Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who should give in? The spouse who wants to honor the other spouse’s request to not have someone else sleeping in his/her bed. To disregard that would be akin to saying, “Your feelings about your personal space, aka our marital bed, don’t matter.” Why would anyone get in a power struggle over the very place they have to sleep every night. If my spouse doesn’t want someone in our bed, I need to respect that even if I don’t agree with it.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Who should give in? The spouse who wants to honor the other spouse’s request to not have someone else sleeping in his/her bed. To disregard that would be akin to saying, “Your feelings about your personal space, aka our marital bed, don’t matter.” Why would anyone get in a power struggle over the very place they have to sleep every night. If my spouse doesn’t want someone in our bed, I need to respect that even if I don’t agree with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a pet sitter and frequently my clients tell me to sleep wherever I feel most comfortable whether that’s the guest room or master bedroom. Sometimes I choose the master. I don’t see the big deal.

There’s something very strange about a person who stays in people’s homes for money and then helps themselves to private things including choosing to sleep in the master bed when there’s a perfectly fine guest room available. a la The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.

And of course some people offer it. They know that anyone with no sense of privacy or boundaries who would accept such an offer would have just done it anyway regardless of what was offered. Doesn’t mean they want you to do it.

It makes sense in some cases. Our dog sleep in our bedroom and would be more comfortable if the dog sitter slept there when we are gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because ILs are providing free child care they should get to do whatever they want? Should they be allowed to go through the drawers too? Maybe rearrange furniture? I mean, they’re doing you a favor! Just be grateful!

Isn’t this the same board that says if you do a favor for someone you shouldn’t expect payback because then it’s not really a favor? I don’t know, maybe the ILs don’t really want to babysit and are doing it under duress, but I doubt it. I suspect they’re jumping at the chance to be there.

Are you two years old? There is a difference between making your guests who are helping you out in a huge way comfortable and the behavior you describe. The are coming to help. Hopefully they are thrilled to do it, but it doesn’t change the fab fact that they are giving OP a multi day getaway. So, if the master bedroom has the big comfy bed and tv that they desire, why on earth would you begrudge them those comforts?

Are you an idiot? There is a perfectly COMFORABLE guest room and bathroom for them to use. It’s weird that given a perfectly fine option, with privacy and bathroom, that the ILs are insisting on the master, especially since it makes one of the spouses who sleeps in that bed regularly uncomfortable. It’s that person’s private space, and they are entitled to wanting it private, even if you disagree. It would be different if the master was the only option, but it’s not. And again, them doing her a favor doesn’t equal them getting to do something that makes her or her DH uncomfortable just because it’s what they want.

The guest room is obviously not perfectly comfortable. And the spouse who feels icky for no good reason should just take a deep breath and focus on how grateful they are to have generous and trustworthy grandparents who give them the priceless gift of time alone.

Wanting to have your special private space so you can feel comfy while your parents sleep in a crappy bed or watch the old grainy TV is just unbelievably selfish. I guess making people feel comfortable when they are helping out with your children is not important to you.

+1 The namecalling, poor spelling PP clearly doesn't care about being a good host to family.

Yes, sorry typing on my phone results in an inadvertent typo. And let’s ignore that I got called a 2 year old first.

Assuming the OP’s guest bed is crappy and the tv is grainy to support your opinion does not make them facts. If in fact the OP admits it’s an old uncomfortable bed and the tv is crap, then maybe I would see your point. But I’m only going by what info the OP has provided, and so should you. And providing a comfortable room and private bath to guests IS being a good host. If you don’t see that, I can’t help you.

Now you can go back to trolling for typos to make yourself feel superior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me. I would, of course, let my in-laws use the master suite if they'd be more comfortable while watching our children for free! I can't fathom how DCUM is perfectly happy to take, take, take free child care but goes crazy at the thought of family members laying their heads on their precious pillows.

(Obviously there is SOMETHING about the guest bedroom that is not great if the IL's are asking to switch up.)

+1 My sister is convinced her guest bedroom is wonderful and doesn't understand why we choose to stay with my parents instead even though it's more cramped over there. The mattress in my sister's guest bedroom is the most ungodly uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Sister has back problems and she likes sleeping on a mattress harder than concrete so to her it's super comfortable. To me? Not so much.

Maybe try, I dunno, TELLING her that the mattress in her guest bedroom is not comfortable to you. How the heck is she supposed to just know that?

Ehh I have the same issue. I cannot sleep at my inlaws because the cheap mattress moves any time one of us moves. It shakes! I'd love to complain to my MIL and would complain to my mom if it were her house, but I can't. It's just not something I can politely bring up to my MIL. Sometimes I sleep on the floor with a quilt instead. Also, the sheets pop off the bed in the middle of the night because the elastic is cheap and I end up with my face on a bare mattress. I did tell her I didn't like flannel sheets though and asked that she not put them on in the winter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because ILs are providing free child care they should get to do whatever they want? Should they be allowed to go through the drawers too? Maybe rearrange furniture? I mean, they’re doing you a favor! Just be grateful!

Isn’t this the same board that says if you do a favor for someone you shouldn’t expect payback because then it’s not really a favor? I don’t know, maybe the ILs don’t really want to babysit and are doing it under duress, but I doubt it. I suspect they’re jumping at the chance to be there.

Are you two years old? There is a difference between making your guests who are helping you out in a huge way comfortable and the behavior you describe. The are coming to help. Hopefully they are thrilled to do it, but it doesn’t change the fab fact that they are giving OP a multi day getaway. So, if the master bedroom has the big comfy bed and tv that they desire, why on earth would you begrudge them those comforts?

