Anonymous wrote:I am not jealous but envious. I think there is a distinction. My HHI is $150K, and I have two kids under 3, with $3,000 daycare costs, and a mortgage. I have no family nearby and I am always watching our money closely. I would like to quit my job to take care of the baby, but we can't afford it. So yes, I am envious of mothers who can stay at home AND send their kids to preschool part time AND have help.

This. I'm not jealous in a negative way, really, more just like I wish things were easier. I've worked very hard in my career only to be solely responsible for a mortgage, day-to-day and household expenses, daycare for 2, all child expenses, and, on top of it, child support. It doesn't leave room for luxuries that can make life easier (e.g., someone to cut the lawn).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years. Everyone we know with more money than us has more problems, one way or another. Usually marriage problems but also spoiled brat kids, low self esteem, etc. No thanks!

+1

I do NOT understand the people who think money solves "everything". How naive! There are people whose IL's help them out in so many ways. One person I know works full time, but her ILs bought her a car, because she wanted a certain kind of car (but says the ILs wanted that kind of car - WTH). Or pays for their DC's private schooling, but still has the cujones to b*tch about their ILs - after all of the ILs generosity. Take the money or don't, but don't b*tch about them. Not saying that is what PPs are doing, because they don't seem to be, but some people really have no couth whatsover.

I am not rich, but my IL are. They are financially generous -helped us with the downpayment on the house, gifted us their used luxury SUV, and put enough money yearly in a 529 that its likely to provide for DD college. DH and I still budget, but can make ends meet comfortably because of in-laws and can work FED jobs and live in the city due to them. I am grateful. every. day. for their help, but I also sometimes regret taking it and was very hesitant to take it. It comes with strings, and the money means nothing to them, they have so much. Instead it was a subtle way to place strings. I don't say this to bitch about them (although I do so you can feel free to judge me), but to say I feel I'd rather have bought the small house in MD or even move to another place with a lower COL and not be beholden to them. Maybe your friend is just ungrateful, but sometimes money isn't just a gift, and it doesn't make everything better. It can relieve certain stressors, such, but it often brings others.

My family on the other hand, can't offer financial help. But they do offer hands on love with their grandchild. I'll take that over money any day.

I am not jealous but envious. I think there is a distinction. My HHI is $150K, and I have two kids under 3, with $3,000 daycare costs, and a mortgage. I have no family nearby and I am always watching our money closely. I would like to quit my job to take care of the baby, but we can't afford it. So yes, I am envious of mothers who can stay at home AND send their kids to preschool part time AND have help.

I honestly don't. Never have. And I had some wealthy mom friends. Still do. But, then again, I was raised in a socialist country where my family was better off than most, but still had our small basic car, and I have never felt jealous or embarrassed by anything. In fact, I am pretty proud of how much we have, even if it is potatoes compared to many wealthy families in the DMV. DH is American and I see this embarrassment, not jealousy, a bit with him and Fil. Fil once pretended some nice car was his when buying a TV and then carried the tv from that car to his truck! So, I can see why DH would grow up to have this complex. If I tell kids no to something because we can't afford it, he will actually say...no, no we can let me see about it next month. Also he is a total pushover when it comes to DD. Bought her a brand new car SUV,(that we could afford) that she crashed within months. Guess who told him it was a stupid idea for months? Yes, and then I gave in, not to be the Grinch!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

I am sure you know this, but: find a cause you are interested in and volunteer. For the cause and for you.

Well first, as I said, I’m on maternity leave, but second, volunteers are usually just potential donors being pandered to. Rare will an organization hand over the reins for meaningful work.

This strikes me as just so sad. The problem is not that you have money. The problem is that, right now, for whatever reason, you lack the reason to find an interest to be engaged in. I SAH, and am well-off enough by most standards to be considered wealthy (private schools, part-time maid, etc). But I always have a million projects I'm genuinely interested in. When my kids were babies I was really engaged in learning about child development, I've gone through phases of being really involved in learning how to cook certain things, I've gotten into photography, I enjoy writing and I'm an avid reader. There are so many hobbies I'd love to learn about and become engaged in, my limit is definitely not money but time. Truly. Don't you have any interests to pursue? Hobbies to start? Things about the world or history or politics you want to learn about and be engaged in?

If you are bored because you are exhausted from taking care of a newborn and don't have the energy to start something new, I totally understand. But that's quite different than being bored because you have too much money!

On leave I have completed a big professional development course, done some large scale abstract paintings, perfected some recipes. But yes I am still mostly just bored despite my hobbies. Maybe I’m some sort of adrenaline junkie tho it never occurred to me before that that might be why I work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

I am sure you know this, but: find a cause you are interested in and volunteer. For the cause and for you.

Well first, as I said, I’m on maternity leave, but second, volunteers are usually just potential donors being pandered to. Rare will an organization hand over the reins for meaningful work.

