Anonymous wrote:OP you never should have bought her a car. That’s absurd. Do you discuss this with your fiancé? He seems annoyed and I don’t blame him. I think you have a savior complex. You need to get over it and find better friends.

Some people are closer to their friends than their family. If OP was helping a sibling, would you feel the same way?

I have a relative whom I gave money to on a regular basis because she didn't finish college and was working hard to make ends meet, sometimes as much as $7,000. All amounts were gifts, not loans. I think it's fine that you are generous to your good friend. Her DH was probably feeling emasculated and lashed out. While that was wrong, you're fiancé was a HUGE a hole for saying what he said. Contrary to what most on this thread have said, I'd keep helping your friend, just like I keep helping my family member, whom I consider my best friend. As your significant other is your fiancé you need to sit down and figure out how all this will work going forward. I was helping my relative before I got married and continued after I got married. My dad was very controlling of money so going in I discussed with DH about us each having a certain amount of money allocated that we could each do with as we pleased. I helped my relative out of that fund. He bought ridiculously expensive golf clubs and things like that. You don't want this impacting you relationship, but you also need to figure out whether what your fiancé did was out of character or if it's how he behaves on a regular basis. It was not a good show as far as his character goes.

7:22 here. And Anna lied to Mike and didn’t tell him that she has been asking for money.

Look at it this way: Mike was mad at you because Anna most have told him that you have been giving them gifts sn

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mike is a sore loser and ungrateful idiot who is dragging Anna down. Both are not the sharpest tools as they had kidS (plural!) in their situation.
I think it is best if just the two of you meet from now on (Anna and OP) and if you would like to help Anna you can buy things that are for her use or for the kids. I would not want to have anything to do with Mike ever.

He's supposed to be grateful and gracious that OP gave him a car? Really?

Their financial problems are such that they’ve apparently had to move in with family, have no working vehicle between them, and might not be able to pay for daycare for their kids. And Mike is apparently the one who is driving the car. So yeah, I’d say that any reasonable, non-obnoxious person would be grateful for the help.

If Mike is so proud that he’d rather walk to work and get his kids kicked out of daycare for non-payment than accept help from OP (who has helped them repeatedly in the past) then he should take it up with his wife who is asking her friend for money all the time. Being rude to OP (as stupid as her actions are) is way out of line.

Ongoing, major help that he wasn't consulted about? I'm not so sure about that!

Accept Anna's apology. Avoid Mike for a while. No more money.

Anonymous wrote:A few months ago, we discussed their finances so I could help them plan things a bit better. Between the 2 of them, they make $55K. They really don't do any extras except for the occasional 7-11 coffee. Kids go to an in home daycare and until recently they had an apartment. Once the lease ended, they decided to just move in with relatives to save money. They both have about $15K in student loans each.

I would help out because of the friendship and then obviously because of the kids. I have been paying the daycare bill for the past 3 months to take some of the weight off but now they are covering it because they don't have the high rent anymore.

Just stop. You are not this friend's mother. You are way too involved. Their finances are not your problem to solve. They live with their parents, they are not without a support system. It's not up to you to save them.

OP you never should have bought her a car. That’s absurd. Do you discuss this with your fiancé? He seems annoyed and I don’t blame him. I think you have a savior complex. You need to get over it and find better friends.

Anonymous wrote:Call Anna back and tell her it's fine. Tell her you are happy to have provided them a car.

Next time she mentions needing money or asks for it, say "Sorry, I/we can't this time." Stop giving them money. They are adults, parents. They need to learn to support themselves.

It's not about Mike being ungrateful. It's about them being adults, and this being a pattern.

The minute you stop giving them money, the friendship will end. This us a graceful way to end it

Agree, you blew it by buying them a new used car. Not something most people would ever do plus most people would be embarrassed to except it in the first place. As nice as you are it certainly makes you look like rich Princess who throws money around to people less fortunate as yourself.

The guy should come to his senses. He feels emasculated that you are helping out when he can't afford it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mike is a sore loser and ungrateful idiot who is dragging Anna down. Both are not the sharpest tools as they had kidS (plural!) in their situation.
I think it is best if just the two of you meet from now on (Anna and OP) and if you would like to help Anna you can buy things that are for her use or for the kids. I would not want to have anything to do with Mike ever.

He's supposed to be grateful and gracious that OP gave him a car? Really?

Their financial problems are such that they’ve apparently had to move in with family, have no working vehicle between them, and might not be able to pay for daycare for their kids. And Mike is apparently the one who is driving the car. So yeah, I’d say that any reasonable, non-obnoxious person would be grateful for the help.

If Mike is so proud that he’d rather walk to work and get his kids kicked out of daycare for non-payment than accept help from OP (who has helped them repeatedly in the past) then he should take it up with his wife who is asking her friend for money all the time. Being rude to OP (as stupid as her actions are) is way out of line.

Not at all. Anything he can do to drive OP away, the better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mike is a sore loser and ungrateful idiot who is dragging Anna down. Both are not the sharpest tools as they had kidS (plural!) in their situation.
I think it is best if just the two of you meet from now on (Anna and OP) and if you would like to help Anna you can buy things that are for her use or for the kids. I would not want to have anything to do with Mike ever.

He's supposed to be grateful and gracious that OP gave him a car? Really?

Their financial problems are such that they’ve apparently had to move in with family, have no working vehicle between them, and might not be able to pay for daycare for their kids. And Mike is apparently the one who is driving the car. So yeah, I’d say that any reasonable, non-obnoxious person would be grateful for the help.

If Mike is so proud that he’d rather walk to work and get his kids kicked out of daycare for non-payment than accept help from OP (who has helped them repeatedly in the past) then he should take it up with his wife who is asking her friend for money all the time. Being rude to OP (as stupid as her actions are) is way out of line.

Anonymous wrote:Mike is a sore loser and ungrateful idiot who is dragging Anna down. Both are not the sharpest tools as they had kidS (plural!) in their situation.
I think it is best if just the two of you meet from now on (Anna and OP) and if you would like to help Anna you can buy things that are for her use or for the kids. I would not want to have anything to do with Mike ever.

He's supposed to be grateful and gracious that OP gave him a car? Really?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um you bought them a car? You give them hundreds of dollars “here and there?” I say Anna is using you. Remain friends if you want, but my purse would be closed. I would have no problem lending money to a good friend or giving a one time gift in a tight spot, but I can’t imagine any of my friends would repeatedly take my money and let me pay for things without even offering to repay.

x100000

Like that friend who suggests the pricey restaurant? Yeah, no.

For real!! Geez!!