Anonymous wrote:I am a first generation immigrant from a poor rural Indian family. My parents are solidly middle class government employees who are now retired. At the height of his career my dear father used all of his money + loans + dipping into his retirement funds to ensure me and my siblings were given the best education he could afford. As such we went to well regarded private British schools and after graduating came to the U.S to attend university.

I am now married and live in the U.S on a GC. My brother is also here and works. The problem is, my father is now retired, deeply in debt and without any savings to fund him, my mom and my 2 other siblings who are still in high school. They are completely broke. My youngest sister is attending a private HS back home and they need money for her registration for the new year. My parents have been hitting my brother and I for money over the years. We feel it is our obligation to help them as they are our parents and also because they are in such dire circumstances.

I feel awful but at the same time feel like I can never really save. I don't know how to help or fix their problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, set aside a monthly amount that you feel would be financially comfortable for you and your dh to send.

I'm also from India and help my parents out who live here, but you are NOT obligated for life to give them everything. They chose to spend all that money, NOT you.

Was it coming to the US that made you selfish?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate the replies. This is OP.

I am very very thankful for my parents sacrifices. I feel guilty on a daily basis. I'm really sad that while I can buy a latte at 3pm just as a little treat, my little sister at home doesn't have any pocket money to go out with her friends. Daily reminders like that are very difficult.

I agree with everyone about needing to do a job change. I am attempting to figure out next career moves. It is just unfortunate that I have not been making enough of an income to pay my bills, pay for my own very modest wedding with DH in addition to committing to sending home 200k+ per month.

It is just not mathematically possible for me at this time. My DH and I are "DC poor" with a HHI of less than 150k combined. With school loans, paying for our wedding last year and everything else we are pretty tight financially.

My DH is very generous and encourages me to send bits of my income home when I am able. I usually send money to cover emergencies and siblings schooling, in addition to help pay off my dad's many debts.

My younger brother who lives here has also been helping out but he is at a crossroads. He feels that it is not fair to him that our parents put him in this situation. He was too young to make a choice or have a say in this situation and he was forced into an agreement he was unable to decline. He is frustrated that he is 28 and has very little savings. He has a nice life though and goes on multiple vacations a year domestically with his girlfriend.

I see his point. My parents' financial mess is a blackhole and I would need to be earning about 300k+ to be able to significantly help such as a. buy them a permanent home in India, spend $100k + to pay off all of the loans and pay for my siblings to attend college.

It is a lot. Neither of us are particularly high earning another my brother is in finance and will eventually make more.

So you are paying for your own grad school?

Your brother may be thinking that nobody will want to marry him if too much of his money goes to his own parents and nothing to his wife and kids.

I think you need to very seriously ask your parents how they think you can afford children if you also have to pay off all of their debts.

If I go to graduate school, yes. I am looking to see if I can get a scholarship or some way in which those loans would be less.

Wait so you have student loans from undergrad? What did your parents pay for that put them into so much debt?

No I don't.

I went to undergrad in the US. with a combo of scholarships and about 30k in loans my dad took out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate the replies. This is OP.

I am very very thankful for my parents sacrifices. I feel guilty on a daily basis. I'm really sad that while I can buy a latte at 3pm just as a little treat, my little sister at home doesn't have any pocket money to go out with her friends. Daily reminders like that are very difficult.

I agree with everyone about needing to do a job change. I am attempting to figure out next career moves. It is just unfortunate that I have not been making enough of an income to pay my bills, pay for my own very modest wedding with DH in addition to committing to sending home 200k+ per month.

It is just not mathematically possible for me at this time. My DH and I are "DC poor" with a HHI of less than 150k combined. With school loans, paying for our wedding last year and everything else we are pretty tight financially.

My DH is very generous and encourages me to send bits of my income home when I am able. I usually send money to cover emergencies and siblings schooling, in addition to help pay off my dad's many debts.

My younger brother who lives here has also been helping out but he is at a crossroads. He feels that it is not fair to him that our parents put him in this situation. He was too young to make a choice or have a say in this situation and he was forced into an agreement he was unable to decline. He is frustrated that he is 28 and has very little savings. He has a nice life though and goes on multiple vacations a year domestically with his girlfriend.

