Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 22:24     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:I would not leave my kids with them. Find another plan.


Just saw it's your sister's overseas wedding. Why wouldn't you bring your kid? We brought our 1yo to my husband's cousin's wedding last year in Europe and it was a great trip. Find a different time and different circumstances for a solo trip with your DH.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 22:22     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
I would not leave my kids with them. Find another plan.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 22:19     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound reasonable. I wouldn’t negotiate and just tell them it won’t work for you. Find someone else. You aren’t going to relax with them watching her.


Of course she won't. Because she's an anxious person!! She's not going to relax no matter who takes care of the baby.


I have had others care for her and have relaxed. I leave her in daycare everyday! She's been with my mother, a doula, and sitters. It is specifically the length of time and the caretakers that worry me. And goodness - yes I AM an anxious person! I'm not trying to say that I'm not. But anxiety doesn't make everything you think automatically unreasonable. I work hard to try and sort out what is anxiety and what is valid parental concern.

I just feel that this trip would be better for everyone if DD was in daycare during the week. I would love to cancel, but my sister is getting married. DH wants to come on the international trip and he is part of the family. I think our marriage will benefit from the alone time.


I don't understand - why on earth wouldn't you take your one year old with you to her own aunt's wedding - and especially if it was overseas. I think *this* is what you are being anxious about. You absolutely should take your child with you - one week without routine will be FINE if she's with her parents. She's not a baby, she's a toddler. You can be flexible with routines at this age. And travel at this age is not as difficult as you think it is. She'll sleep the whole time. I don't understand why

+1. I don't understand why you wouldn't take her either. Of course your marriage would benefit from some alone time but it doesn't sound like the right time for that.



Agreed. If you must, take a night or two during the trip to leave her with your parents, but really, plan a separate trip. This is not the right time. It is so weird to me that you would unnecessarily complicate your life in this manner.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 22:01     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:She'll be happy, OP. Honestly. She'll probably not even notice you're gone. She'll have special time with her grandparents, and in the end this will improve your relationship with them. It's a win win.

(Note to other posters: told you so . . .)


NP here. Have you met a one year old before?

They most certainly will notice their mom and dad are gone. Sometimes I think there are some pushy grandparents who have completely forgotten what young kids are like posting over and over on these threads.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 21:57     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:What kind of a vacation is an obligation? I'm curious as to where you are going with family that you can't take your baby with you.
It doesn't sound much fun if you are going to be worrying about DD. Just my opinion

She’s mentioned several times it’s her sisters wedding.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 21:53     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
What kind of a vacation is an obligation? I'm curious as to where you are going with family that you can't take your baby with you.
It doesn't sound much fun if you are going to be worrying about DD. Just my opinion
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 21:31     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound reasonable. I wouldn’t negotiate and just tell them it won’t work for you. Find someone else. You aren’t going to relax with them watching her.


Of course she won't. Because she's an anxious person!! She's not going to relax no matter who takes care of the baby.


I have had others care for her and have relaxed. I leave her in daycare everyday! She's been with my mother, a doula, and sitters. It is specifically the length of time and the caretakers that worry me. And goodness - yes I AM an anxious person! I'm not trying to say that I'm not. But anxiety doesn't make everything you think automatically unreasonable. I work hard to try and sort out what is anxiety and what is valid parental concern.

I just feel that this trip would be better for everyone if DD was in daycare during the week. I would love to cancel, but my sister is getting married. DH wants to come on the international trip and he is part of the family. I think our marriage will benefit from the alone time.


I don't understand - why on earth wouldn't you take your one year old with you to her own aunt's wedding - and especially if it was overseas. I think *this* is what you are being anxious about. You absolutely should take your child with you - one week without routine will be FINE if she's with her parents. She's not a baby, she's a toddler. You can be flexible with routines at this age. And travel at this age is not as difficult as you think it is. She'll sleep the whole time. I don't understand why
+1. I don't understand why you wouldn't take her either. Of course your marriage would benefit from some alone time but it doesn't sound like the right time for that.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 21:25     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound reasonable. I wouldn’t negotiate and just tell them it won’t work for you. Find someone else. You aren’t going to relax with them watching her.


Of course she won't. Because she's an anxious person!! She's not going to relax no matter who takes care of the baby.


