Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was once regularly called the hostess with the mostest because I always hosted. After marriage, children and now taking care of parents, I'm burned out and only host those who reciprocate one way or another. It's a very very small list.

+1. Walk a mile in their shoes before you judge someone.

I know, what big cross to bear.

Reminds me of the Pink song, Nobody Knows

Nobody knows, nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry, if I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody knows, nobody knows, no

Anonymous wrote:I was once regularly called the hostess with the mostest because I always hosted. After marriage, children and now taking care of parents, I'm burned out and only host those who reciprocate one way or another. It's a very very small list.

+1. Walk a mile in their shoes before you judge someone.

I was once regularly called the hostess with the mostest because I always hosted. After marriage, children and now taking care of parents, I'm burned out and only host those who reciprocate one way or another. It's a very very small list.

Anonymous wrote:I know its an old thread, but I hate having people over. I used to love it, but somewhere along the line, I got really anxious and self-conscious about our tiny house, our IKEA furniture and my horrible kitchen and baths. Its stupid, I know, but i still hate having people over.

Don't let your house get in the way. My house is a mansion, friends' house is about 1,500 sq ft. We take turns and enjoy equally. It doesn't matter what you have, it matters what you do with what you have. And do it with pride.

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Maybe they don't feel shame. Maybe they don't really care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Do you keep a little spreadsheet with tally marks? Like every time you are invited to someone's house you mark a check? and then when they come to your house, you mark a check and if the checks are not even then they are off the list? You sound like a ton of fun. Do you work? Just curious. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands for tracking purposes.

I do work, full time. It's not hard at all to "keep track" when the other party has never had you over. Are you the kind whose kids get invited to others' houses continually and you don't bother to keep track of when it's your turn to host?

No, but I do not invite people over without the expectation of something in return. If I invite someone over it is because I enjoy their company, not because I'm desperate for an invite to their house. Furthermore, if I knew someone was insecure about the condition or size of their home, I certainly would not get offended by their insecurity. Don't take things so personally, everything is not about you, or an offense to your person.

The first three times I was okay with offering no strings attached hospitality. Any more invites from me, and I would feel they were using me, so I stopped inviting them. Is there any point at which you get tired of making an effort for people if they don't reciprocate in any way whatsoever?

No because I don't get offended when people might be uncomfortable hosting. I'm friends with people because I enjoy their company. They have something else to offer that is deeper than a change of venue to their house. No way do I want someone to feel pressure to have me in their home if they are not comfortable with it. Maybe they are hoarders, messy, OCD, or embarrassed for any reason. Maybe they get anxiety over having guests. Whatever it is, it's not about me. We can hang at my house or we can go to a bar/restaurant. For me it is about the company, not who has hosted the most.

+1 to all of this. Not everyone operates in the exact same way. Expecting them too and then getting mad and making negative assumptions when they don't is just a recipe for being unhappy and horribly petty.

I absolutely hate having people over. I don't hate the people, I just hate having them in my house.

Just order take out and put it in your own serving ware. Don't stress about it- just enjoy your company and they'll enjoy you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Do you keep a little spreadsheet with tally marks? Like every time you are invited to someone's house you mark a check? and then when they come to your house, you mark a check and if the checks are not even then they are off the list? You sound like a ton of fun. Do you work? Just curious. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands for tracking purposes.

I do work, full time. It's not hard at all to "keep track" when the other party has never had you over. Are you the kind whose kids get invited to others' houses continually and you don't bother to keep track of when it's your turn to host?

No, but I do not invite people over without the expectation of something in return. If I invite someone over it is because I enjoy their company, not because I'm desperate for an invite to their house. Furthermore, if I knew someone was insecure about the condition or size of their home, I certainly would not get offended by their insecurity. Don't take things so personally, everything is not about you, or an offense to your person.

