Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm baffled by the idea that a 19yo didn't bring his own sunscreen, but instead waited for his friend's mommy to provide it.

Do you know many college aged boys? He probably would've just done without.

He’s technically a man and that makes his behavior all the worse.

I used to be a coordinator for au pairs and I would hear this a lot from people that had male au pairs. They just had no idea that a 19 year old could eat 3 pork chops for dinner and consider it normal. And our au pair had a gas card and it turned out every time she filled our car with gas she and her friends were getting 5 dollars worth of snacks from the gas station. Kids that age are just hungry!

We eventually concluded that if you're not wealthy enough to be able to build in that extra margin (i.e. an extra 25 bucks a week for groceries, etc.) then you probably can't afford the nanny or the vacation or whatever.

We took our au pair on vacation and had the same issue with ordering on the menu. But again if you can't afford to take an extra person to a restaurant, then perhaps you should make more meals at home.

Also, the rationing of food is not good hospitality. You need to be able to have some slack in the equation -- a few extra granola bars, what have you. I remember being at my MIL's and being pregnant and ravenous and finding out that all the food was being rationed and there was exactly one potato per person, etc. It felt terrible and made me feel oddly guilty for requiring more and kind of crazy.

If you can only afford one potato per person, then maybe you shouldn't be having guests is the long and short of it for me.

Anonymous wrote:Op here Jesus 6 pages? Not even reading it all.

We have PLENTY of food. He just eats it all. You buy more, he eats more. There's no bottom. We had 4 bags/boxes of cookies. My kids ate NONE of the first two boxes he went through. It's not an issue of not providing food. He just ploughs through everything we stock.

No he did not bring his own sunscreen. He even asked us to buy him a toothbrush and chapstick and toothpaste when we arrived because he didn't have it. We did. I didn't care about the sunscreen until he USED A WHOLE CAN BY HIMSELF for one single trip down to the beach! That's insane.

We have paid for all food and activities. However it would be nice if he didn't order a $40 freaking meal at every single dinner out for 6 people. Like damn. And if you're going to be like this, maybe offer to do stuff like carry stuff down to the car or do the dishes or thank us for taking you golfing, boating etc.

Huh??? You couldn't be bothered to read 6 pages of advice and tips?? Why bother posting? Such a waste of time. You've lost credibility.

And to add...he probably used a whole can of sunscreen bc he is obese and has a lot of surface area to cover. And with soraya sunscreen its hard to know if you've covered every book and cranny bc of its aerosol nature.

Sounds like the kid is a compulsive eater. I understand that it is frustrating to deal with him but I'd try to have some compassion. He's got a tough road ahead of him. But, no, I wouldn't invite him back again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did your son bring a friend on vacation at their ages? I can see if your son is 6, but 19??

Because the younger two are girls and we don't want our son to be stuck inside all night once the younger ones get tired or stuck doing only activities they can do. Ideally, the friend is so they can go out at night or do stuff like jet skiing and just keep him company. However, this kid also doesn't happen to want to go out in the evening, won't parasail or jetski, and hates walking or physical activity so it's been entirely pointless having him join. He goes along on group activities but has mostly complained about heat, water temp, fun level etc. Trust me, I regret the invite.

I posted a while back but apparently you won’t read it. You have two younger girls so why did you bring your 19 yo son, who is a man, and his friend instead of leaving them home? Of course young men do not want to hang out with the family. I also posted the link to the feeding ravenous teens thread. He is normal. My 10 year old would not be full on a bowl of cereal for breakfast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here Jesus 6 pages? Not even reading it all.

We have PLENTY of food. He just eats it all. You buy more, he eats more. There's no bottom. We had 4 bags/boxes of cookies. My kids ate NONE of the first two boxes he went through. It's not an issue of not providing food. He just ploughs through everything we stock.

No he did not bring his own sunscreen. He even asked us to buy him a toothbrush and chapstick and toothpaste when we arrived because he didn't have it. We did. I didn't care about the sunscreen until he USED A WHOLE CAN BY HIMSELF for one single trip down to the beach! That's insane.

