful, and who wants to be married to someone like that.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:38     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If she didn't have fertility issues, this would not be a issue because it's not like I've done anything to prevent her getting pregnant naturally. But we also know that while the chances aren't zero, they're low. If it just "happened" naturally, I would just accept it and be a great dad to another baby like I have been to the one we already have.


There is a reason why OP keep avoiding the elephant in the room - which is that he should have told his wife his views early and given her the choice to stay or leave on her own terms.

She feels betrayed by you, OP, and rightfully so. People divorce over lying and betrayals everyday. If you two got fertility treatments today and failed to have another baby, she wouldn't leave you over it - it's not about her desire to have the baby, it's your dishonesty and utter selfishness.


I accept the blame for that. [b]I should have told her but I just....


You just chickened out. You lied to her because you didn't want to have a hard conversation and you hoped she'd change her mind and you'd get what you wanted without having to tell her the truth.

And you DON'T accept the blame, because you keep blaming your wife. She wants to leave you because you're a cowardly lying liar.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:34     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
you sound like a huge dick
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:28     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are allowed to put your foot down and say you don't want another child. She is allowed to say that's a dealbreaker and she would rather not be married to you than only have one. Granted, her position is precarious because there's no guarantee that she can actually have another with her history of fertility issues and age, but she can still make that decision.

I can see why she feels betrayed, it sounds like knew years ago that you weren't going to want another and just planned to wait it out until she was too old.


Or she can choose to adopt.


I don't want to adopt.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:21     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:I'm angry that I'm now in the position where I won't be able to see my son everyday and that my marriage will be over.


You're allowed to be angry, but you aren't an innocent victim. You and your wife are both making choices here.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:19     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:I'm angry that I'm now in the position where I won't be able to see my son everyday and that my marriage will be over.

Blame yourself.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:19     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:You are allowed to put your foot down and say you don't want another child. She is allowed to say that's a dealbreaker and she would rather not be married to you than only have one. Granted, her position is precarious because there's no guarantee that she can actually have another with her history of fertility issues and age, but she can still make that decision.

I can see why she feels betrayed, it sounds like knew years ago that you weren't going to want another and just planned to wait it out until she was too old.


Or she can choose to adopt.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:16     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
I'm angry that I'm now in the position where I won't be able to see my son everyday and that my marriage will be over.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:14     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Not to mention is seems your wife already compromised to two from having agreed on a big family.


When we agreed to have a big family BEFORE the marriage, we didn't know she had problems. Her fertility problems drained me and it's one of the reasons why I don't want anymore. She should accept that she has fertility problems and needs to compromise now. She says she's compromising with me because she went from wanting a big family to only having two kids. Again, why can't she just be thankful for what she has now?


OP, you really need to slow down. Your wife is not ungrateful for the child she has. She is (in my opinion understandably) disappointed in the HUSBAND she has.

Fertility issues are very hard on couples, but arguably, they are harder on the person actually experiencing them. Many women have a lot of their identity really tied up in their ability to have children, for better or worse. I have had 3 miscarriages and it really felt like my body was broken and couldn't do what it was supposed to do. I knew, rationally, that that was not true, but that was how I felt. Your wife does not need to "accept that she has fertility problems and needs to compromise." That is a really heartless thing to say. She is willing to go through a process that is excruciating both physically and emotionally, which should tell you a lot about how important this is to her.


she must be ungrateful if she's going to leave the marriage and break up our family over this. I'm hurting


You need to give your wife a break, OP.

She's facing the difficulty of a terrible choice:

1. Divorce and having to raise her child in a broken home, or

2. Face a lifetime being married to a self-victimizing, passive-aggressive, selfish liar like yourself.

I feel for her.


So how can I fix it? Let's say I give in and agree to have another one. She would want to talk about the process and I honestly wouldn't want to because I just don't want to do it. If I go thru with it, I just can't be happy about the process to get the kid. I would be a good dad to the baby because it's my responsibility and of course I would love the baby but I'm ok with our life just the way it is now.


You don't fix it, OP. You say, "I'm sorry that I was not honest about my feelings before. I am not going to change my mind about a second child. I hope that you will change your mind about ending our marriage because I love you and our son and I don't want to divorce." Then you let her make her decision. If she stays with you, you have to commit to never, ever behaving in the shady "I hoped she would change her mind" way again. If you stay married, I think it would be beneficial to go to a counselor together so that you can work out the communication issues in your relationship. If she decides to leave you, you need to accept that decision gracefully because you are directly responsible for the way things are now.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:13     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Surely OP is a troll? No one can be this dense.


I wish it was fake, but it's real. I'm about to lose my marriage over this. It's absurd.

Your behavior is what is absurd. If you lose your marriage it will be your own fault. Stop whining.


But she could divorce me, marry someone else (or not) and not have another child anyway! She's breaking up the family over something that may or may not happen? I can't understand it.


She may or may not have another child, but she won’t be married to liar. Get it?
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:12     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:All I'm hearing from OP is me, me, me, me, me......
Looks like his wife already has 2 kids.


Ha! +1.
Anonymous
Post 01/18/2019 12:12     Subject: Wife wants another child; I do not
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Surely OP is a troll? No one can be this dense.


I wish it was fake, but it's real. I'm about to lose my marriage over this. It's absurd.

Your behavior is what is absurd. If you lose your marriage it will be your own fault. Stop whining.


But she could divorce me, marry someone else (or not) and not have another child anyway! She's breaking up the family over something that may or may not happen? I can't understand it.