Anonymous
Post 07/11/2018 07:34     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Your husband is being a jackazz for loudly insisting that you get into the pool when you quite obviously have no interest in doing so. And his mom is being super pushy for making you feel uncomfortable for sitting outside of the pool.

Honestly, I would have some private words with my husband over this. Unless you think you need to be there for safety reasons, I would likely stop hanging out at the pool with them at their pool. I would make it a point to go on a walk or I would go shopping and let him and his parents watch the kids.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2018 07:29     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Before the next pool outing tell your DH "Honey, I've been trying to be discrete but I'm having a lot of unexpected spotting and bleeding in between my periods. The doctor says I'm fine, but there is just no way to predict it. I'd really rather not put on a bathing suit at your parents' pool."

He is being a weird baby man, so he deserves the lie.


Haha, love this. Why not use such an inconvenient often painful process to work for us, for a change! Excellent idea.


My DH would give me a weird look and ask if I’d forgotten about the existence of tampons. Making up weird lies instead of just sticking to no is ridiculous.


You miss the point, which is to shock people, who incessantly pressure others to do their will, into silence.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2018 07:26     Subject: Re:I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree that just living my life includes getting in pictures that I don't want to be in. I'm not overweight but have a somewhat unusual looking face due to a cleft palate repair. I honestly don't think about how my face looks all that much unless I see a picture of myself - I don't want to be in pictures, it makes me feel much, much worse than I otherwise would.


I hope that you will consider how much your nearest and dearest love you and want a picture of you. I hear that you may not like your face, but again those closest to you see you, not just a bunch of features,

/mother of child with cleft palate repair.


I have two teen boys and they are definitely not thinking much about having a picture of me - I guarantee it. But, even if they were, I do a lot to make them happy and its ok for me to say no to this to make myself happy.


Of course you win, it’s your picture, you are the adult. But you really think your adults sons will not wish they had more pictures of you when your gone?

Seriously? This entire post is about someone being pressured to do something they don't want to do so you are going to jump in and pressure someone else about pictures? LET IT GO.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2018 07:17     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I encourage people to swim because I love the water and find a lot of pleasure in swimming. I want people I care about to know that feeling of coolness and freedom. It's the only exercise I really like, mainly because I don't have to sweat during it! So I may say, come on in! It feels great! But after that I don't bug them about it if they refuse.


People probably find you incredibly annoying. Adults don't need you tell them to "come in, it feels great!"


Swim Recruiter Poster is not going to believe that anyone could have a different experience than she does. All those "I" statements about why she likes swimming, then the jump to the conclusion that because she likes it, everyone will (you know, if they just try it, because it's safe to assume that they've never been in a pool before).

OP, does your family expect you to come along? Maybe your ILs don't like chatting with you, and you could just stay behind: "I don't feel like swimming, so I'm going stay here and read/start dinner/take a nap."
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2018 05:39     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Before the next pool outing tell your DH "Honey, I've been trying to be discrete but I'm having a lot of unexpected spotting and bleeding in between my periods. The doctor says I'm fine, but there is just no way to predict it. I'd really rather not put on a bathing suit at your parents' pool."

He is being a weird baby man, so he deserves the lie.


Haha, love this. Why not use such an inconvenient often painful process to work for us, for a change! Excellent idea.


My DH would give me a weird look and ask if I’d forgotten about the existence of tampons. Making up weird lies instead of just sticking to no is ridiculous.


Well to be fair, your DH probably isn’t giving you weird peer pressure to get into the pool in the first place.
Anonymous
Post 07/11/2018 05:36     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Before the next pool outing tell your DH "Honey, I've been trying to be discrete but I'm having a lot of unexpected spotting and bleeding in between my periods. The doctor says I'm fine, but there is just no way to predict it. I'd really rather not put on a bathing suit at your parents' pool."

He is being a weird baby man, so he deserves the lie.


Haha, love this. Why not use such an inconvenient often painful process to work for us, for a change! Excellent idea.


My DH would give me a weird look and ask if I’d forgotten about the existence of tampons. Making up weird lies instead of just sticking to no is ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 21:01     Subject: Re:I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:
I don't agree that just living my life includes getting in pictures that I don't want to be in. I'm not overweight but have a somewhat unusual looking face due to a cleft palate repair. I honestly don't think about how my face looks all that much unless I see a picture of myself - I don't want to be in pictures, it makes me feel much, much worse than I otherwise would.


