Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, yes. I am not interested when he makes those comments so why would I ramp up our sex life? I would feel gross and know I deserve better. I am not unattractive and even notice men look at me and engage when out running errands etc.. Not often but enough to know that I still got it.

I have already done things like get new lingerie, get dolled up more, but can’t exactly throw on heels and short dress when my daily responsability is lugging around a toddler.

I decided to go to the party and will use that time as the perfect opportunity to call him out immediately (will pull him aside, of course). I am prepared to call an Uber and come home alone to make my point very clear.

Why would you ramp up your sex life? Because your sex life is currently so infrequent that it is hardly a surprise your husband's attention is directed elsewhere. Your marriage is in a tailspin. Decide if you want to ride it into the ground, or if you actually want to fix it. Fixing it involves changes on both sides. Talk to him. Tell him exactly what changes you want from him. Be prepared to make some changes yourself (ramping up would be a good one). Or.... take the advice above and divorce this asshole.

From OP’s response is obvious why she’s having marital problems and why her husband is acting like an ass.

OP’s husband again - why don’t you understand that you are a disgusting repugnant leach. Stop trying to drag your wife down the hole with you.

If you fail to see the correlation between sex every few weeks and overt interest in other women, then I am not surprised that you immediately degrade into personal insults at the first hint of you playing some role in the problem.

Anonymous wrote:It’s been more than a few times now that husband jokes about looking at younger girls or how certain girls are very attractive and how certain customers love their work because of their looks.

He has even gushed over famous actresses and how gorgeous they are in front of friends with me right there. It is humiliating. I have told him so and he just turns it around and says that I am a “prude” and this is the reason why he doesn’t want to go out with me.

He just spent extra time chatting it up with the flight attendant completely ignoreing me and our children who were just up ahead. A stranger wouldn’t have even thought we were a family.

The worst was when I was pregnant with our second st a concert and he was blatantly stwring at a younger woman dressed in a short tight dress in front of us as we were waiting to go up the steps and leave. It was so obvious that the boyfriend out his arms around her and hugged her. Meanwhile, I had to stand there with my huge belly and pretend I didn’t notice.

I know he enjoys work happy hours with younger staff and jumps at the opportunity. I cringe at the comments he makes without me around and flat out do not want to be around his colleagues.

Now, they are having a holiday party at a night club, instead of the traditional formal dinner, and he is thrilled about it. Not I. I do not want to be around his colleague as he talks about how other women are so attractive.

Plus, when he got the email invitation, he came home and mentioned it to me. I was surprised that it was at a club so I questioned it because it wasn’t in the past, and he retorted, “Well I’M going, I don’t know about you.”

I said that of course I would go, since I am his wife but was hurt that we was so quick to consider going without me.

He clearly has a wandering eye and I wonder if this is a sign that with the right opportunity, he may cheat.

I copied this for all of the weird posters here who are saying her husband is normal and OP is making an issue out of nothing. Yes, it's fine that he finds other (and younger) women attractive, and that he is not blind to them. It's fine / I'm sure to some extent normal for a guy to make comments to his friends about other women's attractiveness...I'll allow that it's fine even (if a bit tacky) that he comments to other people about hot celebrities / other women's attractiveness in front of his wife, although if done to excess it's clearly just uncomfortable for the other people who are standing there feeling bad for his wife.

But reread the things I've bolded - that stuff is NOT normal. He sounds like an incredibly insecure (and somewhat socially inept) guy who is trying WAYA too (cringingly) hard to sound cool or impress other men. And making those types of comments to / about colleagues is downright inappropriate - not only is he coming across as a total unprofessional creep who is making everyone uncomfortable, he's absolutely putting his career in jeopardy. Guarantee he has a reputation at the office and his creepiness is discussed behind his back - what a horrible thing to be known for. And the incident with the young woman at the concern...ugh. How gross and lecherous. Again, him noticing her and even checking her out would not be abnormal; him staring so blatantly and intently that everyone around was aware of it, she (and you!) were made to feel extremely awkward, and her boyfriend felt the need to adopt a protective stance...that's above and beyond. Not normal. He doesn't sound like a good (or cool...) guy, and I would agree there must be some sort of midlife crisis not to mention social ineptitude going on here. And he definitely does not seem to respect OP or have any interest in feigning it, which is absolutely a problem. OP I think I would insist on counseling - is this an option?

Anonymous wrote:American women also let themselves go way too easily.

Latinas and Eastern European women put way more effort even as they age.

Yeah, all of those hot older Polish and Russian women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, yes. I am not interested when he makes those comments so why would I ramp up our sex life? I would feel gross and know I deserve better. I am not unattractive and even notice men look at me and engage when out running errands etc.. Not often but enough to know that I still got it.

I have already done things like get new lingerie, get dolled up more, but can’t exactly throw on heels and short dress when my daily responsability is lugging around a toddler.

I decided to go to the party and will use that time as the perfect opportunity to call him out immediately (will pull him aside, of course). I am prepared to call an Uber and come home alone to make my point very clear.

Why would you ramp up your sex life? Because your sex life is currently so infrequent that it is hardly a surprise your husband's attention is directed elsewhere. Your marriage is in a tailspin. Decide if you want to ride it into the ground, or if you actually want to fix it. Fixing it involves changes on both sides. Talk to him. Tell him exactly what changes you want from him. Be prepared to make some changes yourself (ramping up would be a good one). Or.... take the advice above and divorce this asshole.

From OP’s response is obvious why she’s having marital problems and why her husband is acting like an ass.

OP’s husband again - why don’t you understand that you are a disgusting repugnant leach. Stop trying to drag your wife down the hole with you.