I see his point. My parents' financial mess is a blackhole and I would need to be earning about 300k+ to be able to significantly help such as a. buy them a permanent home in India, spend $100k + to pay off all of the loans and pay for my siblings to attend college.

It is a lot. Neither of us are particularly high earning another my brother is in finance and will eventually make more.

So you are paying for your own grad school?

Your brother may be thinking that nobody will want to marry him if too much of his money goes to his own parents and nothing to his wife and kids.

I think you need to very seriously ask your parents how they think you can afford children if you also have to pay off all of their debts.

If I go to graduate school, yes. I am looking to see if I can get a scholarship or some way in which those loans would be less.

Wait so you have student loans from undergrad? What did your parents pay for that put them into so much debt?

No I don't.

I went to undergrad in the US. with a combo of scholarships and about 30k in loans my dad took out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate the replies. This is OP.

I am very very thankful for my parents sacrifices. I feel guilty on a daily basis. I'm really sad that while I can buy a latte at 3pm just as a little treat, my little sister at home doesn't have any pocket money to go out with her friends. Daily reminders like that are very difficult.

I agree with everyone about needing to do a job change. I am attempting to figure out next career moves. It is just unfortunate that I have not been making enough of an income to pay my bills, pay for my own very modest wedding with DH in addition to committing to sending home 200k+ per month.

It is just not mathematically possible for me at this time. My DH and I are "DC poor" with a HHI of less than 150k combined. With school loans, paying for our wedding last year and everything else we are pretty tight financially.

My DH is very generous and encourages me to send bits of my income home when I am able. I usually send money to cover emergencies and siblings schooling, in addition to help pay off my dad's many debts.

My younger brother who lives here has also been helping out but he is at a crossroads. He feels that it is not fair to him that our parents put him in this situation. He was too young to make a choice or have a say in this situation and he was forced into an agreement he was unable to decline. He is frustrated that he is 28 and has very little savings. He has a nice life though and goes on multiple vacations a year domestically with his girlfriend.

I see his point. My parents' financial mess is a blackhole and I would need to be earning about 300k+ to be able to significantly help such as a. buy them a permanent home in India, spend $100k + to pay off all of the loans and pay for my siblings to attend college.

It is a lot. Neither of us are particularly high earning another my brother is in finance and will eventually make more.

So you are paying for your own grad school?

Your brother may be thinking that nobody will want to marry him if too much of his money goes to his own parents and nothing to his wife and kids.

I think you need to very seriously ask your parents how they think you can afford children if you also have to pay off all of their debts.

If I go to graduate school, yes. I am looking to see if I can get a scholarship or some way in which those loans would be less.

Wait so you have student loans from undergrad? What did your parents pay for that put them into so much debt?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate the replies. This is OP.

I am very very thankful for my parents sacrifices. I feel guilty on a daily basis. I'm really sad that while I can buy a latte at 3pm just as a little treat, my little sister at home doesn't have any pocket money to go out with her friends. Daily reminders like that are very difficult.

I agree with everyone about needing to do a job change. I am attempting to figure out next career moves. It is just unfortunate that I have not been making enough of an income to pay my bills, pay for my own very modest wedding with DH in addition to committing to sending home 200k+ per month.

It is just not mathematically possible for me at this time. My DH and I are "DC poor" with a HHI of less than 150k combined. With school loans, paying for our wedding last year and everything else we are pretty tight financially.

My DH is very generous and encourages me to send bits of my income home when I am able. I usually send money to cover emergencies and siblings schooling, in addition to help pay off my dad's many debts.

My younger brother who lives here has also been helping out but he is at a crossroads. He feels that it is not fair to him that our parents put him in this situation. He was too young to make a choice or have a say in this situation and he was forced into an agreement he was unable to decline. He is frustrated that he is 28 and has very little savings. He has a nice life though and goes on multiple vacations a year domestically with his girlfriend.

