I would try to put this concern out of your mind. There is nothing to suggest that he has acted anything but protectively and honorably since he met you. Congratulations!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

So much for trying to pass as majority and not have the issue stand out. The "church" is a large, very reform Jewish temple. No, no one we know cares it isn't a Jewish ceremony.

Lol, I was just about to come into this thread and say that this sounds like Temple dating drama. Atheists sill attending? Check. Weird dating dynamics where too many people have dated within a small community? Check. Weirdly intense singles that still harbor feelings after way too many years? Check.

Congratulations, OP!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the ex-wife of a cheater, the main lesson I drew was that lying (about anything) and avoiding conflict are the two big character flaws of cheaters. I too justified the little dishonesties like everyone in this thread is doing. But, the truth is such lies (of commission or omision) were huge red flags that should have signaled me to end the relationship.

Remember, you get what you accept in life.

Personally, what you describe would cause me to end the relationship. Period.

They are also flaws of people in relationships with melodramatic women who make a huge deal out of every little thing.

Ah, yes, it's not the lie that's the problem, it's the person who makes a big deal of the lie.

Just like it's not a big deal to hit a woman, the problem is either she didn't listen (and thus deserved to be hit) and/or she made a big deal out of it.

People with attitudes like yours are the ones that enable the perpetration of physical and emotional abuse.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

So much for trying to pass as majority and not have the issue stand out. The "church" is a large, very reform Jewish temple. No, no one we know cares it isn't a Jewish ceremony.

Lol, I was just about to come into this thread and say that this sounds like Temple dating drama. Atheists sill attending? Check. Weird dating dynamics where too many people have dated within a small community? Check. Weirdly intense singles that still harbor feelings after way too many years? Check.

Anonymous wrote:Your mega church was okay with no religious ceremony?

I know so many couples who faced immense pressure to switch to a church wedding or do a repeat one after the JOP —at no cost if necessary.

She said that she wasn’t very religious and she just participated in some activities for the community.

OP here.

So much for trying to pass as majority and not have the issue stand out. The "church" is a large, very reform Jewish temple. No, no one we know cares it isn't a Jewish ceremony.

Your mega church was okay with no religious ceremony?

I know so many couples who faced immense pressure to switch to a church wedding or do a repeat one after the JOP —at no cost if necessary.

OP here.

I appreciate everyone's perspectives, it helped me to see the big picture. Yesterday and today fiancé (now DH) and I spoke about it calmly and openly. We're in agreement it's the sort of thing we should make decisions about together. He said he just panicked back when he saw her and the situation was so awkward and embarrassing.

Now that I know, he offered to start going to events. He encouraged me to do whatever I want about the lady--befriend her or not. I'm not interested. But I am happy he will start going here and there.

We had a lovely, brief ceremony today. A judge friend married us, our parents and a friend each were there, and we went out for a great lunch.