Men marry for something to take of them (and everything).
Women marry for a life partner to do things 50/50.

Big disconnect so why bother.

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, since we’re anon. Would you assume a woman who used IVF to have a DB at 40 and had no long-term relationship in the 5 years prior was single for a reason, or just unlucky? Are “most” never-married women between 35-50 “single for a reason”?

Better than all my workaholic sap friends who are now divorcing their ManChilds and have more than 1 kid.

I think a single, career-oriented Mom + nanny with 1 kid is the perfect household. From what I see of fathers, they still don't know how to manage a household or raise a kid. At most they'll teach the kid some sports practices, but in cerebral, busy, important DC even that isn't part of fathering.

I have a friend well on her way to this description. Mid 30s, never had a boyfriend. She likes unavailable guys but will complain months and even years about how poorly one or another treats her. I think she's comfortable with the distance they keep her at but won't admit that her problem with men is her own doing, preferring instead the status quo.

They were often wonderful, smart women - but when it came down to it, if I had to scratch my head and try and match them up with a single guy friend, the reality was it was tough to recommend them. They are great women to be friends with, coffee or brunch once a month. But they are all bitter about dating, a couple have some psychiatric issues, and they are quirky enough that I understand why their previous relationships didn’t work out.

So you know why they’re single: they’re _not_ wonderful.

In my experience, the women who were single in their 40s but wanted to be coupled had some pretty major baggage. They were often wonderful, smart women - but when it came down to it, if I had to scratch my head and try and match them up with a single guy friend, the reality was it was tough to recommend them. They are great women to be friends with, coffee or brunch once a month. But they are all bitter about dating, a couple have some psychiatric issues, and they are quirky enough that I understand why their previous relationships didn’t work out. I just remember at some point when we had several single female friends in their forties commenting to my dh that it was hard to imagine These women finding someone.

All that said, with one exception, our single guy friends are that way too.

Anonymous wrote:Be honest, since we’re anon. Would you assume a woman who used IVF to have a DB at 40 and had no long-term relationship in the 5 years prior was single for a reason, or just unlucky? Are “most” never-married women between 35-50 “single for a reason”?

Who knows and who are we to judge. I'd be happy for her.

I only know one woman who fits your description, and she seems like a catch - smart, attractive, nice personality. I assume she just didn't meet someone she was interested in marrying.

Megan Markle is divorced. You can't use her as an example of a single woman in her 30s because she was married. Divorced women are in an entirely different category than never married singles. Not saying one is better than the other- just different.

I personally know only 3 people who are in their 40s and unmarried, but who WANT to be married. Of the 3:

1 only dates guys who are in their 20s, use her for her money, treat her like crap and she wonders why they leave her. Right now she's let one move in with her and now hes sleeping in the guest room because he "needs a break" while she supports him. Hes a total pothead and works at a plant nursery. This has been her pattern. She had no self esteem despite being successful in her career

1 is bipolar and still lives with her parents...at age 41. No need for me to say anymore about that.

1 had impossible physical standards. And it's not a standard she herself it at. She has not had even had a boyfriend in YEARS, maybe a decade. She cries and complains about it all the time how sblhe is going to grow old alone and never have kids. I have no idea what her problem is and why she goes after guys who wont give her the time of day. She normally sleeps with them. They use it as a booty call 1-3xs and ghost her.

I also think such a woman is smart, principled, and uncompromising. That said, I would never choose to be a single mother. I'm not strong enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having dated in DC most of my adult life, I would NEVER believe that there is something wrong with a woman for her to be single still. This is a very hard area to be a single woman, and I know many single women who are excellent catches. DC men have a smogasbord of great women to date, and they know it, paralysis of options, leaving many women single far longer then they would ever be in other locations.

Those women consider themselves excellent catches for World Bank executives, not for accountants. There are many more accountants who are available.

You’d be doing well to pair with a WB anything, ladies (and gentlemen).

What you’d be doing well doing and what you can make happen are two different things. If you consider yourself an excellent catch, ok, show us, get caught.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having dated in DC most of my adult life, I would NEVER believe that there is something wrong with a woman for her to be single still. This is a very hard area to be a single woman, and I know many single women who are excellent catches. DC men have a smogasbord of great women to date, and they know it, paralysis of options, leaving many women single far longer then they would ever be in other locations.

Those women consider themselves excellent catches for World Bank executives, not for accountants. There are many more accountants who are available.

You’d be doing well to pair with a WB anything, ladies (and gentlemen).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone choosing to be consciously single for the first time in my life, it baffles me that there would be any judgement at all about whether a person is single or partnered. There is no innate virtue in marriage (believe me), just as there is no innate dysfunction in being single.

Being single f***ing rules and I enjoy it a lot. Maybe if people weren't so intent on being coupled up for its own sake, there'd be fewer miserable couples, more content and well-matched couples, and a happier milieu overall.

Most of the conversations I have with my girlfriends (all married or in LTRs) is their complaining about how checked out/dismissive/lazy/rude/thoughtless/dishonest/sneaky etc etc etc their partner is. I do not think I am unusual.

News flash: men are not the answer to all life's problems.

Men are typically the cause of problems. Especially violence and suffering

They are. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

Anonymous wrote:Having dated in DC most of my adult life, I would NEVER believe that there is something wrong with a woman for her to be single still. This is a very hard area to be a single woman, and I know many single women who are excellent catches. DC men have a smogasbord of great women to date, and they know it, paralysis of options, leaving many women single far longer then they would ever be in other locations.

Those women consider themselves excellent catches for World Bank executives, not for accountants. There are many more accountants who are available.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I would think that there was either the one that got away, they let some guy waste their time for years, or weren’t serious about settling down and looked up and found most of the guys they would want to date are married. I think women have an easier time dating maybe 16-30 and then it’s a real crapshoot.

Yeah, if you want to be 'settling down' at 16..

Dating is dating, and marriage is marriage; these two processes aren't necessarily correlated. Well, in the ideal world they should be, but we all know how things go. Anecdotally, the two hottest girls from my HS class are not married at 43 (one is divorced, another one never married), while the more 'homely'-looking ones have teenaged children. Go figure, right?

I know people that have married their high school boyfriend once they all finished college and so far still married 25 years out so it does happen. Yes, people don’t always date someone that they could marry but that would be my point about letting some guy waste your time for years. If you never want to get married or never want to have kids, that’s fine. But if you do, why stay with someone that doesn’t want the same things as you out of life?