Anonymous
08/29/2018 17:08
Subject: Re:Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
I will support a brief - 'what was up with that' conversation directly with the BIL
Quick, not accusatory, interested but not interrogating.
Going to sister is out. Coming in heavy with the BIL is out.
You have to first assume it was nothing - he has nothing to prove to you. People have lives, friends, etc and it's OK. No need to jump straight to affair and involve your sister - that's way too much.
I would likely let it go, but if you must meddle, do something low key and directly with him. You haven't stumbled your way into a romance or crime novel here.
Quick, not accusatory, interested but not interrogating.
Going to sister is out. Coming in heavy with the BIL is out.
You have to first assume it was nothing - he has nothing to prove to you. People have lives, friends, etc and it's OK. No need to jump straight to affair and involve your sister - that's way too much.
I would likely let it go, but if you must meddle, do something low key and directly with him. You haven't stumbled your way into a romance or crime novel here.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 17:03
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:Next time you see him: "Funny running into you at the ice cream shop [last week]. Who was the little boy you were talking to, I didn't recognize him?" Given him a chance to explain in as non-accusatory a way as you can come up with; that said, it is weird and I would absolutely tell my sister about it if I got weird vibes from the explanation.
He owes her no explanation for anything. He should tell her you go to Hell and mind her own business. OP and her DH are troublemakers!
Anonymous
08/29/2018 17:00
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
OP, ask him and then report back! Would love to know his reply.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 16:57
Subject: Re:Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:No. It can be anything. Never stir shit untill you cought someone having sex. Never.
Haha ugh what. First, it's "caught". Second, nope...this was sketchy behavior and this guy is married to OP's SISTER. I would agree with the kind your own business advice if the guy at issue was OP's married coworker or neighbor, or maybe even if this was a couple friend of OP and her husband. But obviously this should be addressed. No need to make a big grand speech, just ask about it
Anonymous
08/29/2018 16:55
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Mention it to her when he is in the room.
Ind your own business! Your husband is an idiot for telling you to carry tsles. You saw him do nothing but smile at server and sit with a young child. Again MYOB!
Yeah, "who was that kid" is a very reasonable question. BIL could have avoided all of this by introducing SIL/niece at the time, or sitting with them, but he was definitely up to something to be hanging out at a shop without actually buying anything, with a kid who is not his own (and his kids nowhere around). Trying to act like "there's nothing to see here" when his behavior was beyond bizarre is kind of telling -- what are you afraid people will report back to your wife?
Anonymous
08/29/2018 16:52
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:Mention it to her when he is in the room.
Ind your own business! Your husband is an idiot for telling you to carry tsles. You saw him do nothing but smile at server and sit with a young child. Again MYOB!
Anonymous
08/29/2018 16:46
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:I've never participated in a BB/BS program, but there could be rules in place about not introducing them to other people. I have no idea. You and OP also have no idea whether OP's sister knows he's in a mentoring program. Sister could totally know about it but didn't tell OP. I'm sure there are lots of things Sister and BIL don't tell OP. Good grief. OP also doesn't say what kind of work her BIL does. He could be a social worker or attorney or court appointed advocate. There are really a lot of potentially innocent explanations here. Everyone has jumped on the crazy train though, so all aboard PP. Have a nice trip to Crazy Town.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Seriously people, you’re missing the most obvious explanation and that’s he is in some sort of mentor role with the boy...big brothers, Boy Scouts, something of that nature. You’re coming to all sorts of crazy cool conclusions when the truth is staring you in the face.
This is a joke, right?
If the BIL was mentoring - the SIL would know. Families talk to each other. Sister would say, oh DH is mentoring in such and such.
At miminum, he would have brought the kid over - hey SIL, meet little Tommy, he's in my Big Brothers program. Tommy - this is my niece and SIL, etc.
The fact that he stayed apart is ODD.
You lack reading comprehension skills. The issue isn't the kid - the kid was a secondary. The kid was there with his own family. BIL came in - was talking up ice cream girl, saw SIL and then started socializing with kid and family while waiting for SIL to leave.
