OP, you may be able to find some more helpful guidance on Facebook. The large gifted group there is Raising Poppies, and there are also groups that focus on the profoundly gifted. There's a significant DC/MD/VA contingent on the groups, and many children that sound like yours.

Profoundly gifted children are really not like other children. The PP who says "borderline" at 147 is not PG in the sense we're talking about, I think -- I imagine the OP is using it more to describe a child in the 160+ range, though please correct me if I'm wrong, OP.

These children don't work at one or two grades above level, as a PP suggested. Rather, they may be capable of doing work that is vastly above grade level -- think a minimum of three grades for all subjects, and maybe much higher for something in an area of skill (think "fourth grader who can do college-level work in a particular subject").

Children like that are tortured in a regular school classroom, especially in the elementary years, in the same way an adult would be bored being taught basic math. Empathize a bit here, folks: If you were sitting in an elementary school classroom being taught basic math, would you be able to stop fidgeting? (Can you wait at a DMV while remaining still? Imagine school being like an endless parade of days waiting at the DMV.)

OP, I think if you want to balance academics and social skills, you should find your son a school environment that can differentiate for him. Note that you don't need to have him work to some theoretical maximum potential. You just need to get him engaged in the material and give him some freedom to explore and the opportunity to go deeper into the material. Whether or not that school environment can provide a peer group for social-emotional learning should be of lesser concern, I think, since you'll have to make trade-offs. Then, enroll your son in extracurriculars where there's significant interaction with and cooperation with peers. Scouting, theatre, team sports, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so what are his test scores? I am in that range, too, so I have a frame of reference. You are being weirdly evasive, making me think you don’t have test results and are, in fact, working off of feelings. Many of the programs people are suggesting have test cutoffs, so he needs to have a requisite level of aptitude to qualify.

No, dear. We have numbers. I think it’s weirdly intrusive that you want to know the exact numbers. If you know what PG is, you know that his IQ exceeds the cut-off for any gifted program. You clearly don’t know what PG means, which suggests you’re a fake.

Personally, I hated being identified with an IQ number, and I have no need or desire to share my son’s.

LOL

IQ is one way of evaluating someone. Your kid’s IQ is no more intrusive than the other very personal information you’ve shared.

- Someone with a 147 IQ

Do you know how ridiculous you both sound? I guess that insight must come with a lower IQ.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so what are his test scores? I am in that range, too, so I have a frame of reference. You are being weirdly evasive, making me think you don’t have test results and are, in fact, working off of feelings. Many of the programs people are suggesting have test cutoffs, so he needs to have a requisite level of aptitude to qualify.

No, dear. We have numbers. I think it’s weirdly intrusive that you want to know the exact numbers. If you know what PG is, you know that his IQ exceeds the cut-off for any gifted program. You clearly don’t know what PG means, which suggests you’re a fake.

Personally, I hated being identified with an IQ number, and I have no need or desire to share my son’s.

LOL

IQ is one way of evaluating someone. Your kid’s IQ is no more intrusive than the other very personal information you’ve shared.

- Someone with a 147 IQ

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that schools like Sidwell, GDS, and STA don’t allow differentiation until 9th.

I have a hard time believing that this statement is 100 percent true.

It is true, for the most part, for younger elementary IME. For this reason, i am not sure why OP didn't know this going in. I don't mean to offend, but I thought it was commonly known among parents whose children attend these schools. The Big 3 and like private are not "rigorous" elementary schools. If I wanted more knowledge and skill acquisition, and perhaps more rigor too, whatever that means really, I would put my child in the neighborhood public elementary school.

I disagree. As someone who had 1 of my kids in a public elementary early on, the knowledge and skill acquisition (and certainly rigor) was very weak.

Interesting. Would you mind sharing the district or school? It was our first year in a Big 3 private. Granted, my DC is young for the grade (PK). DC has grown immensely in the social/maturity senses, but, for instance, still writes a letter in their own name backwards and can't write lowercase letters. I am pretty sure DC would be able to do these things if they attended a public PK this past year. We are not upset by this, just a bit surprised.

The OP's son is obviously gifted. So is the OP, probably extremely so. But she's not so gifted that she's any different from the majority of this generation's parents. Blame the school. Blame the teacher. Tell other parents who offer constructive advice that they just don't understand. No consideration of the possibility that the real problem is looking at you through the mirror.

If a school is telling a parent that their child is or has a problem, it's because the child is or has one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a kid is gifted enough, no school is going to be the perfect fit. You have to decide what you are willing to give up.

You are right, but we’re not looking for the perfect fit, just the best possible fit. We started out thinking social/emotional development was more important than intellectual and academic challenge. Now, I think we need greater balance between the two.

We had dismissed both Nysmith and Feynman when DC was 4, but will now give both a closer look. We had also not wanted him to spend time outside of school on gifted enrichment programs, because we do believe play is very important. I think he may now enjoy CTY-type enrichment. We still want him to have after school playtime with his friends, so I’m not sure how to fit everything together.

Thanks to everyone who has posted with helpful information and advice.

I’d really appreciate recommendations for OTs who work with sensitivity in gifted children.