Are you an idiot? There is a perfectly COMFORABLE guest room and bathroom for them to use. It’s weird that given a perfectly fine option, with privacy and bathroom, that the ILs are insisting on the master, especially since it makes one of the spouses who sleeps in that bed regularly uncomfortable. It’s that person’s private space, and they are entitled to wanting it private, even if you disagree. It would be different if the master was the only option, but it’s not. And again, them doing her a favor doesn’t equal them getting to do something that makes her or her DH uncomfortable just because it’s what they want.

The guest room is obviously not perfectly comfortable. And the spouse who feels icky for no good reason should just take a deep breath and focus on how grateful they are to have generous and trustworthy grandparents who give them the priceless gift of time alone.

Wanting to have your special private space so you can feel comfy while your parents sleep in a crappy bed or watch the old grainy TV is just unbelievably selfish. I guess making people feel comfortable when they are helping out with your children is not important to you.

+1 The namecalling, poor spelling PP clearly doesn't care about being a good host to family.

Yes, sorry typing on my phone results in an inadvertent typo. And let’s ignore that I got called a 2 year old first.

Assuming the OP’s guest bed is crappy and the tv is grainy to support your opinion does not make them facts. If in fact the OP admits it’s an old uncomfortable bed and the tv is crap, then maybe I would see your point. But I’m only going by what info the OP has provided, and so should you. And providing a comfortable room and private bath to guests IS being a good host. If you don’t see that, I can’t help you.

Now you can go back to trolling for typos to make yourself feel superior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me. I would, of course, let my in-laws use the master suite if they'd be more comfortable while watching our children for free! I can't fathom how DCUM is perfectly happy to take, take, take free child care but goes crazy at the thought of family members laying their heads on their precious pillows.

(Obviously there is SOMETHING about the guest bedroom that is not great if the IL's are asking to switch up.)

+1 My sister is convinced her guest bedroom is wonderful and doesn't understand why we choose to stay with my parents instead even though it's more cramped over there. The mattress in my sister's guest bedroom is the most ungodly uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Sister has back problems and she likes sleeping on a mattress harder than concrete so to her it's super comfortable. To me? Not so much.

Maybe try, I dunno, TELLING her that the mattress in her guest bedroom is not comfortable to you. How the heck is she supposed to just know that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me. I would, of course, let my in-laws use the master suite if they'd be more comfortable while watching our children for free! I can't fathom how DCUM is perfectly happy to take, take, take free child care but goes crazy at the thought of family members laying their heads on their precious pillows.

(Obviously there is SOMETHING about the guest bedroom that is not great if the IL's are asking to switch up.)

+1 My sister is convinced her guest bedroom is wonderful and doesn't understand why we choose to stay with my parents instead even though it's more cramped over there. The mattress in my sister's guest bedroom is the most ungodly uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Sister has back problems and she likes sleeping on a mattress harder than concrete so to her it's super comfortable. To me? Not so much.

Maybe try, I dunno, TELLING her that the mattress in her guest bedroom is not comfortable to you. How the heck is she supposed to just know that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so weird to me. I would, of course, let my in-laws use the master suite if they'd be more comfortable while watching our children for free! I can't fathom how DCUM is perfectly happy to take, take, take free child care but goes crazy at the thought of family members laying their heads on their precious pillows.

(Obviously there is SOMETHING about the guest bedroom that is not great if the IL's are asking to switch up.)

+1 My sister is convinced her guest bedroom is wonderful and doesn't understand why we choose to stay with my parents instead even though it's more cramped over there. The mattress in my sister's guest bedroom is the most ungodly uncomfortable mattress I've ever slept on. Sister has back problems and she likes sleeping on a mattress harder than concrete so to her it's super comfortable. To me? Not so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So because ILs are providing free child care they should get to do whatever they want? Should they be allowed to go through the drawers too? Maybe rearrange furniture? I mean, they’re doing you a favor! Just be grateful!

Isn’t this the same board that says if you do a favor for someone you shouldn’t expect payback because then it’s not really a favor? I don’t know, maybe the ILs don’t really want to babysit and are doing it under duress, but I doubt it. I suspect they’re jumping at the chance to be there.

Are you two years old? There is a difference between making your guests who are helping you out in a huge way comfortable and the behavior you describe. The are coming to help. Hopefully they are thrilled to do it, but it doesn’t change the fab fact that they are giving OP a multi day getaway. So, if the master bedroom has the big comfy bed and tv that they desire, why on earth would you begrudge them those comforts?

Are you an idiot? There is a perfectly COMFORABLE guest room and bathroom for them to use. It’s weird that given a perfectly fine option, with privacy and bathroom, that the ILs are insisting on the master, especially since it makes one of the spouses who sleeps in that bed regularly uncomfortable. It’s that person’s private space, and they are entitled to wanting it private, even if you disagree. It would be different if the master was the only option, but it’s not. And again, them doing her a favor doesn’t equal them getting to do something that makes her or her DH uncomfortable just because it’s what they want.

The guest room is obviously not perfectly comfortable. And the spouse who feels icky for no good reason should just take a deep breath and focus on how grateful they are to have generous and trustworthy grandparents who give them the priceless gift of time alone.

Wanting to have your special private space so you can feel comfy while your parents sleep in a crappy bed or watch the old grainy TV is just unbelievably selfish. I guess making people feel comfortable when they are helping out with your children is not important to you.

+1 The namecalling, poor spelling PP clearly doesn't care about being a good host to family.