Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 12:31     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think this baby would be better off adopted. Two loving parents are what this baby needs. Not unmarried teenage parents.


Nope nope nope. The baby would be better off with ONE loving parent - the father - than two unrelated, adoptee parents.


As an adoptive parent, I agree the baby is better off with ONE biological loving, capable parent - than being place for adoption. It is always the best, most preferred option to have one loving, capable biologic parent raise the child than for the child to be placed for adoption.

TBH once the baby is born, there is a good chance that the mom and her parents will change their mind on adoption. It happens. The decision to place is made twice - once before the baby is born, and once after.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 11:14     Subject: Re:Teen pregnancy drama
If you're in this area, I recommend consulting with Mark McDermott. He does family law and adoption law, and was very helpful to us with an adoption some years ago.

PPs are correct that the child will not be eligible for adoption unless both parents consent. Your friend and son need legal advice to see what the law says and what the options are. Also, adoption laws vary by state but there is not state in which you wouldn't need both parents' consent to adopt out a child.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 10:34     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
Anonymous wrote:Um, this makes no sense. What kind of "well off" family doesn't have a family lawyer? Or hasn't consulted with a lawyer before now? Or doesn't know that the biological father doesn't have to "adopt" his own GD kid; he just gets custody.

Unless, of course, you mean the dad's parents will adopt the kid and raise as their own. I know someone who did this. Their son and his HS girlfriend got pregnant. She didn't want the baby and wanted to do an adoption. He didn't want the baby to be adopted by strangers, so his parents adopted the baby and the baby is being raised to believe his father is his much older brother. The baby in question is almost 6 and the father/brother is 22.


Anyone ever read this kind of thing and realize that it's probably your friend because it's definitely talking about you?

No? Just me?
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 10:13     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
The son just "wants to be in the baby's life" or he actually wants to raise the baby?
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 10:09     Subject: Re:Teen pregnancy drama
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You have to consider why the girl may not feel comfortable having his family adopt the child, which other posters have started to touch on. She clearly wants to do adoption so that the child can be OUT of her life, and therefore so that she can focus on her future - school, jobs, etc. You can understand that point of view, right? She isn't even an adult yet. So you can imagine how having the father's parents adopt the child would complicate things. Sure, in theory, this would still allow her to head off to college with little responsibility in a year, however, I doubt it would be that clean and simple. You say that they would give her the option to be "as involved or uninvolved as she'd like" but do you really think that will work for either the child or the mother? She would give birth a few months into her senior year, so she would still be there with that baby for the ~8 months before she actually does go to college. So is she going to completely ignore the child's existence? Or just pop in and visit when she's over at the boyfriend's house? Or maybe she'll feel inclined to all but move-in with that family and become very bonded with that child. You must wonder if that's a possibility. If you have a child, you must understand the bond of a mother with her child. And then, fast forward to college: will she even want to go away after knowing that child? And again, if she does go away, will she just pop in and out of that kid's life whenever she gets the chance? That can't be good for the child.

To me, it seems impossible for the son and his girlfriend to remain together if his family plans to adopt the kid WITHOUT her completely coming around to parenting that child. How could they just go on as a regular young couple when she knows that the child she gave birth to is at his house?

I am not advocating for any one solution, and I truthfully don't know what the right choice is. But you can imagine how complicated the option of the parents adopting would be for anyone in the situation. It almost seems better for another younger couple to adopt the child so that there are no strings attached, but I know that there are negatives to that as well.


Read a little more closely. His family, i.e., his parents, want to adopt his child.

A father doesn't adopt his own child.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 09:54     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
People baffle me. So this young man is some how a horrible human being because he wants to parent his child and be apart of his child's life? The mother is free to choose if she wants to raise the child or not, but the father should have no say?

There are 2 birth parents involved here. Both are the parents to this child.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 09:53     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
Anonymous wrote:The baby will end up being raised by the grandparents. I think this is what the birth mom is trying to avoid.


Presumably yes, she is trying to avoid having the baby be raised by its father and its grandparents.

But the law doesn't work that way, or if the law does, it shouldn't.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 09:51     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
Um, this makes no sense. What kind of "well off" family doesn't have a family lawyer? Or hasn't consulted with a lawyer before now? Or doesn't know that the biological father doesn't have to "adopt" his own GD kid; he just gets custody.

Unless, of course, you mean the dad's parents will adopt the kid and raise as their own. I know someone who did this. Their son and his HS girlfriend got pregnant. She didn't want the baby and wanted to do an adoption. He didn't want the baby to be adopted by strangers, so his parents adopted the baby and the baby is being raised to believe his father is his much older brother. The baby in question is almost 6 and the father/brother is 22.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 09:46     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
The baby will end up being raised by the grandparents. I think this is what the birth mom is trying to avoid.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 09:42     Subject: Re:Teen pregnancy drama
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The boyfriend and his family sound like assholes. Who tells a mother who to give their baby up to adoption to? She should have threatened an abortion. The mom has every right to choose the adoptive parents and it makes sense she doesn’t want her boyfriend’s elderly parents raising the kid.


Um actually...while the BF has no rights now, he will have parental rights once the baby is born and she either puts his name on the birth certificate or he establishes paternity.


Exactly what she should have aborted the baby.

She shouldn’t put his name on the birth certificate and should let him sue.


"She should kill her baby, or deny the father his paternal rights, just to spite the father" says the garbage human being.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 09:37     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
Anonymous wrote:I think this baby would be better off adopted. Two loving parents are what this baby needs. Not unmarried teenage parents.


Nope nope nope. The baby would be better off with ONE loving parent - the father - than two unrelated, adoptee parents.
Anonymous
Post 08/20/2018 07:46     Subject: Teen pregnancy drama
Anonymous wrote:He just tells her he is keeping the baby, there’s nothing she can do about it and he makes her pay support for a kid she doesn’t want.

That’s what would happen if the roles were reversed, fair is fair.


Actually, that is what the law says. He has to consent to an adoption. If he doesn’t consent, he gets to raise the child. He absolutely would then be able to sue her for child support.