I have had others care for her and have relaxed. I leave her in daycare everyday! She's been with my mother, a doula, and sitters. It is specifically the length of time and the caretakers that worry me. And goodness - yes I AM an anxious person! I'm not trying to say that I'm not. But anxiety doesn't make everything you think automatically unreasonable. I work hard to try and sort out what is anxiety and what is valid parental concern.

I just feel that this trip would be better for everyone if DD was in daycare during the week. I would love to cancel, but my sister is getting married. DH wants to come on the international trip and he is part of the family. I think our marriage will benefit from the alone time.


I don't understand - why on earth wouldn't you take your one year old with you to her own aunt's wedding - and especially if it was overseas. I think *this* is what you are being anxious about. You absolutely should take your child with you - one week without routine will be FINE if she's with her parents. She's not a baby, she's a toddler. You can be flexible with routines at this age. And travel at this age is not as difficult as you think it is. She'll sleep the whole time. I don't understand why you wouldn't take her.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 21:19     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
A child’s safety and welfare supersedes all else.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 21:19     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
I would not leave your DD with your IL's. My IL's never watched either of my children without DH or I in the house with them--mostl of the time in the same room. We started this when MIL attempted to hit DS when he did something she didn't like (yes, she announced she was going to "hit him upside the back of the head" for crying). MIL admits she does not like babies or toddlers (then why did you want to watch one you LOON). In your case OP, what happens when they take her to another state and then realize they cannot handle caring for her. IF they are going to care for her, they need to do it at your house. That way they can keep her out of daycare for a day and if it's to much, send her the next day. They will absolutely need a break.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 21:03     Subject: Re:How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Your inlaws don't sound up to the task and your daughter will be miserable if she stays with them. Cmon your daughter doesn't feel comfortable with them and she's too young to understand why you're gone or when/if you're coming back. don't do that to your baby. Take her w you and get someone to care for her during the reception (your husband, local babysitter) or else your husband stays home with the baby and you go solo.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 20:57     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you're complicating this needlessly. Bring the baby to the wedding - get a local sitter, or have your DH watch her for the ceremony. (If they're having a stupid no-kids wedding, just say "oops, the local babysitter fell through, DH stayed back at the hotel, so sorry!"). OR, have your DH stay home with the baby while you go alone. (Again, tell your sister, "Oops, childcare fell through!" if she bitches about DH missing it.)

I would NOT let distant, 70+ grandparents who I didn't trust, and who refused to listen to me, take my 13 month old to their SECOND HOME away from all sources of back-up care (daycare, local sitters, those other local relatives.)

I guess a third option would be to radically shorten the wedding trip to 24 hours (even if it means you're ridiculously tired).

I think in your anxiety you are overthinking this. Focus on the end goal: baby is NOT staying with ILs. And just make that happen.


+1

Take your daughter. Everything else is ridiculous.


This. Only this.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 20:15     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:OP, you're complicating this needlessly. Bring the baby to the wedding - get a local sitter, or have your DH watch her for the ceremony. (If they're having a stupid no-kids wedding, just say "oops, the local babysitter fell through, DH stayed back at the hotel, so sorry!"). OR, have your DH stay home with the baby while you go alone. (Again, tell your sister, "Oops, childcare fell through!" if she bitches about DH missing it.)

I would NOT let distant, 70+ grandparents who I didn't trust, and who refused to listen to me, take my 13 month old to their SECOND HOME away from all sources of back-up care (daycare, local sitters, those other local relatives.)

I guess a third option would be to radically shorten the wedding trip to 24 hours (even if it means you're ridiculously tired).

I think in your anxiety you are overthinking this. Focus on the end goal: baby is NOT staying with ILs. And just make that happen.


+1

Take your daughter. Everything else is ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 20:06     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
Anonymous wrote:I’m the one who said not to go—hadn’t seen it was your sistwr’s wedding at that point. *You* need to go, but DH doesn’t.

I went to a wedding solo when DD was about that age—she and DH had a ball, and it helped their bond grow.
is

+1
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2018 19:57     Subject: How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?
FFS, stop listening to all the other anxious parents here, talk with your husband and make a decision together about what to do.

Whatever you decide (DD staying with ILs, DH staying home, bring DD with you), I promise that 1 year from now you will look back and laugh about how crazy you made yourself over the decision.