This strikes me as just so sad. The problem is not that you have money. The problem is that, right now, for whatever reason, you lack the reason to find an interest to be engaged in. I SAH, and am well-off enough by most standards to be considered wealthy (private schools, part-time maid, etc). But I always have a million projects I'm genuinely interested in. When my kids were babies I was really engaged in learning about child development, I've gone through phases of being really involved in learning how to cook certain things, I've gotten into photography, I enjoy writing and I'm an avid reader. There are so many hobbies I'd love to learn about and become engaged in, my limit is definitely not money but time. Truly. Don't you have any interests to pursue? Hobbies to start? Things about the world or history or politics you want to learn about and be engaged in?

If you are bored because you are exhausted from taking care of a newborn and don't have the energy to start something new, I totally understand. But that's quite different than being bored because you have too much money!

I feel like we have enough money so not jealous of those who spend more than we do.

I feel jealous of parents with children who are social, easy going, motivated, compliant, hard-working, open to new experiences, and cheerful. And who go above and beyond in school work, projects, or extracurricular activities. As the parent of 2 kids with ADD/severe social anxiety, I have no idea what that would be like, but it seems a dream.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

I am sure you know this, but: find a cause you are interested in and volunteer. For the cause and for you.

Well first, as I said, I’m on maternity leave, but second, volunteers are usually just potential donors being pandered to. Rare will an organization hand over the reins for meaningful work.

Meaningful work means more than showing up for 3 hours on Tuesdays and writing a check. It means taking on a big challenge at the local women's shelter where they need you to develop and train six young advocates who will help the women navigate the social service infrastructure and court system (child custody) so they can get their lives back to where they want to be. They are waiting for you; nobody else is jumping up to do it and you will (quietly) agree to do this for free.

Folks, let me tell you this: "Easy" doesnt build character. Throwing money at things doesnt make you resourceful. It doesnt require creativity. It takes nothing.

Ever play a video game and put in a cheat code, making yourself invincible? Its so cool at first. Then there is no challenge.

When people I know take extensive vacations, or purchase things, etc, I actually take interest in them and feel happy for them. I really live a little vicariously through them. I'm grateful and have a great life, we mind our budget and get by on one good salary. I've gotten to an age I dont have to own things to appreciate them, I dont have to actually go somewhere to imagine someone had a nice time there.

The best exercise is what I did when I asked what I would do if I won that big multi state lottery a few weeks ago. I realized that the answer had to be "nothing different" or I would ruin my life. I would likely quit my job and make my new job "giving the money away to worthy causes" but once you start down the road of spending unearned wealth....its a slippery slope.

Anonymous wrote:No, but I feel like I am so lucky in my life. I have healthy kids, a good marriage, good jobs for both of us, and close family and friends. I feel like I was so lucky in life, that it almost scares me to write it out. I don't feel jealous.

Now moms who are naturally thin, that's another matter.

It's a myth. They just eat less than the rest of us do.

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years. Everyone we know with more money than us has more problems, one way or another. Usually marriage problems but also spoiled brat kids, low self esteem, etc. No thanks!

+1

I do NOT understand the people who think money solves "everything". How naive! There are people whose IL's help them out in so many ways. One person I know works full time, but her ILs bought her a car, because she wanted a certain kind of car (but says the ILs wanted that kind of car - WTH). Or pays for their DC's private schooling, but still has the cujones to b*tch about their ILs - after all of the ILs generosity. Take the money or don't, but don't b*tch about them. Not saying that is what PPs are doing, because they don't seem to be, but some people really have no couth whatsover.

I don't find myself feeling jealous other other moms who are wealthy- I hardly feel poor - but I would travel more. I would cut back at work and I would do more volunteer work and philanthropy that is closer to my heart. I would be calmer and probably be a slightly firmer foundation for my family because I'd have more time to focus on me and my mental and physical health. I'd go to the gym and do yoga more and try to meet more friends. That being said, I am healthy, well-fed, paying the bills (more or less!) and I am here for my family, so no real envy.

Anonymous wrote:We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

Fellow wealthy mom here. It might pass. I felt like you do on two maternity leaves. But after a few more weeks of thinking I might go back to work early, I started to enjoy leave. I found some friends, was a tourist in my town, went to visit family, etc.

I feel jealous of other PEOPLE who have more money, not specific to mothers. But I have so much to be grateful for in my own life. Envy is a very human emotion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re rich and I’m on maternity leave right now. True, I’m not stressed. I’ve known money stresses and they’re terrible.

But I am so. bored. The meaninglessness swallows you whole. Every problem, solved with money. Lacking in real problems, I find myself fixating on nonsense small things wrong with my house like a bit of missing trim or places where the paint isn’t straight. Also wildly overplanning eldest DD’s birthday party. Maybe I’m just a boring person but it’s not fun at all for me to be idle.

I am sure you know this, but: find a cause you are interested in and volunteer. For the cause and for you.

Well first, as I said, I’m on maternity leave, but second, volunteers are usually just potential donors being pandered to. Rare will an organization hand over the reins for meaningful work.