We have paid for all food and activities. However it would be nice if he didn't order a $40 freaking meal at every single dinner out for 6 people. Like damn. And if you're going to be like this, maybe offer to do stuff like carry stuff down to the car or do the dishes or thank us for taking you golfing, boating etc.

what is wrong with you that you can't say "Hey Joe, expenses are adding up. How about picking some thing that costs a bit less."

My hunch is that he can sense your hostility and doesn't even know how to be a better guest in light of that. I know I would most definitely be afraid of touching your dishes.

Because THAT would make him self conscious and uncomfortable which I don't want to do even if he's driving me nuts.

I'm sure that he can tell you cant stand him. Open your mouth and talk. It doesnt have to be that uncomfortable. And it's better than you silently steaming and him not understanding where the hostility is coming from.

I have to agree with a previous poster and say that it seems that the root of your dislike for him is his weight. You really should try not to take your food/weight issues out on this kid.

Anonymous wrote:Op here Jesus 6 pages? Not even reading it all.

We have PLENTY of food. He just eats it all. You buy more, he eats more. There's no bottom. We had 4 bags/boxes of cookies. My kids ate NONE of the first two boxes he went through. It's not an issue of not providing food. He just ploughs through everything we stock.

No he did not bring his own sunscreen. He even asked us to buy him a toothbrush and chapstick and toothpaste when we arrived because he didn't have it. We did. I didn't care about the sunscreen until he USED A WHOLE CAN BY HIMSELF for one single trip down to the beach! That's insane.

We have paid for all food and activities. However it would be nice if he didn't order a $40 freaking meal at every single dinner out for 6 people. Like damn. And if you're going to be like this, maybe offer to do stuff like carry stuff down to the car or do the dishes or thank us for taking you golfing, boating etc.

Is your son noticing any of this? If you raised your with good manners, he should not be allowing his friend to behave this way unchecked. If your son is helping, he should be telling his friend to get off hi sbutt and help too.
Maybe this kid hasn't been on many vacations, and just doesn't know how to act. DD once brought a friend on vacation who ate like a truck driver. I know it's shocking and frustrating. I could place limits like, no we aren't ordering more fries, none of us are getting the largest size ice cream, etc., because these girls were younger. At your son's age, I think he needs to step up a bit and discuss it with the friend too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here Jesus 6 pages? Not even reading it all.

We have PLENTY of food. He just eats it all. You buy more, he eats more. There's no bottom. We had 4 bags/boxes of cookies. My kids ate NONE of the first two boxes he went through. It's not an issue of not providing food. He just ploughs through everything we stock.

No he did not bring his own sunscreen. He even asked us to buy him a toothbrush and chapstick and toothpaste when we arrived because he didn't have it. We did. I didn't care about the sunscreen until he USED A WHOLE CAN BY HIMSELF for one single trip down to the beach! That's insane.

We have paid for all food and activities. However it would be nice if he didn't order a $40 freaking meal at every single dinner out for 6 people. Like damn. And if you're going to be like this, maybe offer to do stuff like carry stuff down to the car or do the dishes or thank us for taking you golfing, boating etc.

what is wrong with you that you can't say "Hey Joe, expenses are adding up. How about picking some thing that costs a bit less."

My hunch is that he can sense your hostility and doesn't even know how to be a better guest in light of that. I know I would most definitely be afraid of touching your dishes.

Because THAT would make him self conscious and uncomfortable which I don't want to do even if he's driving me nuts.

Anonymous wrote:Why did your son bring a friend on vacation at their ages? I can see if your son is 6, but 19??

Because the younger two are girls and we don't want our son to be stuck inside all night once the younger ones get tired or stuck doing only activities they can do. Ideally, the friend is so they can go out at night or do stuff like jet skiing and just keep him company. However, this kid also doesn't happen to want to go out in the evening, won't parasail or jetski, and hates walking or physical activity so it's been entirely pointless having him join. He goes along on group activities but has mostly complained about heat, water temp, fun level etc. Trust me, I regret the invite.

Anonymous wrote:Op here Jesus 6 pages? Not even reading it all.