You really think that was OP’s husband? Cmon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, yes. I am not interested when he makes those comments so why would I ramp up our sex life? I would feel gross and know I deserve better. I am not unattractive and even notice men look at me and engage when out running errands etc.. Not often but enough to know that I still got it.

I have already done things like get new lingerie, get dolled up more, but can’t exactly throw on heels and short dress when my daily responsability is lugging around a toddler.

I decided to go to the party and will use that time as the perfect opportunity to call him out immediately (will pull him aside, of course). I am prepared to call an Uber and come home alone to make my point very clear.

Why would you ramp up your sex life? Because your sex life is currently so infrequent that it is hardly a surprise your husband's attention is directed elsewhere. Your marriage is in a tailspin. Decide if you want to ride it into the ground, or if you actually want to fix it. Fixing it involves changes on both sides. Talk to him. Tell him exactly what changes you want from him. Be prepared to make some changes yourself (ramping up would be a good one). Or.... take the advice above and divorce this asshole.

From OP’s response is obvious why she’s having marital problems and why her husband is acting like an ass.

OP’s husband again - why don’t you understand that you are a disgusting repugnant leach. Stop trying to drag your wife down the hole with you.

Your husband sounds like a joke of a man.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, yes. I am not interested when he makes those comments so why would I ramp up our sex life? I would feel gross and know I deserve better. I am not unattractive and even notice men look at me and engage when out running errands etc.. Not often but enough to know that I still got it.

I have already done things like get new lingerie, get dolled up more, but can’t exactly throw on heels and short dress when my daily responsability is lugging around a toddler.

I decided to go to the party and will use that time as the perfect opportunity to call him out immediately (will pull him aside, of course). I am prepared to call an Uber and come home alone to make my point very clear.

Why would you ramp up your sex life? Because your sex life is currently so infrequent that it is hardly a surprise your husband's attention is directed elsewhere. Your marriage is in a tailspin. Decide if you want to ride it into the ground, or if you actually want to fix it. Fixing it involves changes on both sides. Talk to him. Tell him exactly what changes you want from him. Be prepared to make some changes yourself (ramping up would be a good one). Or.... take the advice above and divorce this asshole.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you need to talk to him and get upset about his comments. I don’t think it’s a big deal, but it’s hurtful and disrespectful. Forget about the women screaming divorce... this alone is not a big deal. I would also try to have more sex because twice a month is not enough for most couples.

Yep. the answer is not to get frumpier and more resentful. Use your womanly features to reign him back in - lose some weight, exercise, have sex with him more; I guarantee you that will stop/curb a lot of this silliness.

Woman here.

More like ‘asshole here’.

Who are you people who keep telling her to 1) change herself to attract her DH more and to 2) start acting trashy like this gross man? Are you her husband? Sounds like it. She has done nothing to cause his crappy behavior , that’s all on him.

She should clearly communicate to him the pain and embarrassment his behavior causes - especially before the kids are old enough to notice. Either they’re going to be angry and embarrassed to be a part of this family or they’re going to be freaks like daddy. Time is of the essence, OP.

Why do women take this nonsense? I have a very happy married life, but, if DH ever pulled a stunt like what your husband did, I would make his life miserable. Just like he would be pissed and raise a stink if I was flirting or fawning over a hot guy in front of him. I am amazed that the public is capable of taking so much shit from their SOs.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm — I agree with PP that you can change your spouse/ divorce and remarry - and trade one problem for another. I have been remarried and remind myself of this all the time.

How would he feel if you checked out a younger man? Maybe try it out and see what he does..... if he is upset you can point out that is how you feel. More likely he won’t care .....I am guessing this is a midlife thing. Focus on making yourself happy, meeting your own sexual needs, it sounds like you are reasonable to be annoyed by this....

Maybe just practice your own flirtation skills, etc, and he might find this a turn on?

Stop trying to make this woman into a trashy slut. Because her husband is trash doesn’t mean that she should stoop to his level.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, yes. I am not interested when he makes those comments so why would I ramp up our sex life? I would feel gross and know I deserve better. I am not unattractive and even notice men look at me and engage when out running errands etc.. Not often but enough to know that I still got it.

I have already done things like get new lingerie, get dolled up more, but can’t exactly throw on heels and short dress when my daily responsability is lugging around a toddler.

I decided to go to the party and will use that time as the perfect opportunity to call him out immediately (will pull him aside, of course). I am prepared to call an Uber and come home alone to make my point very clear.

if you're going to use the party to make a point.....make a point. When he starts up, go find some young hot stud and brazenly flirt with him in front of your DH.

No way - she shouldn’t start acting depraved to prove a point. At this point much of what she has is her dignity and she should hold onto that.

Hmmm — I agree with PP that you can change your spouse/ divorce and remarry - and trade one problem for another. I have been remarried and remind myself of this all the time.

How would he feel if you checked out a younger man? Maybe try it out and see what he does..... if he is upset you can point out that is how you feel. More likely he won’t care .....I am guessing this is a midlife thing. Focus on making yourself happy, meeting your own sexual needs, it sounds like you are reasonable to be annoyed by this....

Maybe just practice your own flirtation skills, etc, and he might find this a turn on?

Most women on here won't talk to their husbands about what is bothering them and the ones who are afraid to talk to their husbands just say to get divorced...not like they would ever have the guts to do it.

I guess misery loves company.

I can’t believe posters are telling you to divorce him. Well actually I can. Only divorce if you want to be single for life. Why? No one is perfect. There is often something wrong with most men. If it’s not a wandering eye, it’s the guy unable to manage his finances, bad work ethic, manages his family badly, etc. All reasons people on here will say to divorce.

A more reasonable approach would be to speak with him directly, very directly, about how this behavior bothers you, why and that it’s unacceptable.

Most likely he’s just immature and acting out of insecurity. Doesn’t make it okay, but also doesn’t seem like a reason to divorce.