Anonymous
Post 12/03/2018 09:54     Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the common denominator is YOU. Wherever you go, there you are. Anyone who marries someone they aren't sure about and is miserable the entire marriage but continues to get in deeper and deeper with kids, etc....... Something is wrong with you to have gotten yourself into this situation.


OP: kids were both accidents. Years of no sex. Did not think I was ovulating. First was a manipulation by DH when I was trying to leave. Geography played a huge role. I tried to break it off. He convinced me to try. He moved. We were not ready to make a decision about marriage. Distance made us have to decide. It was a snowball effect. Do not think marriage would have ever happened if the geography issue did not come into play.

And yes, what is wrong with me is that I put his feeling and desires first, which many women do.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2018 23:59     Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Sounds like the common denominator is YOU. Wherever you go, there you are. Anyone who marries someone they aren't sure about and is miserable the entire marriage but continues to get in deeper and deeper with kids, etc....... Something is wrong with you to have gotten yourself into this situation.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2018 22:26     Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP--How are you defining amicable? My actual divorce process was fine. We were both very fair and mature as we divided up custody and our finances. We have never fought since he moved out. We cohost the kid's birthday parties and are cordial to each other at events. I work really hard to never say negative things about him to the kids. I will always work really hard to make sure my kids aren't torn between us (including tempering expectations for visits/holidays when they are adults.) Compared to what many of my friends endure with their exes, our divorce is very easy.

But it wasn't amicable in that it wasn't what I wanted. He completely betrayed my trust and our marriage. He pisses me off on a semi-regular basis with his ongoing selfishness and thoughtlessness. Even though we're both mature about it, it was still traumatic and painful for me and it was really hard on our kids.


This is me too. We get along and things were divided fairly but overall nothing about this is what I wanted. He's selfish and mostly a good dad upon convenience. ANd I have to suck it up and not say negative things.

One thing I don't get about these "amicable divorces" is if you get along so well why are you divorces?


OP here: I want to be amicable for the kids. I think we can do it. We are good roommates. I want a divorce because I was not sure about getting married, did it anyway, was miserable immediately, gave it more time to improve, but got accidentally pregnant right before I admitted to my parents I was going to tell him I wanted to leave. That was almost 10 years ago. I am still miserable in the marriage. You can "get along" on the surface in a marriage but have it be utterly empty, loveless, and sexless for many, many reasons. That's why. I think I have given it long enough. It is pretty clear that I don't want to grow any older with this person, so why waste more years? If divorce is inevitable, might as well end it and get on with our lives--finally--because the marriage never should have happened. Should have listened to my gut. I have been paying the price ever since.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2018 18:44     Subject: Amicable divorce stories
All you "I deserve happiness" posters are clueless and destined for misery if you think happiness has something to do with the person you are with.

The only person responsible for your happiness is you. If you are looking for another person to make you happy, you will never, ever be satisfied. It's a burden that's unfair to put on another human.

Get divorced if the person is making you miserable. But that's actually quite different from getting a divorce because they don't make you happy. If you don't know the difference, you are too immature to be in a relationship.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2018 18:32     Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:OP--How are you defining amicable? My actual divorce process was fine. We were both very fair and mature as we divided up custody and our finances. We have never fought since he moved out. We cohost the kid's birthday parties and are cordial to each other at events. I work really hard to never say negative things about him to the kids. I will always work really hard to make sure my kids aren't torn between us (including tempering expectations for visits/holidays when they are adults.) Compared to what many of my friends endure with their exes, our divorce is very easy.

But it wasn't amicable in that it wasn't what I wanted. He completely betrayed my trust and our marriage. He pisses me off on a semi-regular basis with his ongoing selfishness and thoughtlessness. Even though we're both mature about it, it was still traumatic and painful for me and it was really hard on our kids.


This is me too. We get along and things were divided fairly but overall nothing about this is what I wanted. He's selfish and mostly a good dad upon convenience. ANd I have to suck it up and not say negative things.

One thing I don't get about these "amicable divorces" is if you get along so well why are you divorces?
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2018 19:59     Subject: Amicable divorce stories
My mom stayed longer than she should’ve for us, only to find that I thought her filing was overdue. I love my Dad dearly but he was a shitty husband and I mostly pitied my mom and found her weak. I wasn’t sad at all. I wasn’t angry with either of my parents. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized that divorce was supposed to be traumatic for kids.
Anonymous
Post 11/28/2018 15:51     Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:i bet you can’t wait to find that special someone to love your kid as their own, devote the rest of their lives to you, have wild passionate intimacy with right?


OP here: No. What part of "I am not interested in another relationship" do you not understand? I am doing doing the blended family thing. I would never marry again. Mot ever. A part-time FWB would be okay when I am alone--eventually. Maybe years from now. I am not interested in a boyfriend, marriage, or any of that. Kid never needs to meet a man. I just want to be single. My own finances, my own house, etc.


Typo. "I am NEVER doing the blended family thing" is what I meant to type.
Anonymous
Post 11/28/2018 15:50     Subject: Amicable divorce stories
Anonymous wrote:i bet you can’t wait to find that special someone to love your kid as their own, devote the rest of their lives to you, have wild passionate intimacy with right?


OP here: No. What part of "I am not interested in another relationship" do you not understand? I am doing doing the blended family thing. I would never marry again. Mot ever. A part-time FWB would be okay when I am alone--eventually. Maybe years from now. I am not interested in a boyfriend, marriage, or any of that. Kid never needs to meet a man. I just want to be single. My own finances, my own house, etc.