The first three times I was okay with offering no strings attached hospitality. Any more invites from me, and I would feel they were using me, so I stopped inviting them. Is there any point at which you get tired of making an effort for people if they don't reciprocate in any way whatsoever?

No because I don't get offended when people might be uncomfortable hosting. I'm friends with people because I enjoy their company. They have something else to offer that is deeper than a change of venue to their house. No way do I want someone to feel pressure to have me in their home if they are not comfortable with it. Maybe they are hoarders, messy, OCD, or embarrassed for any reason. Maybe they get anxiety over having guests. Whatever it is, it's not about me. We can hang at my house or we can go to a bar/restaurant. For me it is about the company, not who has hosted the most.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this thread makes me so sad. I just LOVE having guests. Maybe we could paint our doors red, green and yellow depending on how friendly we are?

Of all things in life THIS is what makes you sad? Dear God.

Not OP or PP, but your response is a clear over reaction. You sound like you are one of those antisocial people that does not have people over much.

Huh? I have people over all the time. I just don't feel "so sad" when other people are not the EXACT SAME AS ME. There are more things in life to be sad over. Go volunteer some time at Children's and find real things to be sad over.

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

It's your DH's best friend at work and you are this PETTY counting the visits? What a shame.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a nice house but I would rather meet up with friends at a restaurant or an outing. My kids are older so we don't needs babysitters anymore but with work ect...we are too busy to host.

I like this too. We still need babysitters for our kids--7 and 10. One of the reasons I like going out--is the kids still get to bed on time and are well-rested the next day. So DH and I are the only grumpy ones the next day.

We also spend so much time with their activities weeknights and all weekend-day long--(soccer fields, basketball from dawn to dusk)--it's nice to get out with just adults and not have to try to prepare for a party when you haven't been home all day.

oh and they both have a crush on the babysitter---so they love when she comes over. It's a win-win.

Anonymous wrote:I have a nice house but I would rather meet up with friends at a restaurant or an outing. My kids are older so we don't needs babysitters anymore but with work ect...we are too busy to host.

I like this too. We still need babysitters for our kids--7 and 10. One of the reasons I like going out--is the kids still get to bed on time and are well-rested the next day. So DH and I are the only grumpy ones the next day.

We also spend so much time with their activities weeknights and all weekend-day long--(soccer fields, basketball from dawn to dusk)--it's nice to get out with just adults and not have to try to prepare for a party when you haven't been home all day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with hating to have people over is that you miss out on a lot of fun invitations. My husband's best friend at work has been to our house about three times with his wife. He admitted to my husband that his wife won't entertain because she feels her house is too small. So guess what? We don't invite them to our house anymore, haven't for years. We see them at other people's homes and occasions out in public, but what a shame for them that they're not willing to entertain.

Do you keep a little spreadsheet with tally marks? Like every time you are invited to someone's house you mark a check? and then when they come to your house, you mark a check and if the checks are not even then they are off the list? You sound like a ton of fun. Do you work? Just curious. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands for tracking purposes.

I do work, full time. It's not hard at all to "keep track" when the other party has never had you over. Are you the kind whose kids get invited to others' houses continually and you don't bother to keep track of when it's your turn to host?

No, but I do not invite people over without the expectation of something in return. If I invite someone over it is because I enjoy their company, not because I'm desperate for an invite to their house. Furthermore, if I knew someone was insecure about the condition or size of their home, I certainly would not get offended by their insecurity. Don't take things so personally, everything is not about you, or an offense to your person.

The first three times I was okay with offering no strings attached hospitality. Any more invites from me, and I would feel they were using me, so I stopped inviting them. Is there any point at which you get tired of making an effort for people if they don't reciprocate in any way whatsoever?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this thread makes me so sad. I just LOVE having guests. Maybe we could paint our doors red, green and yellow depending on how friendly we are?

Of all things in life THIS is what makes you sad? Dear God.

Not OP or PP, but your response is a clear over reaction. You sound like you are one of those antisocial people that does not have people over much.