Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have a fairly recently added group of new mom friends, all of them from Europe. In general I admire how they still maintain parts of their identity instead of just falling into the mom trap. We've done a weekend away once a year (or even one night this year) and it has been a great time. I miss my kids but also recognize that a little break can make me come home and be a much better mom. I think its good to keep some parts of you that aren't kid related. I also think that the parenting style of everything in our lives being changed to accommodate our children may not be healthy in the long run.

All this just to say that loving our kids and needing a break are not opposites.

PP who spoke about my 21 month old and just enjoying her.

Having spent time in Europe, even with DD, it’s also a very different take on things. Children are just a part of their family, while I see here, they are treated like a burden.

While we were in Germany, many times we didn’t have to “choose”, as restaurants and areas were set up for both having children and not. We could hike, and have a beer and amazing in the forest, and DD could play at a playground. People rode in on horses, or whatever. There was a mix of people, but there were things for kids of all ages to do, and the kids were not the focus, as they were all playing together. It’s hard to entertain a kid squirming on your lap, but it’s easy to tucker one out at the provided playground, or watch them for a table away.

+1

I felt the same way, recently travelling in different parts of Central Europe. Public life is much more accommodating of kids in that way. If you take a kid to a restaurant in the US, you get dirty looks from other people. In other places, it's just normal, and people accept it. So it's easier to go out. It's easier to go hiking when the mountain huts have a place for kids to play while you relax with a beer. People are better at treating kids as part of life, rather than either beings around whom everything is structured or nuisances who should be kept at home. Things are just set up differently, and that changes the dynamic.

OP totally discounts the fact that some of her friends don't have the time or money to "get away." So, they are lame because they can't afford to travel a lot or get babysitters all the time? Get some richer friends, I guess?

And they are lame because they are just like she was a few months ago -- tired because they have really little kids! So little self-awareness and sympathy!

And possibly, they just don't want to do the same stuff that OP wants to with their free time. That doesn't mean that they've lost themselves, it means that they want to use their free time differently. Maybe they use it to work out so they, too, can lose the baby weight. Maybe they LIKE to spend time with their husbands and kids and extended family. Maybe they volunteer, or go to a book club, or whatever. Maybe they think late nights aren't worth the exhaustion (since little kids don't let you sleep in). Maybe they think a spa weekend sounds boring. Maybe they've been-there-done-that, and it doesn't sound like that much fun anymore.

Anonymous wrote:I was the first amongst my friends to have a kid. Now I’m 40 and everyone has kids. My friends can’t or won’t go away ever. They have limited time and money or just don’t want to go away. I have 3 kids. These kids make me want a break! DH reminds me that not everyone has the resources to just go away. When my oldest was a baby/toddler, my friends were still single and getting married. We would go out often and go away. New mom friends also seem fine hanging out with kids but evenings and weekends seem to be reserved for husbands?

Maybe I’m the only one who wants to escape my 3 young children.

You answered your own question. Your friends prefer spending time with their children to spending time with you. That's the real answer. Sorry it's not pleasant.

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have a fairly recently added group of new mom friends, all of them from Europe. In general I admire how they still maintain parts of their identity instead of just falling into the mom trap. We've done a weekend away once a year (or even one night this year) and it has been a great time. I miss my kids but also recognize that a little break can make me come home and be a much better mom. I think its good to keep some parts of you that aren't kid related. I also think that the parenting style of everything in our lives being changed to accommodate our children may not be healthy in the long run.

All this just to say that loving our kids and needing a break are not opposites.

PP who spoke about my 21 month old and just enjoying her.

Having spent time in Europe, even with DD, it’s also a very different take on things. Children are just a part of their family, while I see here, they are treated like a burden.

While we were in Germany, many times we didn’t have to “choose”, as restaurants and areas were set up for both having children and not. We could hike, and have a beer and amazing in the forest, and DD could play at a playground. People rode in on horses, or whatever. There was a mix of people, but there were things for kids of all ages to do, and the kids were not the focus, as they were all playing together. It’s hard to entertain a kid squirming on your lap, but it’s easy to tucker one out at the provided playground, or watch them for a table away.

