Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:People are so judgy. A nice person is a nice person, regardless of the size of her house. I would be mildly anxious about hosting in my “lesser” house, but if we were really friends, I would get over it.
+1
Some of the PPs need to grow up. A lot!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP, but I would think our lives are too different that we would not find that much in common to connect over.
For example, the explanation: "different areas for the different kids " jumps out at me because I purposefully have two kids sharing a small room in a bunkbed because I think it's great to share a bedroom with a sibling because it helps foster flexibility, a close relationship, etc. To purposefully design large spaces for each child goes against what is important to me.
Furthermore, the fact that you have your children in public school also jumps out at me, because just about the only thing I will spend "extra" $$ on is: education. I have both my kids in private schools and we scrimp and save to do so. Education is our highest priority so spending $$ on a large house and yet going with tax-subsidized "free" education seems like an anomaly to ME.
Holy judgy judge, batman.
OP, I think the posters saying this type of thing are really jealous.
I do like the PP who stated "what does your house/wealth have to do with me?" - because that PP gets it. Not all of us are the same, and that is okay. In fact, of the friends I have, those with the biggest houses do have the best parties! They don't expect people who "live differently than them" (code for smaller house or whatever PPs are trying to get at) to reciprocate, and definitely do not "compete" in any way. The friends with the bigger houses are busy with their own lives, and are less judgy, so there is that.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?
We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.
Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.
Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.
Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.
No one lives with us. It is just our family of five.
??????? You JUST said the space is for your parents.
For when they visit.
Again, speaking for MYself, this would be another thing that would say to me, "I disagree with this. I don't have a common way of thinking with these people." To me, the thought of so much square footage sitting empty, using $ to heat it and cool it, is so wasteful, the resources to buy it, build it, furnish it -- I cannot even believe it. The waste of environmental energy, the waste, the sheer waste.
Yup, so wasteful. I was raised to see that kind of conspicuous consumption (about half your house is empty most of the time, by design) as a sin, to be honest. And frankly, I'd figure that you were really materialistic and high maintenance and that you are totally out of touch with normal people.
And to think we bought this large house because we value our family so much.
Anonymous wrote:I would but then again I Stay at home, live in a nice neighborhood and have a nice 4K foot house. It’s more about being gracious.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?
We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.
Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.
Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.
Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.
No one lives with us. It is just our family of five.
??????? You JUST said the space is for your parents.
For when they visit.
Again, speaking for MYself, this would be another thing that would say to me, "I disagree with this. I don't have a common way of thinking with these people." To me, the thought of so much square footage sitting empty, using $ to heat it and cool it, is so wasteful, the resources to buy it, build it, furnish it -- I cannot even believe it. The waste of environmental energy, the waste, the sheer waste.
Yup, so wasteful. I was raised to see that kind of conspicuous consumption (about half your house is empty most of the time, by design) as a sin, to be honest. And frankly, I'd figure that you were really materialistic and high maintenance and that you are totally out of touch with normal people.
And to think we bought this large house because we value our family so much.
Anonymous wrote:People are so judgy. A nice person is a nice person, regardless of the size of her house. I would be mildly anxious about hosting in my “lesser” house, but if we were really friends, I would get over it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:To echo some of what's been said in this thread, I would not be intimidated or put-off by a mom friend with a 15,000 square foot house. But, it does say something about how she and her DH choose to spend money, and, potentially, their social background. The truly wealthy (and I know a handful, from college) might have huge estates, but they would never, ever send their children to public school. The solidly wealthy, who grew up wealthy, don't feel any need to have a 15K square foot house, and tend to be more subtle with their money. Having a 15K square foot house screams: Look at me! I have money now! in a way that's not super classy.
That said, I would totally not eliminate a mom friend for having a house that size, especially if she was open about her insecurities, or joked about the size of her home, etc. I would find that endearing.
I would not find it endearing. I would find it fakey. I'd be like, "Ok, honey, but you and your spouse DID buy this house, so don't try to pretend you had nothing to do with this." Unless you were just a passive wife, and let your husband make all the decisions about the house? And that would be offputting to me too, and also say that you and I are different.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This makes me think of something in my own life that answers your question.
Long time friend of my husband comes to my home with her family. I think nothing of it. We host. I have met this woman many times but had never been to her home. She is great. We then are invited to her home (she has two kids and a DH). OMG!!!!!!! She is rich and her house was amazing and perfectly decorated and she had hired help to cater and serve for a very casual party. I was sincerely mortified that I had her to my house and never invited her over again. It was eye opening. We are in different leagues and no I'm not serving you my baked French toast from my semi-old dishware ever again.
So no, I wouldn't reciprocate.
I've had this happen to. We went to their house first. As soon as I walked in to their immaculate home I thought "welp, we can't be friends, that's too bad". Even attempting to entertain them would seem so super low-brow I can't fathom it. Like I'd be a college kid pretending my beat up apt was fine for a dinner party. I may do it once, just because I'm hoping to get to a place where I don't give a sh*t, but I'm not there yet.