There are salaries being quoted on this thread where the total hhi are not the norm, just as a reminder. There’s a big difference between $150 and $400k as a hhi and say, $50 and $100k. It’s just a balance of power thing and how far it really goes. One can afford for one person to stay home on the former. The latter scenario, it is tougher.

Anonymous wrote:I make 3x what my husband does.

It is not an issue now, but when our children were young and I was both the primary breadwinner and the default parent, I was angry all the time.

So it gets better when the kids are older? I resent my DH. We can't buy a big house because he makes 1/3 as much as I do. He thinks he does a lot around the house, but he does the dishes, takes out the trash, and on occasion the yard work (our yard looks like shit). I have to clean the rest of the house (because with two in daycare, we can't afford a housekeeper), I do all the financial stuff, buy everything that's not food (he does that most of the time, so we also eat like shit), pay all the bills, and am the one who has to call anyone for any service. So yeah, angry all the time is about right.

DH makes about 170k; my compensation is about 480k.

We have never had any issues related to this. FWIW, my parents were in the same field, with my mom always a few steps ahead of dad, who was her biggest supporter.

I divorced her when she started making more money than me. Haven’t looked back.

I've always made about 1/3 more than my DH. I also brought in about 1/3 more into the marriage. However, he manages our money quite well so, in fairness (and according the economists) we probably equally contribute to the family income.

For us, we have nearly identical ideas on money.

I too have the more flexible job.

Anonymous wrote:I make more than twice what DH makes (I make about $400K with bonus, DH makes about $125). THe salary difference is fine - what is hard is that his job has inflexible hours so I still have to be the one to leave early in an emergency, do most doctors appts and I have to be home to relieve nanny because he works a shift that doesn't end until 7pm. The combo of being the lead breadwinner and the default parent is tough.

Agreed. I make about $250K and DH makes $160K. Yet my job has more flexibility, and therefore I'm the one to always have to take off if the kids are sick or need to go to the dentist.

I love the confidence I have from being more than an equal contributor to the household.

I wish I made more than DH. Me makes around 300k in salary and receives another 70-80k in dividends from the investment portoflio (the investments he had made prior us getting married). I make around 65k and would just love to be able to write a check for some huge purchase for the family or to surprise him, knowing I was able to pay for it with my earnings (we have joint finances/accounts but I'm just saying it would be nice to have that ability).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband always says he doesn't understand men who are bothered by their wives making more money. It just means that the household has MORE MONEY.

He's an economist, and to them, money is money and they always think about everything in terms of its utility. It would never occur to him that pride would be worth more than money. You can't buy anything with pride. You can buy more things with more money.

Yep, my husband always say what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

It’s usually the woman who has a problem with it. It’s a female privilege thing. Why should I be responsible for the health insurance, homehold income, etc.

I wish my wife made more than I do, I'd welcome the added family income

Anonymous wrote:My husband always says he doesn't understand men who are bothered by their wives making more money. It just means that the household has MORE MONEY.

He's an economist, and to them, money is money and they always think about everything in terms of its utility. It would never occur to him that pride would be worth more than money. You can't buy anything with pride. You can buy more things with more money.

Yep, my husband always say what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

My husband always says he doesn't understand men who are bothered by their wives making more money. It just means that the household has MORE MONEY.

He's an economist, and to them, money is money and they always think about everything in terms of its utility. It would never occur to him that pride would be worth more than money. You can't buy anything with pride. You can buy more things with more money.

I make more than twice what DH makes (I make about $400K with bonus, DH makes about $125). THe salary difference is fine - what is hard is that his job has inflexible hours so I still have to be the one to leave early in an emergency, do most doctors appts and I have to be home to relieve nanny because he works a shift that doesn't end until 7pm. The combo of being the lead breadwinner and the default parent is tough.

I make slightly more than my husband. In the beginning he made more then I had a big salary jump. There was definitely resentment but I've come to accept that these days many women make just as much if not more than their husbands. It's no longer a given that men make more money. And also he helps a lot with the kids. Fortunately we both have flexible jobs and work from home so we get to spend a lot of time together too.

Nope, I was close to where he is (only about $10k less), but then our circumstances changed and I know make about half of what I did. Love my new job and the flexibility though, so it's balanced out far more than it was before, which is great.

My DH is a SAHD. He made a lot more money than I did in the early years of our marriage, but our circumstances changed and it made more sense for him to be the one to SAH once we had kids. It was hard on him at first since so much of his identity was tied to his occupation, and we went through a rough spot for a while as we tried to figure out our new dynamic. Now things are great. He works so hard at providing for us (albeit not in a traditional way) and I am so appreciative of it. We are both ok with this situation because it works best for our family.