Op, I have a fairly recently added group of new mom friends, all of them from Europe. In general I admire how they still maintain parts of their identity instead of just falling into the mom trap. We've done a weekend away once a year (or even one night this year) and it has been a great time. I miss my kids but also recognize that a little break can make me come home and be a much better mom. I think its good to keep some parts of you that aren't kid related. I also think that the parenting style of everything in our lives being changed to accommodate our children may not be healthy in the long run.

All this just to say that loving our kids and needing a break are not opposites.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a lame mom.

I had my daughter at 40. I’ve had 20 years to do all kinds of cool things, attend all kinds of parties, go out dancing all night, etc. I was single for a long time, partnered with DH for a long time, but enjoyed my time to the fullest. And then she came (planned).

She’s 21 months, and this time with her isn’t going to last forever. I love watching her grow, teaching her new things, watching the world through her eyes, and sometimes just snuggling with her, or let her sleep beside us and watch a movie. This is a sweet and delicious period in my life. This is MY new adventure, and I love every moment of it. I’ve done bars, concerts, festivals, etc. And right now, all those don’t compare to that little hand in mine.

Now, we still travel, even overseas, with her, so I’m not completely lame.. I just don’t feel the need to go out all the time, and when I do, I often enjoy to do it with her so I can enjoy her.

I think this is a “to each their own” issue.

Thanks for pointing this out. A lot of my energy is expended in this, so at 7 PM I do not feel like heading out to dinner. Different folks, different strokes.

Op here. My toddler is the same age and I spend all day with her while the big kids are at school. It is 10am and we have read at least 10 books. We have gone to the museum, playground, pumpkin patch last week. There is no shortage of time spent teaching her new things.

PP you are responding to. I work, so the evening time is precious and time consuming and draining. So I do not feel like socializing then.

PP, your first post (and also response to OP) are spot on for me too. I work, so my toddler is in daycare 5 days a week. She's my first, and will be only, because infertility is a bitch. So, yeah, I'm not yet 'over' the excitement of spending time with my kid and teaching her things. This is the only time I'll get to do this. Thankfully my friends get it and are understanding kind people (even the ones with older children). I'm taking a bit of time off mid-day this week to go to lunch with my best girlfriend so we can catch up without kids or partners. If you can't accommodate your long time friends current life situations and expect them to change when you change I don't think you'll have many friends for life. Also, the word 'lame' as used in this context is ableist--wasn't sure if you knew that or not.

I have no interest in additional "girl" time that takes me away from my family. I would rather spend time with my kids on my weekends than with my female acquaintances. The most I will do alone is happy hour, coffees, or the occasional dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a lame mom.

I had my daughter at 40. I’ve had 20 years to do all kinds of cool things, attend all kinds of parties, go out dancing all night, etc. I was single for a long time, partnered with DH for a long time, but enjoyed my time to the fullest. And then she came (planned).

She’s 21 months, and this time with her isn’t going to last forever. I love watching her grow, teaching her new things, watching the world through her eyes, and sometimes just snuggling with her, or let her sleep beside us and watch a movie. This is a sweet and delicious period in my life. This is MY new adventure, and I love every moment of it. I’ve done bars, concerts, festivals, etc. And right now, all those don’t compare to that little hand in mine.

Now, we still travel, even overseas, with her, so I’m not completely lame.. I just don’t feel the need to go out all the time, and when I do, I often enjoy to do it with her so I can enjoy her.

I think this is a “to each their own” issue.

Thanks for pointing this out. A lot of my energy is expended in this, so at 7 PM I do not feel like heading out to dinner. Different folks, different strokes.

Op here. My toddler is the same age and I spend all day with her while the big kids are at school. It is 10am and we have read at least 10 books. We have gone to the museum, playground, pumpkin patch last week. There is no shortage of time spent teaching her new things.