I hope that you will consider how much your nearest and dearest love you and want a picture of you. I hear that you may not like your face, but again those closest to you see you, not just a bunch of features,

/mother of child with cleft palate repair.


I have two teen boys and they are definitely not thinking much about having a picture of me - I guarantee it. But, even if they were, I do a lot to make them happy and its ok for me to say no to this to make myself happy.


Of course you win, it’s your picture, you are the adult. But you really think your adults sons will not wish they had more pictures of you when your gone?
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 20:59     Subject: Re:I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
However, I will tell you what I have learned, which is that at some point you have to just live your life, which includes getting in the pictures. In 10 years you will feel worse about not being in any pictures than you will about being fat in the pictures. (In fact if you're lucky, you'll look back and laugh at your "fat" period ... if you're unlucky, like me, you'll look back and think "what was I worried about, I looked pretty good!")


I don't agree that just living my life includes getting in pictures that I don't want to be in. I'm not overweight but have a somewhat unusual looking face due to a cleft palate repair. I honestly don't think about how my face looks all that much unless I see a picture of myself - I don't want to be in pictures, it makes me feel much, much worse than I otherwise would.


I hope that you will consider how much your nearest and dearest love you and want a picture of you. I hear that you may not like your face, but again those closest to you see you, not just a bunch of features,

/mother of child with cleft palate repair.


Think about how many photos you have of your mother from when you were a child. Two dozen or so, mostly semi-faded 70s/80s prints?

Here we are in the digital age, where we have the access to (and do) create two dozen or so images a WEEK. My kids will have "enough" images of me, but that doesn't mean I have to document each and every second and scenario. I'm more into making actual memories than PICTURE OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

-NP


Pictures are not for now. They are for later. Plus, there is no reason to believe the poster is in 2 dozen or so images a WEEK -or frankly 2 dozens pictures a year. Since it does not seem obvious, let me spell this out -there is a huge difference between tons of pictures and no pictures. Some people really want absolutely no pictures.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 19:44     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
After the second "no thank you," I feel free to blatantly ignore. I said what I said.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 19:18     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
I have a pretty good, bland-but-annoyed-yet-polite smile I give people when I'm being hassled. It makes it clear my feelings.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 14:24     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
It depends on why your dh wants you in the water...have yould told him directly you don't want to swim? Does he want you to help with the kids in the water so he can get out?
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 13:57     Subject: Re:I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:Have you talked to your DH, away from his parents and the pool? My DH would do something like that thinking he was being funny but would stop if I told him explicitly that it was annoying and hurtful.


Seriously, your husband sounds like an asshole. If he wants help with the kids, then that's one thing. My husband would be annoyed if I always left it to him to take care of the children in the water. But if he just wants you to enjoy it like he is? Talk to him outside of the situation and explain how you feel. If he keeps pushing, he's an ass.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 08:51     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
I hate when women use their periods or vague “female problems” as excuses. Just encourages men to use it against us in more important contexts. OP just needs to talk to her husband in private and beforehand. If he can’t agree to stop harassing her and encourage his parents to stop also (I’m sure they are well-meaning but clearly annoying) she needs to either stop going or directly tell everyone in a firm voice to stop asking her about the pool. Use your “I said no” mom voice if needed.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 08:48     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:I encourage people to swim because I love the water and find a lot of pleasure in swimming. I want people I care about to know that feeling of coolness and freedom. It's the only exercise I really like, mainly because I don't have to sweat during it! So I may say, come on in! It feels great! But after that I don't bug them about it if they refuse.


People probably find you incredibly annoying. Adults don't need you tell them to "come in, it feels great!"
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2018 08:45     Subject: I don’t want to swim, thanks!
Anonymous wrote:Before the next pool outing tell your DH "Honey, I've been trying to be discrete but I'm having a lot of unexpected spotting and bleeding in between my periods. The doctor says I'm fine, but there is just no way to predict it. I'd really rather not put on a bathing suit at your parents' pool."

He is being a weird baby man, so he deserves the lie.


Haha, love this. Why not use such an inconvenient often painful process to work for us, for a change! Excellent idea.