There's nothing crazy about interpreting the situation or simply reading the OP's post. But yeah, I'm crazy for simply having an opinion. Real nice dialogue - thanks PP.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 15:44
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
I've never participated in a BB/BS program, but there could be rules in place about not introducing them to other people. I have no idea. You and OP also have no idea whether OP's sister knows he's in a mentoring program. Sister could totally know about it but didn't tell OP. I'm sure there are lots of things Sister and BIL don't tell OP. Good grief. OP also doesn't say what kind of work her BIL does. He could be a social worker or attorney or court appointed advocate. There are really a lot of potentially innocent explanations here. Everyone has jumped on the crazy train though, so all aboard PP. Have a nice trip to Crazy Town.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Seriously people, you’re missing the most obvious explanation and that’s he is in some sort of mentor role with the boy...big brothers, Boy Scouts, something of that nature. You’re coming to all sorts of crazy cool conclusions when the truth is staring you in the face.
This is a joke, right?
If the BIL was mentoring - the SIL would know. Families talk to each other. Sister would say, oh DH is mentoring in such and such.
At miminum, he would have brought the kid over - hey SIL, meet little Tommy, he's in my Big Brothers program. Tommy - this is my niece and SIL, etc.
The fact that he stayed apart is ODD.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 13:32
Subject: Re:Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:No. It can be anything. Never stir shit untill you cought someone having sex. Never.
Ummm, ma'am? This is DCUM. Stirring sh*t is the Alpha and the Omega here. Please report for re-education and indoctrination lessons on the Private and Independent Schools Forum post-haste!
Seriously, though. Almost everyone here is making a lot of assumptions. Everyone slow your roll a little.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 12:42
Subject: Re:Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
No. It can be anything. Never stir shit untill you cought someone having sex. Never.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 12:25
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Next time you see him: "Funny running into you at the ice cream shop [last week]. Who was the little boy you were talking to, I didn't recognize him?" Given him a chance to explain in as non-accusatory a way as you can come up with; that said, it is weird and I would absolutely tell my sister about it if I got weird vibes from the explanation.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 12:25
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:I really can't believe that some of you think your clever little "This is what I would say" paragraphs come across as anything but ultra-smarmy and priggish.
"Didn't know he was besties with the girl behind the counter. Maybe she could get me the family discount on mudpie."
Seriously?? You would actually say that and pretend it's an innocent comment??
Or "I wish you would have brought the kids, would have loved to have seen them. Good luck while SIs is away, kids are a handful."
Why don't women ever just say what they mean?
THIS.
Just ask BIL - one on one.
Hey BIL - something seemed shady af at the ice cream shop the other day. What's up? It's not really my business, but my sister is my business and your behavior was sketchy. Is is something my sister would be concerned about? I don't want to upset her for no reason, but I'd like to know why you were acting so weird and how you know the ice cream girl.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 12:23
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Mention it to her when he is in the room.
This.
“Hey sis. Did Larlo tell you we ran into him at Scoopz? I wish I’d known he was besties with the girl behind the counter. Seemed to know her family that was there. She could’ve given me the family discount on that mud pie ice cream I love. What was her name, Larlo?”
THIS. ALL OF THIS.
Nope. The above is pretty much an accusation.
Just say: "Larlo, who was the cute kid whom you were talking to at the ice cream shop?"
People don't say "whom" in casual conversation. We all know that you're aware of objective pronouns.
Anonymous
08/29/2018 12:22
Subject: Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
I really can't believe that some of you think your clever little "This is what I would say" paragraphs come across as anything but ultra-smarmy and priggish.
"Didn't know he was besties with the girl behind the counter. Maybe she could get me the family discount on mudpie."
Seriously?? You would actually say that and pretend it's an innocent comment??
Or "I wish you would have brought the kids, would have loved to have seen them. Good luck while SIs is away, kids are a handful."
Why don't women ever just say what they mean?
"Didn't know he was besties with the girl behind the counter. Maybe she could get me the family discount on mudpie."
Seriously?? You would actually say that and pretend it's an innocent comment??
Or "I wish you would have brought the kids, would have loved to have seen them. Good luck while SIs is away, kids are a handful."
Why don't women ever just say what they mean?
Anonymous
08/29/2018 12:19
Subject: Re:Should I Mention I Saw My Sister's Husband Doing Something a Little Suspicious?
What man who has pre-teen kids goes off on mentoring excursions with his own boys sitting in the house and mom out of town??
BWAHAAHAHSHSHSHAHAHAH
The excuses are hilarious.
BWAHAAHAHSHSHSHAHAHAH
The excuses are hilarious.