PP you are responding to. I work, so the evening time is precious and time consuming and draining. So I do not feel like socializing then.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a lame mom.

I had my daughter at 40. I’ve had 20 years to do all kinds of cool things, attend all kinds of parties, go out dancing all night, etc. I was single for a long time, partnered with DH for a long time, but enjoyed my time to the fullest. And then she came (planned).

She’s 21 months, and this time with her isn’t going to last forever. I love watching her grow, teaching her new things, watching the world through her eyes, and sometimes just snuggling with her, or let her sleep beside us and watch a movie. This is a sweet and delicious period in my life. This is MY new adventure, and I love every moment of it. I’ve done bars, concerts, festivals, etc. And right now, all those don’t compare to that little hand in mine.

Now, we still travel, even overseas, with her, so I’m not completely lame.. I just don’t feel the need to go out all the time, and when I do, I often enjoy to do it with her so I can enjoy her.

I think this is a “to each their own” issue.

Thanks for pointing this out. A lot of my energy is expended in this, so at 7 PM I do not feel like heading out to dinner. Different folks, different strokes.

Op here. My toddler is the same age and I spend all day with her while the big kids are at school. It is 10am and we have read at least 10 books. We have gone to the museum, playground, pumpkin patch last week. There is no shortage of time spent teaching her new things.

OP, what you maybe don’t get is that you’ve “been there done that” with a toddler. And your friends have “been there, done that” with the partying and itinerary stuff.

So the disdain you feel for teaching your toddler the ABCs, or going to a museum with your toddler, is the same feeling they have for going to yet another bar/spa/ etc.

It might serve you well to remember where you were a few years ago, or by your own admission, a few months ago.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a lame mom.

I had my daughter at 40. I’ve had 20 years to do all kinds of cool things, attend all kinds of parties, go out dancing all night, etc. I was single for a long time, partnered with DH for a long time, but enjoyed my time to the fullest. And then she came (planned).

She’s 21 months, and this time with her isn’t going to last forever. I love watching her grow, teaching her new things, watching the world through her eyes, and sometimes just snuggling with her, or let her sleep beside us and watch a movie. This is a sweet and delicious period in my life. This is MY new adventure, and I love every moment of it. I’ve done bars, concerts, festivals, etc. And right now, all those don’t compare to that little hand in mine.

Now, we still travel, even overseas, with her, so I’m not completely lame.. I just don’t feel the need to go out all the time, and when I do, I often enjoy to do it with her so I can enjoy her.

I think this is a “to each their own” issue.

I can relate to this. We've done many of our dream trips, fancy restaurants, nights out . . . the most amazing adventure now is with our little ones. They won't be young forever. I enjoy the breaks just like anyone, but I don't crave other adventures. And I feel my friends are in the same life phase -- we know we'll be able to connect again once this passes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a lame mom.

I had my daughter at 40. I’ve had 20 years to do all kinds of cool things, attend all kinds of parties, go out dancing all night, etc. I was single for a long time, partnered with DH for a long time, but enjoyed my time to the fullest. And then she came (planned).

She’s 21 months, and this time with her isn’t going to last forever. I love watching her grow, teaching her new things, watching the world through her eyes, and sometimes just snuggling with her, or let her sleep beside us and watch a movie. This is a sweet and delicious period in my life. This is MY new adventure, and I love every moment of it. I’ve done bars, concerts, festivals, etc. And right now, all those don’t compare to that little hand in mine.

Now, we still travel, even overseas, with her, so I’m not completely lame.. I just don’t feel the need to go out all the time, and when I do, I often enjoy to do it with her so I can enjoy her.

I think this is a “to each their own” issue.

Thanks for pointing this out. A lot of my energy is expended in this, so at 7 PM I do not feel like heading out to dinner. Different folks, different strokes.

Op here. My toddler is the same age and I spend all day with her while the big kids are at school. It is 10am and we have read at least 10 books. We have gone to the museum, playground, pumpkin patch last week. There is no shortage of time spent teaching her new things.

