Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 10:25     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:I think you also need to teach your daughter what to do when she is at a party. Like get the beer yourself, and only drink a little, like a cup, in sips. Have small talk with others and focus and talking with people instead of drinking. Arrive with your friends and leave with your friends. Stay in the common areas, like living room, don’t go in the bedrooms.

I went to parties in college, and they weren’t very different from having a glass of wine with a room full of moms in my 30s. I didn’t go to parties at frats, just parties at condos and dorms.


Not to derail the college choice topic, but re: the post above, here's one extremely important thing that DD and friends were taught in a self defense class (where the instructor commendably also went into stuff like this):

Never, ever accept a cup of anything handed to you, even nonalcoholic drinks. If you have to get beer, get it straight out of the keg yourself. Get your own, unopened can of soda and open it yourself -- and keep it, or your beer, in your hand, don't put it down and come back to it after you walk off. Never drink anything dipped out of a common punchbowl.

I knew two girls whose cups were spiked, and not with alcohol. It does happen.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 09:59     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have friends with a daughter similar to OP. She is in the Honors Program at Pitt and is loving it.

OP, I was like your daughter 25 years ago (and still am). I was never into the whole party/get drunk scene. I went to Pitt and never felt pressure to party all the time. If you wanted to party a lot, there were opportunities at Pitt but I never felt like an outcast for not partying there.


Same. I attended a big state school in the Midwest.


My kid is also at a big ten school. Last night he played Dungeons and Dragons in someone else's dorm room. What he likes best about frat row is that it is all in one place so he can easily avoid it.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 09:57     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm curious what people specifically think there is to do in a large city for 18-22-year-olds that doesn't involve drinking and that wouldn't be available to their peers at a campus in a smaller town.


bowling, movie theater, coffee houses, hanging out in town


You can do any of these things in a small town, as well.


Well, my son is in a city with a club sport he plays. Not on campus. Not college kids. There are multiple professional theatres, world class museums, a foootball stadium, a hockey stadium... public transport

No most importantly for an introvert: movies and coffee houses in other neighborhoods so he can be out and about without being in the college environment every minute of every day.



Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 09:39     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We have friends with a daughter similar to OP. She is in the Honors Program at Pitt and is loving it.

OP, I was like your daughter 25 years ago (and still am). I was never into the whole party/get drunk scene. I went to Pitt and never felt pressure to party all the time. If you wanted to party a lot, there were opportunities at Pitt but I never felt like an outcast for not partying there.


Same. I attended a big state school in the Midwest.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 09:10     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
I think you also need to teach your daughter what to do when she is at a party. Like get the beer yourself, and only drink a little, like a cup, in sips. Have small talk with others and focus and talking with people instead of drinking. Arrive with your friends and leave with your friends. Stay in the common areas, like living room, don’t go in the bedrooms.

I went to parties in college, and they weren’t very different from having a glass of wine with a room full of moms in my 30s. I didn’t go to parties at frats, just parties at condos and dorms.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 08:37     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
The Catholic University of America. Low nonsense. Same-sex dorms.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2018 02:55     Subject: Re:Best schools for a non-partier girl
I went to a small Catholic college, and can testify that a party culture existed there! While big schools tend to get a bad rap as party schools, with size comes diversity of interest and opportunity to find the right social niche. Focus on a school that is a right fit, leaving a consideration of partying out of the equation. And then encourage her to look for clubs and activities where she can thrive.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2018 19:07     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My smart, social, non-partier girl is really happy at her small Catholic college. Small schools tend to plan lots of on-campus activities for their students and, because there isn’t much else to do, the kids participate because it’s not dorky in groups. My DD is involved in tons of activities and her friend group revolves around kids she met in the Honors Program (tends to be the more focused students) and those who do the service projects and campus ministry things. Gravitating toward a calmer group of kids has been key. She’s out and about all the time, but not doing things that are troubling. It is possible to have good, clean fun!

Couldn’t be happier!


I have a high school senior daughter who sounds very similar. She is currently at a Catholic school and is interested in a small Catholic college. If you would be willing to share what school it is, I would really appreciate it. She is currently considering Catholic, Loyola of Chicago, Manhattan, and Providence, in addition to some larger state schools. Thanks


My child is looking north (we lived there for many years) and likes Sacred Heart in CT, Providence (this thread has confirmed what I thought from our tour!), Assumption College, St. Anselms, St. Michaels, Stonehill, Fairfield, and Merrimack. We haven't visited all but she has friends at many of them. She has liked Villanova, Catholic, Fordham, and Loyola Baltimore.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2018 16:57     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Women’s college. All the way.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2018 16:51     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Large schools

Best answer. At a big school, there are enough social niches tha you can hang with the crowd you like and mostly ignore the rest.

+1. The non-drinking, serious students I knew had a good time at huge state schools...there are usually a lot of things like movie screenings, outdoor outings, etc. too that you can join on weekends that don't involve drinking or revolve around drinking.

+5
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2018 16:27     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm curious what people specifically think there is to do in a large city for 18-22-year-olds that doesn't involve drinking and that wouldn't be available to their peers at a campus in a smaller town.


bowling, movie theater, coffee houses, hanging out in town


You can do any of these things in a small town, as well.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2018 15:18     Subject: Re:Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:Has she looked at the Colleges that Change Lives schools?

(chuckle chuckle)


Careful - you are going to trigger someone.

Ironically, I attended a CTCL school and drank like a fish.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2018 15:05     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Non-partying DD at Dickinson College in PA. Has made lots of friends and always finds something fun to do on weekends. Still does not party.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2018 11:48     Subject: Best schools for a non-partier girl
Anonymous wrote:I was also like your daughter, and found my tribe at Georgetown in the early 1990s, although I did drink somewhat in college once I got there -- freshman year went a little overboard for a bit after I broke up with my long-distance boyfriend, but pulled it back together thanks to a good group of girls, some who liked to drink, and some who didn't at all. It wasn't a defining factor in our friendship. We are all still tight after 25 years.


I also was at Georgetown in the early 90s. I very rarely drank and found a good group of friends.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2018 11:35     Subject: Re:Best schools for a non-partier girl
Has she looked at the Colleges that Change Lives schools?

(chuckle chuckle)