We have PLENTY of food. He just eats it all. You buy more, he eats more. There's no bottom. We had 4 bags/boxes of cookies. My kids ate NONE of the first two boxes he went through. It's not an issue of not providing food. He just ploughs through everything we stock.

No he did not bring his own sunscreen. He even asked us to buy him a toothbrush and chapstick and toothpaste when we arrived because he didn't have it. We did. I didn't care about the sunscreen until he USED A WHOLE CAN BY HIMSELF for one single trip down to the beach! That's insane.

We have paid for all food and activities. However it would be nice if he didn't order a $40 freaking meal at every single dinner out for 6 people. Like damn. And if you're going to be like this, maybe offer to do stuff like carry stuff down to the car or do the dishes or thank us for taking you golfing, boating etc.

what is wrong with you that you can't say "Hey Joe, expenses are adding up. How about picking some thing that costs a bit less."

My hunch is that he can sense your hostility and doesn't even know how to be a better guest in light of that. I know I would most definitely be afraid of touching your dishes.

Why did your son bring a friend on vacation at their ages? I can see if your son is 6, but 19??

Anonymous wrote:Op here Jesus 6 pages? Not even reading it all.

We have PLENTY of food. He just eats it all. You buy more, he eats more. There's no bottom. We had 4 bags/boxes of cookies. My kids ate NONE of the first two boxes he went through. It's not an issue of not providing food. He just ploughs through everything we stock.

No he did not bring his own sunscreen. He even asked us to buy him a toothbrush and chapstick and toothpaste when we arrived because he didn't have it. We did. I didn't care about the sunscreen until he USED A WHOLE CAN BY HIMSELF for one single trip down to the beach! That's insane.

We have paid for all food and activities. However it would be nice if he didn't order a $40 freaking meal at every single dinner out for 6 people. Like damn. And if you're going to be like this, maybe offer to do stuff like carry stuff down to the car or do the dishes or thank us for taking you golfing, boating etc.

Ok
He lacks home training.
- Tell him to stop eating it all, slow down sweetie, we are all sharing
- Nope babe, less expensive meal, the fancy stuff is for the real adults
- give him a list of chores along with your kids
It's not that hard, he's a kid with seemingly no leadership
Try not to be the adult with no clue(or empathy)

Uh OP you’re a spineless jellyfish. Also, you posted because you wanted attention and advice, but “6 pages?? I’m not reading that!”

Don’t you have any experience with setting limits? Allow me to help:

At restaurant: “Boys, the dollar amount for your entree is $15.”

Multiple boxes of cookies: Label each one with a name. You eat the cookies with your name on it.
Complaining about cereal for breakfast: “You are smart guys and can use your phones to search for a breakfast place nearby, and use your own money.”

No thanks for meals, activities, etc: “Hey Larlo, don’t you ever thank your parents when they do things for you? That’s how we do things in our family. Please feel free to plan and arrange for the remaining four vacation days on your own. We’ll be happy to drive you back home at the end, though!”

I’m a teacher. Parents who don’t know how to set and enforce limits are the cause of about 80% of any problems I have with their little darlings.

Op here Jesus 6 pages? Not even reading it all.

We have PLENTY of food. He just eats it all. You buy more, he eats more. There's no bottom. We had 4 bags/boxes of cookies. My kids ate NONE of the first two boxes he went through. It's not an issue of not providing food. He just ploughs through everything we stock.

No he did not bring his own sunscreen. He even asked us to buy him a toothbrush and chapstick and toothpaste when we arrived because he didn't have it. We did. I didn't care about the sunscreen until he USED A WHOLE CAN BY HIMSELF for one single trip down to the beach! That's insane.

We have paid for all food and activities. However it would be nice if he didn't order a $40 freaking meal at every single dinner out for 6 people. Like damn. And if you're going to be like this, maybe offer to do stuff like carry stuff down to the car or do the dishes or thank us for taking you golfing, boating etc.

How long for? I feel your pain OP. I have a guest of my son's doing an internship and not knowing any better agreed to have him here the entire summer! None of this surprise me.

Once in a while i let my annoyance show and ask for help with dishes, trash, yard, whatever and it really does help. THe guest is probably clueless so you need to provide some guidance.