Anonymous wrote:I’m a lame mom.

I had my daughter at 40. I’ve had 20 years to do all kinds of cool things, attend all kinds of parties, go out dancing all night, etc. I was single for a long time, partnered with DH for a long time, but enjoyed my time to the fullest. And then she came (planned).

She’s 21 months, and this time with her isn’t going to last forever. I love watching her grow, teaching her new things, watching the world through her eyes, and sometimes just snuggling with her, or let her sleep beside us and watch a movie. This is a sweet and delicious period in my life. This is MY new adventure, and I love every moment of it. I’ve done bars, concerts, festivals, etc. And right now, all those don’t compare to that little hand in mine.

Now, we still travel, even overseas, with her, so I’m not completely lame.. I just don’t feel the need to go out all the time, and when I do, I often enjoy to do it with her so I can enjoy her.

I think this is a “to each their own” issue.

Thanks for pointing this out. A lot of my energy is expended in this, so at 7 PM I do not feel like heading out to dinner. Different folks, different strokes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parenthood makes all of us lame. My teens cannot imagine that their dad and me at one time were adventurous, hip, hot party-animals. They snort in derision when we talk about our wild shenanigans. Now, all we want to do is wear microfiber pjs and read a book on our tablet or browse DCUM at night.

Op here. This is/was me. Maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. I just lost all my baby weight. I look and feel fabulous for the first time in a long time. I feel great! I want to go out, want to travel, see shows and concerts. It is me that has changed. If you spoke to me a few months ago, I would have preferred to go to bed at 8.

You are just full if yourself OP.

Also...OP wonders why her friends are so lame, when they are just like she was less than a year ago. So, it's really just that OP has now "moved on," and is irritated that everyone else's life isn't marching in lockstep with hers. My advice is to grow the hell up. You know perfectly well why your friends aren't up for weekends away and late nights on the town, so why not have a little compassion? You sound really self-centered. When you had a baby, you brought the baby with you so you could do what you wanted, but now no one else is supposed to do that because it's not what you want anymore.

Huge +1

I’m a lame mom.

I had my daughter at 40. I’ve had 20 years to do all kinds of cool things, attend all kinds of parties, go out dancing all night, etc. I was single for a long time, partnered with DH for a long time, but enjoyed my time to the fullest. And then she came (planned).

She’s 21 months, and this time with her isn’t going to last forever. I love watching her grow, teaching her new things, watching the world through her eyes, and sometimes just snuggling with her, or let her sleep beside us and watch a movie. This is a sweet and delicious period in my life. This is MY new adventure, and I love every moment of it. I’ve done bars, concerts, festivals, etc. And right now, all those don’t compare to that little hand in mine.

Now, we still travel, even overseas, with her, so I’m not completely lame.. I just don’t feel the need to go out all the time, and when I do, I often enjoy to do it with her so I can enjoy her.

I think this is a “to each their own” issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, a girls weekend away is not that appealing to me at this point in my life. I have 3 year old twins and a 2 year old. I spent my 20’s and early 30’s doing lots of girl weekends. Then I had children and priorities changed. What appeals to me is meeting a couple friends for dinner or doing a pedicure together then lunch. But actually leaving town? Nope.

I just don't get this. I have a group of four college girlfriends and we do weekends away 3-4 times a year. My best friend and I usually do weekends together with our kids, but once a year we'll do something with just us. My husband and I also enjoy getting away for a weekend trip. Oh, and for Mother's Day I asked for two nights at a resort so I could sleep in and go to the spa. I work, so I'm not home with my kids every day. I believe in spending quality time with them, and I make a big effort to be there for preschool activities and do a lot of fun things with them, but I am not only a mom. I am also a woman, a wife, and a friend, and I spend time cultivating all of those things.

See, you are just lucky and thank your stars for it. Really, most people's life does not fall into such boxes so neatly.