I have the ASD kid with sensitivity. First of all, if you're going to do OT, you need someone you like who relates well to kids; sensitivity is sensitivity and it's not like there's one version of OT for the gifted and one for regular kids. Secondly, I would not bother with OT for an 8 year old for sensory issues. I haven't seen any evidence (scientific or anecdotal) that it works (the benefits for us were more in traditional OT areas like developing small motors skills). For us the most effective thing has been CBT with an excellent psychologist to address social skills, managing feelings, etc. I would try that if you haven't already.

I'm going to make a very specific public school recommendation for your DS. Try Kent Gardens Elementary school (you would have to move in boundary). The school is very focused on the whole child (not overly competitive) and is extremely supportive while allow some flexibility on grade/classroom placement. The principle is fantastic at dealing with gifted children. You have to ask for what you want - but you may well get it. I'd give you more details but that would immediately out me . Check it out.

Anonymous wrote:If a kid is gifted enough, no school is going to be the perfect fit. You have to decide what you are willing to give up.

You are right, but we’re not looking for the perfect fit, just the best possible fit. We started out thinking social/emotional development was more important than intellectual and academic challenge. Now, I think we need greater balance between the two.

We had dismissed both Nysmith and Feynman when DC was 4, but will now give both a closer look. We had also not wanted him to spend time outside of school on gifted enrichment programs, because we do believe play is very important. I think he may now enjoy CTY-type enrichment. We still want him to have after school playtime with his friends, so I’m not sure how to fit everything together.

Thanks to everyone who has posted with helpful information and advice.

I’d really appreciate recommendations for OTs who work with sensitivity in gifted children.

Life is a challenge, eh? May we rise and grow to meet it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so what are his test scores? I am in that range, too, so I have a frame of reference. You are being weirdly evasive, making me think you don’t have test results and are, in fact, working off of feelings. Many of the programs people are suggesting have test cutoffs, so he needs to have a requisite level of aptitude to qualify.

No, dear. We have numbers. I think it’s weirdly intrusive that you want to know the exact numbers. If you know what PG is, you know that his IQ exceeds the cut-off for any gifted program. You clearly don’t know what PG means, which suggests you’re a fake.

Personally, I hated being identified with an IQ number, and I have no need or desire to share my son’s.

Best of luck to you and your son. I think the future will pose challenges aplenty, given everything you're posted here.

Thanks for your sincere good wishes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so what are his test scores? I am in that range, too, so I have a frame of reference. You are being weirdly evasive, making me think you don’t have test results and are, in fact, working off of feelings. Many of the programs people are suggesting have test cutoffs, so he needs to have a requisite level of aptitude to qualify.

No, dear. We have numbers. I think it’s weirdly intrusive that you want to know the exact numbers. If you know what PG is, you know that his IQ exceeds the cut-off for any gifted program. You clearly don’t know what PG means, which suggests you’re a fake.

Personally, I hated being identified with an IQ number, and I have no need or desire to share my son’s.

Best of luck to you and your son. I think the future will pose challenges aplenty, given everything you're posted here.

If a kid is gifted enough, no school is going to be the perfect fit. You have to decide what you are willing to give up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that schools like Sidwell, GDS, and STA don’t allow differentiation until 9th.

I have a hard time believing that this statement is 100 percent true.

It is true, for the most part, for younger elementary IME. For this reason, i am not sure why OP didn't know this going in. I don't mean to offend, but I thought it was commonly known among parents whose children attend these schools. The Big 3 and like private are not "rigorous" elementary schools. If I wanted more knowledge and skill acquisition, and perhaps more rigor too, whatever that means really, I would put my child in the neighborhood public elementary school.

I disagree. As someone who had 1 of my kids in a public elementary early on, the knowledge and skill acquisition (and certainly rigor) was very weak.

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so what are his test scores? I am in that range, too, so I have a frame of reference. You are being weirdly evasive, making me think you don’t have test results and are, in fact, working off of feelings. Many of the programs people are suggesting have test cutoffs, so he needs to have a requisite level of aptitude to qualify.

No, dear. We have numbers. I think it’s weirdly intrusive that you want to know the exact numbers. If you know what PG is, you know that his IQ exceeds the cut-off for any gifted program. You clearly don’t know what PG means, which suggests you’re a fake.

Personally, I hated being identified with an IQ number, and I have no need or desire to share my son’s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You describe the conundrum that most parents at nysmith faced - of course, there are children that aren't absolutely off the charts because people send siblings etc - but they embrace the personality that goes along with the giftedness. In fact, they even say on their website that most highly gifted children are less emotionally mature, so they spend a lot of time working on those areas with the kids.

As you get older at nysmith, the academics are intense and parents are gunning for TJ - if your kid can handle and thrive in the academics, he'll be great.

Is it perfect? no, but the differentiation in academics is impressive.

When you say the academics are intense and parents are “gunning” for TJ, it makes it sound as if the kids are pushed and stressed out. That’s not the kind of environment we want for DS. Is it like that only in the upper grades? Are 7th and 8th graders under a lot of pressure?

If so, that also seems to contradict Nysmith accelerating and differenting instruction well. For a child gifted in math and science, TJ’s entrance exam is just not that difficult.

You’re going to have a difficult time finding an academically challenging environment that isn’t competitive to some degree. Pressure and competition come with being in a high achieving environment. You can try to avoid it becoming unhealthy and excessive, but it will always be there.