I see his point. My parents' financial mess is a blackhole and I would need to be earning about 300k+ to be able to significantly help such as a. buy them a permanent home in India, spend $100k + to pay off all of the loans and pay for my siblings to attend college.

It is a lot. Neither of us are particularly high earning another my brother is in finance and will eventually make more.

So you are paying for your own grad school?

Your brother may be thinking that nobody will want to marry him if too much of his money goes to his own parents and nothing to his wife and kids.

I think you need to very seriously ask your parents how they think you can afford children if you also have to pay off all of their debts.

If I go to graduate school, yes. I am looking to see if I can get a scholarship or some way in which those loans would be less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate the replies. This is OP.

I am very very thankful for my parents sacrifices. I feel guilty on a daily basis. I'm really sad that while I can buy a latte at 3pm just as a little treat, my little sister at home doesn't have any pocket money to go out with her friends. Daily reminders like that are very difficult.

I agree with everyone about needing to do a job change. I am attempting to figure out next career moves. It is just unfortunate that I have not been making enough of an income to pay my bills, pay for my own very modest wedding with DH in addition to committing to sending home 200k+ per month.

It is just not mathematically possible for me at this time. My DH and I are "DC poor" with a HHI of less than 150k combined. With school loans, paying for our wedding last year and everything else we are pretty tight financially.

My DH is very generous and encourages me to send bits of my income home when I am able. I usually send money to cover emergencies and siblings schooling, in addition to help pay off my dad's many debts.

My younger brother who lives here has also been helping out but he is at a crossroads. He feels that it is not fair to him that our parents put him in this situation. He was too young to make a choice or have a say in this situation and he was forced into an agreement he was unable to decline. He is frustrated that he is 28 and has very little savings. He has a nice life though and goes on multiple vacations a year domestically with his girlfriend.

I see his point. My parents' financial mess is a blackhole and I would need to be earning about 300k+ to be able to significantly help such as a. buy them a permanent home in India, spend $100k + to pay off all of the loans and pay for my siblings to attend college.

It is a lot. Neither of us are particularly high earning another my brother is in finance and will eventually make more.

So you are paying for your own grad school?

Your brother may be thinking that nobody will want to marry him if too much of his money goes to his own parents and nothing to his wife and kids.

I think you need to very seriously ask your parents how they think you can afford children if you also have to pay off all of their debts.

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

My brother also says that our parents were incredibly poor planners. They created a great burden on us by making financially illogical choices and now our family is drowning.

We have had long drawn out arguments where I have tried to explain that had he not taken these risks none of us would be where we are. He seems to think that I am awful and selfish and that our parents are emotionally abusive for expecting us to care for them.

It is hard for me to deal with all of this alone as my brother is basically distancing himself from us.

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate the replies. This is OP.

I am very very thankful for my parents sacrifices. I feel guilty on a daily basis. I'm really sad that while I can buy a latte at 3pm just as a little treat, my little sister at home doesn't have any pocket money to go out with her friends. Daily reminders like that are very difficult.

I agree with everyone about needing to do a job change. I am attempting to figure out next career moves. It is just unfortunate that I have not been making enough of an income to pay my bills, pay for my own very modest wedding with DH in addition to committing to sending home 200k+ per month.

It is just not mathematically possible for me at this time. My DH and I are "DC poor" with a HHI of less than 150k combined. With school loans, paying for our wedding last year and everything else we are pretty tight financially.

My DH is very generous and encourages me to send bits of my income home when I am able. I usually send money to cover emergencies and siblings schooling, in addition to help pay off my dad's many debts.

My younger brother who lives here has also been helping out but he is at a crossroads. He feels that it is not fair to him that our parents put him in this situation. He was too young to make a choice or have a say in this situation and he was forced into an agreement he was unable to decline. He is frustrated that he is 28 and has very little savings. He has a nice life though and goes on multiple vacations a year domestically with his girlfriend.

I see his point. My parents' financial mess is a blackhole and I would need to be earning about 300k+ to be able to significantly help such as a. buy them a permanent home in India, spend $100k + to pay off all of the loans and pay for my siblings to attend college.

It is a lot. Neither of us are particularly high earning another my brother is in finance and will eventually make more.